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The batfam on reddit

(this got long so lmk if you want me to do the others)

TIFU by mistaking my brother for hummus by u/dickwings

So I (27M) like to do my work in the kitchen while having a pre-gym snack. Since there wasn't any food in the fridge or anyone around to cook, I decided to keep it simple with some chips and hummus. About ten minutes later, my younger brother, let's call him "Tim" (17M), sat down next to me because he wanted me to check his work too.

I was fully engrossed in my work and my body was on autopilot as I dipped the hummus. Meanwhile, Tim's hand was on the table. Both of them were just outside my peripheral vision.

You can see where this is going.

I wish there was something dramatic like him yelling or me smashing food against his face. Literally ANYTHING would've been better than what actually happened, which was that I softly caressed the back of his hand with a pita chip while he just stared at me without saying a word.

I promptly packed up my stuff and I'm currently hiding in my apartment because we're supposed to have a family dinner but I don't know if I can look him in the eye.

Comments

local-zombie: I'm calling it, this is fake. No one is this dumb. ├— redrobin: idk, sounds pretty convincing to me ├—— local-zombie: What are you, his brother?

thatpurplething: Thank you, I really needed this today after I called the Riddler "Mom" ├— orphanized: well now you gotta tell us, you can't just leave us hanging ├— official-batman: If you think that's bad, try accidentally throwing your wife's elderly cat at the ceiling. ├—— kitty-central: Try thinking you can leave your husband in charge of a living creature for one afternoon ├——— lesbian-premium: Everyone's just fucking up today huh? ├———— notmysecretanimeaccount: Not me, I was born perfect.

pennyworthy: Perhaps a red pepper hummus can prevent this from happening in the future. ├— your-tired-librarian: He should go with spinach just to be safe. ├—— i-am-the-darkness-i-am-the-light: Next post: TIFU by mistaking Killer Croc for hummus

this is almost certainly a post ive made before but when a character's grief is so strong it fully alters the form of the narrative itself... moby dick being so much longer than strictly necessary because ishmael's grief made him stall for time in the telling of the tragedy... harrow the ninth being in second person because harrow was so grief-stricken that she herself was not capable of making narrative sense of the events of the novel and so someone else had to do it.... do u know what i mean

this is a poem

I need a dpxdc Crossover scenario where, somehow, Danny Fenton and Billy Batson end up at the same school. Maybe Danny is a year older but he got held back in a subject, so they’re both in the same bio class. Danny as a Sophomore and Billy as a Freshman. They’re lab partners and they hang out during school, and neither of them have any clue the other is a superhero. Danny is so used to everyone having Kinda Weird vibes from Amity that Billy doesn't ping anything and Billy has the same thing where everyone is Fawcett is a little Off, nothing particularly different about this guy.

Later on, both of them have joined the league as Shazam and Phantom and they still have literally no clue the other is a superhero. Billy doesn't recognize Danny as Phantom because of the altered features and Extremely Weird Vibes and obviously Danny doesn't think to compare the adult man Shazam with his fourteen-year-old buddy Billy. They both think the other is a semi-immortal being and they are both desperately making shit up about past events and praying they got it right. They both are continuously amazed that they're so good at guessing historical facts. They keep having to agree to random historical events that may or may not have happened because the other guy said so. They are both passing World History with flying colors because of the research they have to do to keep the "ruse" up

Eventually, someone's identity gets revealed (I'm thinking Billy) to the League, which is really dramatic and emotional about how Billy lied to everyone about his age and history for so long. And then Danny arrives ten minutes late with a Starbucks like "hey why is everyone freaking out. Why is superman crying. Why is B-this random kid here. On the Watchtower. What."

Someone goes "Phantom, I know you and Shazam were close, did you know he was secretly the fourteen-year-old Billy Batson? He's been lying to us about his past this whole time!"

Billy: D:

Phantom: :/ UH so while we're on the subject *transforms from Phantom to Danny* hey Billy!

Billy: DANNY?

Anyways its a whole confusing mess and everyone is yelling and nobody knows what the fuck is going on but eventually its cleared up that yes, both Phantom and Shazam are secretly kids, they apparently know each other but only in their secret IDs, and they have in fact been bullshitting Ancient History facts like there's no tomorrow

But the important part here is that Billy and Danny pass their lab final, because thats what really matters

My adaptation of the God of Arepo short story, which was originally up at ShortBox Comics Fair for charity. You can get a copy of the DRM-free ebook here for free - and I'd encourage you to donate to Mighty Writers or The Ministry of Stories in exchange.

Again it's an honour to be drawing one of my favourite short stories ever. Thank you so much for the original authors for creating this story; and for everyone who bought a copy and donated to the above non-profits.

Prompt #3:

When you're dressed like that.

Demigod conversations 😁

"Soooo, what's up with you and your dad?"

Frank, Hazel, and Jason all froze and stared at Leo in disbelief, he grinned and rest his chin on his knees as if he didn't just commit a giant faux pas.

Frank stared down at his melting ice cream and mourned the end of what had promised to be a rather pleasant day. The skies were clear, the sun was out, and the winds were soft and billowy; it made for a perfect setup for a day at the beach.

He looked towards the demigod in question. While all of them were dressed in modern swim wear, Percy had opted to go with something much more traditional. It looked like a skirt/loincloth hybrid and was a lovely green and petal pink color embroidered with golden threads and polished shells that made a delicate tinkling sound whenever he moved. It was obviously a gift from his godly family, one that he wore with practiced ease if the way he was lounging against a bean bag was to go by. How he managed not to flash them his junk was beyond him, Frank thought.

Percy had been looking off into the distance at the water when Leo had sprung the question out of nowhere, his blue moon ice cream was uneaten in his hand and still frozen, most likely due to him keeping it frozen with his powers. He turned his attention towards them and replied in a dazed manner, "Sorry, what'd you say?"

Leo, obviously not caring for the tension he was potentially causing carried on with question, "I'm just gonna say it since no one here is macho enough to say it. What's your dad's deal with you?"

Percy blinked, "His deal?"

"Yeah, his deal." Leo scooched over and poked one of the gleaming bronze armlets adorned on the Son of Poseidon, "You let him deck you out in some pretty ritzy stuff; metals that even I can tell are heavily enchanted with some gnarly defenses."

When Percy had come back to the surface, he was adorned with all sorts of simple, but eye catching ornaments. You didn't need Lou or her siblings to tell you he was basically a walking nuke to anyone who wished him harm. What was odd was that Percy would usually forego such drastic measures, what had made him comply so easily now?

Percy gave them his full attention, "Guys relax, it's more for monsters if anything. It's not like they ever hurt anybody during spars, or," he narrowed his eyes at Jason, "When someone's trying to force you into pants."

Jason threw his hands up in exasperation, "Would you let that go already?"

"No."

"Percy." he paused when he felt a warm hand on his shoulder, Hazel had a soft but firm grip on his bicep, "What Leo is trying to say is that maybe, have you considered that your father is being a bit too generous?"

"Bro." Jason gave him a hard stare, "No deity just gives and not expect anything in return."

They lapsed into an uncomfortable silence.

Percy, for all that he usually projected, was more than capable enough to read in between the lines and he didn't like what they were implying. It wasn't as though he never stopped to consider it as well, but he had to set the record straight.

"Now look here-

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it!" demanded Leo, "I ain't trying to say anything like that." His outburst startled everyone on the picnic blanket.

Frank ran a hand through his hair, pushing down some feathers that had sprouted subconsciously, "Huh?"

Leo was now on his knees with his arms akimbo, "You heard me, don't put words in my mouth."

"Well then, what were you trying to say?" asked Hazel wide eyed and even more weary.

The Son on Hephaestus clicked his tongue in annoyance and got up close and personal to Poseidon's Prince with a grip on his well toned shoulders, "So how'd you do it?"

"Do what?" Percy was completely lost at this point and didn't know what to expect.

"Your deal with you dad... what'd ya do to butter him up and get him to give you all this cool stuff?"

The three Romans behind Leo had no words to describe their incredulity.

A smile began to creep on the Sea Prince's face, "Butter him up?"

"Stop parroting what I say!" Leo complained with a humorous crack in his voice, "Impart your wisdom, tell me your secrets! How do I get my grumpy pops to send me cool stuff too? Do you have any idea how many things I could make if he- quit laughing, I'm being serious!" he squawked indignantly.

Percy had tears in his eyes he was laughing so hard, "I didn't do anything. Dad, Mother Amphitrite and Triton just give me stuff when they feel like it."

"Lies! You have them wrapped around your little finger." he emphasized this by wiggling his pinky in the space between them.

"I'm telling you the truth man."

Leo scoffed, but eventually let go of him, "Selfish. You won't even tell your ol' pal how to get the good stuff." he whipped around and gave his chuckling friends behind him his best stink eye, "Aren't you guys curious too?"

"He's Lord Poseidon's only demigod child, maybe he just likes doting on him?" reasoned Frank.

"And he's probably not as annoying." ribbed Jason.

"Hey!"

Hazel caught her breath and joked, "Maybe he gives him a little kiss on the cheek when he wants something. I used to see snooty rich girls do that with their daddy's when they wanted a new dress or lipstick."

"Oh yeah, that'd definitely work." Percy rolled his eyes and said sarcastically. On a whim, he pulled some seawater from the ocean and held it in a sphere above his palm, "Hey Dad? Can I have a shiny new yacht and some fancy anklets maybe? Pretty please?" he asked sweetly and gave the globe of water a big fat kiss.

Mwuah~!

Their fit of giggles were cut short when startled shrieks of nearby campers had them on alert, but they were just as quickly disarmed as a gorgeous pearlescent cruiser was now bobbing merrily in the ocean waters.

Their attentions were diverted again when a quick golden flash traveled down Percy's legs; after the light had subsided, a pair of gleaming celestial bronze, blue nacre lined, pearl encrusted, beautifully engraved greaves now adorned his shins.

The demigod's on the blanket were torn between staring bug eyed at either the shiny new yacht or the impressive ornamental armor.

Percy groaned and hid his burning face behind his hands, "Daaaad..."

Leo's jaw nearly hit the sand, "No. Freaking. WAY."

...

Queen Amphitrite rubbed her husband's back lightly as he unknowingly mirrored his precious demigod son's embarrassed pose; his face aglow with golden ichor.

"Oh my dear Husband," she cooed, "You're just too easy."

I had to do it. If Percy wants it, Daddy Poseidon will do his damned best to get it for him! Hephaestus better watch out the next time Leo's around lol.

I had an absolute BLAST writing this :)

"Please don't be Silent Hill. Please don't be Silent Hill." The boy kept up his mantra as they approached the sign from behind.

Sure enough, the sign declared this place was named Silent Hill. The boy, Danny, had explained Silent Hill was a survival horror game franchise and that they were "living out the game" Cass nodded. She dealt with horrors regularly in Gotham and she knew how to survive much better that the average person.

She thought this would be easy.

She was wrong.

Danny as Phantom was ridiculously useful, and his knowledge of the video games was priceless given their situation but even he could only do so much. By the end of it she was carrying her new very tired and very traumatized boyfriend bridal style through Gotham.

Let me tell you, gothamites seeing Black Bat carrying some glowy meta around like that gave many people the absolutely correct idea that BB was dating him.

The batfam are freaking out. Thier sister disappeared for weeks without a trace and then suddenly reappeared with a boyfriend? Suspicious.

workplace comedy sketch where a nuclear power engineer and a paranormal investigator get their equipment mixed up and go to their respective jobs unaware of the difference

plasticity omake idea: tori throws herself a birthday party, but instead of going about it in even a slightly normal way, she tells a series of lies and manipulations to get everyone to show up at the same place. some people had fetch quests they didn't know about to get food and alcohol. it's not even her birthday

renaissance in the 21st century