“Kill Them With Kindness.” Of Course. Just Make Sure You Do Kill Them.

life is so hard i’m so glad it still manages to have the capacity to be really fucking funny

Things I Need:

1. An orgasm 2. Attention 3. $50,000

if you need me i will be internally screaming but being so normal and sexy about it

[on the verge of having a complete breakdown] i need to make some kind of list or perhaps sort things into categories

guy tries to toss a cigarette on the ground but the ground parries it and it flies back into his mouth and he solemnly continues to smoke it

a good way to inspire yourself to do more is to see yourself as the wacky sitcom B plot character in your friends lives, "wouldnt it be funny to tell the friends in my phone about it." has gotten me to do anything from going to a festival (excelent) to wild camping (it went badly) (coastguard called) to trying to get the train to stonehenge (stonehenge costs money so i ended up just getting lunch in sailsbury, it was okay.) i bought a bicycle today and 20% of my reasoning was "itd be funny to surprise my roommate by coming home with a whole bike." . life is for living. and baby i live for the bit.

being in college is either "wow this is great this is so much better than high school I love it here" or "I need to jump off of the roof of bleepus hall right fucking now"