Cartman Took Kyle’s Phone And Changed His Own Profile There THE MOMENT They Started Dating (kyle Did

Got this from @hatsunevitu post I laugh my ass off reading you two @peppered-saltine

OH MY GOD I NOW NEED A WHOLE FUCKING AU BECAUSE THIS IS A FAMILY

“that’s besides the point” I CANT EVEN BMMZKXJXKXXN IM ACTUALLY IN MY BED SHOUTING IN MY PILLOW RN BECAUSE THISSSS IS SO CANON I CAN ACTUALLY HEAR KYLE SAYING THAT.

and then kyle talks to kids, over and over again, gives them personal space, time to adjust, helps them with their homework and lets them see that he and yentl dont hate each other. and he celebrates each little win in a fight for their acceptance. istg one day he rushes into his and cartman’s bedroom to wake him up and shout victoriously “Moisha just asked me to help him with his Maths homework, and I did, and he smiled at me and said I’m pretty smart for such an annoying asshole!!”

and cartman who is still sleepy barely understandable asks “Moisha called you an annoying asshole?” and kyle smiles so widely and says “YES” and hugs him because he has never felt so happy for being insulted

kyle that actually tries to get along with cartman’s kids and suddenly feels extremely nostalgic because they act exactly like cartman in his childhood, and even if they are little monsters he still adores it, surprisingly for himself. meanwhile eric himself is trying his best to forget all those horrible things he did in his past because he feels so ashamed and now he absolutely refuses to admit that his kids might be pretty similar to how he was when he was ten.

one day kyle is watching kids playing in the front yard from the kitchen where cartman stands next to him and cooks them both a breakfast. they’re sitting in comforting silence, both still sleepy, with messy hair, wearing their pyjamas, and at one moment kyle sighs dreamily and mumbles something like “Wow, some things really don’t change, huh…”. eric just raises an eyebrow not quite understanding what that was about, so he says “Sorry?” and waits for elaboration. kyle chuckles and wordlessly nods in the kids direction. eric smiles, not even looking at them and says “Yeah, they’re such angels”, to which kyle only laughs and says “Dude, they’re more like little devils. I mean, they’re little copies of you in your childhood”. cartman immediately frowns and gets extremely defensive like “What the eff, Kyle, they’re not at all like I was. My kids would never be like that, I won’t let you disrespect them at my house”, and kyle just sits there with a smile looking at how kids outside are trying to burn an orange stuffed voodoo bear in a silly little green hat with a note “kyle” on him. cartman finally turns his head to see what they are up to, and then he barely holds laughter adding “Well, maybe there is just one similarity”.

@bloogers-boogers THANKS A LOT FOR YOUR HEADCANON I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT KYLES INTERACTION WITH THE KIDS

every once in a while someone asks me what my main fandom is and i want to answer but then i just freeze realising that. fuck. no way south park is my main fandom. how cringe is that. how did i even end up here.

Hello! ☆

This is going to be my pinned post here, and I'm also looking for mutuals :D Please write something in replies if you're interested.....Please 💔

I'm Lego, I go by she/they, and I speak Ukrainian and English !

My current hyperfixation is South Park, AND MOSTLY KENNY MCCORMICK !! Him, Craig and Clyde are my favorite characters. If you like Kenny, care about him, find him funny OR AT LEAST FIND HIM OKAY let's be friends. I also have a lot of ships with him and open for new ones so can go with whatever you like!!

More info

DNI: Basic dni criteria (homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic etc); support russia, appreciate russian culture, "don't have an opinion" about russia; active in russian side of the fandom (like, have other social medias on russian);

DNFI: uhhhh not much to say but I guess if you dislike kenny you'll find it boring here

Note: I'm autistic, so I can be pretty weird about things I like. My special interests are: Identity V, space fantasy.

From here I'll tell about my South Park preferences :)

As I said, I like Kenny in a not-very-normal-amount. Some my favorite ships are obviously with him. Here's my favorites! I mostly talk about them only

(first picture template belongs to @hatsunevitu )

I also have other OTPs, I really love them, but I need to warn you, that I don't care about them as much as I do care for kennyships xD

NOTPs......I have them but it's not that big of a deal

And the last thing I'll add: My South Park kin is Craig. Yeah. He's just like me frfr

That's all I can say about myself?? I can't promise to post regularly but I'll try my best. Thank you!!

in s17e1 “let go, let gov” it was confirmed that cartman usually talks on his speakerphone and now i truly believe that’s how he and kyle revealed their relationship to other guys. because one day cartman (as usual) put the conversation on speakerphone when kyle called him without giving it a second thought and kyle casually said “Hello, honey” while stan and kenny were standing next to cartman. and then there was this moment of silence.

so yes i have a kyman university au which i am writing now where they enter the same uni (they didn’t know it until it was too late) and start fighting ‘cause ppl actually like cartman because they dont know about all those terrible things he’s done.

i feel like even professors would dislike kyle for how he acts around cartman.

cartman: So moral values, on the other hand, although are not mandatory to follow, are extremely significant in people’s lives. They are the reason why people understand the importance of equality, honesty and self control. And even though they are not written in any legal documents or Constitution, people who don’t live by their standards or whose values differ from the rest of society are eventually called deviants and threaten the law system. Basically, summing up what I have just said, life without moral values would be a complete disaster and would cause chaos and disorder.

professor: Very well, Eri–

kyle, rolling his eyes and snorting: Oh, please.

professor: Is there a problem, mister Broflovski?

kyle: I’m sorry, but– As if he knows anything about moral values.

professor: And what do you mean by that unexpected accusation?

cartman: I apologise, Professor, me and Kyle were… acquainted before. I believe he’s talking about those times.

kyle: Yes, I am! You shouldn’t even be allowed to study Law in the first place!

cartman: Wow, Kyle. Rude.

professor: Young man, everyone is allowed to study law, no matter what things they’ve done in the past.

kyle: But you don’t understand, he’s…

professor: And I don’t want to judge my students by their past. Right now I see in Eric Cartman a good, responsible, hard-working and smart man, and you… well, you’ve already spoiled my impression.

kyle, shocked: What– But– It’s–

cartman: Can I now continue my answer, Professor?

professor: Sure, Eric, go on. And you *(refers to kyle)* – please, refrain from unasked comments in my classes.

kyle: But– …Okay, I’m… sorry. Won’t happen again.

i have this little funny headcanon on kenman brotp where kenny and cartman are both excellent liars, and can talk utter nonsense with the most convincing faces. cartman is just good at it ‘cause he lies a lot so he’s kinda had a lot of practice, and kenny usually covers his face with a hood so nobody can really look into his eyes. and not only they lie perfectly by themselves just for fun, they also have this incredible mental connection when cartman starts telling bs and kenny continues it without a moment of hesitation. and NOBODY can really tell when they’re really telling the truth.

k: (Hey, guys!)

c: Oh, here he is! Hey, Kenny, tell these assholes about that one time we went to jail together and made a bomb to escape! They don’t believe it really happened.

k, not hesitating one second : (Oh, that one time! Yeah, man, it was pretty crazy, our cellmate almost died that day. How was his name? Brian or something like that, right? And then remember when prison guards literally almost caught us so you–)

c, proudly smirking and whispering to kyle: That’s why he’s always the one to cover me up when my mom wants to find out where I am.

kyman would have made a prenup before anyone would even thought about the wedding

Happy Birthday, Eric Cartman

A small Kenman piece I wrote for his birthday 🤲

Note: I made them middle school here but ages don't affect the story at all soooo enjoy

***

  Eric sighed quietly as he rolled over, now facing the wall. After gazing at the ceiling for the past thirty minutes, he already realized that he's not going to get much sleep tonight. How much easier it would be if he could just lay and instantly fall asleep as it always happens. But it was an unlucky night for him right before his birthday.

  He was...Moderately excited. I mean, which middle school kid wouldn't be excited for his birthday, right? Maybe some depressed dude or a lame hippie wouldn't, but Eric hated those guys anyways. He's not a little child anymore tho, so he won't jump of his bed right at 7 AM in the morning, but he was pretty excited for the gifts his mother was preparing for him and also the usual party he was hosting.

  2:30 AM already, and Eric's still wide awake. He's never getting it right before his birthday. Now he just lies and mumbles something to himself. The weather is shitty, so he can clearly hear the wind noise even through the closed window. Well, at least it's better than lying in a complete silence...Cartman thinks so until something hits his window.

Something hits his window. Suddenly all the wind noises before don't sound like wind noises anymore, because someone is clearly moving outside. God. Eric won't admit it, but he's scared. Of course he's scared, this whole situation looks like a cliche horror movie plot. The 2 AM, the window, the noises...And the next step should be dead Eric Cartman. Then a tragic morning discovery, then his crying mother at the funeral, and then...Wait, no, this isn't going to be like that. He was actually about to call his mother, but then the killer would kill him instantly or what's much worse would think he's a pussy. He can't let that happen! If someone dares to try to kill Eric Cartman at night, they should face the consequences without any mercy.

  Holding a pair of scissors in his hands, Eric was hesitant to open the curtains. That was until he heard the familiar voice through the window.

"Psst, Cartman, open your window!" the voice says.

"Kenny? My fucking God," now Eric more confidently opens the curtains and looks down - it is Kenny! Kenny Mccormick, looking at him with "open the window" puppy eyes. Somehow Eric does just that, and in a few seconds his friend is already in his room. "What are you doing here? I'm trying to get some fucking sleep."

"But you aren't sleeping. Phew, I thought I'd have to wake the princess up," Kenny says, giggling.

"Two shits you're gonna wake me up."

But in the end, they both don't look very tired, so Eric decides that he can go with that.

"Running away from home again, Mccormick?" he says mockingly.

"Nuh-uh, just going for a walk," Kenny shrugs and looks away.

"Right. A walk. At 2 AM. Through the entire town. You're such a comedian," Eric says, nearly laughing.

"Shut up. It is a walk. I'm not leaving Karen there, I'm gonna return home by morning and go to school. Just need some...time." Kenny replies, his voice a bit sadder.

"And you decided to walk directly to my house. I swear, if I was actually sleeping and you'd woke me up, I-"

"Chill out dude, I wasn't going to wake you up, I was just stopping there and thought maybe you wasn't sleeping, and I was right!" Kenny smiles victoriously.

"Uh-huh, and that's why you decided to throw something," Kenny replies with "a stick" and giggles. "a fucking stick at my window!"

"That's just a small detail," he chuckles.

"And what do you want anyways?" Cartman asks. "It's not like we can do any of the cool stuff right now when my mom is asleep. It doesn't mean that I don't want to wake up my mom, it's just-" and he begins his five minute rant about his mom and about how tired and annoyed he is.

Kenny listens through entire thing without saying a word of interruption and with a curious expression on his face. After Eric finishes, he speaks. "Actually, I came to wish you a happy birthday."

A few second silence. This, at almost 3 AM, seriously?

"Huh. You know I haven't invited anyone to my birthday yet, right?" Eric says, confused.

"Yep."

"And you know I might not invite you, right?"

"You'd be a bitch then, but yeah".

Cartman just pokes him instead of a usual "Hey!", and Kenny starts giggling again.

"So...You remembered?" Eric asks curiously.

"About your birthday? Yes," Kenny replies, visibly confused. "Jesus man, why are you so weird about it?" he laughs.

Well, not a lot of people seem to remember without me reminding them!

"You are weird, Kenny. You showed up to my house at 2 AM to wish me happy birthday."

"I just had to do it first!" Kenny says and starts laughing again.

  The situation quickly became much more lovely than it was at the beginning. It surely feels nice and weird at the same time: nice to have someone who cares so genuinely, weird to not have a need to force them to care. With all of that, Eric seems to feel...Happy?

"You know Kenny, you aren't so bad of a guy after all."

Old man yaoi this old man yaoi that wheres the actual old man yaoi