𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚂𝚎𝚕𝚏-𝙳𝚘𝚞𝚋𝚝 𝙲𝚊𝚝𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚙𝚑𝚎

Caldarus has been asleep for centuries, and he still wakes up feeling drained… Poor guy really can’t catch a break. Clearly, what he needs is proper rest. Somewhere cozy, with a warm drink, and maybe someone to hold him. Strictly for comfort, of course. And if that someone just so happens to be me, well… it’s for his health, I swear.

Hiiii Mousey! (✿^‿^) How are you right now? Hope you're doing well there.

Anywho, I had this idea while on a car ride, listening to some band songs. I had to write it down right away before I forgot it. I don't know if anyone has ever sent this to you before, but What if the farmer used to be a popular and famous singer, but because of the stress from fame and the number of stalkers they encountered, they decided to resign/quit and move to the valley to start anew, hoping no one would recognize them. However, one day, the farmer accidentally blurts out their secret to their NPC spouse and this made the farmer very worried. Now, here's the thought: How would the SDV&SVE Bachelors/Bachelorettes react to finding out that their farmer spouse was once a famous, popular singer? 🎤🎸

Hey hey 👋 I'm fine, a bit busy due to work (December is always a pretty busy month for me) but so doing pretty well, thanks for asking ❤️

Ooooh, your idea as an alternative start for Farmer arriving in the Stardew Valley, love it! Thanks for the ask, and have a good day!

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SDV/SVE bachelors/ettes with Farmer as a former famous singer

SDV/SVE bachelors:

Even with the changed clothing style and new hair colour, Sam recognised Farmer as a famous singer almost instantly before Farmer blabbed about their past career. You bet, because Sammy is not only a music lover, but also a big fan of this musical group! He will shower Farmer with questions and autograph requests, but the joyful guitarist immediately restrains himself, remembering that a reaction like his is one of the reasons why the singer left the band. Sam apologises to Farmer and gives them some space. He in no way wanted to make his own lover uncomfortable.

"Wow... That's so cool." Sebastian is also pleasantly surprised about the fact that Farmer who came to Stardew Valley is the same singer from his favourite alternative rock band who left due to many cases of stalking. However, emo's own reaction is very calm, with adoration and admiration in his eyes, but no obsession. He knows that his beloved Farmer is a human being just like him and respects their feelings. Seeing that Farmer didn't want to talk about their past, Sebastian swears to them that he won't tell anyone about it.

Elliott stared at Farmer in surprise, eagerly waiting for an answer. Now the writer realised why he'd always thought he'd seen/heard Farmer somewhere before! Truthfully, instead of continued delight, Elliott was silenced by the look of weariness and sadness on his partner's face. He heard about Farmer as singer, but was completely unaware of the reason for their departure from show business. He would make a hundred apologies, assuring them that if Farmer didn't want to tell them, he would respect their wishes. Of course, Elliott's curiosity will torture him a little, but for him, his spouse's happiness comes first.

"Okay." No, Farmer was certainly glad that their husband Shane didn't jump madly around them like their fans in Zuzu City, but they'd expected, well, a more reaction than that. "You want me to try to rip the hair out of your head like those 'fans'?" Fair enough. Shane himself isn't much of a music lover, but Jas loved listening to Farmer on TV, and she was the one upset to tell Shane that her favourite singer had been bullied many times and they'd left. He's glad Farmer was able to escape that madness and there's no way his attitude towards them is going to change.

Alex nearly dropped his ice cream cone in surprise. "I always do the training to your songs! They give me so much motivation!" Farmer explained to their enthusiastic husband that although their songs were motivational and upbeat, Farmer themself wrote everything under constant stress due to pressure from managers and fear due to obsessive fans. Alex had no idea how bad it was and hugged Farmer tightly, covering them with kisses. The athlete himself will keep Farmer's anonymity (though he will sometimes squeak with delight inside, because wow, his spouse is so cool!).

Harvey had noticed Farmer's very familiar first and last name long ago when he entered their patient data into medical database, but had taken it simply as a coincidence. Even as spouses he didn't know the truth when he didn't mention this funny coincidence, to which Farmer had casually said they were than singer, not the namesake. The doctor's reaction was calm, and he assured Farmer that he understood why they hadn't told him the truth, and promised that their secret would not be revealed.

"I know, dear..." Farmer thought Victor would be shocked, as they knew their hubby is fan of their songs, but in the end it was Farmer who stood there with a surprised look. The spaghetti lover with his hunches found out information on the internet that helped him connect the dots, but he didn't want to confront his spouse on the subject, fearing that Farmer would mistake Victor for the same awful people who called themselves "true fans." Both spouses would have a long talk, sharing the truth. Victor made his own promise that he wouldn't tell anyone about Farmer's past career.

"Do you remember that when we first met, I told you I'd seen a part of your past?" And after those words, Farmer realised that Magnus had known about their singing career from the beginning. Why didn't he ask? It was none of his business to pry into their past, and if his lover wanted to tell they would. The wizard can't even imagine just living in an urban setting, so with a bunch of people following you around and interfering with your life. He also feels sorry that they associate Farmer's singing with bad emotions, because they have such a beautiful voice and are obviously happy when they are singing a song in the forest.

It seems Lance had heard of Farmer as a singer a few years ago when he arrived in Zuzu City as an ambassador from his clan. Many people were jumping in excitement about Farmer's new song, but the gallant adventurer genuinely understands why they left. Sometimes people can go overboard in their obsession with their idols. Of course, he will keep their secret, and if any of the fans show up on the doorstep of their farmhouse, Lance has promised his spouse to protect them and teleport the unwanted guests (first just away, and then - into a pile of manure if they get pushy).

SDV/SVE bachelorettes:

"You mean... Wait, really?" Honestly, Maru hadn't expected this turn of events. The young inventor had heard Farmer's songs spinning on the radio, even though she wasn't a strong fan of their music genre ("Sorry hon"). After Farmer decided there was nothing to hide and shared about their career and the reason for their retirement, Maru was horrified. So the scar on Farmer's arm was put there... by fans?! That's terrible. Maru consoled her spouse as best she could and promised to keep their secret.

Farmer realised what they'd said out loud and lightning-fast covered their already excited Abigail's mouth with their hand, who had said more than once that she was a big fan of this particular singer (Farmer, as it turned out). Before the purple-haired girl could do anything about it, her spouse dragged her away from one spot and explained why they were leaving. "Oh shit... Those people are just bastards." And she herself had almost blabbed to the whole town know about... "You okay, love?" Farmer is much better since they have found happiness and family in Stardew Valley.

Penny is completely shocked to discover that her spouse is the one and only nationally famous singer. Farmer and their new look was completely unrecognisable. But not even just a new image, but they're much happier. The young teacher has heard many stories that under the pressure of managers and the crazy crowd Farmer was seen more like zombie. She was sorry to hear that her spouse had been through all that, and glad that they had found happiness and peace here, with her.

Haley already had some suspicions, as Farmer was not only the namesake of her favourite singer, but also looked similar, but did not voice her guesses aloud. When her lover had accidentally blabbed about this, and had already decided to reveal their secret on such an occasion, Haley just thanked them for their trust in her. Previously, she would not have understood how it is possible to give up the glamorous life of a beloved pop star, but she realised that life with dependence on caffeine, under the fear of crazy fans and people who are only interested in money from concerts, is not a life but a living hell.

Emily's eyes shone with joy at what she heard. Her wonderful spouse was that talented singer, whose songs the blue-haired girl loved to dance to on Valley's festivals and at other times when she felt full of energy. However, immediately she became sad, as she knew why the singer left the stage, so many toxic people and negative aura around them were... Emily in no way wants Farmer to think she's like one of those fans either, and promised to keep their secret.

Well, Leah guessed, since besides the similarity in appearance and the fact that the last name and surname of her spouse and singer are the same, Farmer came almost as soon as they left their singing career. Aloud she did not voice it, as she considered it unnecessary to "pry" from her spouse the truth and understood where such paranoia in keeping the secret. Hundreds or even thousands of people, like her ex, or even worse, who follow you... Brrr! She comforted Farmer and assured them that she would take their secret to the grave. And if someone does find out, she has plenty of sculpting tools to fend off her spouse from the "fans"...

So Lewis telling Olivia about Farmer being a former clerk at Joja was just a cover so people wouldn't recognise them? Makes sense, or else her and Farmer's home would be overflowing with crazy fans carousing for their idol. Although Olivia herself isn't much of a fan of their music style, her spouse's voice is truly beautiful when she listened them. City life, especially for a famous person, can get very exhausting, so Olivia truly understands their secrecy and reluctance to discuss the past. And yes, she will keep that secret, promise 💖

"Wait, is it true? You really are-" Scarlett jumped up on the spot, not believing her ears. Her dearest Farmer is the famous lead singer from her favourite music band! She loves listening to their albums while she's busy sewing a new costume for the comicon and- wait. The same singer who quit their career because of crazy 'fans'. "Oh, man.... I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" Even though Farmer assures her it's okay, Scarlet feels a little shitty because they were standing in the middle of a public square in the city, and if anyone heard her joyful shriek.

Of course, Claire raised her eyebrows in surprise as Farmer told her that they had worked as an accountant at Joja before, and here was a whole five year career as a singer, and such a talented and popular one at that. It was only when the cashier wanted to question why her spouse had hidden it that she recalled the "incident" with fans that almost cost Farmer their life. "I'm sorry about that..." Still, Claire is glad Farmer was able to get away from it all and found happiness in farming.

Sophia's eyes widened slightly in surprise and the dots connected in her head. Her lover came to Stardew Valley at the same time as the famous and much-loved singer (whose song played in her favourite anime!) retired. The girl is sorry to hear that Farmer had to endure so many horrible incidents in their career as a singer, as breaking into their home or fans trying to kidnap them despite the security.... She dreaded to imagine what it had been like for them. Sophia, instead of jumping for joy that it's one of her favourite singers, silently hugs Farmer.

A random question. I know you have 4 farmers. I saw their designs, for such innocent looks do they even cuss?

*chuckles* This is the most random ask I've ever received. But my farmers do cuss. Thank you for the ask! 💜

Aleia certainly curses, but only when she is angry or involved in accidents. Her husband is aware of this and is used to it. It would be hypocritical of him to reprimand her, especially since he also curses frequently. However, Aleia does not curse in front of her children. (obviously)

Rosemary rarely swears, particularly when the situation is serious. It is advisable for those close to her to let her frustrations out instead of bottling them up. After she has calmed down, she receives a comforting hug from her partner.

Everyone perceives Cerise as a sweet and kind girl, but she is not to be underestimated. While she may appear sweet, she is capable of swearing behind closed doors, a fact known to only a few of her close friends. It is advisable to avoid getting on her bad side, as she is skilled in throwing knives.

Thalia's sophisticated appearance may deceive you, but she definitely curses like a sailor. She does so on badluck days or when she is angry with something or someone. She only curses around those who are close to her and not in public.

Bruh why does he look like Lucas from WMMAP!? 😳

I was just messing with the Wizard's hairstyles in RRRR mod. And when I checked to see his portrait, I nearly have heartattack. If you can just squint a little and imagine Magnus in Lucas's color palette. You get what I mean.

What is up with me finding older wizards attractive

Ahhhh I wish I could date and marry you but I can't. I'm married and have 2 kids. Don't worry there's going to be another farmer for you.

Wheeezes! Their reactions are so hilarious. 😂 Imagine if the adventurers and including Camila or Jadu visiting the Farmer for some favors and notice the huge ass smiling blueberry with sunglasses in the farm.

A random thought, during the Mr. Qi's Crop Challenge (you know the one were you have to plant and shipped 500 Qi Beans) how will the SDV/SVE Bachelors gonna react to their lover (the Farmer) planting this weird looking crop that looks like a blueberry with sunglasses across the farm fields. 😂

Ah, Qi beans... Probably my least favourite quest, because spending a whole month growing this stuff, and also getting these fucking beans instead of cool gifts in chests or fish.... Ugh. Oh well, sorry for that 😅

Even though this fruit is annoying to me, the ask itself regarding the reactions of others to it is pretty funny, hee hee. Thanks for the ask, and enjoy! 🫰💖

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SDV/SVE bachelors react to the Qi fruit:

"Looks creepy..... And cool, by the way. What did you do to make them grow like that?" Sebastian's spouse is a virtuoso at growing all sorts of unusual crops, and he thinks it's a mega cool ability. Just a week ago they ate a salad made from an 'ancient fruit', and the day before yesterday they cut up a giant mushroom crop that was the size of a large pumpkin (even though Sebby's doesn't like shrooms, it was still cool!). Now it's the weird fruit with sunglasses. He wonder what unusual plant Farmer will grow tomorrow...

"Oh, I know! Are those fruits and vegetables that grow in different shapes?" Sam recently watched a video about gardeners who grow square watermelons or tomatoes in the shape of hearts using plastic moulds. So the guitarist reckoned his spouse had decided to join the trend too. A strange choice, yeah, but hey - bonus for cool sunglasses! And what does this 'Qi' fruit taste like? Looks like a giant blue melon, Sammy wouldn't mind a tasty snack. Anyway, he doesn't know much about gardening himself, so he'll leave that to Farmer.

"Did you buy sunglasses for every fruit you grow or what?" And tell us, dear Alex - why would your beloved Farmer do that? These things maybe look like sunglasses, but are hardly sunglasses. But who knows? It's definitely an unfamiliar fruit for an athlete, especially compared to what his grandmother Evelyn used to grow in the community garden all the time. But if it's edible and full of vitamins (no), then Alex doesn't really care about the look of the Qi fruit. "Hey, even if this tastes awful, we'll have plenty of pairs of sunglasses!"

"That's some ugly ass fruit right here. Do people really eat that stuff now?" Truth be told, while working at JojaMart, Shane had managed to see stranger products labelled as 'novelty'. This applied not only to obscure sauces and snacks of dubious origin, but also to fruits and vegetables. The blue colour of the "Qi" fruit Farmer grew generally gave Shane the idea that his spouse had purchased the seeds just from Joja.co. It looked strange, but Shane didn't even mind tasting it. If it's edible at all. This fruit certainly doesn't get any worse than Joja's 'special' sauce for nachos, of that he's sure.

"Honey, are you sure it's safe to eat?" Every time another crop of obscure origin ripens on the farm, Harvey's heart begins to pound with worry. What if it's poisonous? What if it's not handled properly and you could get food poisoning? Why is it such a strange shape? "Farmer, please..." The poor doctor goes through all the books on vegetables, fruits and berries, hoping to find some information about this Qi fruit and whether it's okay to eat it (spoiler - to no avail). Either it's another "healthy" product from Joja or something else. Either way, Harvey will be sceptical, to say the least.

"...If I understand correctly, my soul, this is our dinner for today?" Elliott could have sworn the fruit had just winked at him! The writer had heard that some farmers and gardeners deliberately grow their crops in a variety of shapes to make them look extravagant and sell them for more money, but... Of all the shapes, his spouse chose the face... But maybe that's the kind of crop that's in high demand on market right now. Elliott hoped that if they were to bake strudel with this 'Qi' fruit today, it would taste better than it looked. Also... sunglasses?

"Hmm, I wonder... Where exactly did you get those seeds, my love?" It is not appropriate for Lance to judge the strange crop that Farmer has grown, when the adventurer himself has a monster crop ripening in a corner on the farm, with an appearance similar to a huge eyeball. Nevertheless, this strange fruit arouses a share of suspicion in the pink-haired man. Something is not right here.... If his dear spouse doesn't mind, Lance would also like to take a look at this fruit, for he is very curious to know if this crop has any magical properties. Or anything that might threaten him or Farmer.

"This... thing is unnatural. What in the name of all spirits did you grow this abomination from?" Magnus's whole gut screams that this is not just a fruit, but the spawn of a dangerous mage or witch. Thin threads of dark magic emanate from this fruit, and the wizard certainly doesn't like Farmer being in contact with that magic. "Eat it? Absolutely not! And is it even edible?" A worried Magnus questions his spouse about who gave them these seeds and why. Hearing the name 'Qi', he sighs heavily. Mr. Qi. Of course... This name definitely promises a lot of chaos for everyone.

"Erm... That's wonderful, darling! You've managed to grow this, um... What's it called again?" Victor had spent two whole days in the town library and looked all sorts of books at home - not a single mention, about this mysterious 'Qi fruit'. It's not, to tell the truth, the strangest thing Farmer grew in their fertile fields (monster crops will always be at the top of the list for strangeness. Especially the one with the giant eyeball). Maybe it's some new fruit his spouse has discovered? Victor is sure the Farmer knows what they're doing. But yeah, he's supportive.

Mousey, I'm sure you've done the reaction of the vanilla and expanded spouses to the farmer's curse from Mr. Qi, but how about the rsv spouses? I'd be curious to see what they'd do about it ~~especially you know who *wink wink nudge nudge*~~ Also ngl I've been trying to come up with more silly ships with the vanilla and mod characters and having a blast in my mind. I've been throwing in Isaac, Jadu, Camilla, and Alesia there too for good measure because I think Isaac especially would suffer with certain characters 😂 istg it's like I'm a dog and he's my chewing toy

Hehee, I wouldn't mind hearing what other funny ships you have in mind 👀👀👀

Sorry for a long reply, it turned out WAY more than I had planned. Anyway, enjoy some headcanon, Lotus! And have a great day! 💕

RSV spouses react to the Qi fruit:

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Ian had been standing still for about two minutes now, keeping his eyes on the strange blue fruit that was ripening in the Farmer's seedbed. Because he could have sworn that the fruit winked at him.... with 'glasses'! And the handyman thought he'd seen it again. But at the third minute, Ian gave up and reckoned he was just wasting time. "I really don't understand anything about farming," Ian told Farmer, kissed them, and went to work.

Daia isn't the type to be surprised by strange magical fruits, flowers and berries. The Ridge Forest alone is filled with interesting plants with unusual properties. But this 'Qi' fruit... Hmph, even she hadn't seen anything like it. Being around this smirking blue fruit makes the ninja feel a tingling sensation on her skin - a sure sign that magic is involved. Oh, she can't wait to ask her dear Farmer to give her the fruit to examine, because she's so curious about it! She wondered if it would interest her Lady too...

"Wow... I knew you are a true professional at farming, hon, but to do something like this..." Honestly, Jeric was delighted at what his partner had grown and horrified at what his partner had grown. Because on the one hand - fruit with a face and sunglasses, that's awesome! And on the other hand.... why? He certainly wouldn't have imagined something like this on his own little farm in Ridgeside Village. And it's unlikely he had the knowledge to grow something like this. "....So, what does it taste like?"

Bryle was ashamed to admit it, but the first thing he did when he stepped onto the farmhouse porch was reflexively draw his service weapon and prepare to defend himself. Because the Governor's slightly sleepy bodyguard mistook the blue-faced crops in sunglasses for invaders or even dark spirits. Having already recovered from his shock and seeing the calm Farmer watering this very crop, Bryle felt that by asking what it was, he would get more questions than answers. So he was like: "Nope, not today" and went back to the farmhouse.

When some time ago Irene had only seen the sprouts with the not yet formed blue fruit, she was even intrigued to see what kind of 'unusual fruit' Farmer had planted and what the crop would taste like. Sweet, or maybe with sour notes? Only when she got the ripe fruit on the kitchen table, the Amethyne's personal chef was no longer so enthusiastic. This... fruits looks like a head and was looking at her. Irene's afraid to even touch the 'Qi' fruit, much less taste it. Her Madame would definitely not want such an.... exotic crop for dinner.

Sean decided it would be a hilarious to wreak havoc in the local social media groups with this fruit. So, with Farmer's permission, he took a picture of the ripened 'Qi fruit', posted the picture to social media without any description, and waited. An hour and a half in and Sean and Farmer were dying of laughter reading people's reactions, all sorts of conspiracy about the harvest and even memes (lol). He was also hoping someone would leave a comment about what the fruit was, because Farmer's explanation of "blue fruit from blue seeds from a blue man" wasn't a very clear answer.

"Alissa, my dear. What is this?" Alissa can't give a clear answer to her mother when she shows her the unusual fruit. It seems to Alissa that her dear spouse Farmer themself does not know the answer to this question. The girl was utterly perplexed, and neither her own knowledge of farming, nor a single book from the library about crops, helped her to find the answer. She hoped that Farmer had not used something harmful to grow this fruit...

"What's this abomination growing in your garden? Why is there foreign magic coming from that thing?" Jio is in full earnest preparing for a defensive pose with his katana, because that 'Qi' fruit looks like it's about to pounce on him and Farmer. Elf doesn't trust this crop, whatever it is in the first place. And when asked how Farmer grew this stuff in the first place, the answer struck Jio like lightning. "You... took strange seeds from a suspicious man and thought it would be a great idea to plant them?" Yeah, It's going to be a long conversation...

Not even strength and persuasion from Farmer will be enough to keep their spouse Maddie from her determination to get into the Water Research Facility & Laboratory with this strange fruit. Because the ginger girl has to find out what it is in the first place! After all, the lab assistant was also watching the process of the Qi fruit's growth, for she was curious about what Farmer was growing. And when the already ripe fruit showed its face with sunglasses, Maddie wants to show it to Aguar to see how to even classify it. Sigh, not Aguar, if he found out there was magic involved...

"Whoa... So creepy... It's like some kind of comic book villain." Phillip kept twisting and twisting the "Qi" fruit in his hands, looking at the "face" of the crop, and even tried to take off the "glasses". It didn't work, however, because it was like they were super glued on. Oh, well. And although the physical therapist is eager to find out what this miracle fruit tastes like, he still wants to take precautions and find some information about the Qi fruit, because maybe it's poisonous???

Blair nearly died laughing when she saw the face of the ripe blue fruit. "Yoba, what a bogeyman!" And how on earth did her partner Farmer manage to grow a fruit with a face like that? Oh, she wants to take a few if Farmer agrees. To taste it? No, the young fisherwoman had thought of a more fun use for this crop.... Such an ugly fruit would definitely be a good way to prank Keahi for the last prank, hee hee hee... Just a harmless joke, Blair promises!

...Anton thought at first that he hadn't fully woken up in the morning, and that he had just imagined a blue face on the kitchen table. Except that when the architect came back from the bathroom already fresh and invigorated from a cold shower, the face had not disappeared from the kitchen table. ...Ok, and then what? How should he even react? And should he even be reacting to this? Because Farmer is not perplexed by the strange fruit in any way, they treat it like a normal apple or banana. ...Alright, then. Anton silently hopes he doesn't get "sunglasses" from this fruit in his portion of salad.

Well done, Farmer, just great! Making Flor nearly faint because they decided to put some ripe Qi fruit on the dinner table before going to bed, without warning the red-haired spouse for doing so. The poor, sleepy girl wanted to drink a glass of water at midnight, but she ended up throwing it all on the floor and screaming, mistaking the fruit for human heads. Now Farmer is ashamed now... And rightly so - they shouldn't scare Flor like that!

Kiarra's face twisted at what she saw. "Honey, you didn't use any fertiliser or seeds from Joja, right? You didn't take anything from them?" Her first guess as to the origin of this strange fruit was immediately the much disliked greedy company with the blue logo. Joja always like to spoil pump vegetables and fruits with all sorts of harmful substances of unknown origin to make them bigger, and as a consequence - to sell them for more money. Even when Farmer explained to her that it wasn't Joja, the girl still remained sceptical. Because it's... not natural. Something is wrong.

Zayne thought that it would be at least tactless and rude of him to voice his first thought out loud when Farmer presented them with the 'fruit of their labours'. Especially since he loved his spouse and knew what a wonderful farmer they are, unrivalled in the entire Republic. But... What is it? The Amethyne family heir has seen some rather unusual and sometimes even strange delicacies on his own dinner table and on the tables of other noble families. But a fruit with a face... Someone, who apparently ordered Farmer to grow the fruit just so, has... a very specific flavour.

"Ew," was Ysabelle's only reaction, and to be honest - many would have agreed with her conclusion about the blue fruit with the snickering face and sunglasses. Even Farmer didn't argue with their partner's opinion about it. Really, ew (no offence, Mr. Qi). The girl simultaneously wants to ask what this fruit is and doesn't want to know anything about it, figuring it will be further questions than answers. People in the hotel have demanded stranger foods and delicacies, so the blue face fruit isn't too much of a shock to her. But still - ew.

"Hmm, why the face?" How does Farmer know, Paula? When they took the assignment from a, ahem, familiar person, they had no idea that the 'Qi fruit' would turn out to be exactly like this - a bit creepy, with a human face (but cool glasses!). The military medic wasn't too surprised by this weird crop (she'd seen much stranger food), and if the fruit wasn't poisonous and wasn't an allergy sufferer's worst nightmare, why not give it a try. "Heh, I wonder if anyone would dare to try this food on a dare"

"No, thank you, my soul. I'm good with an apple," June politely declined as Farmer, having harvested a ripe crop from the greenhouse, brought June a whole basket of different fruits and berries from all seasons to the farmhouse. His favourite apples, strawberries, oranges, pomegranate, a blue fruit with a face- Wait, what? Did he see that right? Yeah, the pianist's eyesight was not deceiving him. Later, he'll be asking Farmer questions about the blue weird fruit. In the meantime, he just wants to enjoy the apple.

When Faye thought of fresh fruit salad, she imagined cutting up a juicy and sweet mango, a ripe, with the sour notes pineapple, a delicious banana, and fill it up it with fresh orange juice. And at the sight of the Qi fruit, the waitress honestly lost her appetite. Is it... really a fruit? Why does it look so scary? It's also smiling... Oh, yuck! Farmer, that fruit winked at her! Brrr! No weird blue fruits on the dinning table, they're scary!

Shiro jumped up sharply, almost scalding hot, when he saw a field of a hundred blue smiling heads from the porch. Everywhere he turned his head, there they were: smiling, the light bouncing off their... Glasses? What the hell is that, anyway? "People want to buy fruit like that? With a scary face?" No, he's not going to try it, and the Farmer isn't advised to either. It doesn't look good, and it probably doesn't taste good anyway- No, Farmer, making this 'Qi' fruit into a smoothie isn't a good idea either... Just don't, please.

Corine never thought people could come up with something like this with crop. Well, she'd seen square watermelons, heart-shaped pears, and even star-shaped peaches on TV. But a melon-sized blue fruit that also had a human face..... Even she didn't expect that. Really, she doesn't understand why the Farmer glued it on. "Oh, I didn't glue the glasses on, dear, they grew with the fruit!" Sorry, the glasses did what?

"No offence, dear, but I'll probably pass." Oh, Farmer didn't grow this fruit for food, but for someone personally? Whew, what a relief... Um, Kenneth didn't mean to be rude or offend Farmer in any way, but the mere thought of that Qi fruit that very much resembled a head being cut with a knife made him cringe and disgusted. The inventor doesn't understand who needs fruit grown in this way, but he's not good at farming, so Kenneth will leave the matter to his spouse.

Farmer: Guys, I need your help.

Camilla: Love help?

Alesia: Financial help?

Lance: Emotional help?

Isaac: Help moving a body?

*Everybody looks at Isaac*

Isaac: What?

𝙰𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝙵𝚒𝚎𝚕𝚍𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝙼𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚊 𝚄𝚙𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚎

[After countless side quests—gathering rare relics, artifacts, and questionable items,—casting complicated spells (including accidentally turning their cow blue for a week and setting a tree on fire), the Farmer finally frees Caldarus from his statue prison.]

Caldarus: *stands before them, now in human form, his dragon wings unfurled, horns glinting in the sunlight, and a tail lazily swishing behind him. The air practically hums with power.*

Farmer: *gawking, inner thoughts* Oh no. He’s hot. Like, "burn-down-my-crops" hot.

Caldarus: *stretching his wings, glancing at his hands with a satisfied grin* I’m finally free… after a thousand years. I can feel the wind again. *breathes deeply* No more being a glorified lawn ornament.

Farmer: *still staring* Uh-huh. Majestic. Totally majestic.

Caldarus: *turning to them with a charming smile* Truly, I owe you a debt I cannot hope to repay. Tell me, Farmer. What reward would suffice for freeing me?

Farmer: *already holding out a bouquet, a ring, and a chest full of their finest gold and jewels* Simple. Marry me.

Caldarus: *blinking, wings twitching in surprise* ...Pardon?

Farmer: Look, you’re tall, you have wings, horns and you practically radiate ‘mysterious ancient power.’ You expect me not to shoot my shot?

Caldarus: *staring at the offerings, then at the Farmer, tail flicking in amusement* You freed me from an ancient curse and your first thought was marriage?

Farmer: *nodding enthusiastically* Yup. Right here, right now. We can skip the long courting phase. I’ve got the ring, the flowers, and enough wealth to fund a honeymoon in every region of Mistria. Let’s go.

Caldarus: *crossing his arms, smirking* I see you’ve also conveniently ignored the thousand-year gap in life experience. I don’t even know what a 'honeymoon' is.

Farmer: Don’t worry, I’ll teach you. Lesson one: It involves a lot of cake and maybe—just maybe, romantic walks under the moonlight. Lesson two: you looking like that means I have no self-control.

Caldarus: *chuckling, wings rustling* Hmm. So bold. I do admire confidence in a mortal. But tell me, are you proposing because of my power… or my devastatingly good looks?

Farmer: *deadpan*...Yes.

Caldarus: *sighing, rubbing his temples as his tail sways* I suppose I should have expected this. You were always talking to my statue about your tragic love life.

Farmer: *shrugging* Hey, you gave great advice! Plus, you could’ve warned me that you were this attractive.

Caldarus: As a statue? Should I have etched a warning plaque? ‘Caution: Restoring this relic may result in intense attraction.’

Farmer: Honestly? It would’ve saved me a lot of emotional turmoil right now.

Caldarus: *snorts, wings twitching with amusement* And you believe a mere proposal is enough? Have you considered the implications? I am an immortal dragon guardian. Marriage is a… complicated matter.

Farmer: Pfft. You sound like you’re overthinking it. I mean, you’ve been stuck as a statue for a thousand years. Surely you’ve had time to think about settling down.

Caldarus: *deadpan* Yes. Clearly, I spent every waking moment contemplating wedding registries and floral arrangements.

Farmer: See? You’re a natural. I’ll handle the registry; you just show up looking majestic and vaguely dangerous.

Caldarus: *exasperated but amused, pacing with his tail flicking* Do you always leap into life-altering decisions without thought?

Farmer: Absolutely. Did you not hear the part where I accidentally turned my cow blue? Commitment issues? Never heard of them.

Caldarus: *pauses, glancing back with a raised brow* That… explains a great deal.

Farmer: Come on. We already have a history. Remember when I told your statue self about that embarrassing date with the cute blacksmith?

Caldarus: *groans dramatically, covering his face with one hand* Unfortunately, I do recall. You spoke for three hours.

Farmer: And yet you didn’t turn to dust. Clearly, we’re meant to be.

Caldarus: *peeking through his fingers, giving them a look* You are infuriating.

Farmer: But charmingly persistent.

Caldarus: *sighing, wings drooping slightly as he gives a reluctant smile* Persistent is one word for it.

Farmer: *grinning, stepping closer* So… is that a ‘yes’?

Caldarus: *arching a brow, giving them a slow, teasing look* Hmm. Tempting. But I’m afraid you’ll have to do better than showing up with shiny trinkets and reckless confidence.

Farmer: Wow. Harsh. After everything I did to free you?

Caldarus: *smirking, wings giving a playful flick* I am grateful. Truly. But I’ve been sealed for a thousand years. I’m hardly rushing into a binding contract with a mortal who once confessed they tried to romance a merchant for discount prices.

Farmer: *groans* Okay, first off, it was a strategic decision. Second, it didn’t work anyway. Third—!

Caldarus: *laughing now, warm and rich, shaking his head* Enough. Your desperation is amusing, but I need time to explore this world again. Perhaps if you prove yourself more… convincingly, we’ll revisit this conversation.

Farmer: *grinning smugly* Oh, you’re so into me.

Caldarus: *turning away, tail flicking with mock indifference* Keep telling yourself that, mortal.

Farmer: *calling after him* Don’t worry, I will! You will be mine!

Caldarus: *under his breath, smiling* ...Infuriating mortal indeed.

Hey everyone! I’ve just uploaded new chapters of "Caldarus's Accidental Guide to Wooing a Farmer." Here’s a sneak peek from the latest chapter:

She hummed softly to herself as she tied off the ends of the flower crown, a satisfied smile playing on her lips as she admired her handiwork. With a gentle movement, she leaned forward, carefully lifting the delicate creation and placing it atop Caldarus’s head.

His gaze flickered up from his book, curiosity stirring as he regarded her with quiet intrigue. “Another one?” His voice held no protest, only mild surprise as though he had already anticipated such an outcome.

She grinned, her fingers still lingering near the crown as she adjusted it slightly. “Of course! You’re starting a collection now.”

A breath of amusement escaped him, a faint exhale that wasn’t quite a laugh but carried the essence of one. He made no move to remove it, allowing the memory of their first festival together to surface, the distant recollection of when she had first given him a flower crown, back when he had been nothing more than an unmoving stone figure in her fields.

Slowly he closed his book, letting it rest upon his lap as his gaze drifted to the flowers surrounding them. Reaching out he selected one, his fingers brushing over the soft petals as he turned his attention back to her. With deliberate care he leaned in, the space between them narrowing as he reached up, gently tucking the flower beneath her ear. His fingertips brushed against her hair, the strands soft beneath his touch as he adjusted the placement, ensuring it sat just right.

Isaria’s breath hitched, her heartbeat suddenly irregular, caught off guard by the unexpected gentleness of the gesture. A warmth crept up her neck, settling in her cheeks as she remained frozen under his touch, her mind scrambling to form a coherent response.

“There.” Caldarus said simply, his golden eyes studying her with an unreadable expression. “It suits you.”

Her fingers twitched slightly against her lap, the sudden flutter in her chest sending a ripple of warmth through her body. “Oh. Uhhh…” She cleared her throat, attempting to steady herself though the lingering sensation of his touch made it a challenge. “Thanks.”

His expression remained calm, entirely unaware of the effect he had just caused as though the simple act had held no deeper meaning beyond placing a flower in her hair.

Isaria let out a breath, shaking her head slightly as she reached for another flower, her hands busying themselves as she willed away the warmth creeping up her cheeks. “You know.” she mused, attempting a casual tone, “You have a habit of saying things that sound suspiciously like flirting.”

Caldarus blinked, his brow slightly furrowing, genuine curiosity flickering across his features. “Do I?”

She laughed, a light and breathy sound as she shook her head again. “Never mind.”

Here's the link of the fic:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63931303/chapters/163977091

I just had a random idea to combine two of my favorite fandoms, Stardew Valley and Bungou Stray Dogs.

Headcanon:

One of my farmers, Cerise, used to be an assassin in the Port Mafia until she grew tired with everyone's bullshit and decided to escape that life. She fled Yokohama with her sister and relocate in Stardew Valley.

Cerise now owns one of her late grandfather's farm areas. Her farm specializes in chocolate making, wines, and cultivating a horticulture of fairy crops.

(Yes. I use mods)

Aleia: How the fuck is this sweet kind woman a former assassin!?

Thalia: Sweet but terrifying.

Rosemary: *already knows about it*