I’m All Dressed Up And I Don’t Like It.

Mr. Malcolm’s List is complete fluff with little weight or substance, but clearly everyone involved knew that and decided to make a sweet little film. The story is harmless, though I do wish Julia was the main protagonist--the actress playing her was clearly having the time of her life and she carried the movie on her back every step of the way. 

Mr. Malcolm himself was incredibly...boring. Every time he opened his mouth I stifled a yawn. Seriously, could the casting director not have found someone more...anything. I don’t see how anyone could stay mad at this guy or have any strong emotions about him at all--he’s just way too bland. I’m not entirely sure if this is the actor’s fault, the writing, the bland character to begin with, or the directing, but all of these things come together to make a truly forgettable character.

Plus, his list is hardly unreasonable. Everything on his list is something any sensible person would want when picking out a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse. He just happens to be nerdy enough to have written his list down...and keeps it in his coat pocket, taking it with him everywhere he goes...That’s kind of dorky, but not particularly insulting. 

All in all, I wish this bit of fluff had a sharper bite. Jane Austen, whose books clearly inspired this movie/book, had a far sharper and deeper bite. 

Jane Austen had social commentary, this movie has...eye candy and geese. 

This movie is by no means bad, but it’s not nearly as good or as clever as it wants to be and SHOULD BE. It’s just standard, like a big screen Hallmark movie, just with Jane Austen trappings instead of Christmas decorations. 

Josh Radnor or Richard Armitage :)

You are pure evil!! I mean  there’s Josh Radnor looking hot and brooding in a cravat.

And then there’s Richard Armitage, who also looks smoking in a cravat…

So don’t get me wrong, I love me some Josh Radnor as Jed Foster, but… I’m going to have to go with Richard Armitage, because I have been attracted to him in everything I have ever seen him in. I mean  ….

Speaking of which, I should really watch Hannibal, obviously for plot reasons and not for the above picture….

the fact the new series of hypothetical isn’t allowed to talk about the pandemic just in case people forget it happened is genuinely the funniest thing i’ve ever heard

Life beyond Henry VIII

Christina of Denmark, most famous for sassily rebuffing Henry VIII’s proposal of marriage by saying she’d only marry him if she had TWO heads, lived as interesting a life as any of the Tudors.

Her father Christian II of Denmark was so hated in that country that history now calls him “Christian the Tyrant”. He was overthrown by his own uncle and exiled to the Netherlands, then ruled by his brother-in-law, the Holy Roman Emperor Charles V.  

Christina grew up an exiled princess without a kingdom, the daughter of a black mark on European royalty. 

She married young and was widowed soon after.

Her cousin was Philip II, who later married Mary Tudor...then Elisabeth de Valois (the French princess)...then his niece Anna of Austria...

Christina actually met Mary Tudor, who was jealous of Christina’s closeness to Philip, a closeness her own marriage to the Spanish prince and future king was lacking.

After refusing to marry Henry VIII, Christina married the Duke of Lorraine and had several children with him, including Charles III. Her husband died after four years of marriage, leaving Christina to fight with the other nobles over the regency for young Charles. Christina won the regency...and then lost it. But she wasn’t going to give up without a fight, not even when France invaded the duchy of Lorraine and demanded that Christina hand young Charles over to the French king, Henri II, to raise in France. 

She went to King Henri in person to beg him not to separate her from her son, but he wouldn’t relent and took her son anyway. Charles would later marry Henri’s daughter Claude in one of the few happy and loving marriages in the Valois family history. Charles and Claude later named one of their daughters after Christina.

Also, Henry VIII wasn’t the only person Christina turned down. She also turned down one of Mary Queen of Scot’s uncles, a member of the Guise clan. She blamed the Guise for Henri’s invasion of Lorraine. 

Funnily enough, Charles wasn’t the only member of his family to marry into the Valois family. Charles’s cousin Louise married Henri de Valois, known in history as King Henri III...aka, the possibly gay French king...(who history buffs on Tumblr should embrace as their bisexual goth problematic fave, just saying). 

According to writer Brantome, Christina also met Mary Queen of Scots after the young queen was widowed by her beloved, the young King Francis II. Mary’s uncle warned her ahead of time about Christina’s theatrical antics and her need to be the center of attention, behavior the Guise party found both annoying and amusing. I wonder what Christina would have thought of the Scottish queen, daughter of ANOTHER woman who turned down Henry VIII with a sick burn. 

Christina may not have attended her son Charles’ wedding to the Princess Claude, but she did attend the coronation of the new king of France, ten-year-old Charles IX...who could barely keep his large crown still on his little head. Brantome wrote that Christina showed up in her finest velvet gown with a carriage drawn by Turkish horses (her favorite type of horses). When she arrived in this pomp and splendor, even Catherine de Medici remarked: “There’s a proud woman!” 

Christina tried to offer every piece of advice to her son Charles while he was Duke of Lorraine, while her daughter-in-law Claude listened to her mother’s every advice on what to do with Lorraine. The poor couple probably never caught a break from two very nosy and very opinionated mothers and mothers-in-law. 

It’s a pity that Reign never mentioned Lorraine, or Christina, her son, and tons of other colorful personalities from France during the 1550s and 1560s. I feel like the writers would have had so much fun featuring a sassy smack down between Catherine de Medici and Christina of Denmark. 

Reign really failed to show how important the Guise family was to Mary. There’s a whole goldmine of storylines from history that the show sadly skipped over.

Dear Fandom

Can we please stop berating and calling for the death of creators because you disliked creative decisions they made.

Man I really can’t stand people who actively complain about a show not going the way they want it currently. Like, hypothesize the hell out of it, analyze, search for clues, and hopes, but once canon comes out, that’s canon. Deal with it I guess, sorry if the people you ship together had an argument and aren’t getting along. You might think it’s unrealistic but you’re not the creator? Sorry if your fan theory was contradicted, you’re not the creator? Sorry if you were positive about this characters personality but turned out to be wrong, you’re not the creator? Sorry if your favourite character that you thought would be central to the show died, but you’re not the creator. Make aus and have fun with it but don’t…..dismiss canon. If you didn’t have canon you literally wouldn’t have your show at all. You wouldn’t have the characters, or the memories.

Last but not least, stop complaining about lack of screen time for a clear background character. if you fall in love with a character that is clearly a background character, who is destined for limited screen time, own it. Wish for more, hope, enjoy what you get but don’t angrily demand more content that you are not entitled to.

Remember that every story has a writer. Every story has a beginning, middle, and end, dictated by the one who created it. And you have literally no say in that. People are gonna tell the story they tell. That’s that.

(Normally I’d want to be more polite about this but I’ve seen too many posts like this today, TOO MANY)

Character Deep Dive: Augusta Markham

Portrayed by: Eloise Webb Show: Sanditon Season 2

Although Sanditon already has more than its share of strong female characters wrestling with the various manifestations of Regency misogyny, the introduction of Augusta Markham in Season 2 provides a fresh look at the pressures on young ladies of the period.

We first discover Augusta bounding through a field behind a child. As she screams, “this had better be worth it,” we understand she is not chasing the child but instead following along to catch a glimpse of something. That something turns out to be the arrival of the army in Sanditon. Despite Augusta’s seeming exasperation with the eager child, her own interest in the arrival of the army is barely concealed. This tendency to mask her real feelings characterizes Augusta throughout much of the season.

In looking behind this mask, we come to understand Augusta as a young lady faced with the uncertainty and fear of coming of age with neither a nurturing home environment to sustain her nor a social outlet to supply marriage prospects as a means of escape.

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GAME OF THRONES

Has the best fucking writing I’ve ever seen if you know anything and I mean anything even if you haven’t read the books but just watched the show then you know how George R.R Martin is when it comes to writing which he helps in part with on the show.. “ they’ve ruined the show” like is anyone even watching? Honestly I feel like everyone’s just been skimming the fucking episodes because it’s a popular show but haven’t paid attention to shit! Whats wrong with Danny’s arch? She was a weak girl who hasn’t been taken seriously for the most part of the show and she proves them wrong but how does that then justify her as a proper ruler?? The more she loses the more mad she becomes and shes begins to get a tunnel vision but if you haven’t been following her or if your a human how would that not fuck someone up???? Every time she finds something borderline normal she becomes powerless and loses it to things beyond her control! She had armies of slaves she saved and watched them die in a battle for a man who could take it all from her if his truth surfaces! Oh and don get me started on the thing about the knight king and people being annoyed that he was killed easily like no he wasn’t?? They lost more than half of their army to him and he wasn’t even the real threat it was always Cersei and has always been cersi. How is that not amazing writing?? The whole time they had you thinking that the thing to end everything was the knight king, death itself, and it worked because you never looked at cerise and what she was truly all about. No matter the consequences she had to be in power or die she said it to ned stark! COME ON! How is that not perfect! And here you are on the fourth episode saying it’s all gone to hell and not watching anymore which is fine. Better off, if you didn’t understand it make no comment on it. If you actually had been watching the show you’d know that whoever wants power dies and those who don’t end up having to carry its weight. This show was beautifully written and anyone who try’s to argue can fucking fight me

I am having more fun with this than should be allowed