This Is A Genuinely Impressive Edit.

Thoughts on the weak nuclear force?

I try not to

Is there like a cure for constantly being horny?

It's been -78 days since the last day i didn't randomly think about gay sex and that's only if you count the day i realized i didn't think about gay sex which is still technically thinking about gay sex. If you don't I have no clue what it's like to not have your thoughts filled with AGGRESSIVE GAYNESS.

Samus Aran (Metroid Series)

Conlang whose pronouns are made by shooting guns

Direct/Indirect reference is controlled by shooting at a target either directly or indirectly Direct Reference: I : Pistol You: Rifle We: Landmine Royal we: Claymore Ya'll/They: Shotgun. For larger groups, grapeshot cannons or howitzers are acceptable alternatives Indirect Reference: I: Though it makes no sense to refer to yourself indirectly, you may do so by firing into the air and running to the location the round will land. You: Rifle/Bow aimed to arc onto the target. (Bows are typically used in more formal settings) We: Grenade(thrown directly up; a held grenade is still direct reference) Royal We: Grenade(Thrown away from yourself) All of You/They: Artillery The degree of politeness is determined by hitting different locations. Highest/Formal: Head. General/Acquaintances: Torso Casual/Familial or Close Friends: Limbs. Missing is considered derogatory.

Though there is more to the language, the sentence structure is SOV, with the addressee spoken first. No one has actually gotten more than 2 words into the language until the advent of Kevlar.

everywhere i go everyone compliments me on the particle cannons i attached to my body. they say things like "those look effective against armored targets, and also very precise" and then i blush cutely and obliterate a scrap car

I tried not to make a sound but to them the lack of self-confidence wriggling in my head around is deafening.

They're just sitting on the window sill....staring at me.

"The next time you observe an American robin in your yard, notice how they curiously tilt their heads. They do this to listen for juicy worms."

wake up babe the robins can hear your brainworms and they're after you

futilitarian

Something that is utilitarian in its futility.

it’s on the mouse - barmaid edition

I invented a new flavor of ice cream called "psy-op". It's like Neapolitan but instead of actually having different flavors in each stripe it's just cream flavored.

it's incomprehensible how much of my brainpower is spent CONSTANTLY THINKING ABOUT SUCKING DICK

Is there like a cure for constantly being horny?

It's been -78 days since the last day i didn't randomly think about gay sex and that's only if you count the day i realized i didn't think about gay sex which is still technically thinking about gay sex. If you don't I have no clue what it's like to not have your thoughts filled with AGGRESSIVE GAYNESS.