Today In Niche Genres Of Joke That I Can Never Get Enough Of And Will Probably Still Be Secretly Thinking

Not anymore

"Drink as much as you want

I'd like to join you but I don't drink ...wine."

🎵 maybe it will did turn out this time on the road to hell, on the railroad line 🎵

Also, there’s a lighter engraved with “Agent Phoenix”, but at that point, the agency didn’t call us Agent Phoenix, that was just John’s Nickname for us. It didn’t catch on until after that mishion.

Which means he went to the trouble of getting a CUSTOM LIGHTER MADE with the right logo and everything, just to lock it in a drawer….

John Juniper is so extra I love him sm

Some more observations with IEYTD 2

There’s signs outside of just Handler’s odd line delivery in Safe and Sound. Look at what he gives us at the end of every level.

A cupcake and a bottle of champagne with a champagne flute.

Now let’s look at what Juniper leaves for Phoenix when trying to convince them he’s their handler.

A slice of cake and a glass of wine. It’s so close, but not quite right. He knew that Phoenix usually was given cake and alcohol, but not the little things. Why would John go out of his way to get champagne? He’s got cellars full of wine, and it’s not like that small detail will make much difference.

Honestly, when I first played I remember thinking wow that’s a lotta cake- because that is a huge slice of cake. You immediately know something’s off… but not what.

And the sandwich just feels like overcompensating. Handler has been shown leaving Phoenix sandwiches all through the first game, but not as much in the second one. It’s a safety net.

“See? I’m you handler, I even got you a sandwich!”

I’m not🥲

finally caught up with dracula daily

Now you re-skip my skip right this very minute mister/missy or you’re going in time out

I don’t like you. Unskipps your Skipp

every time i listen to “you’re a mean one mr. grinch” i can’t help but sit there and think “what did the grinch do to hurt you?” because dude just stands there for 2 minutes and 58 seconds and drags the grinch into the dirt

Selected Excerpts From The Fire Nation Royal Palace Servants' (Unofficial) Handbook

Or: Revisions To Normal Protocol After The Ascension Of Agni's Exalted Flame, The Dragon Of The Sun, et cetera, Fire Lord Zuko

1. Agni's Exalted Flame, The Dragon Of The Sun, et cetera, Fire Lord Zuko should not be referred to by his full titles and styles, no matter the context. This appears to annoy him. "Fire Lord Zuko" and "Lord Zuko" are acceptable, as well as "your majesty" and "my Lord".

1.1 "Lord Hotman", however, is unacceptable.

1.2. Even if the Avatar specifically requests you to address Fire Lord Zuko as that.

1.3. In fact, any attempts by the Avatar, the Lady Beifong, the honorable Tribesman Sokka or even Master Katara to get you to address Fire Lord Zuko by anything other than his proper title should be disregarded.

1.4. Referring to Ozai of the Fire Nation (titles rmvd, dishon.) as "The Loser Lord", however, is acceptable.

2. Fire Lord Zuko is aware of the concept of mortality, but does not seem to understand how it relates to His Majesty. Following activities should be discouraged: Free climbing, glider usage, contact with exotic animals larger than a turtleduck (or smaller, if the animal is known to be venomous), amateur theatre productions, cooking, sailing, spelunking, botany, please see full list in the Matron's office.

2.1. It should be noted that His Majesty's belief that mortality does not apply to him does not appear to be completely unfounded. After several "close calls", it has been decided that upon his demise, Fire Lord Zuko should lie in state for at least two weeks.

2.1.1. We do not want another incident.

3. The turtleducks in the Western Pond do not need to be fed by the servants any more.

3.1. However, the turtleducks should be rotated out at regular intervals in order to prevent overfeeding.

4. At any official social functions, at least three servants should be vigilant in case His Majesty tries to tell a joke.

4.1. It should be noted that there is no concern for His Majesty's jokes being offensive, crass or otherwise contrary to good taste. They are simply very bad. His Majesty always ends up embarrassed.

5. Any children left unattended in the Royal Palace for more than 15 degrees can be retrieved from the Fire Lord's office.

6. Should His Majesty go missing, the following places should be searched: roofs and any high places, cellars and secret passages, the fur of the Avatar's sky bison (which is surprisingly deep), and every place that an ordinary five-year-old would think to hide in during a game of "Hide and Explode."

6.1. All of the Imperial Firebenders as well as any soldier who wears a mask during the course of their duties should be questioned.

6.1.1. Important note: Some of the soldiers who are especially close to His Majesty can perform a passable imitation of him. Efforts should be made to prevent an uneducated soldier from, say, conducting a meeting with the Minister of Agriculture.

6.2. After the recent incident, that list is expanded to include the Kyoshi Warriors and any other groups that might wear concealing full face paint.

6.3. If all of these measures prove ineffective, a letter should be sent to The Dragon of the West, Prince Iroh, asking His Highness to return His Majesty.

6.4. If a ransom note is delivered, it should be immediately checked against the handwriting samples from the honorable Tribesman Sokka as well as Avatar Aang, before any other actions are taken.

6.4.1. Replying "Good luck, he's your problem now" to a ransom note is absolutely unacceptable.

6.4.1.1. To further drive home the point, the Royal Archives are required by law to preserve every single piece of royal correspondence. That thing will end up in a museum.

This handbook will be updated should it prove necessary.

voice-over: Halloween is the one night a year a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it

makeup montage

voice-over: the really hardcore girls only wear lingerie and some kind of animal ears

close up of someone putting on a pair of cat ears

cut to the agency door, which the cat king slams open, wearing the perfect mean girls Halloween costume