BLACK LABEL LINE STICKER  #3

Pawn & Sword

This summer I had been asked by @chibimyumi to make a version of Pawn & Sword Reprise that was singable in English. Taking her translation, and working on it bit by bit over the past 7 months or so, I came up with this version, which conservatively keeps a lot of the original wording, which I felt was rich in imagery and poetic to begin with and added a lyrical touch to better fit the sounds in English.

For anyone interested, yes, I listened to this song on repeat for hours, weeks on end like a fiend to match the right sounds. It’s become one of my auditory stims now. Haha

Japanese poetry and lyrics are for the majority narrative, sparing with images, just enough to give you a feel or sense of the image like smoke.

If I were to elaborate, without keeping strictly to lyrics and only focusing on concepts the imagery would have been far greater. More like page poetry. But not singable perhaps?

I have sung this several times now tweaking it and perhaps it will be tweaked more, now that I have time. But not a lot.

Here are the notes I kept while working on it. If you think these are a lot, imagine the work a translator goes through to figure out how the original should be. Please go lavish @chibimyumi with praise for her translation work and so forth. It’s some of the most tiring work ever.

(I have professional linguist/ translator friends, I hear all about it)

If anyone is so inclined I would very much take pleasure in hearing karaoke or a cover of the song using these lyrics, just to test how well of a job I’ve done. please.

Pawn and Sword Reprise: Annotated transcription - Brooke Nilsson.

(1)Your (2) relentless (3) wishes

(4)surpass your (tiny) form (5) .

(6)Wishful eyes of despair. Greedy soul!

(7) I shall be

the One to grant

Your wish.

I will be your power

Your invincible pawn!

(8)Monochrome dissonance

Plays out on this stage

Until silenced.

———–

1. /Your/ the song needed to open on a similar hard sound to Gouyoku, it’s important that openings and endings sound the same in both languages otherwise it throws the whole song off.

2. relentless: this is synonymous and gives an almost identical image to ‘welling”, it has connotations with swiftness, hard, unending tasks and treatment and is also synonymous with revenge, using it tells you the nature of the wishes.

3. Wishes is the cannon word, it is more specific than desire (this has been used in other translations), which has deeper romantic/sexual connotations and is not specific. The 3 wishes reference.

4. This is a creepy joke going on in the original which is part of Sebastian’s intent, but in English, doesn’t fit the elegance of the rest of the song. I went with the implied image of the wishes being grander than the size of the wisher. Surpass has connotations of fast, upward movement, and mobility both physically and in a class sense. It sounds British. Tiny can be inserted to reinforce the original concept, but it might be cumbersome? try it out.

5. Form vs. Body: A note about Anglo-Saxon origin words vs. Latinate. Anglo-Saxon origin words are rougher and heavier in sound, they add weight to a word, but are notably harder to sing and less elegant. Latinate origin words have smoother flowing sounds and are easily sung. While these two words mean the same thing, the Latinate carries connotations of elegance, education, and sophistication (cold, snobby, sadist) which suits Sebastian. The quickest way to differentiate class and vocal tone in English is to use Latinate vs. Anglo-Saxon. (small vs. tiny: same as described)

6. This is a compounding of the original concept/image described in this line. I moved the mention of greed from the first line to here, as it works better as a form of address and reinforces the other concepts. The same goes for the next line.

7. These two words carry the weight of ownership over a task: /Shall/ indicates “determination, obligation, something owed”. It comes from Proto-Indo-European and is the origin of the word “shield, debt, guilt, blame, fault, it is also proper present tense. (formal British). /Will/ indicates wish/desire, to do something, be used, to choose. It is future tense. It comes from Latin word vel “wish”: to satisfy, be stuffed. will/wish synonymous. (These are all archaic and 19th century Sebastian hunger centric words, for that reason this entire song is one of the best Lord/vassal oath ballads I’ve read, in epic poetry.) The last line is unchanged as it is iconic.

8.I felt that there was importance to this already being in English, so I kept it. Monochrome (ancient Greek origin) doesn’t mean the contrast of black/white, it is the opposite, the sameness. It can be any colour but only one colour, of different shades. In photography it means greyscale. But the archaic form is more precise. This metaphor is used to describe moral ambiguity/hypocrisy. Everyone assumes they have higher/different motivations but in reality, the motives are all the same. (especially in the Madame Red arc) Dissonance is conflict, harshness of sounds. I interpreted this verse to mean the resolution of the conflict, everything suddenly becoming clear and audibly silent. The mention of the stage, it’s a nice sophisticated way of saying everything will be resolved in the next act.

————-

Ciel:

Sebastian Michaelis

Your name affixed

Sealed with our contract

The demon

fallen into my grasp. (9)

Sebastian:

Even if my body dies

your heart’s desire will be fulfilled

For I am your faithful servant.

Ciel:

I do not seek happiness

(10) Not for anyone’s sake or my own

Until my revenge, until that day

I will move ever forward

Sebastian:

Maddening, noble form

exuding that alluring scent

You are my beautiful lord

If it is your wish…

Sebas: To anywhere – I shall guide you

Ciel: To anywhere – at my command

Sebas: Even in dreams, your shadow

Ciel: Swear to me –

Sebas: Secretly

Ciel: Your loyalty

——–

9.The English phrase for this concept is “fallen into my lap”. I took inspiration from Nayuta’s grasping upwardly into the air when he sings this, and felt the concept best understood as “fallen into my grasp” meaning to hold unexpected power over something, to gain power unexpectedly.

10. This line about Ciel’s motivation is often the least well understood. The idea that he is seeking revenge out of principle, duty, despite knowing that it won’t bring him or anyone else happiness. My take is that he is fulfilling a duty, satisfaction coming from the idea that no one thought he was capable of anything, yet here he is doing this task. It can be seen/felt as selfish proving yourself this way. This concept comes up a lot in disability discourse.

——–

Sebas:

(11)Bound by the threads of fate

Between dreams and reality

At the edge of reason

Wanders your soul

While the pages of your story still turn

I’ll continue to light your lamp

(12) Shielding your soul–

Even if your throne should fall

And your shimmering crown, rust away

And the dead pile towers high–

I shall heed

Until I hear your final call!

——

11./The borders of black and white/ in this context I decided that the concept here referred to ‘mental twilight’ or reason/sanity.This gets referred to a lot in the series. The threads of fate concept I rearranged the lines to give them the alliteration of the original and better narrative order in English and make it singable. Ending lines on n/l or a vowel is a professional tip.

12.The concept of preservation being sung of here, /shielding/ is a synonym for preservation and ties back to the original concept of the vows */shall/ being made. The ripening of the soul I left to subtext as this concept is redundant to the rest.

💙✨❤️

Helloooo gang!

New fic uploaded~ now feat. @binkyisonline beautiful art <33

Echo x Hunter! Omegaverse! Mpreg! Smut! Heat!

What more can you ask for??

Apologies for the OOC, it’s clone cats！

Scans of the pictures of Uchikawa Reo as Ciel Phantomhive and Furukawa Yuta as Sebastian Michaelis from the pamphlet of Kuroshitsuji Musical “Tango on the Campania”. . Scans from my own pamphlet. Please, always credit the artists, the musical and my tumblr if sharing. Thank you.

The ED on the last Stone Ocean episode features a very special song 🦋💙

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