Maybe If It's Her

Maybe If It's Her

Haikyuu - Kuroo Tetsurou

I personally think that Kuroo is afraid of marriage since I have this theory that his parents might have argued a lot before their divorce. Most probably the reason why Kuroo developed the habit of squishing his face with his pillows to block the sound of their argument.

However, that doesn't mean that he doesn't like the idea of loving someone. It's really just the thought of marriage since he is scared that he might end up like his parents. From once a stranger to lover and back to strangers, or even worse, an enemy. He probably decided that he probably shouldn't date someone since you never know. You might fall in love with someone to the point of marriage.

But he couldn't help but fall in love with Y/n. Although he knew it might be selfish of him, but at the back of his mind he thought you never know. They were still young, so you never know. He thought no matter how much he loves her, it might be a high school love experience, but in a blink of an eye, they were adults.

At this point of their age and their years together, marriage shouldn't be a surprise anymore. And deep down, he knew. He knew she was the one. She was one the who always supported him with his every decision while simultaneously giving him her insights. He was happy with where he was, but he was unsure if it was the same for y/n. So he began to observe her for the past few days, trying to get a glimpse of her thoughts.

From his observation, he could tell, he was certain that she wanted to get married. She constantly mentioned about having children with him or what their marriage life might be like or where they should live if ever they got married.

This made him in an awkward situation. How was he supposed to tell her that he cannot get married? How was he supposed to admit to her that he let her waste her youth love on him? On someone who didn't even consider the thought of marriage? If y/n was the type who didn't really care about marriage, it might have been okay, but right now, that was certainly not it.

It doesn't change the fact that he loves her deeply. He was ready to do whatever he can for her, but marriage? He was still very scared of that idea. He knew he was selfish and he doesn't know if he can continue to be selfish. Was he suppose to let her go before it gets even later? He knows that it won't be a problem for y/n since she was a beautiful person, in and out. Any man would love her as their wife, as their lifelong partner. Anyone will be lucky to have her by their side.

But deep in his mind, he wanted to be the one to make her happy. He wanted to be the reason behind her happiness. He clenched his fist tightly at the thought of her going to a different man. However, he loosen his fist as the thought of marriage was a border he haven't overcome yet. What was he supposed to do? What was the right thing?

As Kuroo could not decide on what he was supposed to do, he didn't notice that he always had a pained expression whenever he was with y/n. She initially didn't try to pry as she thought he will tell her when the time is right and if he doesn't want to, that was fine as well. However, since it has been going on for a long while, she couldn't help but ask him of the matter. "What's wrong? Maybe I can help?"

Kuroo hesitated for a while, but took a deep breath as he made up his mind. He has decided to be straightforward with her regarding the idea of marriage. "Princess.... you see...." he gulped before continuing his words. "I don't think... I don't think I can get married..."

At his words, y/n didn't know how to absorb his words. What does he mean by that? Does he mean that he doesn't love me anymore? At her conclusion, she could feel her eyes becoming hot as tears were ready to fall. "Y-You... You don't... love me... a-anymore...?"

At her words and teary eyes, Kuroo panicked as he quickly wiped her tears gently. "That's not what I meant... I... I never told you about it, but... I... I'm scared... scared of getting married..."

At his words, y/n looked at him with confusion. "What...?" That was when he began to explain to her what made him develop the fear of marriage. Between his story, he apologized to her time to time as he knew he was being selfish for going out with her and maybe even leading her on.

Kuroo expected her to maybe break up with him, but when he hesitantly made an eye contact with her, he saw her apologetic face. He couldn't understand why she looked apologetic and as he was about to ask why, she beat him into it. "I'm sorry, Tetsu... I didn't mean to make you pressured about getting married. Honestly, yes I would love to get married with you that I naturally thought about what our marriage life might be like..."

Kuroo bit his lips as he looked down at her words. "But I didn't know about how you fear of marriage and I completely understand where it is coming from..." She then looked at him with determination as she held his hands tightly. "We don't have to get married! We can just continue to date! I can give up on the dream of marriage if I can be with you! I'm happy as long as I am with you! As long as I can stay by your side, that's enough for me...."

At her words, Kuroo was lost of words. At his expression, she smiled at him gently and gave a big nod. "I am certain! Marriage isn't the only way for me to be happy with you!"

Tears dropped down from his eyes involuntarily as he hugged her tightly. "I thought... I thought I really had to let you go... I knew I was being selfish..."

"Don't ever let go of me! Don't ever think that way!" Y/n said as she hugged him back.

This was probably the moment when Kuroo really realize what true love was like. It's like as if he could overcome his fear of marriage. Maybe.... Maybe if it's her, he won't end up like his parents. Maybe... Maybe he can be her lifelong partner. At those thought, his arms tightened around her as he made up his mind.

He can't lose her to anyone. He was determined to make her the happiest person in the word. If it was her, he doesn't mind getting married.