Funny Story! I Do Write My Own Stuff. And You Are The One Reblogging A Post To Argue. Instead Of Making

Your gender is now the first randomized wikipedia article you get. No rerolls.

Bro is like 6’5 and the worst part about it is that he’s pretty broad and muscular, too. He’s literally massive. It’s impossible to lose him

Sirius is soooo tall like you'll have to look up to see his face, and you'll never lose him in crowds because he's towering over everyone.

HOW DO I GET JEGULUS OFF OF MY FEED? HOW? I’M HERE FOR WOLFSTAR AND SUNFLOWER AND DORLENE NOT JEGULUS PEASE HELP.

So anyways Sirius buys way, way too many presents for everyone and spends way, way too much money. The worst part is that he’s also really good at gifting, so he buys a shit tonne of really great gifts. Remus buys fewer, very meaningful, very good gifts, but he prefers making memories in place of physical gifts. This isn’t to say he isn’t ecstatic when Sirius wakes him up on Christmas morning, nor is it to say that he doesn’t giggle like a little kid when he sits in a mountain of wrapping paper with his new things.

Methinks that this is a very good summary of our Moony

Remus John Lupin is a dorky nerd in tweed and cardigans who is only strong enough to carry books around, and lets everyone walk all over him, and cries when people go on discriminatory tangents about werewolves/queer people, and makes Sirius help him study, and folds his underwear/socks, and drowns in jumpers that are too big because he’s so skinny that he has to choose between them being long enough or tight enough, and he’s always cold, and he has back joint/back pain, and has a snort-laugh, and a little overbite you can only see when he smiles, and his clothes have elbow/knee patches, and he never gets angry because he’s so scared of being a monster

Closeups under the cut!

Big spoons: Sirius, Lily, Dorcas, Frank, Pandora

Little spoons: Remus, James, Marlene, Alice, Xenophilius

When Harry is born, Sirius is dead terrified of holding him. He will do literally anything to avoid it. He spills hot coffee on his arm when Lily offers the first time, playing it off as an accident. He lies that he hurt his elbow in a battle when James tries to hand Harry over. He casts a wordless, wandless spell on his arm to cover it in rashes, saying he shouldn’t, just in case it’s contagious, when Remus tries to pass Harry to him. He comes up with excuses every single time. He lies to Lily, to James, to Remus, Peter, Mary, Marlene, Dorcas, Emmeline, Frank, Alice, and everyone else who comes into contact with Harry and him.

Everyone, after two months of this, assumes that Sirius just doesn’t like babies and isn’t willing to say it to them, for some reason. When James finally corners him, handing him Harry because “he’s your godson! You can’t go your entire life avoiding him. How do you expect to bond with him if you won’t even let him hold your finger?” Sirius awkwardly holds the kid, every muscle in his body tense, tears in his eyes, shaking, genuinely petrified. James takes Harry back and finally presses Sirius until he spills.

Sirius adores Harry. He doesn’t love kids, generally, but his nephew, his godson, is the exception. That doesn’t change the fact that he is terrified of the idea of hurting Harry. He’s so scared that his upbringing has permanently fucked something in his brain up and, if he gets into close contact with a kid, that something will be triggered. He’s terrified that he, if presented with an innocent, sweet, adorable child, could become the monsters that raised him.

Jokes on you, he crochets as well

Sirius: “No I’m normal everyone thinks Remus is the hottest person alive”

Remus: excuses himself from a party after 10 minutes bc he wants to go knit. Wearing the most heinous jumper even your grandfather would shy away from. Blacks out after one (1) beer. Dies if someone makes eye contact with him. Sits awkwardly in the corner trying not to cry when he has to stay in a party for too long (fails every time). Bones pop 87 times every time he stands up. Cannot sit on the floor or he will need to be picked up bc his back is so bad. Asks Sirius + James + Peter to kiss his booboos bc his mummy used to do it and it made it feel better. Always has at least 3 books on him but needs Sirius to carry them bc he’s too weak. Hates smoking bc he’s worried about cancer. Very awkward. Loser.