How Utterly Heartbreaking

Save A Little For Yourself | Eddie Munson x F!Reader

Eddie ran a hand down his face. He pushed his chair away from the table and grabbed his jacket. He was fuming. Didn’t any of them care about you? “Just because she hasn’t asked for help doesn’t mean she doesn’t need it.”

“Where are you going?” Steve asked, gesturing his arms out to the 3 large pizzas on the table.

“To go check on our friend.”

Or,

You find your worth in being helpful to others but you have a hard time asking for help yourself.

content warnings: emotional/hurt comfort, comfort, fix-it of sorts [post s4: eddie survives but max has her injuries], also there’s no ‘earthquake bc i didn’t want to write it in, brief food mention, eddie takes care of you, cuddling 🥺

additional notes: This is for all my type 2 enneagrams out there. You do not have to give yourself away to be valuable! Every enneagram type is valued, but as a type 2, I really just wanted to write this comfort fic for anyone like me. I'm hoping everyone can enjoy this, no matter what enneagram you are. If you haven't taken the enneagram test, here is a free one!

word count: 3k

masterlist

read on ao3 or continue reading on tumblr ⤹

Save a little for yourself, never give it all away

Save a little for some help, you know you're gonna need someday

You've got a lotta love, enough to go 'round

- Mandy Moore

The burden of carrying everyone else’s problems and emotions was weighing down on you, more than you’d like to admit. Well, you didn’t admit it at all. You’d smile and say everything was fine. You were just tired. A little overworked and overwhelmed. But nothing you couldn’t handle. 

You were walking out of the main building at school when Nancy called your name. Please don’t ask me for a favor, you thought before turning around with a small smile. “Hey, Nance.”

Nancy hooked her arm through yours while you walked out to the parking lot. “Will we see you tonight?” 

Your mind started reeling, thinking about what would be on the calendar for tonight. You had to make dinner for your neighbors when you got home because Mrs. Zimmerman broke her wrist. Her kids were too young to help and her husband was as helpful as a potato, so you offered to make a couple of meals for them. 

You needed to visit Max and make sure Lucas was doing okay. You also needed to check in with your friend Jessica, who’d been feeling overwhelmed by her parent’s divorce. Recently, you had been spending more time at other people’s homes than your own. 

“What’s tonight?” 

“Pizza with everyone at Tony’s,” Nancy answered. “You’re coming, right?” 

Crap. Pizza night. How could you forget? It had only been a tradition for the past 4 Fridays since you all defeated Vecna together. Your very own band of misfits— the 2 popular girls, the gay band geek, the freshmen, the freak, and the post-graduate who needed to find friends his own age. They were the unexpected family that you’d do absolutely anything for, even if it meant losing yourself in the process. 

You sighed, feeling defeated over everything you’d said yes to. You had to go to pizza night, though. That was important. “I’ll have to move some things around, but I’ll be there.” 

Nancy smiled widely and squeezed your arm. “Yay! 6:00 at Tony’s. I’ll save you a spot next to Eddie,” she teased. 

Your cheeks went hot. You hadn't shared your more than friendly feelings for Eddie with Nancy and you weren’t ready to admit those feelings yet. “Oh, my God, Nance. It’s not like that. We’re just friends.” 

“He talks about you all the time, you know.” 

Don’t get yourself too excited, now. She could be bluffing to get a reaction out of you. “I bandaged his wounds and made him meals for 2 weeks, he better talk about me all the time.” 

“Mike told me he made a new character based on you in Dungeons and Dragons.” 

Your cheeks now felt like there was a fire burning beneath them. “Wait, he did what?” 

Nancy raised her eyebrows, giving you the look. The I know there’s something you’re not telling me look. 

“Nance, what did he say?” 

“He didn’t explicitly say it was after you, but it seemed pretty obvious. Eddie described her as having your hair color and eyes. And she’s like, some sort of healer who would do anything to help her friends.” 

Your heart was thumping so loudly, you could hear it in your ears. Pull yourself together, this was second-hand news! You needed to hear it from the source. At pizza night. You’d ask him about it after his 6th slice of pizza when he’s mostly made of mozzarella and marinara sauce.“It could be a coincidence.” 

Nancy rolled her eyes. “I’ll get those feelings out of you eventually.” 

You opened your car door. “Oh, really? When are you finally gonna admit to yourself that you like Steve again?”

“I- I do not! We were talking about you.” She was flustered. Bringing the conversation back to you. Yup, she totally liked him. Even if he did want 6 kids. Good luck with that, Harrington. 

As most of the parking lot had cleared out, you checked your watch. Your thumping heart sank to your feet. It was a quarter to 4 already. There was no way you’d have time to make dinner for the Zimmermans and visit Max and Jessica before 6. You’d have to visit them after pizza night. 

“I gotta go, Nance. If you’re not gonna admit your feelings, then I’m not going to admit my feelings.” you slid into your car, turned on the ignition, and rolled down the window. 

“What I’m hearing is that you have feelings to admit.” 

“I’m driving away now!” 

Steve, Eddie, and Dustin were pushing together three tables to form one long table to seat the group. Everyone assumed their usual spots at the table— with Nancy leaving the seat between her and Eddie open for you. Lucas was with Max but Erica never missed out on free pizza. (The ones with jobs always split the bill). 

It was well past 6:30 and you still hadn’t shown up. It was incredibly unlike you. You were never late to anything, and if you were, you’d call ahead. Eddie was tapping his fingers on the table, drumming an anxious beat. He was biting his nails on the other hand. 

“Would you cut that out?” Erica demanded. 

Eddie stopped abruptly. “Sorry. I was thinking about Y/N.” 

“Oooooooh,” Dustin, Steve, and Mike all chorus. 

Eddie didn’t even bat an eyelash. He was too worried about you to care about what the boys thought. “Have you guys noticed anything weird about her lately? She’s never late.” 

Everyone at the table thought about Eddie’s question. They’d all known you longer than Eddie had, but you’d spent quite a bit of time together while you were playing nurse. You told him you liked taking care of him. You talked about being motivated by feeling wanted and needed. That is, being helpful to others in order to feel their love for you was justified. Maybe you were being too helpful. Stretching yourself too thin. 

Dustin spoke first. “She’s been visiting Max like, every day. I don’t know, that would make me pretty depressed if I was going over there every day.”

“Didn’t she say something about making dinner for her neighbors because they broke their arm or something?” Steve added. 

“She’s also been helping Jessica cope with her parent’s divorce,” Nancy piped up. 

“Hasn’t she also been helping at the soup kitchen on the weekends?” Robin said with pizza shoved in her cheek.

“Jesus Christ,” Eddie exasperated. “And nobody’s thought to check on her?” 

They all shrugged. “She hasn’t asked for any help,” Robin noted. “I thought she had it all under control.” 

Eddie ran a hand down his face. He pushed his chair away from the table and grabbed his jacket. He was fuming. Didn’t any of them care about you? “Just because she hasn’t asked for help doesn’t mean she doesn’t need it.” 

“Where are you going?” Steve asked, gesturing his arms out to the 3 large pizzas on the table.

“To go check on our friend.” 

When Eddie got to your house, he wasted no time pounding on your front door. It swung open to reveal your mother with a disapproving frown on her face. It only softened slightly when she saw it was Eddie who was the culprit. Much to your surprise, your parents were more open to your newfound friendship with Eddie than you thought they would be. Your mom said he was “sweet” but your dad said not to date him. You agreed with your mom but you couldn’t make any promises to your dad. 

“Sorry about that, Mrs. Y/L/N. Is Y/N here?” 

“She’s upstairs talking with a friend on the phone. Is everything okay, Eddie?” 

“Can I come in? I need to see her. Everything’s fine. I think. I just need to see her.” Eddie was chewing the inside of his cheek. 

Your mom opened the door to let him in. “What is all this about?” 

Eddie paced the foyer, thinking of how to approach the conversation with you. He’s known you the shortest amount of time, why was he the one who had the decency and care to show up for you? “I’m- I’m worried about her. She’s been spending a lot of time helping other people and I’m worried she’s not taking care of herself.” 

“I’ve noticed it, too. She won’t listen to me when I tell her she needs to slow down. Maybe you can talk some sense into her.” 

“Can I go upstairs?” 

Your mom nodded. “Keep the door open, please.” 

Eddie hopped up the stairs, giving your mom a thumbs up. Your door was cracked ajar, soft yellow light seeping into the hallway. He brought his hand up to knock but he hesitated when he heard you end the conversation. 

You placed the phone back on the receiver, rolled off of your bed, and opened your door. You were more than startled to have an Eddie-sized wall in front of you. You collided with his chest, overtaken by his scent for a brief second. You took two steps back. His hair was its usual wavy mess and he was wearing a Black Sabbath t-shirt underneath a jean jacket decorated with buttons on the chest pockets. His eyebrows were creased together.

“Ed-Eddie. What are you doing here? Why aren’t you at pizza night?” 

“Because you weren’t there.” He slipped passed you and into your bedroom. It was clear you hadn’t changed it since you were young. It looked very much like Nancy’s— pink walls, frilly curtains, and pictures of your friends on your mirror. You had some eyeshadow and lipstick thrown about on your dresser, though you hadn’t been up for wearing much makeup recently.

 It felt so personal to be in your space. Like Eddie had just crossed a line he didn’t know was there. Like knowing you had a Rob Lowe poster on your wall changed the level of your friendship. 

He came to your house because you weren’t at dinner? What did that mean? 

“I was coming, I just needed to tell my friend I couldn’t come over until after dinner and she talked longer than I expected. But I was going to be there. You didn’t have to come all the way here.” 

Eddie sat down on your bed. “I did. I’m… I’m worried about you.” 

“Why are you worried about me? I’m fine.” you crossed your arms defensively. 

“That’s exactly what someone who’s not fine would say.” 

You walked over to your dresser and rested your hands on the edge. Eddie swung his legs over your bed to look at you in the mirror. You met his gaze and there was so much concern in his big, beautiful eyes. Did you put that concern there? Your nose began to burn as tears pricked in your eyes.

“Talk to me,” Eddie said softly. “You can trust me, you know.” 

You sniffled. Crying in front of the boy you were crushing on was not on your agenda for today. Or, ever. It was too late now, though. The floodgates were open and they needed to run their course. You dropped to the floor as you broke out in a sob. Your head was rested between your knees, your tears falling onto the carpet. 

Eddie quickly shuffled off of your bed and met you on the ground. He wanted to hug you, to hold you, but he wasn’t sure if that was comforting. He didn’t know if that was crossing a boundary you weren’t okay with. So he placed his hand on your arm, gently running his thumb back and forth. “Hey, hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.” 

All you could do was nod. Words would just be swallowed by your violent cries. Your throat was tight and your chest was heaving. You couldn’t catch your breath and everything felt like it was on fire. You fell into Eddie and he immediately wrapped his arms around you. He adjusted you so you were on his lap and his back was against your bed. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.” 

He cradled you like a baby and began rocking you gently. In any other circumstance, it would’ve felt ridiculous, but this was exactly what you needed. The physical contact was grounding you, his gentle words were calming you. He ran his hand over your head, holding you close to his chest. Even through your stuffy nose, you could smell the weed on his clothes. It sort of made you smile. You two were so different from one another, and yet, you understood each other. He cared enough about you to miss pizza night. 

“You’re okay. It’s alright.” Eddie soothed. He continued to rock you until you calmed down. 

The feeling of air started to return to your lungs and you took a deep breath through your mouth. “I’m sorry,” you choked out.

“Why are you apologizing?” 

You wiped your nose with the back of your hand. You lifted your head from Eddie’s chest, making you extremely aware of how close you were to his face. You could probably count every eyelash decorating his gorgeous brown eyes if you wanted to. He was so beautiful and there you were with sticky cheeks and snot dripping out of your nose. How attractive. 

You stood up from Eddie’s lap and grabbed some tissues from your nightstand. You blew your nose. Wow, even more attractive. You tossed it into the trash bin. “For just… breaking down in front of you.” 

Eddie got up from the floor and sat back down on your bed. “You’re doing too much. You’re making dinner for like half of Hawkins.” 

He almost got a laugh out of you. “Because they need help and I can give it to them.” 

“Not to the point where you’re giving everything you have away to other people. You can’t take care of anybody if you don’t take care of yourself. You realize that, right?” 

You huffed. You knew that Eddie was right, you just didn’t want to admit it. “There’s just a lot going on right now. People need me.” 

“What about what you need?” 

“Since when did you become my shrink?” You sat next to Eddie. 

“Shut up,” he nudged his shoulder against yours. “You’re my friend and you’re hurting. I want to make you feel better. What makes you happy?” 

All your friends made you happy. They took up so much room in your heart. Even Eddie—especially Eddie— who was more caring and thoughtful than you’d ever anticipated. He was the one who came to you. He was the one who just held you when you broke down. He was the one that was here.

“You,” you looked up at Eddie. His lip quirked into a small smile when he heard your answer. His eyes brightened as if he’d just won pit tickets to Metallica or Dio. “Being with you makes me happy.” 

You didn’t know it, but his heart was beating at 220 beats per minute at your admission. Being with him really made you happy? It was a good thing being with you made him happy, too. 

“Then I’m not going anywhere, angel. Is there anything I can do for you?” 

It was like you were back at his new trailer when you started taking care of his injuries and cooking dinner for him and his uncle every other night. I want to help you, Eddie. Is there anything I can do? 

When his uncle was working night shifts, you would still go over and have dinner with Eddie. So it’s not like you’d never been alone with him. But this was different. This was at your house, in your bedroom. He’d seen the chair that you put worn-once-so-it’s-not-quite-dirty clothes. He’d seen your messy dresser and pink-colored walls. 

“I- um… I…” Yeah, there was no way you could look him in the eyes when you said this. You looked at your hands in your lap instead. “I liked it when you were… when you were holding me. Do you think we can just… cuddle? For a little bit? If you’re not comfortable then-” 

“Big spoon or little spoon?” Eddie interrupted. You brought your eyes to his. It was a genuine question. 

“Little spoon.” 

“Okay.” 

You lay down on your bed, fluffing your pillow beneath you. Your back was to Eddie, leaving you to stare at Rob Lowe. You really needed to take him down. 

Eddie followed suit, the bed bouncing as he assumed the position behind you. Your breath hitched when you felt his legs hit yours and he rested his head on your pillow. All he was smelling was your coconut shampoo which made his stomach flip. He timidly placed his arm over your torso, his hand on your belly. “Is this okay?” Eddie whispered. 

“Yes,” you matched his volume. You slotted your fingers through his and nuzzled yourself closer to him. Your back met his chest, your bum against his waist. You slipped a leg between his, making yourself more than comfortable with his body. You needed to feel as much of him as possible. 

It was more than strange how much comfort Eddie brought you. It wasn’t easy for you to express your emotions, let alone such emotional emotions. But Eddie had carved his own spot in your heart, separate from the spot where all your friends lived. 

“You have so much love to give,” Eddie began. “We all see that. But promise me you’ll start saving a little for yourself. You can’t give away what you don’t have.”

You were silent. That was a big promise to make. 

“Promise me, angel. You’re loved no matter what.” 

Loved no matter what. You held onto Eddie’s hand a little tighter. “I promise, Eddie.”

Voices from the television downstairs served as a sort of white noise while you and Eddie cuddled. Your breathing settled and Eddie’s heart finally calmed down when he got out of his head and just let himself enjoy holding you. Because he did. He enjoyed having you wrapped in his arms. He never wanted to let you go. 

You were both quiet for so long, that each of you thought the other had fallen asleep. 

“Eddie?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I like cuddling with you. You make me feel safe.” 

“Me too.”

i hope you enjoyed this! like i said, i wrote this for myself but i wanted to share it with all of you. please take care of yourselves. you are valued no matter how helpful you are to other people. all my love to you 🤍

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Golden Eighties (Chantal Akerman, 1986)

Like excuse me-did you not hear what I just said 🙄😒

i don't wanna be on my phone but i need my phone to figure out where i'm going on a walk and i need my phone to get to my audiobook and i need my phone to call my brother and i need my phone to get in touch with my friends which is fine but i don't want to be on my phone.

so i walk and that's fine and i'm using the phone in an okay-way in that moment. but sometimes i am using the phone like it is a weapon and that's stupid because no it's not. ive seen a weapon those are different this is a phone. but it's also in my hands until 2 AM and i haven't slept. at 4AM. i don't even mean to do it half the time i'm opening the phone to check the weather or to check my email which are things-that-are-okay but then i am in my phone for hours somehow, and i missed the dawn while i was on instagram. i don't even like instagram.

i don't want to be on my phone im not good at it so i try to put distance there but then i'm distancing myself from my friends. we meet up in person but my pictures are on my phone and the menu is on the phone (mon dieu) and so is venmo. so i need the phone to be with my friends and that's fine because it can record concerts and fun activities and i can take pictures of them smiling with pumpkins.

but i don't want to be on the phone because i go to look at the pictures of the pumpkins and i hate how i look in it but it's fine. and somewhere between the pumpkins and 3AM i have lost so much time. i don't even know what i'm doing on it only that i don't enjoy it any longer. it is this long blank void. forever and ever. restless like how mushrooms feel restless beside a dead body.

i don't want to be on my phone so i pick up the phone and i type into google things to do in my area and i save them to my phone and i'll need my phone to get to the tickets and i'll need my phone to book the appointment and i'll need it, i'll need it

what's he like?

pairing — stepbrother!eddie munson x stepsister!(f)reader

warnings — (18+) this is a soft dark fic with taboo themes. eddie is manipulative and coercive, gonna tag it as dubcon just in case, stepcest smut- fingering, dirty talk, public sex, eddies mean, innocence kink, dacryphilia, grinding (?) i never know how to tag it, eddie uses the readers panties to make her feel good,

word count — 3.2k (accidently double what I was going for)

a’s notes — i’m a pervert. oh and I like the shining !

Eddie Munson isn’t a good guy. He knew it was wrong, but he’s sick and twisted and so very perverted that he’ll sink into those sinful waters with stones tied to his feet if it means he gets to stay. 

An almost sister, far apart enough to break no laws and close enough that it was clearly wrong. Borderline criminal, wholly illicit. But Eddie wasn’t one to deny himself much, not when the world made it so easy; you practically fell into his lap, how was he supposed to ignore the opportunities? 

The infatuation to begin with was immoral but with Eddie’s reputation as the town ‘freak’, he thought what’s another notch on that continuous bedpost? He’ll be the drug dealer, he’ll play the weirdo, he’ll sing of satanic worship and whatever people think he’s capable of and behind closed doors he’ll treat himself to a delicacy so much worse. He’s told time and time again that he is the villain? Fine, he’ll be the villain. 

It’s ironic that you see him as the opposite. 

Family has never meant much to you. The word or the people. The people hardly stuck around and in the end, it became just you and your mother and that was doomed from the start. Your relationship with her was never great and after you both started working jobs to help pay for the roof over your heads it just deteriorated quicker. 

So it was out of the blue when you found out your mum had met someone and you were about to move in with them. She met the guy at her work and they had hit it off immediately, all of that love at first sight stuff that you adored. You had forever read about epic romances and world-shattering love so the idea that your mother, who you may not have been close with, was getting that sounded perfect. Your chance for the family that you dreamt of but never allowed yourself to look at in the harsh light of consciousness. 

Wayne was a nice man. You had no faults. He made your mother happy which was his strongest defender and he was kind, his dry humour made you giggle- when you understood- and he was a gentleman. You would have never expected it from the rumours about his relatives but after spending some time with him, you felt he was the perfect fit for your mum, and for the imaginary idea of your future. 

The rumours in Hawkins spread quicker than fire. At school, you kept your head down, or in a classic, and tried to be kind and polite whilst saying few words, so whatever was the big gossip of the week you never really cared about. 

It’s why you didn’t have any hesitations about Eddie. Sure the stories and list of offences against him were vicious but every time you looked up, if he caught your eye, he was stepping out of the way so girls could pass and hugging his friends with that adorable dimpled smile of his. The rumours never held any weight. None of it could be proven before you had met him and decided which truth to follow. And fortunately for both of you, Eddie seemed like an angel. 

It had been just over a month and your fantasy family was dripping into reality. More like pouring, every time you spent more time together it felt like everything would begin to sparkle as you’d read about. It made you fuzzy that you and your step-brother were the closest. Something in you just gravitated towards him and you were always received with welcome arms. Anyone could see that you adored him. To you, he was the strong male character in your life. He’d protected you, looked after you and doted on your constantly. For the first time in your life, you felt special. 

Eddie was your Prince Charming. To you, it was as simple as that. 

And there was no doubt on earth that you were his Princess. Eddie had no shame in flaunting that title around and taking great advantage of its powers. 

For example, using it as a knife to cut down any notions of boyfriends; 

“Princess he’s not good for you, he’s just going to fuck you and leave. You don’t want that do you?” a big hand cradling your teary face, he’s rock hard from looking at your wet lips and matching eyes. 

You shake your head dumbly, “N-No but Eds he said he really likes me.” You sniffled into his arms, feeling the pull to be closer to him more than usual. In such close proximity like this, it’s like you want to be permanently attached to him. Feeling an overwhelming desire to be touching him. 

“Trust me. You’re my princess and I only ever want what’s best for you.” you nod and wrap your arms around his lean torso. 

“Say that you believe me. Say you trust me.” 

Your voice doesn’t shake when you answer him. 

He also uses it as a lasso every time he wants something extra. Reeling you back in as you trail after the name. Utterly and unknowingly addicted to the way the syllables fall from his lips, the way those lips curve because he knows he’s in control. 

It was now Friday night, which had become the night Eddie’s group comes round and they always end up watching a movie. Sometimes you’re invited to stay but tonight you saw that they were watching The Shining and determined to opt for the comfort of your bed. Eddie understood, he’d cuddled you after enough nightmares to know it wouldn’t be for you. 

Which is why he’s so surprised to see you in the doorway. Lit mutely by the TV screen, rubbing your eyes in your little pj’s. The items that haunt his dreams. A thin white baby tee that thins every day by the way he swears your nipples get more noticeable each day, maybe it’s the impure thoughts but who’s to tell, and pink, practically panties you conveniently call shorts. They’re not that short. Eddie just can’t help but notice his hand is just the right size too big to slide under those shorts, or over, or rip them in two through. 

Shattered out of those recurring thoughts, Eddie looks up to you who is already looking at him. “Hi, Princess.” he smiles, becoming you closer with an outstretched arm. 

Your fingertips immediately graze his and work their way up his arm, not before getting distracted by his rings. “Hi, Eds.”

“You okay?”

You nod, staring down at your fingers tracing his tattoos. He’s watching your face, trying to figure out what you want, “Jus’ wanted to see you s’all.” he should’ve guessed. Before Eddie you had never been a contact comfort person, never had anyone to go to when you just need a hug. It was hardly a surprise when everything fell into place and Eddie became that person.

Eddie was your person.

“C’mere.” a simple command that has you rushing over to him. You completely forget everyone else in the room. Letting Eddie’s actions wash over you as he leads you to sit astride his legs, sinking into his back and the arm of the sofa. Watching with heavy eyes as he gets a blanket and throws it over the both of you and completes it all by wrapping his arms around your middle and tugging you into him. 

And then you look up. Eyelids barely focusing but making out the poorly concealed shock on one of the boys’ face. It’s almost movie-like when you watch as the guy beside him leans over and whispers something in his ear. The audience can just about make out a “they’re just close-” or something along those lines. It placates you. Just as the look Eddie is throwing them over your head would, staring at them with a gaze that puts them in their place; they don’t speak about you. 

Your hands are both sitting on his chest, fiddling with the fabric of his black sweater, breathing in the smell that is just Eddie. 

Eddie’s eyes are on the screen. Watching the flickering characters, the action the suspense and the only thing he’s aware of are your fingers pushing into the plush of his clothes and your ass tantalisingly close to his crotch. He would have been able to control himself, after all he’s not alone but when you start to shift and move, he hardly manages to conceal the groan pushing at his vocal cords. You don’t notice because you never notice, blissfully cluelessness of the effect you have on him; and too many other sleazy guys that had tried and failed to pursue you. 

But Eddie never claimed to be a good guy. So what was a little indulgence?

When the sensation of his hand moving on your leg catches your attention it’s because it keeps moving. Usually, he just draws patterns on your skin but this time the patterns extend. Instead of twisting back on themselves they keep going, up from your ankle blooming dangerously close to your inner thigh when they rest on the crease between your thigh and torso. And then he squeezes. 

The squeak that leaves you is surprised and loud enough for Eddie to hear you, immediately grinning and fighting to keep his eyes from rolling. You hope in vain that he didn’t hear but when he squeezes again you know he did. 

A chaste kiss is pressed into your hair before his lips dip, “Can you be quiet for me?” his fingers start to move again, dipping lightly into the insides of your thighs and then moving back. You look up at him with wide eyes, questioning him- what he was doing, what this was. “I need you to keep quiet. Because I’m gonna touch you and I want it to be our secret ‘kay?” 

His stare leaves no room for consideration and usually, that would work, but when his long fingers start trailing over the cotton underwear you have on, your brows furrow, “Eddie, this is- we can’t.” something in you knows its wrong and you use that to try and scrape away the sick pleasure you’re already receiving. 

On the screen there’s blood on the walls and enough violence to make you cry so when you turn to look at the noise, Eddie’s large palm is there sweeping your vision back to him. And maybe it affects your judgement, because the action reminds you: Eddie is always protecting you, he knows what’s best, at least that’s what he’s always said. He’s done nothing to contradict that. When you do see him it softens you further. His eyes are like black holes, a pixel of the TV screen in them. It’s unsurprising when you get swallowed up by them, rendering into nothing beneath his gaze. 

He smiles, his hand has found home on your face again and his thumb sweeps under your eyes, and then his gaze melts into something darker. Like ink to oil, he says, “Princess. I know you’re not saying no to me.” 

And he’s right. 

Because then his fingers graze the sodden fabric and you’re caught red-handed. You want to cry, you want to hide, and he lets you for a moment. You want to get away but you’re nestling into his body confusing your mind further. You don’t know what you want. But Eddie does. 

“I know little one, I know.” he shushes you, appearing the comforting big brother as he strokes your hair and looks uninterested. All the while his fingers have explored to the band of your panties. They finger the little bow on them, he smiles to himself because it’s just so you. He takes ahold of the elastic band and you twist the fabric in your hand in confusion. 

You mumble something under your breath and Eddie doesn’t even feign attention, he carries on playing with you. With a harsh grip on the front of your panties, Eddie pulls them up towards you. The angle of the fabric means it’s rubbing directly on your clit, pulling everything tight, making you throb. Eddie watches what he can see; your little hands scratching him through his sweater and the way you curl in towards him, legs drawing up and thighs tensing around his hand. He knows how inexperienced you are, he has a list of everything he wants to teach you. This being one of them. 

Perhaps he should have waited longer, maybe this wasn’t the right time, but all of a sudden he feels your smaller hand encompassing his wrist, keeping him there. At the gesture he smiles, hiding it in your hair and kissing your head softly, because Eddie really does care for you; but he’s going to treat you like he doesn’t. 

That’s what he does for a while, manipulating the fabric to make you whimper. It’s causing you to drip. You can feel your button throbbing against the mean material and you wish it didn’t feel good. It shouldn’t feel good. It’s weird and it’s worse that it’s Eddie doing it; your step-brother. None of this is right, but you don’t release his hand, you can stop from clenching around nothing. You feel entirely powerless, the only thing you can do is try and turn your mind off and pretend the two of you are alone. 

But of course, the world has a cruel sense of humour. 

“Hey, Eddie, is she okay?” one of Eddie’s friends, his name the furthest thing from your mind given your current state, leans towards the pair of you to share his concern. He nods his head in your direction and there’s a questioning glint in his eyes as he looks at your brother. 

From his perspective it looks like you’re crying, your chest moving with added weight and your head has hardly left Eddie’s chest. A hand comes down to stroke your hair, the other concealed by the blanket still moves, and you feel Eddie’s sternum rise to reply. 

He drops his voice, playing into his part, “Oh yeah, she’s all good, jus’ had a nightmare.” he nods as his friend releases the subject. Returning his focus to the screen. 

Eddie should have stopped. But deep down, or not that far, neither of you wanted him to. Deft fingers crawl from their original place, smoothing down the fabric to cup you through it. His fingers move as he traces the outline of your lips, your clit, even going as far to prod at your hole over the top of the fabric. 

It makes you whine his name, he’s playing with you and it’s mean. You won’t ever tell him to stop, especially not when he’s rubbing over the fabric. But you lie nonetheless. 

Lifting your lips closer to his ear, “Eds, we shouldn’t. I don’t wanna get in trouble.” it’s pathetic and you both know it. 

Your hand is hardly pushing him away. His wrist is enveloped in your soft fingers, that just rest on the skin as if just to hold him, to feel him. You try to catch his eye but he’s already shaking his head. His tongue wets his lips as they curve into that smirk again that makes you feel damned. 

He breathes and thinks he’s going to be nice. There is a multitude of sins circling his hazy brain that would be much worse than what he’s going to do to you. It’s not like he doesn’t know he needs to be careful with you. You’re gentle and delicate and as much as he wants to split you open and make you scream on his cock, he won’t just yet. He needs to ease you into it. Thankfully you’re already halfway there. 

“And yet,” he starts, his voice is haunting and dark, disarming you completely with a tone you’ve never heard before, “you’re soaking through your panties, little one.” and it makes you want to cry, the whole situation, his condescending words, everything because he’s right. 

The fabric is ruined with your arousal and when Eddie lifts it to the side it pulls away with slick strings. He huffs a laugh at your broken face, tears welling up already and he’s hardly touched you. Ever since he saw you he knew you’d be heaven to break. 

Eddie dips a finger into the pool of arousal he’s summoned. Coating his digits in before breaching your hole. He’s slow at first but then he gets greedy and he lets himself off the hook because his last line of defence will always be: he wants to be worse. It takes you by surprise when you feel his finger thrust quickly into you, leaving no time in curling the digit until it searches for that special spot that even you haven’t discovered. You both know when he does; a high-pitched squeal leaves your bitten lips at the sensation, immediately pushing your face into his sweater to smother any other humiliating noises. 

Eddie shakes off his friends’ concerned looks and thankfully they don’t pry. Your face feels on fire and you submit to the torture as Eddie strokes and rubs at that spot. The blanket helps to smother the noises. You can hear them minutely, it’s overwhelming, the wet sopping noises coming from your cunt and Eddie’s fingers which are by now soaked in your desperation. 

He revels in it. The way your moans drown into his body, the hiccups he knows soon will turn in to sobs, you react so beautifully and he can’t help but feel it was meant to be. In a perverted way he thinks this is right, what he should be doing. And even if he knows perhaps morally its not, you clenching around his finger rhythmically is enough persuasion to carry on. 

Before long he’s sliding in another finger. Your eyes clench at the intrusion, not because its painful but because of how easy it went in. The whole thing is humiliating and you’re closer than ever. 

Jack Nicholson has an axe on screen, stepping up the stairs to the beat of Eddie’s thumb, which is now circling your clit. The two fingers inside you pump as the screen flashes. The man above you, inside of you, speeds up with every sharp camera turn. It’s getting increasingly harder to hold in your noises and Eddie can sense that. 

He does it unthinkingly and its ironic that thats the thing to break you. Something incidental. His hand leaves its place on your head and his thumb mindlessly slots into your mouth, muffling your pathetic noises. When he brings his hand up to keep it in there, it becomes the triggering sensation. 

Now Eddie is struggling to stay silent. At first he focuses on the way your cunt grips his fingers. Your clit pulsating under his thumb. Making it impossible to pull them out until your orgasm ceases. But then he feels something wet on his neck. And he realises that you’re fucking crying. 

He desperatly claws at breathing slowly and focusing his gaze on the screen, trying to figure out whats happening in the movie. But its futile. Nothing can take his mind away from the fact that you came so hard you’re mewling into his neck, wet little hole crying for him too, and it’s you. 

Once your orgasm slows its attack on your body you lay limp in his arms. Exhausted and high, you stay like that until the movie ends. 

You both know it was wrong. That it shouldn’t happen again, and you were going to try to do the right thing. But Eddie, well, 

Eddie Munson was a bad guy.

a’s notes — please reblog i beg of you WITH TAGS

kofi <3

there will be blood? like. you promise?

Part 2 of this Eddie fic :)

Uh duh. Thanks to everyone who loved it so much!! Slow burn🤪

I never realized how boring my life is without Eddie constantly bugging me- and flirting with me- nearly every single day.

Since the minute we both hit puberty and had the “birds and the bees” talk- awkwardly- with his uncle, we’d always looked at each other in a different way and we’ve always been bashful and flirty. Always.

But weeks have passed since I've seen Eddie, since I've spoken to him in any way other than quick glances shared in the hallway. This wasn’t us being bashful and giddy around each other, this was genuine fear on both sides to talk about what had happened.

Maybe it was because I implied that I wanted to kiss him- to feel his lips against me in more ways than one- and maybe he got nervous after his uncle came home almost immediately after I openly commented about his talented mouth.

But this is possibly the longest we've gone without talking to one another, even in the midst of the rest of our friend group and at Hellfire.

The group has definitely picked up on the added tension between the two of us, realizing that something must've happened between us but I'm sure they don't realize the extent of what happened. That Eddie openly dirty talked me into a pool of submission and arousal- that he made me want to rip his clothes off then and there, to draw noises out of him that I’ve only dreamed about. I can only imagine that they would never understand the way Eddie spoke to me and how it made me feel- the words he said to me that had my mind turning to mush, the words that play on an instant repeat in my mind.

"I wonder how wet I can get you just by talking to you like this."

"Do you think about my fingers, my rings?"

"So needy, pining for your best friend."

I shiver and turn in my seat to look back at Eddie as he stares down at his history textbook, his tongue sticking out in concentration. He's been trying to do better in all of his classes lately, wanting nothing more than to graduate with me this year, but it's now me who struggles to pay attention in class. My mind is in the gutter and swimming with thoughts of talking to him- fucking him, to be frank.

Suddenly, he looks up and freezes, his lips parting in quiet shock at the sight of my eyes locked on him. I send him a small wave, pulling a soft smile out of him as he shifts in his seat, sending me back a tight lipped smile. I nod towards the door, watching his brows pull together in gentle, boyish confusion. Raising my hand without giving him another moment to ponder, the teacher sighs and she calls on me.

"May I go to the bathroom?"

By the time Eddie finally frees himself of the confines of class and stumbles out of the school, spotting me leaning against his van, he looks frustrated. His hands are shoved in his pocket and his breath reflects in the cold air.

"Are you kidding- get your ass in the van, you're gonna freeze your ass off, kid." He mutters unlocking the van and pushing me into the slightly warmer vehicle. I immediately crawl under the blankets that he has folded in the back, watching him shut the door tightly and relax against the wall. His eyes are demanding yet soft, his gaze trailing over me, almost asking 'well?'.

"I know we've been avoiding each other since, uh..." I trail off, flashbacks riddling my brain as his cheeks flush. He looks away from me quickly, clearing his throat and he pulls a blanket over his lap. "I miss you and I'm sorry if I ruined anything by being pesky." I huff, feeling better after apologizing but feeling even more confused when he looks physically pained at the thought of me feeling guilty for all of this.

"Fuck- you didn't ruin anything, babe- I just didn't know you felt that way about me." My heart leaps at the pet name, my tongue slipping out to wet my lips as they continue to dry. "I didn't know you wanted to know me like that." I crave you like that. There's a soft, bashful smile on his lips and I scoff, shaking my head incredulously.

"You genuinely didn't realize that I wanted you like that?" My question seems to take him off guard, his brows lifting in shock at my forwardness.

"Is that really how you feel?" He asks, moving towards me as he scoots to sit between my legs. His voice comes out breathless, as if he's been holding onto that question for years, a weight lifting from his shoulder as his hand reaches out to rest on my knee.

"I wouldn't have put myself out there if I didn't want you." I whisper, lowering my gaze from his. "I was just too embarrassed to make a move o-or ask you if you felt a similar way-"

"I do- fuck, I always have." He laughs, reaching out towards me to place a hand on my knee. "I've wanted to talk to you, the last few weeks, I mean. But I was terrified that you just closed up on me and would never want to look at me again." He huffs exasperatedly, with a shy smile, his brows twitching anxiously. I bite my tongue for a few moments, looking over his nervous frame wondering where my confident best friend went. Did I seriously turn him into an anxious, boyish bundle of stress?

"I've been looking at you." I whisper, my voice quivering as his eyes lift, gazing up at me through his dark lashes. He waits for a moment, waiting for me to go on and the comfortable silence he offers me only makes me want to go on. "Thinking about you."

"Thinking about what?" He asks, barely giving me a chance to add onto my statement. I just clear my throat and push the blanket off of me, stalking across the van to slide down into his lap. He doesn't argue, just wraps his arms around my waist. He looks up at me with a teasing look but there's a sense of sincerity behind his dark hues.

"Being close to you again." I let out a brief sigh of relief, playing with the ends of his curls.

"What else?" He asks, leaning down to gently press a kiss to my exposed collarbone, a shiver running down my spine but not from the cold- no, I couldn't be more warm.

"You kissing me." I grin, my head tipping back to allow his lips to venture further up the column of my throat. He chuckles against my skin and grips at my waist, my head spinning from arousal.

"Where?"

"Everywhere." I giggle, loving the laugh that rumbles in his chest. He pulls back to look up at me, brows pulled together, feigning confusion with a shit-eating grin.

"Is that an offer?" He gasps, pulling me even more flush against him with a wicked look in his eyes. I just groan, my hands gripping onto his shoulders as words escape me.

"Please."

"Oh so it's not an offer, it's you begging." He teases, his lips skimming against mine ever-so slightly with no intent of kissing me until I tell him what I want- which is him. So simple and so plain but I can't seem to vocalize it, the words getting stuck on the tip of my tongue. Instead, one word comes out.

"Eddie..." He shushes me mockingly, reaching up to takes my cheeks in his hands, his eyes flickering back and forth between mine.

"Patience, sweetheart. You know I'd never leave you hanging."

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