Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 17: Prison

“We’ll get through this. Together." (spoiler: They did not.)

Here's my first post for this year's @akusaimonth! Prompt: "Holding while the other cries" ID in alt. My prompt card is under the cut!

W . I . P

Just thought I’d show you what I’m spending my free time on lately. Still so much to do!

Two (older) sketches I felt like sharing. 

The left one (Coronation) is from June ‘16 and is part of an AU I work on from time to time. The right one (Betrayal) is pretty much a redraw, but in a different context. I drew that one in March this year.

Though they look very similar, they have a slightly different subject: Coronation is about outward-directed anger, about something that has happened / is still happening and could not be prevented. Betrayal on the other hand is about self-hatred. About an inward-directed anger that comes from allowing a person to get close enough to hurt one.

I like to see them both lined up next to each other, because it emphasizes the differences. Also, I think they complete each other.

psssst - is there going to be an akusai event this year?? >.> asking for a friend. (me - i'm the friend).

Hey friend! :) You know what? Yes, let's just do it again! I've been considering for a while, but actually: The joy of seeing everone's works outweighs any negatives. So yeah! I'll get one together! (Even though it's suuuuper late. Sorry Dx)

It will be a Bingo again, same rules as last year too! I'll try to get everything ready before the next week!

I'm currently collecting prompts (I need 24 again) so if anyone has any ideas, please share them with me! In the replies, tags, asks, whatever!! I think it's better if it's not just my ideas!

Let's have a great month again this year!

AKUSAIMONTH: DAYTIME MOON Day 3: Let me clean your wounds.

(can be seen as a continuation to this)

Everything was spinning, at least that's what it felt like when he woke up. Lea just lay there, waiting for his world to calm down again. He made it, didn't he? He had seen Isa's heart … Isa.

Ignoring his dizziness, he opened his eyes and looked up. Isa lay barely an arm's length away from him. Still … … unconscious. At least, that's what he hoped it was.

In a sudden panic, he got to his knees and grabbed his shoulders. "Isa!", he called out his name, shaking him at the same time.

It felt like an eternity before Isa opened his eyes. There was no trace of yellow left in them. Only the greenish blue he remembered from so long ago. Lea felt himself breaking into a smile. All the tension and anxiousness that had kept him on edge this whole time simply fell away from him. He really made it.

His relief didn't last long once Isa reached out to him and … shoved him away. His voice sounded hoarse and weak and he didn't look him in the eye. "Don't touch me," he said. Lea felt his heart clench.

"Come on, Isa," he tried again, reaching for him one more time, only to get hold up by an arm, that certainly shouldn't be doing that. Everything went numb for him.

He had imagined this moment a hundred times. Heck, a thousand times. He didn't really expect Isa to fall around his neck or something, but this … this was nothing like what he thought. He saved Isa, didn't he? Why was he still acting like this? … Like … Saïx.

He just looked at him for a moment, trying to regain his composure. There were traces of the fight they had before all over him. It hadn't exactly been easy to enter Isa's heart.

Isa hadn't even gotten up. Apparently he was even worse off than Lea himself. "You're hurt," Lea stated in a firm voice, "Let me help you." He took hold of Isa's arm that was still trying to keep him away from him and pushed it down with mild power.

Isa still refused to look at him.  "No. Just … leave me be." But this time Lea heard his voice crack. He sounded … sad.

For some reason, it irritated him.

"Leave you be to do what? Die?" He grasped both his shoulders. Isa tensed up and tried to push him away again, but Lea didn't let him. "Do you really think I went through all that trouble, learning how to use a keyblade, waltzing right into a war, fighting you, just to let you die now?? No, Isa, I will bring you home and if I have to drag you all the way there."

Just then Isa suddenly stopped struggling and looked up to him. For a moment his face was full of disbelief, then he made a sound that was a mixture between an exhale and a laugh, and even though it sounded so sad, Lea felt happy about it. Because it was a reaction to him. And because there was the hint of a smile on Isa's face. It had been too long since he had a chance to see that.

"You're still … as stubborn as ever." His voice was quiet, but it wasn't cold. Not anymore. For the second time within a few minutes Lea felt relief wash over him. This wasn't lost, not yet. They could still go back to the way there were, it just'd take a bit longer than he thought.

"See, that's more like what I wanted to hear," he chirped extra cheerfully. He smiled at Isa, then he tightened his grip on his shoulders. "It's good to have you back. Isa."

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 14: Lies

"Are you kidding? You know as well as I do that searching through every room there is impossible." Do you really think me so blind?

(referring to this post)

So, I decided to do it like this from now on. Writing all the background info on my pictures in an extra post, rather than stuffing it into the caption. I just don’t feel very well when people reblog pictures with my sometimes very personal thoughts in the captions. It’s strange to see that on other people’s blogs. Also, this way I can write to my heart’s content. All of the unnecessary stuff noone wants to know anyway! <3 Yay.

(I’ll tag this as “dias art blabber”, by the way.)

So, let’s do this. Background infos, thoughts and close ups below the cut.

Starting Point // Summary? There were three reasons for this picture: a) another onset of winter in the midst of May gave me the right inspiration to finally get that spring flower thing out of my head; b) the nice tags by some people added drastically to that + someone wrote that they “miss miss miss” my art and apparently they only ever see my akusais, so here you go ;) ; and c) it’s my 78th post. It called for some AkuSai. -like stuff.

Finding the motif // flowers The basic idea behind this picture was Roxas with this flower. We call them Sky’s/Heaven’s Keys. (sky and heaven are the same word in German ... I guess it means heaven, but I always understood it as sky. When I was a child I’d always imagine flying and unlocking the sky with one of those flowers …) They are my absolute favourite spring flowers and I found them fitting for Roxas. Not just because of the name, but also on an emotional base.

I figured quiet fast that I should get Xion and Axel onto the pic as well. Xion would of course get Forget-Me-Nots. Which is not very creative, I guess. xD Yet so undeniably fitting. For Axel it was Cuckoo’s Flowers. One of the few pink things I liked as a child. Probably because it wasn’t some “girlish baby colour”, but a really hot pink that really sticked out. Aaaalso, cuckoos are brood parasites, not so sure how you think about that, but in my opinion that connotation suits Axel.

// the rest Still I didn’t know how to get that onto a picture. Until it snowed some day in the middle of May. This was exactly the input I needed. I just thought, that if the Sea Salt Trio was spring flowers, then Saix would be the snow. The last picture followed to bring the picture to an end. It seemed so unfinished, almost like a lie, with the three of them happy.

Upload // Or: Tumblr hates me I did really have a hard time uploading this thing. I literally tried everything. Even with the supposingly working size of 540 x 810 px the pictures were still blurry ... I even tried to reduce the height by cutting the pictures into parts. Still blurry. At some point I just decided that I didn’t care anymore. They are clear on my blog or when they are clicked. That’s enough.

Close Ups // I promised them and here they are! That’s about the size I worked on when I was colouring, the original sketches are waaay smaller, they are drawn on DIN A4 paper (see comparison in the end). 

I like to set these two into some sort of ... contrasting parallels? Like, creating opposites, yet showing the similarities at the same time. Wow, does this even make any sense? xD I used more colour on the bottom of the last picture, because I really wanted the red to be strong there. That image is supposed to have a sad at first and then almost hateful atmosphere. I wanted it to have an unsettling effect  when scrolling down (and letting it sink in, of course).

Axel looks like a flower himself. x’D Especially in those colours …

When my youngest sister saw the picture with the three of them she asked me, if they were marrying. x’D

Size comparison with the actual drawing; the flowers in their hands are like super mini tiny.

So, in case you did read this, thanks a lot! Would you mind letting me know what you think about it, please? Like, does it make sense to do this? What are the interesting parts? What is not? Anything else that you would like to know/see? Did you like the close ups?

Anyway, thank you very very much for showing interest! :D That’s basically the reason for me to finish pictures and put them up on here. You, that is.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 31: Free Day

»You know, Isa. I think I really love you. Like really really.« »You're an idiot.« »Haha. No really, I mean it. I love you, Isa.« »I love you too, Lea. … really really.«

I wanted to upload this for AkuSaiDay, but the odds where against me. It seems it just shouldn't be. xD

No really. *sigh*

I was thinking a lot about what I would do for that day. You know yesterday/today is a special day for me as well, because it's my third anniversary as a fan of AkuSai :) (it was the night from the 7th to the 8th of August, yep I remember it exactly. And yes, the date is a coincidence. xD) I was thinking of making a special for that day, showing you my embarrassing first sketches and a few other drawings and while I was searching my old drawings I stumbled across a sketch that showed them both lying in bed somehow like that. I found it nice and well, that's the story how I came to this motif.

I hope you all had a great AkuSaiDay! :)

A (coloured) collection of doodles of my KHUx character Helium.

Here's the finished drawing next to the sketch! (Also some more Rowan sketches. I have a few of those ahaha)

And some progress pictures!

King (ID in Alt)

I might maybe perhaps possibly still be slightly obsessed with the Wilds of Eldraine story. (And Rowan specifically. Support women's wrongs!)