I Just Miss Him Honestly

we are always enough.

there are those who will say we will never be enough.

But the truth is we were always more than enough. And they hate us for it.

every year around this time i am shocked that its dark at 5pm and i will continue to be…. its so fucking rude of the sun to leave early bitch YOUR SHIFT ISNT OVER

okay im feelin better but still sad

i feel tonight as a being wrapped in old memories.

They are cloying and drip with slick and cold silver strings. A web of fear to enclose my little heart.

In this darkening void, i knew where the edge was. I still willingly walked out onto thin air.

I could understand that I, myself, am a being of lack and disgust

I know what makes a void like me too heavy for any surface to support

Yet how stupid am I to be surprised when i fell.

I have been caught in such a web again,

my fingers sliding off it’s wet surface,

deeper and deeper i slip away from the surface.

I can do nothing but grasp at empty air.

I wonder when the dark will claim me again.

the way wilbur says “you look so cute when you’re so angry, if i’m going down, you’re coming with me” IS SO TENDER FOR NO REASON

i am miserable.

it is a “cry in the shower” kind of day.

A “fill your ears with water and hug your knees close” kind of day.

And i am a miserable creature who had to sit down in the shower today.

This is the kind of day that eats up every ounce of energy you have. It leaves you breathless while you lie on your side, mixing the salt on your face with the salt in the sea.

It is not a nice ocean that greets me this morning.

He tells me there is an end to it somewhere.

All I see is more waves.

I am holding cold water to my chest. Hearing rain pound against my eardrums. Feeling more water batter my already bruised skin.

And I am so tired.

when does this all end.?

i am

so

tired.

ah the sun rose so all my shadows must be banished to

somewhere

else?

do not hurt me. i come in many emotionally traumatized pieces 👽

i’ve been living

and thinking recently.

its been nice.

i saw the book moby dick and my first thought was “moby dick. more like move ure dick im gay”