This Is The Story Of Stanley. No No No Not You, Stanley. You Can Stay And Continue Whatever Mind-numbingly

This is the story of Stanley. No no no not you, Stanley. You can stay and continue whatever mind-numbingly boring work you've been doing for the past however many years. I'm talking about the Stanley Cup™️! Yes, this Stanley Cup™️ (a spinning model of a Stanley Cup appears on the screen). Well, isn't it beautiful! I got one recently, since everyone went NUTS over them and I had to see why. And now I see. Believe me, Stanley. I saw it the moment I put one in my hand. My body filled with warmth and feeling of the most sincere childlike happiness. It was- Actually, I don't think my explanation does it justice. (the cup spawns above the table in front of Stanley and falls off it comically) Look! Look!! Oh how magnificently this Stanley Cup™️ shines in the lights of your office, Stanley! The man, I mean of course! It's yellow! Quite a lovely color. My favorite one, in fact. This Yellow Stanley Cup™️ was the last one in the store as well! I was so lucky that moment. Not that it would detract from the euphoric experience if it was any other color. (every playthrough the color is different and every time he says it's his favourite)

I clearly see a question spark up in your eyes: (does that one high creaky voice) "Hey, what do you actually do with this so-called "Stanley Cup™️"?". And as an owner of one, I'm happy to answer! Well, let's start with the obvious. You see… It's a cup! Like a bucket but smaller! Wait, not that small, a bit bigger, yes that's about right. It does whatever your cup you store unchewed pencils in does! The company making those says that Stanley Cup™️ 99% compatible with all fluids, non-fluids and other substances a cup is. I wonder what that one percent is about. Ahem. Secondly, yes, that's not all, it has a small cap! You put it on and voila! Your hot tea stays cold for a long longer than it would in any non-Stanley™️ cup! Thirdly, it plainly gives you a feeling of safety. I don't know how I would fare in a burning car with it but I certainly will take it to my business meetings! It probably will prevent any fear of a raise or a promotion.