A Raccoon, A Tree And A Disney Princess

bro…can we talk about how similar peter parker and percy jackson are??? like, honestly:

-both accidentally blew up a national monument -both are surviving (mostly) on luck -both are devastatingly loyal to their friends/family -the pUNS -the hUMOR -both are literal living breathing forms of the ‘i-came-out-to-have-a-good-time-and-am-honestly-feeling-so-attacked-rn’ meme -both can speak a different language fluently -both live in nyc -their dads are distant dudes but really do care for them and want to just see them reach their full potential (tony stark is peter’s unofficial dad fIGHT ME) -can kickass and are badass -both have a best friend who seems dorky in physicality but is actually the best -both are school delinquents -both have a single, motherly-figure raising them whom they would die for and vice versa (and lowkey tho…does anyone else picture marisa tomei as the perfect sally jackson or is that just me…???) -have weird food obsessions (i.e. peters love for the sandwich shop and percy’s love of blue food) -were both offered amazing positions (percy a god and peter an avenger) and both turned them down -both have extraordinary powers -both are still teenagers

Host: Welcome to Red Lobster, how many?

Eddie: Just one and ah can I be seated in the lobster tank please? Oh and I'll order two lobster.

Venom: I want mines alive.

Eddie: Cook one lobster and leave the second one alive please.

Host:???????

when a character you hate dies

Peter Parker

If you mother effers, I'M TALKING TO YOU MARVEL, think for a SECOND that Pepper Potts will not defend her husband's son from the Daily Bugle....

*T’challa and Nakia at a private dinner*

Nakia: I’m sorry T’challa I have an emergency mission I have to go

T’challa: Don’t worry about it it’s fine

*ten seconds later*

T’challa: I can hear you breathing and yes you can come out and finish her food

*Shuri, MJ, Peter and Ned bust out of the closet and begin devouring her food*

Shuri: Thank god we were so hungry

Peter: It tastes like fruit loops

Tweet source

True story: guys online are actually complaining that Captain Marvel doesn’t smile in the trailer.

Update: Brie Larson’s response:

A follow up to this post

https://doesvenomisgay.tumblr.com/post/178518831680/eddie-busting-into-the-living-room-pumpkin-string

October in the Brock House

The second part gets a little pg -13? so yeah..

V loves their husband. And as such they are willing to embrace his tremendous love of Halloween and all of the silly traditions that come with the season.

Well…it wasn’t all silly one of their fondest and most treasured memories was one wonderful October.

After the couple excitedly brought their newborn baby home. Thanks to Liz and Dr. Steve it had been able to grow stronger and healthy enough to survive outside the incubator. The premature birth left it delicate and frail it’s first few days of life. But now it was a healthy happy giggly baby.

Months had pasted and the little one went from being a pile of symbiote to being able to slightly hold a simple form managing to lift it’s little head it had looked similar to a snake.

It watched from their other parents arms as their father excitedly started decorating the house for the babies first Halloween. (No plastic skeletons of course). V remembers Eddie asking to hold the little one, who was squirming feeding off their father’s energy.

Planting one last kiss on the giggling baby’s head they handed it over to their darling Eddie. And he started enthusiastically talking about all the “fun we’re gonna get to have this month!”

V took the opportunity to sneak into the kitchen for a slice of pumpkin shaped chocolate cake with bright orange frosting then coming back into the living room to enjoy their treat with the family. Only to find their husband sitting crisscross with their baby in his arms and seeing the little snake like figure poke out as they both began watching the ever treasured Casper the Friendly Ghost.

The baby cooed at the TV with big bright eyes

“You’re gonna love this movie! Been my favorite since I was about your age.” Eddie brightly smiling with every word.

V’s soul melted in their body at sight of the two most precious people in all of the stars, in any galaxy. Safe full of love and happiness. Eddie sharing something that meant so much to him with his family, with their baby. No cake could honestly be as sweet as that moment.

….then again Eddie sometimes did drive them crazy with the Halloween stuff sometimes.

Like right now they absolutely refused to come back inside the bedroom. They where gonna sit and pout on this couch until Edward Brock and apologized with out laughing.

Baby long put to bed and house picked up from the little Halloween party they hosted with the few friends they did have.

They where separated V holding their humanoid shape. Eddie pressed against them. Both leaned up to one of the walls of their bedroom. The kisses and bites to their neck made their flesh tremble and back arch into him. His breath heating up as they stoked over the muscles of his stomach and chest, definitely better then any trick, V’s own delicious treat.

Eddie pulls away, both left with shivers of excitement. V pulls him closer again kissing at his jaw.

“What do you have planned love?”

He couldn’t resist them…but he couldn’t resist this even more…

He leans over to the side of their head. They excitedly await to hear how their handsome darling husband planned on ravishing them that night.

He starts in a whisper. “I want”

….then he stops and puts on that stupid fucking voice.

“ I vant to suck vou’re dick!”

He starts cackling near hollowing with laughter. Falls to his knees wheezing.

The hot arousal absolutely dowsed with the stupidity of his joke. If it could even be called a joke. And that was it, any kind of love making that night. Canceled. They walk out of the bedroom with a huff of annoyance, bruised pride, and the soaked ashes of what would have been a passionate fire of sex.

Eddie has slumped himself at the feet of the couch still wheezing, tears at the edges of his eyes begging them to come back to bed with him.

They refuse to sleep with Count Brock.

(slaps a pumpkin) This baby holds so much big Trick or Treat energy

Peter: ugh don’t you hate it when you run up the stairs and your ankles start cracking like crazy

Shuri: lmao you still have bones?

Peter whispering: ᵂʰᵃᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᵘᶜᵏ