When God Closes A Door I Shove My Sword Through The Gap At The Bottom And Swipe At His Ankles

How do I explain to the cops at my apartment complex that the reason my neighbors heard someone scream “homicide” “Arson” and “larceny” is because those are the names of the stray cats that stop by my apartment and an hour ago they were talkin shit

like for peace on earth

reblog to explode one car on the highway

My perfect mashed potatoes

The secret is in the water; literally, it’s IN the water.

See, when you boil potatoes, a lot of special starches and sugars and stuff leeches out into the water. When you drain the water before mashing them, you throw away a lot of good stuff, which is a big part of what makes mashed potatoes “dry” and bland, even when you add large amounts of cream and butter and things.

So don’t throw out any water.

Here’s how you do that:

First, cut your potatoes into smaller cubes than you probably do. (I’ve left the skins on for flavor and also, that’s where a lot of a potato’s nutrients are, like protien and iron and vitamins B and C, just to name a few)

The reason for cutting them smaller (besides avoiding giant peices of skin) is so that there is less space in the pot between each peice for water to fill, so you use less water to cook them. That’s important because you won’t be draining any water, so you can’t afford to have too much water! For the same reason, just barely cover them with water when they go on the stove.

But! Before you do that, put the pot on the stove with some butter, garlic, and seasonings; let the butter start to sizxle just a little then put most of a single layer of potatoes in the pan and let the brown and sear. Turn them, brown them on all sides, get ‘em fairly dark (I forgot to get a pic here because I was worried I’d burn the butter).

Ready? now throw the rest of the potatoes in right on top, and add your water, give them a stir. This way, you’re boiling in some of that lovely fried potato/french fry flavor.

Okay, so, as they cook, you may need to add a little water, not too much! ideally the very highest piece of potato will be poking just above the surface. Now, when your potatoes are really really soft, mash them directly into the water. Just pull them off the stove, leave all the water in, and start mashing. Trust me. At first you’ll think there’s too much water. If you get them mashed and they ARE a little too liquidy, just put ‘em back on the stove. You’ll have to stir often or constantly, but they will steam off additional water without losing any good stuff.

Now add some salt, and taste. Right?! And you haven’t even put in any cream or cheese or anything yet.

Speaking of which, you can use like, a third of the amount of butter or cream or anything, and they will still taste better than usual. So they taste better AND they are higher in nutrients AND lower in fats and salts! That’s a lot of win — enjoy your potatoes!

Fuck Columbus! Indigenous Rights! And happy Thanksgiving!

It is 11 pm

And I just got a phone call from the GCPD station. Y’all remember my old baseball team right?

Snake bit a police officer when asked to leave a protest. Skip and Homie managed to convince everyone they where all just high. And now I’m calling up Lucky and the gang to come help me break them out of the station early. So that’s how I’m spending my night. I’ll keep y’all updated.

A somewhat quick drawing of a Sentinel, one of my fav dragons due to how powerful they are. Also, their design is pretty cool.

“You lay your head upon a pillow made from the skin flayed off the bones of your enemies and yet you do not even lose a wink of sleep at night.”

He took a long sip from his juice box and said in calm voice barely concealing the anger within it, “First off, I have insomnia so it’s better to do a fact check before making random assumptions about people barely know, Asshole. ”

GUESS WHO GOT A (SORT OF) JOB BITCHES

So I’ve recently started volunteering at my local aviary shelter, doing the more maintenance jobs, like cleaning, washing food bowls and toys, changing light bulbs from time to time, fixing broken appliances, re teaching the owner how to use TikTok, things like that. I also help set up our stands and hand out flyers, and get attention to any of our fundraisers, which we sometimes do because other shelters need help. AND NOBODY THOUGHT TO TELL ME, THAT THE PENGUIN COMES IN REGULARLY . So I’m helping clean up for the night, and get asked “hey, can you stay with me a few more hours. Mya (one of our parrots) is sick, and I could use the extra help with whatever might come up, as she’s supposed to be under constant watch.” I get it, I really do, and I was worried about our sweet Mya just as much as they were, and so I agreed. The lights in the front started flickering, so I go up there to check on it/clean up. BUT GUESS WHO THE FUCK I SAW. THE ARCTIC BIRD HIMSELF, AGAIN. I’m confused thinking “are we getting robbed” when he smiles, waves and asks “not surprised you work here! I assume your helping keep an eye on Mya? Where is she?” I’m still a little baffled, so I just point to the back and he thanks me, meanwhile dialup noises are playing in my head as I try to figure out what the FUCK is goin on. So I go into the back and find him helping watch after Mya.

It’s been two hours. We’ve been sitting here talking about birds the whole time, and at some point the riddler showed up to “pick up his boyfriend” and we’ve started talking about the genetic relationship between vultures and storks

October is almost here, and everyone knows what that means!

Stay away from Spirit Halloween

HELP, WHATS THE NAME OF THAT ONE SONG, I THINK IT’S IN RUSSIAN, AN ANIMATOR MADE AN ANIMATIONMEME WITH IT ABOUT AN OWL DUDE THATS THE GOD OF BURIAL, I CANT REMEMBER THE NAME OF THE SONG

Hey Everyone! Sorry for not posting the results Saturday, but here we are!

Two-face. And let me tell you, he was in a BITCHY mood last week