“Who Are You?”

*Insert Humor*

H E L L O ????

"it's unhealthy to read fanfiction"

well i'm doing my 20 minutes of daily reading so...

recently when im tempted to say 'i'm gonna kill myself' i try to correct it into saying "im gonna walk into the river and become a trout" or some other form of that. this is my new thing

to my usamerican people:

here is an article that details the status of abortion rights in each state. roe v wade being overturned does not mean that abortion is illegal across the u.s., just that it is now determined on a state by state basis. please stay safe and stay informed.

the un-hyperlinked link is under the cut

Keep reading

best player, best bet.

pairings. hockey!jj maybank x fem!reader, hockey!rafe cameron x fem!reader

part three of n/a parts.

about. you and jj go shopping for a dress

part one, part two, part three

warnings. swearing, gif not mine, abuse :/

ricky rocks. this is to make up for the last part lol (i also hated the way this turned out tbh)

“hello?”

“hey, hockey puck.”

“maybank.”

“don’t sound so excited,” you could hear his stupid grin from the other side of the line, it made your lips twitch slightly as you slowly sat at the edge of your bed.

“what do you want?”

“ward called for a dinner rehearsal,” he mumbled, “i need you there.”

“why?”

he sighed, rubbing his chin, “ward wants to get to know everyone before ‘the big show’, make sure everything moves smoothly.”

“i’ve already met ward,” you gritted, reminiscing about all the times you attended the elizabeth city hockey parties he hosted at the end of the year to celebrate the season. you weren't so fond of him despite him being one of your biggest supporters.

“where are you right now.”

"i'm home.. why?"

it was silent and you could practically hear the gears in his head turn as he thought along with the silence, his lips pressed into a thin line as he paced his room within the cameron house, "you have a dress yet?"

°•

jj had one hand gripping the steering wheel of his truck while the other held the gear shift, tapping his finger lightly so some sound filled the air. but it somehow made the atmosphere more awkward with no words to say and no things to do as you tapped your own fingers against the door, eyes glancing out the window every once and awhile, observing the gloomy air that was slowly falling over obx- - something you always loved when winter took over; when the cold nipped at your cheeks and turned them red, always giving you an excuse to wrap up in blankets and drink excessive amounts of hot drinks.

you tipped your head slightly, your eyes now roaming for something to create thought, and something did once you came to realization after studying the nice interior of the truck; clean, no sign of dirt anywhere. it smelt nice, even as jj's hockey bag was thrown in the backseat, which was unusual because the smell of sweat was always so distinct, even on your own bag, and you would consider yourself a cleanliness person.

jj was from the cut. you knew him and you knew who his friends were. you felt like an asshole thinking it but you had knew him since third grade, when he had came in late on the first day with dirt staining his shirt and face. he was no stranger to fun and you were sometimes envious of it, having the ability to let go and not think.

so why was his truck so clean? you knew but you still asked;

"why do you live with ward?"

he seemed to tense a little, his grip on the wheel tightening while readjusting himself. his other hand no longer held the gear shift but was rather now running a hand through his hair, an audible exhale fizzling past his lips.

maybe you shouldn't have asked...

as well as knowing jj had the nature of letting loose and having no care, you were also aware of his rough home life with his father, something rafe had told you, something you wished you hadn't known.

"never mind, uh sorry-"

"no, no," he shook his head, shooing away your apology, "it's fine. not that big of a deal anyways."

silence and then...

"i've never really had.. anything," he rubbed his lips together, hesitant with whether or not he should be telling this to you, which he knew deep down that he probably shouldn't, but he wanted to, he wanted someone to know. "never anything to anyone until ward. he saw something in me that nobody saw and it was like finally someone cared. that's why i live with him.. i don't have to think about anything, worry about anything anymore because he runs my whole life and there's something comforting about that."

you watched him as he talked, trying his best to explain it while clenching and unclenching his fist around the black leather wheel, keeping a strong focus on the road due to not wanting to look at you.

"but i had to shape up and there's nothing wrong with a little discipline," he tilted his head a little, saying these words as if reminding himself of this. it made your chest tighten as you watched him a little closely with sympathetic eyes, but you weren't sure why.

the dinner rehearsal started at 6:30, giving you and jj an hour to find a black dress for the scout party. the two of you had been at it for already an hour and neither of you could find what you were looking for. but mostly because half the time the two of you were screwing around, trying on things that weren't even black nor a dress. sharing stupid hockey gossip, and even giving each other pointers.

you would have never thought you would ever been hanging out with jj on your free time or even finding joy in his company. it was unusual to say the least, almost wrong, but you couldn't find the nerve to care as you sat across from him in the waiting area of the dressing room.

"you going to try on those dresses or not?" he motioned toward the pile of black dresses the two of you had randomly compiled together before entering into the private area.

"i don't know."

"we got like half an hour before i have to drop you off and get you ready," he checked his phone before looking back up to you, giving you a pointed look. "i should've asked if you can get ready fast."

"i can."

"try on a dress."

you huffed before pulling yourself up to your feet, grabbing onto the pile before walking into the little room meant for changing. the first dress was a no-go right off the bat, the second one didn't even cover half your chest, and the thrid-

"you gonna let me see or not?" jj had himself propped up against the dressing room doorframe by his elbow, waiting for you to finally show him one of the many dresses the two of you had picked out.

"hold on," you slightly mumbled, extending your arm behind you, attempting to reach the zipper.

"i thought you said you got ready fast."

you opened the dressing room door with a annoyed frown, something that quickly lost its effect once you became taken aback when looking up to jj who had a smirk on his face, practically crammed up against you with how close he was leaned up against the doorframe. you huffed, losing the shock while holding the front of the dress tightly against your chest in fear of it slipping.

"i need you to zip me up."

"what?" jj looked caught off guard, now looking you up and down, almost not understanding your question till you turned around, revealing the low zipper the stopped right before your butt. he still looked shocked as his eyes met yours in the body length mirror placed in the center wall of the dressing room before traveling down toward the zipper. "this the dress i picked out?" he coughed, hesitantly clasping the small piece of plastic.

you hummed in reply, diverting your eyes to the ground as the feeling of his knuckles slowly dragging up the middle of you back made your stomach twist into knots. you held your breath as you connected the coldness to the silver ring he wore on his pointer finger.

you could hear him exhale as well the moment the zipper was pulled all the way to the top and he made sure to take a wide step away from you before fully looking you in the eyes. you turned to face him, giving him a lopsided smile before he finally spoke, "looks good."

that was the dress you chose.

°•

"you're late," ward was on jj the moment he had walked through the front door with his hand tightly gripping the boy's bicep, attempting to guide him away and fast toward his room upstairs where you were sure a more formal outfit was laid out for him.

you clenched your jaw as your presences seemed to have been completely shrugged off as you were left at the front door alone.

after you had bought the black dress, jj drove you home to allow you to change. you wore a short purple dress that had practically knocked the breath out of jj due to him never seeing you in anything but your hockey gear and clothes that tended to cover you whole. you had to bite back a smirk.

the whole backyard must have been where everything was being hosted due to that being where everyone was mingling. it made you feel sort of out of place which was rather unusual since you had a the tendency to fit right in when it came to events like these. you had to.

"really went through with it, huh?"

you glanced back to see rafe holding a glass of alcohol. he was dressed up in a button up just like the rest of the boys were with slack pants. you grinned over to him with a slight tip of your head, "you look like a douche."

he scoffed, giving you a look up and down, "okay, princess." he threw back the rest of his drink before setting it down on a table. he shoved his hands in his pockets before strolling to your side, "i thought you were going to keep your dignity and not take his deal."

you shrugged, "i really want to win best player."

"so you're going to fuck him for it?"

you rolled your eyes before planting an elbow to his ribs, "don't be an ass. i've wanted this since elementary school and i think i can get it if jj steps down."

rafe only hummed.

you hadn't seen jj in over a half an hour, and after talking to rafe for what seem like ten minutes, but was really longer, he reminded you of your date. you had lowly swore to yourself before looking around and not finding him until you had walk to the long stretched dock where you found him lighting a blunt.

"a bit of a bad time for that, don't you think?"

he looked back at you with a raised brow as if daring you to stop him, but you only joined his side, planning on keeping your mouth shut until he spoke to you himself.. which seemed unlikely with the only sound filling the air being the waves crashing against the dock and him inhaling and exhaling smoke.

"you mad or something?"

he didn’t say anything but instead kept his eyes trained on the setting sun. the sky swarmed with orange, it made your chest fill with warmth despite beginning to feel uneasy about jj’s now silent demeanor. it didn’t feel right.

you took a step closer to him, trying to get a better look at his face in attempt to get a read on him, but you only felt your stomach drop as your hands couldn’t help but reach for both sides of his face, pulling him to face you.

“jj,” you half gaped, your eyes wide and wild as you had your gaze set upon the newly placed bruise on his cheekbone. “who?”

“who do you think?” he took one last intake before flicking the blunt into the water. his face was warm and seemed to have seeped into your finger tips as they practically cradled his face. “y/n.”

your head tilted from side to side as you tried to gather and look for other bruises or cuts or anything that connected to harm- you couldn’t even think or focus until his own hands grasped your wrists, now making sure you were looking him in the eyes, which were wide themself.

“it doesn’t matter,” he wanted you to understand that, but he knew you wouldn’t with how disappointed you seemed to be at his words, your face falling and slowly loosing your grip. “doesn’t matter, okay?

“you must be stupid if you think i’m going to believe that,” you let go of him, slowly backing away with a deep frown etched into your face. “jj-”

“hockey puck-”

your face fell deeper into despair, “don’t you fucking dare.” your face turned into a scowl and you raised your hand, “that stupid- jj you-”

“everything going alright down here?”

your eyes interchanged toward ward who appeared out of nowhere, with a cautious demeanor. you eyes his closely as he approached the two of you closer with his steps slow and eyes full of hesitation as he scoped out the situation, very aware that something was off.

“yeah, everything’s fine,” jj’s voice was quiet as he stared at you, almost signaling for you to keep your mouth shut with the way his eyes slightly widened. “i have to take y/n home.”

ward nodded, understandably with his hands stuffed into his dress pants pockets, “okay.”

you begun to walk before jj did with your hands tightly gripped in fists, mind racing but not knowing what to think. only anger.

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dreamt that ppl were playing "dnd hard mode" which was just playing dnd by a pool and if you rolled a nat 1 the dm pushed you into the water

don't fucking interrupt me when i'm reading my x reader fics it's rude

UGH CRYING SOBBING 😫

NEXT CHAPTER WHENNNNNNN

All These Years [Part 5: "Graduation"]

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

Summary: You met Matthew Murdock unexpectedly at Columbia University and you couldn't deny that there was an instant attraction–for you. But for Matt, you became as close of a friend to him as Foggy did. As the years pass by, your feelings only grow for your best friend, but all you can do is watch as he dates and sleeps with every other woman on campus and eventually in New York City but you.

Warnings/tags: 18+ for this series; contains emotional hurt with no comfort until the final installments, angst, pining, friends to lovers, slowburn, and eventually smut

Word Count: 4.2k

a/n: This one hurts a little differently than the others. But oh, the next installment will be interesting...and that one is tentatively titled "Jealous and Impolite," but the title may change a tad when I have it written out. And we're pretending Foggy and Matt briefly get an apartment together at the beginning of their internship but then have their own place shortly before they open their own firm (but it's not really important besides Matt's upcoming nighttime hobby). The list of installments for this series can be found here. And feedback is always appreciated!

Tag list: @acharliecoxedfan @theetherealbloom @rotscinema @magnumstyles @roseallisonparker @ofmusesandsecrets @readerhead @paracosmic-murdock @v4leoftears @why-always-me-gosh-please @redbircl @keepingitlokiii @yarrystyleeza @mattkinsella2 @ms-murdockswift

Weaving your way around the crowds of people milling about in different directions outside on the campus lawn, your hands nervously fidgeted with the powder blue cap held between them. Your robes swished around your bare calves as you navigated the uproar around you, the weight of them uncomfortable over your dress on this warmer late May afternoon. All the while your eyes searched for Matt and Foggy among the chaos as you maneuvered your way around group after group of people. 

Your graduation ceremony had finished just before theirs, but you'd stayed behind in order to watch the pair of them walk, just like you’d promised them you would. You hadn't had a chance to see either of them before graduation this morning though, having been too busy getting ready yourself while trying to refrain from vomiting from the nerves swirling in your stomach. And when Matt's name had finally been called out and you had seen him walk across that stage in his own powder blue cap and gown, your heart had nearly stopped in your chest at the sight. It was like time had slowed down to a drag, your eyes following his every movement. He looked so handsome and happy, a broad smile on his face as he accepted the diploma cover. It wasn't until he'd walked off the stage that you had realized you'd been holding your breath, a wide smile spread across your own mouth. 

After his breakup with Elektra, Matt’s motivation had significantly plummeted. He’d been a mess for weeks, barely ever wanting to leave his bed and attend classes. He often said it wasn’t because of her, trying to deny it everytime you or Foggy tried to comfort him over the situation, but you and Foggy knew better. Matt hadn’t been himself for a very long time after Elektra had broken his heart. He’d even almost missed an important exam that he needed to pass in order to graduate the other week. If it hadn’t been for Foggy forcing him to get out of bed and get dressed and then practically dragging him to the exam himself, Matt would surely have missed it and he wouldn’t have been walking across that stage today. 

And the thought of that killed you, knowing just how much it had meant to Matt to graduate with this degree. How hard he’d been working for years for it. He had always been so incredibly passionate about law and about wanting to help those who weren’t fortunate enough to be able to afford good legal representation in the future. He’d been like that since the day you’d first met him in the library. You had spent many a night over the past couple of years listening to him and Foggy debate different topics in their dorm room–ethics often being a big one between them. And the way Matt always spoke so eloquently and intensely about his love and desire to help others had only steadily grown your love for him in return over the years you’d come to know him. He had the most compassionate heart of anyone you’d ever met and he had the most brilliant mind to accompany it. So it only broke your own heart further seeing him giving up on his dreams ever since she had disappeared. Which had once again only given you further reason to hate Elektra–she’d come into his life in a whirlwind and left a mess of the man he’d once been in her wake. 

Though while she’d certainly crushed his spirit–withering it away to almost nothing–she hadn’t broken him completely. You and Foggy had spent plenty of time picking up the pieces and putting him slowly back together. Encouraging him to focus on his studies and to let her go. Eventually he’d done just that, and now him and Foggy were off to intern at a large law firm–Landman and Zack. The pair of them had even gotten an apartment together lined up. Meanwhile, you were still waiting to hear back about the position you’d interviewed for last week, hoping you would have the funds to continue to pay for the apartment you’d recently leased. You were waiting on that news to come some time today, though.

The sound of your name being called out from behind you drew you to a stop and pulled you straight from your thoughts. Your brows furrowed as you spun in a circle, searching for whoever it was that might have been calling for you. A few seconds later, your eyes scanning the throngs of people around you, you finally spotted Foggy and Matt emerging from the masses. Both men were grinning wide, Matt holding onto Foggy’s forearm as Foggy led the pair of them over towards you. They were clutching their diploma covers under an arm, the sight still surreal.

“I didn’t think I’d ever find you two!” you exclaimed, making your way towards them.

“It’s a goddamn madhouse here!” Foggy shouted back, the grin never leaving his mouth. “And don’t you look stunning in that baby blue potato sack!”

You laughed, shooting Foggy the finger before your eyes shifted to Matt. The pair of them came to a stop just before you and you felt your heart speed up in your chest as your eyes took in the sight of Matt in his cap and gown. His dark glasses were covering his eyes, but nothing could hide the glow of sheer happiness and excitement on his face as he beamed back at you. You tried hard to fight the ridiculous smile on your own face as you stared at him for a moment, but you noticed Foggy beside him had certainly caught the stupid, dopey smile you were aiming at Matt. Heat rose up to your cheeks as you glanced down in embarrassment, grateful Matt couldn’t see it himself.

“We fucking did it!” Foggy cried out. 

“I can’t believe it still,” you admitted, running a hand through your hair. “Like, I feel like I still have classes next week to attend. Projects to finish. More boring lectures to heavily caffeinate before so I don’t fall asleep.”

Matt chuckled, the sound warm and comforting to your nerves. He was always so comforting to you, though, you thought. And he never even realized it.

“It might be awhile before it sinks in, but you certainly don’t have all of that to worry about anymore,” he assured you.

“No,” Foggy cut in. “Now we just have to worry about getting jobs and paying bills.”

“Speaking of,” Matt began, his head tilting to the side as he focused in on you, “did you hear back from that company yet?”

Shaking your head a little solemnly, you replied with a soft, “No.”

“Ahh, well,” he said, the smile never leaving his face, “I’m sure you’ll hear back later today with good news. You’re amazing and they’d be morons not to hire you.”

“If only I could put that on my resume,” you joked.

Someone hit your elbow as they barreled past you from behind. You winced, rubbing your arm as you shot them a glare at their back. Beside Matt, Foggy sent you a sympathetic look.

“Why don’t we get out of this post-ceremony chaos?” he suggested. “Before the next one starts?”

Your eyes darted around, taking in the neverending streams of people. There was a sea of powder blue almost everywhere you looked.

“Yeah, I think that’s a great idea,” you agreed.

Matt quickly shifted his diploma cover to his hand, extending the arm he wasn’t hanging on to Foggy with out towards you. Your eyes dropped down to it, your brows drawing together in confusion.

“Here, you want to hold on to me?” Matt asked, his arm still offered towards you. “I don’t want to lose you out here. I know I can’t actually see the chaos ensuing, but I can certainly hear it. Sounds pretty bad.”

Switching your own diploma to the other hand, you reached out and looped your arm through Matt’s. He drew you in close to his side immediately after, taking you by surprise when your hip bumped up against his thigh under his graduation gown. Foggy peering around Matt completely cut off whatever reaction your body was about to have to that contact instantly.

“Hey, you want to come with us to grab lunch?” Foggy asked. “My family wanted to celebrate last minute and I know yours couldn’t be here today. You want to join us?”

The three of you began walking, Foggy and you navigating the group of you around the masses of people as Matt fell in step between you both. Your hip kept brushing up against Matt’s thigh though and it was taking every ounce of your focus to ignore it as you walked.

“Oh, lunch?” you asked, hip yet again bumping Matt’s solid thigh. 

“You’d make me feel less like the weird, adopted child,” Matt joked.

You laughed lightly, turning your body just at the last moment towards Matt to avoid bumping into a couple walking past you. You felt his arm tense around yours as your chest briefly pressed against him before you swiftly pulled back away. 

“I uh, I can’t,” you answered quickly, trying to ignore whatever weirdness you’d just caused. “I haven’t finished packing up my dorm fully. Sort of wanted to get it done before dinner tonight.”

Foggy peered around Matt again, catching your eye. “You’re still coming over to celebrate tonight at least, right?” he asked. “Because I’ll be mad at you if you don’t.”

You scoffed loudly, rolling your eyes. “Are you kidding me, Nelson? Of course I’m coming over to celebrate our last night in our dorms. Why the hell would I miss that?” you asked.

“Just making sure,” he said.

The three of you finally made it away from the ceremony location, coming to a stop just before one of the main paths on campus. People were still milling about, but it was at least vastly less populated here. You slipped your arm out from underneath Matt’s, his head snapping towards you at the loss of contact.

“This is where we part ways for now then, boys,” you said. “Enjoy your lunch and I’ll see you both later. I’ve got some packing to finish.”

“You’re missing out!” Foggy called after you.

You turned, heading the familiar path back to your residence hall, your heels clicking along the sidewalk as you went. 

“Don’t I know it,” you muttered to yourself, your mind already wandering back to Matt.

°•°•°•°•°•°

Legs crossed on the end of Matt’s bed, you were staring at Foggy across the room. He was passed out, lying half upright against the headboard of his own bed, his mouth hanging open as he snored lightly. The empty pizza box of the pizza the three of you had devoured a bit ago sat open on the end of his mattress.

“Told you he’d be the first to pass out,” Matt said behind you.

You rolled your eyes at his comment, your head turning back towards him. He was leaning against his headboard, one leg crossed over the other in his dark sweatpants. His arms were behind his head, a smile on his mouth. He looked the picture of relaxed as he lay there, his eyes fixed near you on the end of his bed. It never ceased to amaze you how unfairly attractive he was at all times.

“Foggy always passes out first,” you pointed out. “Not really anything new there, Murdock.”

He laughed lightly, nodding his head. “You have a point,” he agreed. “Suppose it wouldn’t be our last night here if it didn’t involve Foggy passing out early after a handful of beers.”

A heaviness hit you in the chest at Matt’s words, your eyes dropping down to your lap. Your fingers played with the hem of your jeans, a soft sigh leaving you. Matt’s foot gently nudged your knee, drawing your attention back up to his face. His dark brows were drawn together, a deep crease forming on his forehead. His head tilted to the side as he studied you with a slight frown.

“What’s up?” he asked. “Thought you’d be more excited. We just graduated. You got the job you wanted–which I mean, I already knew you would. But this is supposed to be a good night. Why the sullenness?”

Because I also won’t have nights like these ever again.

“I am excited,” you admitted slowly. “But I mean it’s–it’s a little bittersweet, isn't it? Hanging out with you and Foggy was my routine for a couple of years now. Coming over here and studying with you guys. Or just drinking and hanging out and ordering incredibly strange combinations of takeout.”

Matt broke into a laugh, the bright sound cutting you off. “Certainly some strange combinations. Foggy is a genius when it comes to ordering the right food when you’re drunk though,” he mused.

“Yeah, he is,” you agreed, a sad smile on your lips. “And that was our thing for years. But now?” You shrugged lightly. “I won't be able to just walk to the residence hall beside mine and hop on an elevator to reach your guys' place. There's no more sitting around eating pizza and drinking beer late at night after tonight.” You felt your eyes welling up with tears and you immediately focused back on your fidgeting hands. “Now we’re getting apartments and jobs. Becoming adults. Needing sleep because we work."

And I’m losing you.

Your heart twisted in your chest at the thought. Sure, you weren’t leaving New York City and neither were they–hell, you were all moving into Hell’s Kitchen. But how long before your lives went in separate directions? Before they settled down and became successful lawyers who ran in entirely different circles than you? When would your friendship suddenly fall away?

“Hey,” Matt said softly.

The tone of his voice caught your attention and you looked back up at him. You watched him scoot over on the bed, his left hand coming down and patting the space beside him. Your lip slipped between your teeth as you nervously chewed it.

“Come sit with me?” he asked.

Unable to ever refuse Matt, you uncrossed your legs and made your way gradually over to the top of his bed. Sitting down beside him, you leant your back against his headboard and settled in next to him. It took you by surprise when Matt easily slipped his left arm around your shoulders and drew you further into his side until your head inevitably rested along his shoulder. Your hands awkwardly clasped together in your lap, feeling unsure what to do with them. Matt had never really been this forthright with you before. 

“It is a little bittersweet,” he agreed gently. “You and Foggy have become like the family I never really had while I’ve been here. And you–you both mean a lot to me.” 

He blew out a breath slowly, your head falling with the movement of his shoulder. You noticed he smelled really good, as if he’d put on a faint bit of cologne today. Something you never really noticed him doing before. Your head turned just a bit in towards his neck as you tried to breathe in the scent of him a little more, committing it to memory.

“Things are changing, sure,” he continued, “but I still plan to be here as long as you are. I don’t think anything can separate the three of us.”

“You say that now,” you mumbled. “But you don’t know how the next few years are going to go.”

His arm lightly shook you, your name falling from his lips so softly. The sound of it drew the corners of your mouth up ever so slightly.

“You are one of my absolute best friends,” Matt admitted. “And as long as you want my dumb ass as your friend, I’ll always be here.”

You snorted in amusement, shaking your head against his shoulder and ignoring that dull ache that always hit you when Matt called you his friend. 

“You’re the furthest thing from being a dumbass,” you said. “Especially with your fancy new law degree now.”

He chuckled, the sound a pleasant, deep rumble in your ears. You smiled, eyes dropping closed as you leaned further into him. You wanted to memorize every detail of this moment with him, to commit it to memory in your mind forever, because you were certain you’d never have another moment like this again with Matt. Not after college. He'd certainly be bombarded with beautiful women left and right, especially as a successful lawyer. Eventually he’d find someone and settle down with them. And you would slowly fade from his life no matter what he said. 

Your eyes tightened a little harder, fighting back the threat of tears at that thought. You didn’t want to think about the day Matt was no longer a part of your life.

"We can still get together on the weekends," Matt told you. "Maybe Saturday nights? We can make it a thing, even."

"Fog said you guys were going to be insanely busy at that internship," you pointed out, fighting to keep your voice from cracking. "Working weekends even."

Matt shrugged in response, your head rising and falling with the movement yet again. You felt his hand begin to gently rub along your arm, the gesture confusing as much as it was comforting you. Matt had never touched you like this before, had never wanted you close to him like this. He must have been experiencing that same bittersweet nostalgic feeling you were with knowing both your lives were about to change drastically. 

"We'll figure it out," he promised you. "We're bound to take breaks at some point, right? We'll make it work. I'm not losing you."

Your hands balled into fists in your lap, your jaw tightening at what he’d said. Those last four words hung heavy in the air between the pair of you. The desire to suddenly spill forth your feelings to Matt was almost unbearable. Whether it was from the excitement of the day, the three beers you’d had tonight, the nervous fear of how things were about to change, or the way Matt’s hand was still soothingly gliding back and forth along your arm, you somehow found yourself wanting to tell him how you felt. You desperately wanted him to know how much you’d loved him for years. 

Your fingernails dug into your palms from where your hands were still balled up. The thought of having that weight lifted from your shoulders was so tempting. You just wanted to stop hiding it from him, to stop holding yourself back. You just wanted to say it, just once.

But you knew you couldn't ultimately say anything at all. Matt had said it himself multiple times tonight already–you were his friend. Like family to him. He wouldn’t want to hear you express your love for him in any way that wasn’t strictly familial and platonic.

“I wish my dad had been here today,” Matt whispered.

With a shaky exhale, your eyelids flew back open and you pushed your previous thoughts aside–as you'd done many times before. You focused on Matt instead. Shifting your head along his shoulder, you looked up at him beside you. His lips were pulled into a deep frown, the sorrow written plain as day in his eyes as he stared blankly across the room. The sight had your heart squeezing in your chest exactly like it had done that day you’d seen him after Elektra had smashed his heart.

You knew how much he loved his father and how much he missed him. He’d had a very deep conversation with you one night, a little over a year ago, spilling his heart to you about his father's death. He’d told you how it had affected him. He’d even confessed that he hadn’t ever told Foggy all of that before, that he’d only ever told you. And you had felt honored he would even open up that much to you, expressing such deep, personal feelings. Especially because Matt didn’t let people in easily.

“He was here in his own way today,” you assured him. “And he’d be proud of you, Matt. You graduated at the top of your class. From an Ivy League law school.”

"I just wish I could tell him," he whispered. "Hear what he'd say to me."

Hesitantly you tested his boundaries, lifting your arm and carefully wrapping it around his waist. When he didn't protest, you gently squeezed him in a hug, drawing yourself closer.

"He'd say you're still his smarty pants son, I'm sure," you answered.

A small, almost sad laugh fell out of Matt, his other hand coming up to cover yours. A warmth gradually felt like it filled you as Matt’s thumb lightly stroked the backs of your knuckles. You had no idea what it meant that the pair of you were cuddled up on his bed together like this, but you were just going to let yourself enjoy it tonight. You didn’t want to ruin this moment with reality.

"I can't believe you remembered that I told you he called me that," he whispered. 

"I remember everything you tell me, Matty," you replied. “Especially the important things.”

There was a moment of silence before both of Matt’s hands stopped their absent, almost affectionate movements against your arm and your hand. You frowned, wondering if he’d finally decided the pair of you had crossed some boundary too far out of friendship, especially with what you’d just said. But then his hand released yours, landing gently and almost hesitantly on your neck. You swallowed hard when his fingertips took a slow glide up the length of your throat until his palm could cup your cheek. Carefully he pulled you away from his shoulder, angling your face up towards his as he whispered your name. 

He was looking down at you with his brows slightly drawn together, something unexplainable hidden in his eyes. You couldn’t quite make sense of what it was, your own eyes narrowing back at him as they jumped back and forth between his. His face was so close to yours though, you quickly realized. The warm exhalations of his breath from his slightly parted lips falling against your own mouth each time.

Was he going to kiss you? Surely not…

“You are…absolutely amazing,” he whispered. “And I–I–”

Your heart sped up in your chest, that almost fight or flight reaction abruptly coursing through you. You were almost afraid as you sat there gazing back at Matt, terrified you were steadily letting yourself get your hopes up for something that wasn’t going to happen. You could feel it happening already, that desperate yearning for more only rapidly increasing your panic.

Matt’s gaze shifted from yours, darting across the room towards Foggy for a moment as he winced. His eyes closed briefly before he turned his focus back on you, his sightless eyes falling along your left cheekbone. He winced again–the action incredibly minute this time–before he spoke.

“And I don’t ever want to lose you as my friend,” he finished. “And I just–just want you to know that.”

Your heart sank to the floor at his words. You knew they were coming, you knew it, yet they still managed to hurt. That panicked feeling inside of you quickly dissipated, your body quickly trying to become numb to this moment. Of course he wasn’t about to kiss you and confess his feelings to you. How unrealistic would that have been.

But you realized he was still staring back at you, an expression on his face that further confused you as he clearly waited for you to respond. Pulling away from him, the moment entirely soured to you now, you forced a smile onto your face as his hand fell from your cheek.

“I uh, I don’t want to lose your friendship either, Matt,” you said, forcing to keep your voice even. “But it’s–it’s late. Maybe I should let you get some sleep. We’ve both got a big move tomorrow.”

“Right, yeah,” he said softly, nodding.

You slid away from Matt, making your way to the edge of the bed before climbing off of it. Awkwardly you turned back around towards him, your eyes taking in the sight of him on his dorm room bed for what would be the last time ever. A flood of emotions struck you all at once like a punch to the gut, the weight of this being the end of an era really hitting you in this moment. Things were changing.

“Don’t be a stranger, Matty,” you whispered.

He shot you a tense, sad smile. “I won’t,” he promised.

You spun on your heel, crossing your arms across your chest tight as you made your way out of their dorm room for the last time. It wasn’t until you’d finally made it back to your own building that the tears began to fall. 

Maybe, you thought, it was time for you to let Matt just be your friend. Maybe now it was time to crush that ridiculous lingering hope you’d had for there to ever be something more between you two once and for all.

Maybe you needed to move on.

ppl being like “abortion is okay only if you took all the “correct” measures first or if you were impregnated non-consensually” SHUT UP! abortion for “sexually promiscuous” people and sex addicts and ppl you call sluts and whores and people who have one-night stands and every single person who had sex because they felt like it! you do not have to reach a quota of suffering to “deserve” an abortion. abortion is not something you earn. abortion isn’t a moral thing like you protestants like to think it’s a fucking right and everyone deserves access to it and they don’t have to prove that they deserve it. pregnancy is not a punishment for sex and every single person deserves the right to terminate a pregnancy regardless of how they became pregnant. shut up