Reflecting In Their Eyes

I loved reading this so much!
It sounds like you had a strong sense of your character from the start, and I admire that. In my case, she came to life gradually as I played and only later I realized how much the choices I made for her intuitively actually made sense and everything eventually fell into place.

My Tav is cautious and pragmatic too. She helps others when she can, but doesn’t stick her neck out unless there’s a reason. In quests, she’ll often avoid the responsibility for saving someone and making empty promises, but since the party usually heads that way anyway, they often end up helping regardless.

As a half-elf, she’s no stranger to the judgmental stares so it makes sense she’d stay on guard. My second Tav is a wild magic sorcerer and a drow, and the contrast is wild: Minthara was so sweet to her, but with my half-elf, she said something like “Oh, the Absolute is so kind, accepting even someone like you.” 😅 The hag also took jabs at her and Shadowheart for being of mixed blood. But since she grew up in a loving home in multicultural Baldur’s Gate, her outlook stayed open and curious.

Looking back, I think it was a bit out of character for her to accept Astarion’s invitation during the celebration but I was afraid it might lock me out of his route (and with where his approval was, that felt very likely). Besides, all other companions also seek Tav’s company that night, so it can be blamed on the overall euphoric atmosphere of the celebration.

I also get what you said about not connecting with a romance choice right away. My second Tav is trying to get to know Gale and while they have good chemistry, I don’t feel the same emotional roller coaster as I did with Astarion.

And yes, Astarion hardly ever talks about being a vampire - only in context of his condition as a vampire spawn, and always with bitterness. He clearly draws a line:

When you find the boar, he speaks about vampires like they're terrifying monsters, and his eyes say: “Is that how you’ll look at me too?”

When he talks about true vampires, there's no admiration - just revulsion for the “power-hungry beasts”

And when he rejects the idea of becoming a mind flayer, it’s always in terms of not wanting to turn into a monster again. Vampires are monsters to him. He didn’t want to become one and he doesn’t want to go through that again.

That’s why I don’t believe he ever truly wanted to ascend.

And that bear conversation? I only just found it this week while replaying to catch missed scenes, and this conversation is so meaningful and tells so much about Astarion it deserves its own post! You’re so right - he lays out his reasoning for seeking power in black and white: this is the world he knows, the world he has been living in. Either you dominate or be dominated. So in order to survive he has to become so strong that no one can even hurt him again. It’s only sensible.

I had no idea there are differences in the scenes after party depending on if you decided to protector destroy the Grove! Wow! For me it just proves once again that even if he approves some cruel actions on the surface, something doesn’t sit right with him underneath. He doesn’t just want a powerful or “ruthless” ally, he wants safety and a sense of control over his fate. A Tav who casually sides with those who dominate the weak may subconsciously remind him of the one who abused him - and he often compares such characters in the game to Cazador (like the Surgeon or Raphael). And the observation you shared just deepens my belief that he never really thrived on cruelty - he just thought he had to.

So even if approval points are important I also believe that it’s not necessary to follow the “approval point roadmap” exactly - it’s okay if Astarion disapproves when you decide to help someone out. He’ll notice kindness and feel real connection and that’s what matters the most. It also makes him so real too.

Starting from friendship is beautiful and probably exactly what he needs most. It feels closer to real life, too. It definitely felt too early for a romance to start in Act 1 but… I think what we have there is only an illusion of it, and the actual romance starts in Act 2 after Astarion’s confession. Then it becomes real.

Thanks again for your insights! I’ll definitely check out your posts. Glad we could connect! ✨

The Truth Behind the Mask

(1/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])

Even before I played, I kept stumbling upon Astarion fanart and memes that made me assume he was just some overrated character who was only popular because of his flirty, sassy attitude (I’m so sorry Q^Q). That’s why I didn’t have the best first impression even before I started.

And even in-game, when you first meet him, Astarion seems like a shallow, selfish and flirty guy - someone who doesn’t really care what others think and just follows his whims.

Couldn’t be further from the truth!

From what I’ve seen in some discussions on social media, though, a lot of players still hold that first impression - even after completing his route. I’ve even seen people call him a red flag, label him evil or say they were disappointed in general.

Also, I feel like most guides (at least the ones I’ve come across) simplify his character too much - mainly focusing on which choices will gain his approval or disapproval. Maybe that’s to avoid spoilers, but still. There are definitely other players who see the deeper layers too - so this is just my way of sharing my personal journey of discovering the real Astarion.

So, how did that first impression start to unravel? When checking with the guide and watching his reactions and body language, I started thinking about why the approval/disapproval tips work.

How Approval Looks on the Surface

Let’s look at some general tips for gaining Astarion’s approval points: 

choosing evil replies/actions 

seeking power 

siding with evil characters 

deceiving your opponents  

supporting his desires  

being understanding and accepting towards him 

(bonus one, haven’t seen guides mention this) sarcastic replies  

And disapproval points: 

making pompous heroic statements (like “Worry not! I shall save everyone!”) 

helping the weak 

being open about your party's situation (tadpoles)

being judgmental or unsupportive towards him  

naive/goodie-two-shoes responses  

In most cases, it is explained by his natural inclination towards evil forces and power, making Astarion seem like a self-centred and power-hungry vampire who might, with Tav’s influence, turn to become a bit of a better person. Or not. 

But while it’s technically true that those actions affect his approval, there’s much more nuance to why Astarion reacts the way he does - especially in the early stages.

So what's really going on?

The first contradiction that made me feel confused about the reasons for Astarion’s reactions was how nice Tav is being to him (of course, if you chose good replies during their interactions) – a person who is mean to everyone else would be just as mean to Astarion. It didn’t make sense to me; a kind and understanding Tav would fit much better in the story.  

So what is going on there? Why does Astarion need a kind and gentle Tav who is cold and dismissive to the rest of the world?

Because he is terrified.  

When we first meet our pale elf, he has just escaped (as in been kidnapped) from 200 years of slavery, humiliation and torture where his wellbeing completely depended on Cazador’s whims and every mistake meant punishment. Of course he’s paranoid. Of course he’s always calculating risk. 

It’s not about Tav’s choices being good or evil, it’s about their possible consequences for Astarion. He doesn’t want Tav to be evil, he just wants to feel safe. That’s all.  

Let’s Look at That List Again

So let’s look at his approval/disapproval list again: 

refusing to help someone - approve! we don’t want to risk 

seeking power - yes, please! power means safety!

siding up with evil characters - they are strong, so why not use this to our benefit? 

deceiving your opponents - we didn’t even have to fight and got want we wanted? don’t see a problem  

supporting his desires - maybe this time, I won’t have to fight for what I want

being understanding and accepting towards him - finally someone doesn't treat me as a monster

sarcasm - humor is our everything, especially when there’s nothing else left 

On the other hand:

making pompous heroic statements - you are saying these cringe things with a straight face AND putting us in danger? hard nope! 

helping the weak - no one helped me, why should we bother 

disclosing truth about their situation - have you heard about caution?!  

being judgmental or unsupportive towards him - no thanks, had enough of that

naive/goodie-two-shoes responses - are we going to be fine with a leader like that?..  

What Kind of Tav Does He Need?

Astarion isn’t looking for an "evil" Tav - he’s looking for safety. Well, technically, he isn’t looking for anyone at all. But the kind of Tav he opens up to tends to be:

pragmatic, cautious and clever

emotionally intelligent

non-judgmental

strong enough to lead and survive

That’s why he feels comfortable with a Tav who might choose to be distant toward strangers but treats him with consistent care. In this context it’s not suspicious, it’s sensible. He doesn’t expect help from the world, and he respects those who understand that reality. In a hostile world, survival is more likely in a group, so he clings to the party and tries to secure his place using the only tools he knows: charm, wit and usefulness. And a part of that strategy, making sure the leader favors him and he won’t be cast aside, leads to his initial approaches for Tav. But we’ll get into that more in another post.

So if Tav shows kindness to him? That’s exactly what he’s aiming for. And it doesn’t even matter that much if they still go out of their way to help others - because if the care they show him feels real, that already shifts something deep inside. That already gives him a reason to start hoping that this might be real.

The Mask

So there’s the charm, the flirtation, the flair for drama. Some players may read that as shallow or even foolish. But it’s not. It’s a mask - one he’s worn so well and for so long that it feels real. It’s what kept him alive under Cazador for the last 200 years.

But if you keep going, if you give him time and space to feel safe, you start to see it slip. The closer Tav gets to him, the more glimpses we get of his real self - thoughtful and warm, wary and sharp, sometimes silly and awkward, and, beneath it all, deeply hurt. And if you stay with him through to the end, when he finally feels safe enough to stop performing, his whole demeanor changes. He’s calmer. More grounded. Still witty - but in a different way.

Still Astarion. Just more himself.

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Facing Vampire Spawns

(7/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])

(This part is less about analysis and more about how I personally approached this moment in my game, and the reasoning behind the choices I made. It isn't the only way, of course, but it felt right for Astarion and my Tav and the dynamic between them.)

There’s a moment when Cazador’s other vampire spawn appear, trying to capture Astarion and drag him back so their master can perform the Rite. They believe they’ll get to ascend too - but we know Cazador was lying.

At this stage in the story, Astarion still wants to perform the ritual himself - he doesn’t even want to hear anything against it. So when the spawns appear, he starts lying to them - saying that if they help him, they’ll get their revenge and live on, fully knowing the Rite would require their deaths.

There are two dialogue options Tav can choose in this moment:

(Persuasion) “Have you no heart, Astarion? You’re asking them to die for you.”

(Deception) “He’s free of Cazador’s command. You should follow him. He’ll save you.”

In theory, the first seems like the “right” option for a morally good Tav. But I didn’t like it - not here, not like this. It sounded too much like calling Astarion out in front of everyone, even after promising to support him. And sure enough, choosing that line raises approval with other companions… but lowers it with Astarion. He replies bitterly: “Don't look at me like that, I can't be who you want to see in me.”

We know he can, but he just doesn’t know that yet! And he is not ready either. Which is actually fair, because even though he's so sweet deep inside, he never hid from Tav how his own well-being was always a priority for him, from the beginning of their travel, and that he wanted to perform a ritual for himself.

(Isn’t it amazing how much he trusts them, never hiding his intentions and plans from Tav - when we clearly see that even the rest of their party disapprove?)

It's not even the first time Tav heard about his intentions, so bringing it up now feels less like a heartfelt plea and more like a tactical move to stop him - a betrayal, in his eyes, especially coming from someone he trusted. Which could be valid for a lawful good Tav, but it would also mean sacrificing the trust and understanding between them (not in the game, of course, you will just get a disapproval, but realistically it wouldn't pass without consequences).

I felt like discussing it and sharing your opinion was fairer to Astarion, that's why I went with the second option. Almost every other companion disapproved, but for me, that was the moment Tav showed they truly accepted Astarion as he was - in that moment. Not the person they hoped he would become. Just as he is.

So for me, it wasn't about deceiving the spawns, but about showing that Tav truly is on his side, without pushing him into something he wasn’t ready for yet. They don't try to fix or change Astarion - they are just there, grounding and patient, gently nudging him towards the light and believing in him. Respecting his autonomy and reminding him that there is more to him than survival instincts and revenge. Because Astarion can be a person who chooses kindness, but he needs to come to this realization himself.

Later, after the fight is over, you can have a private conversation. This is the time when he can feel safe and listen without being defensive. And Tav can softly raise that question: "Are you ready to sacrifice them?"

And now, indeed, Astarion is open to discuss it. He shrugs his shoulders, brushing it off - they are just vampire slaves. We talked about this in my previous post. He can’t put himself on the same level with them, it is too much: he is afraid to feel helpless again and he has to dehumanize them to be able to proceed with the rite.

When Tav asks if he doesn’t sympathize with those who share his plight, Astarion says that no one ever looked out for him. "You're the only one. Other people don't have a heart like you. You are you. No one is like that."

At first, for me, it sounded unrelated to the question. But it all kind of falls into place now. He is defensive here - probably because he understands how wrong it would be to sacrifice them. But he can't let himself think about it. He chooses to ignore the voice of sense, the voice of Tav advising him against the rite. He shuts himself down because he needs to do it - it promises everything he craved. Safety, freedom, perfect revenge. So he throws at Tav excuses, an attempt to justify and explain why:

This is the world he lives in. This is how things work. How he spent two centuries. What Cazador inflicted on him - be strong or be nothing. The one in power has the right to decide.

And Tav is an exception. A miracle, maybe. Something that wasn't supposed to happen but somehow did. But it doesn't change the rules.

When Tav says that the world can be kinder or that there will be others who care about him - approval rises even though he does not believe in it yet. But maybe he wants to.

It is a great detail how Astarion keeps saying this is also for Tav’s sake - while he is still desperately trying to grab at something that can guarantee his freedom. This might be just another excuse he is making to justify his ways, but for me, it does show the shift in him: Astarion is moving from a priority on self-preservation towards opening up to protecting someone else he cares about.

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Sharess’ Caress: Trying to Feel Whole

(10/? part of “Astarion: In Search of True Self” — [masterpost here])

When we first arrived at Sharess’ Caress during my initial playthrough, I simply said no, and we moved on. But later, I saw others mention something Astarion says during the encounter with the twins - and I realized I needed to see it to understand him better.

I tried returning to Sharess' Caress from the old save file, where we haven't finished his personal quest yet. But the dialogue didn't go the way I saw it discussed, so after researching, I realized that the interactions are different, depending on when you come to the place - before defeating Cazador or after.

But in the end, I couldn't make myself go with it, not with my Tav, Roanael, so in the end I just watched a recording on YouTube (//v;)

If it happens before Cazador, Astarion gently but firmly declines the offer to spend a night with Tav and the drow twins. And it is wonderful to see him feeling safe enough to draw this line and protect his boundaries.

If you say you wouldn’t make him do it, he says, “Don’t be so nice to me! It makes me want to be nice back…” - it is framed like another joke, but he looks touched and sad at the same time.

If you decide to go alone, he shows some disapproval and concern - "Enjoy yourself, of course, but I dearly hope you aren't only having sex because we haven't in a while."

I feel he is trying to hide how much it actually bothers him that he might not be enough, that he can't give you want you want... and that you want it so much you can't wait for him, you still need it here and now, no matter who would be your partner.

Interestingly, this doesn’t even lower his approval (unlike, say, Gale’s) - maybe because Astarion doesn’t feel he has a right to disapprove. But that doesn’t make it any less painful.

What surprised me is that if you go there after defeating Cazador and finishing Astarion’s ark, he agrees, saying now that he is free, he is ready to try doing this again. Astarion tries to sound enthusiastic. He even reassures Tav that if he doesn’t like something, he will run away. But his laugh sounds almost hysterical.

If Tav goes with this alone, Astarion comments: “You have a type, don't you? Elven prostitutes? Again? It's rather embarrassing, dear.”

And while Tav and Astarion are spending time with the drow twins, he says all sorts of things like they are dealing with a professional, and he is being very attentive to everyone, but Tav notices that it’s all instinctual, and he is far away at the moment, clearly dissociating.

This place and situation trigger a lot of traumatic memories. And it also shows that even after we defeated Cazador and Astarion overcame his fear and decided to start a new life - he is still healing, it’s not like he magically recovered in a moment.

This whole episode in the brothel with Astarion is very difficult to see (I'd say it's horrible to do to him, if he didn't agree to this himself when he didn't have to) - but it also shows how deep his wounds are. Even after Cazador is gone, his shadow is still there: even if there is no one forcing him now, he does it to himself, cornering himself into the same patterns without realizing it.

Tragically, once Astarion agrees, the game doesn't allow Tav to change their mind, even if it's clear how distressed he is. But as they proceed, Tav can't help but notice just how skilful and gorgeous Astarion is in bed. He notices their eyes on him and asks why they are looking at him like this, and there is an option to reply, “Just making sure you’re okay.” And Astarion’s reaction is: “I wish to drink… And to be drunk.”

Honestly... it sounds a bit out of place, but it makes it even worse. Because it is not sensual. It is not said of intoxication by pleasure. It's numbness. Falling apart into the same state of performance as those thousands of times when he laid down on his back before.

But the way Astarion tries to push through is not a weakness - it shows how deeply he wants to feel whole again, even if he doesn’t yet know what that looks like. He’s trying to prove to Tav, but even more to himself: I’m free now. I can do this. I’m normal.

And it hurts because he shouldn’t have to.

Because healing is slow, messy, with ups and downs - and that’s perfectly fine.

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After learning about that quote on Astarion's shirt in EA, I couldn't stop thinking about it. So I had to try to put it into words somehow:

"Could I kiss you?" you ask, still feeling that bashful flutter in your stomach. But he hums, visibly pleased with the idea.

"How could I say no?"

You smile, struggling to hold a wide grin that threatens to make you look like a fool in love. Which you helplessly are, no doubt.

You lean in, and your lips brush in a soft kiss - familiar, gentle. But when your hand settles on his shoulder, your fingers pause.

“What’s this?” you murmur, fingertips tracing an uneven spot in the fabric you haven’t noticed before.

"Oh, that." He barely glances over, already knowing what you mean. "It’s nothing... just something I made, a long time ago."

He takes a small step back, looking away, his eyes distant again. You wait, daring not to pull him back just yet. You let him decide. And he does, letting out a sigh and looking back with the same vulnerability that turns your heart inside out.

"It was something I made as a reminder, back when there wasn’t much to hold onto. When I was at... his place."

That piercing gaze is full of honesty and careful trust.

"It sounds important. What is it about?.."

You take a small step closer, tilting your head to get a better look, but you wait for permission. He hesitates for a moment but spreads the folds of the shirt, revealing a neat, eloquent line of words embroidered under the waves of ruffles, close to the heart.

"It says - lamentable is the autumn picker content with plums."

You reach out to touch the letters, and he remains still, watching you with the familiar intensity you didn't know you needed in your life. The silence is comfortable. You turn the words in your mind, catching the meaning.

You picture him bent over this shirt, needle in hand, stitching that one stubborn hope into the fabric he kept mending for too many times. Something no one could take. A reminder that even then, he was longing for more.

"I was a plum picker back then," he continues as his fingers softly tuck a lock of your hair behind your ear, taking their time, hovering over your skin, his eyes pensive. "Forced to live on bruised fruits and scraps. I had to remember there was more. There had to be more, even if I didn't know how it looked."

You turn your head, leaning into his touch, and look into his eyes.

“What about now?” you whisper.

He meets your gaze quietly, talking a moment to think, as if he’s still learning the answer himself.

“Now... I think I do.”

Our cute puppy 🥰

She has a point .-. Besides, we can get an achievement “Sing to Snape and survive”

Wow, wasn’t that bad after all!

He probably does think we are weird tho ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Shen Qiao with literally everyone:

When Yan Wushi is nearby:

It’s hard to imagine, right, Murphy? x)

✨Pinterest Blind Date✨

I just happened to see this post from @litsenn and it looked fun so I’m joining in :3

Rules: Pinterest is setting you up on a blind date! Search the following and post the result:

Fictional Character, Date, gift, Outfit, dessert, Love quote.

That’s not something I’d wear 🤔 But Astarion is so cute here and I love the quote, it’s perfect 😭❤️