Open Up Your Eyes, Shut Your Mouth And See.

i feel like getting your heart broken could be an interesting experience but i have never even liked anyone so i really don't know what it feels like aside from reading tragic books and listening to heartbreaking songs

me and who?

when you wake up, your whole world’s flipped. it’s just different, and you know you gotta go with it, and that’s just simply growing up, and not see it in a negative way. you have to see it as it’s been given to you. i mean, as much as times can be crazy, you’re going to feel like that’s where you’re supposed to be, you’re not going to feel out of place anymore, you’re going to feel like that’s where you were meant to be. you don’t have to pretend that it’s easy all the time, you just let it go and grow with it and you can’t hold on to the old ‘you’ or the old ‘this’ or the old ‘that’ because, you know, you change. and its not changing in a bad way, its just changing because thats what happens in life. you grow up, everyone moves on, you’re just learning. you stay true to yourself. changing isn’t a bad thing; it never was, but at the end of the day, you know, you’re the same person, and where your heart is, that doesn’t change.

shawn mendes (from his new song “understand”)

I might look okay on the outside but on the inside, I want to go on a library date

Nanjing and Hangzhou by 木白-文

Find what you love and let it kill you.

- Charles Bukowski

i dont have any advice for you im just here to say im in a very similar boat [it always makes me feel better to know im not 100% alone after all]

but i also struggle with figuring out if im aromantic or if i just have high standards, and then i dont even know if those standards are actually high or if its simply that people rarely pursue me [and even then is it because they arent interested or is it because i dont put myself out there?] like the idea of dating someone feels incorrect, but is it because i think i wouldnt get anything out of it or is it because i cant see someone ever seeing me that way? do i set myself up for failure and only get interested in people who i Cannot Have because im just generally self sabotaging or because i dont want to be with anybody? i dont think theres any real way to know other than to date people, but thats a task that seems impossible to me.

anyways, have a good day! i hope you enjoy what you read and find lots of time to do it.

oh how the world works, out of all the people you meet in life to find the first one to voice something so perfectly similar to my experience on tumblr! but that actually means so much, i was writing those words into the void without expecting anyone to see and seeing your message was extremely hopeful, thank you so much for putting it all into words!!

i feel like i could be okay with being aromantic and except it for what it is but how hard it is to to understand those feelings and know for sure. no one ever seems to feel this way, everyone around have their crushes on people at all times but i just never understood it, you know? only those unattainable figures, but even so i feel like with time i would lose interest and no single person would ever be able to hold my attention for long. or maybe i just never knew anyone on that personal level where you love someone unconditionally. i feel like love exists only as a concept but never in reality, it all feels so hollow.

and oh, i actually wanted to have a little experiment and maybe just try going on a date? just to see what all the fuss is about. but every chance i got close to doing it, i immediately retreated and i never seem to find the courage to do it. i don't want to lead other people on when i know that it would only be an opportunity to check that experience out of "want to try" list.

you say that the idea of dating feels incorrect to you and i also can't even imagine a situation where i would be comfortable with someone in relationship. it takes a lot of work and trust and maybe i am too selfish for that.

maybe there's no way of knowing but to live and see where it takes you. i hope you find your answers with time! and that whatever it is it would bring you comfort. maybe you would meet someone and would be able to heal. and if you are actually aromantic, it is probably just as good. society was built around this romantic love concept but it's not all there is, the world is huge and a lot of things can bring you happiness! thank you again!!

i almost wish shakespeare WASNT fucking popular i mean can u imagine encountering the iconique™ quotes for the first time without having them dulled by constant pop culture repetition and out-of-context attribution… can u imagine watching romeo and juliet and knowing bc of the prologue that it’s all gonna go to shit but not knowing HOW, can u imagine reading “these violent delights have violent ends, which, as they kiss, consume” for the first time and going BERSERK and how about “we are such stuff as dreams are made on” or “tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury signifying nothing” can u imagine reading “i am one who loved not wisely but too well” without ever having encountered it before can u CONCEIVE of not knowing the to be or not to be speech and then seeing it come from the mouth of an anguished suicidal young person driven out of his mind by grief and rage. ALSO IMAGINE UNEXPECTEDLY READING “EXIT PURSUED BY A BEAR.” LIKE EVEN IN CONTEXT ITS SO ???? but sometimes i think of how people would have encountered this stuff back before it got lauded by so many bad people idk it just. is truly just WRITING and i often wish it didnt have the social role it has so people could treat it as text that isnt on a pedestal and just Encounter these plays as the old, unfaded, unfolding stories they are. because my god its GOOD and it’s MOVING and it’s RAW. “there’s a special providence in the fall of a sparrow” “self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin as self-neglecting” “i live with bread, like you: feel want, taste grief, need friends…” my Mind is Bleeding out my Ears