I Don't Understand This Feeling I Care For This Person So Much And I Want Them To Be Happy And Have Everything

It’s cute how people think I’ll get better

me: im gonna go deep tonight

me: im gonna hit beans

me: im gonna multiswipe

me: i will go deeper than ever before

me: i will need stitches

me: i will rip my flesh from my bones

me: i will get so bad that people will stare

me: i will be valid

me: i will bleed out and die

me: i will stain this ground forever with my blood

me that night: does 2 cat scratches 🤡

Just when you think you’ve reached the bottom, the ground splits again

Us

circusfr0wn

Another vent

Tw sh, sa, child neglect

If any of this triggers you please dont read any further

I have this friend ill call m for this that is really making me want to sh. Basically when I was younger I was sa as a child by my birth mom (who im no longer with or in contact with) and now I'm adopted by my aunt.however my 3 sister all younger than me are living in foster care with my grandpa now m knows all of this and more that I won't get into but she thinks she can tell me about my situation. I try to explain to her that I think of them as my half siblings since we all have different dads but my friend says that's not how it works and I get it might not but that term feels right to me but today she crossed the line.We were In class talking about families and we got to siblings and we had to raise are hands I wasn't going to since she was going to ask questions I knew I couldn't answer them(I saw them for the first time in 7 years a month ago and know their names only)but my friend made me put my hand up and got mad at me when I said I felt like I shouldn't and she kept persisting so I snapped at her and said that it's my life not yours and you don't and I feel like a shit friend for getting mad at her.but it makes me mad at m since she knows I was sa and neglected but she still says stuff like that and makes me feel like shit for even trying to to tell.i feel like a horrible friend and don't know how to fix this

If read all of this thank you for listening

If you have any advice or want to share a story feel free to say anything

𝐇𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞,

𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐭

𝐒𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐲? 𝐌𝐲 𝐠𝐨𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐞

@wormwhichdrinkspepsi

Do you think of me as often as I think of you?

when you say something then feel a tightness in your chest, knowing that what you said will have repercussions but it's too late to take it back