Was Thinkin' Because Of A Tumblr Post I Saw

Old man yaoi this old man yaoi that wheres the actual old man yaoi

girls say that they’re bi and then they’re attracted to

more creekenny moments if there are any enjoyers

kenny: (Tweeeek, your boyfriend’s being a dick again, tell him to shut the fuck up.)

tweek: It’s our boyfriend, Kenny. Tell him yourself.

kenny: (Omg wait, you wanna do it together?)

tweek: Why do you even ask?

tweek & kenny, in sync, holding hands lovingly: Craig, would you shut the fuck up?

craig, emotionlessly: Fuck you, guys🖕.

clyde next to them, in tears: Romance is alive.

the description that i wrote down is basically just this LMAO

but the au itself is about high school!kyman who started dating one day, which was absolutely unexpected, new and confusing for them, so they’ve decided to keep it a secret from everyone for a while, so as not to get negative reaction from their friends. they were trying to think of a proper way to tell other people the news (it was mostly kyle though, because cartman didn’t really care what others would say), and while they still haven’t come up with anything good, they just kept fighting and “hating” each other so others wouldn’t suspect anything unusual (which, honestly, wasn’t really difficult considering that kyle still hated cartman’s bigoted and terrible behaviour).

and they genuinely thought they were doing just great, but literally everyone understood something changed between them after, like, a week or two of their fake rivalry. because kyle is now waaay too slow and hesitant when he has to answer familiar “stfu cartman” when cartman starts pushing his buttons. and eric himself acts strangely protective and defensive when butters supports him in insulting kyle. he goes like:

cartman: Haha, you suck, Kahl!

butters: Hahaha yes, you tell him, Eric!!!

cartman, looking ansolutely insulted: Butters, shut the hell up, what the fuck, man, that was totally unnecessary, who even gave you the right to insult him with me.

butters: But that’s what i usually do…

cartman: Well no you don’t anymore.

butters, confused af: Uh, fine, Eric… So, you don’t hate Kyle anymore?

cartman: What? Pffft, sure I do, he’s a sneaky no good jew.

and then after, like, almost a month, when they are both absolutely sick of hiding and pretending, they finally want to come out to their friends.

kyle: So, basically, I, um… we are kind of together now.

kenny: (Oh. Yeah, we know.)

kyle: What? What do you mean you know?

stan: Well, it was kinda obvious, guys.

cartman: How the hell could me dating fucking Kahl be obvious?

stan: Dude, you were hanging out together any time you were given a chance.

kyle: No, we weren’t–

stan: “Sorry, Stan, the teacher said I have to do this project with Cartman, can’t do anything about it”. Seriously, dude? You would stare at his neck licking your lips, like, at least once a day. Fucking disgusting. Me and Kenny were betting on how long it would take you to finally come out.

kyle: What?! And you didn’t tell anything??

stan: Come on, Kyle, I swear to god, I saw you laughing and smiling when he called you gay while you were arguing. It was too funny to watch without interfering.

kenny: (Yeah, you were smiling almost every time he started insulting you.)

cartman: Ha! Told ya your acting skills suck!

kyle: You suck!

cartman, shrugging: Wow, dude, we just came out, don’t you go spreading all our love life details yet.

kenny, laughing loudly: (That was a good one, bro!)

kyle, blushing and fighting the urge to break cartman’s neck: Don’t give them wrong image of our rela… our thing, you fat asshole.

cartman, smirking: Yep, that’s exactly what you called me last night.

stan, trying to hide a smile: Gross, dudes.

kyle: It’s– I– UGH just– Just… fuck you, guys.

kenny: (All of us? You’d better save that for Cartman ;))

and they would NEVER shut up with this kind of jokes.

i understood i have a huge fucking hyperfixation on kyman when today while i was thinking about a kyman au in the shower i realised that i’m about to have a panic attack so i got out of the shower as quickly as possible to write down a short description of this au so i don’t forget it and then i just continued crying and shaking

SO imagine a soulmate au where people get a mark on their wrist that somehow implies who their soulmate is (basic). the mark usually appears somewhere about the age of 16-18.

not all people have soulmates, it’s a rather rare occasion (like one person out of 700 people), but if there have been people with soulmates in the family before, it increases the chances of having a soulmate-destined baby.

and now. STENNY.

kenny’s parents are soulmates (which is an INCREDIBLY rare situation because most of the time only one or nobody in a couple has a mark) so it was pretty natural to expect him having a mark.

other guys in the friends’ group didn’t worry about it much because they didn’t have any soulmates in their families, so they thought the chances of getting a soulmate mark were too low.

until one day stan wakes up and sees a death mark on his wrist. like. the grim reaper mark.

and he (naturally) gets scared as fuck. he tries to show this mark to anyone to reassure him that it’s ok but everyone seems pretty scared of it just as much as he is.

after, like, one week wendy breaks up with him saying that she’s afraid it’s some sort of a curse and she doesn’t really want to risk her life for a death-marked boy

and stan (once again naturally) gets depressed.

and uh. kenny is the only one who understands the meaning of the mark. but he can’t really tell the truth to stan because he simply wouldn’t believe if one of his best friends just casually told him “ah yes we’re soulmates and the reason why your mark is so weird is because i die at least once a week. wanna go on a date now?”

and while stan is out there hating his unknown soulmate, kenny has to listen to him complaining about his terrible luck and just. do nothing.

so kenny is just… waiting for his mark to appear so he can have a real proof of their soulmateship.

and now imagine the drama.

for some reason i enjoy so much the idea of kyle actually genuinely liking cartman’s appearance. like, he would never admit it – especially to cartman – but somehow eric really is a perfect match for kyle’s preferences.

therefore he can’t possibly stand the idea of cartman changing his appearance to become more “beautiful” in other people’s opinions, because kyle likes him the way he already is — and kyle already is sure cartman is beautiful.

so eeeevery time cartman has even a tiniest thought of losing weight, kyle makes sure he will change his mind.

cartman: I don’t know, man, maybe I really should lose weight… I mean, I’m hot as hell right now, but imagine all those girls who will go completely insane when they see me all skinny and sexy?

kyle: Gross. I don’t want to even think about it.

cartman: Are you jealous, Kyle? Or are you just envious ‘cuz I get more females’ attention being big-boned than you do with your thin ass?

kyle: Don’t you flatter yourself, Fatass. When was the last time a girl looked at you without a terror on her face?

cartman: Oh, shut up, Jew! You’re just afraid you’ll look even uglier next to me.

kyle: So you’re going on a diet, right?

cartman: Right!

kyle: Okay, good luck with this. …Oh, wait, isn’t this a KFC restaurant right there? And, wow, look: I have fifteen bucks right here! Damn, that’s just perfect for a double portion of chicken...

cartman: No… you sneaky little…

kyle: Huh? What’re you saying? I didn’t quite catch it. Do you wanna join me, Cartman?

cartman: …I hate you so much, Kyle. You’re going to burn in hell for forever. More than that: I will turn your life to hell myself–

kyle: So you’re going or not?

cartman: …Yes.

ALSO yes he’d support cartman’s decision to lose weight for himself but he just hates the idea of cartman changing his body just for social standards. and i just want at least one person to completely adore cartman’s looks and compliment him and i think kyle’d be the one to do so. once he get over his embarrassment, he’ll start telling nice things to cartman once in a while and cartman who is absolutely not used to genuine praise will be so. fucking. happy. every time.

Thing that I noticed about Mysterion and had been thinking about ever since:

Outside of the all "logical" ones, one of the main reasons why Mysterion is so much more important for Kenny's character than his other alter egos, is that we can finally see his facial expressions. His emotions.

Yeah, most of the time he's being all that grumpy and never really smiles as Mysterion, but we can have that from his other alter egos. What we didn't have, is his confusion, astonishment, displeasure.

And what gets me the most: His face when he's dying :(

Idk if it's just me, but I find that so?? Important. So much more important than just the unhooded ones

kyman high school au where cartman who has never really cared about his grades finally realises that kyle is kinda obsessed with being the best student and there is nothing that can piss him off more than being bested by someone like cartman. so eric basically just for fun decides to become a perfect student and since he has some kind of natural talent for studying and he’s a quick learner he pretty soon catches up with kyle so they start competing constantly.

and although kyle is a hardworking student, cartman is still perfect at cheating and convincing teachers of his “new” era of being an example student so their competition becomes rather brutal. and i mean it. the history classes are their battlefield where they debate with each other arguing constantly about some historical facts and theories for the whole lesson. and although cartman often makes controversial statements just to irritate kyle, he’s a better and more confident debater due to being an unashamed and charismatic asshole.

when their classmates are afraid of the test or something they beg eric to start a nerdy fight about something (sometimes he even gets paid for doing so).

also kyle kinda sucks at artistic subjects like arts or music or theatre while cartman is great at them (he’s very confident about music and acting which was proven in series multiple times). he often brags about being more imaginative than kyle is. in response kyle laughs at cartman’s constant C’s and B’s in biology/chemistry/geography.

so basically they both end up being called nerds but the only thing that matters to them is being better than each other. competitive & obsessed with each other smartasses :D

OK IDK IF ANYONE’S INTERESTED BUT

my compilation of kyman nsfw headcanons

(obviously they’re both aged up, it’s about 18 for both of them!!) also cw nsfw also please tell me if it gets too cringe……..

• they both have a LOT OF complaints about each other. for example, first month or two kyle has this thing about keeping their relationship in secret from everyone. so every time they’re about to have sex or even just to have a sleepover, he goes over the whole house five times to make sure nobody’s home, locks the door to his room, covers the windows, turns on the music so loud that no one could possibly hear what’s going on between them. he really even considered the idea of turning off the light, but cartman finally freaked out one day and said that if kyle wasn’t gonna handle his fucking paranoia, cartman would just go home.

also he’d try to make cartman quiet all the time so as not to be found by anyone, and it would piss cartman off SO bad: “Be quiet!!! My mom’s gonna hea–“ — “Can we please fuck at least ONCE without mentioning your BITCH mom OH MY FUCKING GOD.”

• also cartman is a jerk so every time kyle does something wrong and pisses him off, cartman remembers it and then later he leaves kyle bites, marks and hickeys on his neck or some other parts of his body that kyle can’t hide under the clothes. and kyle gets SO mad because “My mom is TOTALLY gonna notice this shit why the FUCK would you do that?” – “You called me fatass at school again, I had to take my revenge!”

eventually kyle would start wearing a scarf to hide all the marks cartman left him. and one day cartman was really stupid enough to start laughing in front of the other guys like “This scarf is so fucking gay, Kahl, what are you trying to cover up by it, hickeys??”. and oh boy if glares could kill…

• they don’t really have stable top/bottom roles… usually they just take over control when they feel like it (however, cartman-bottom and kyle-top happens to be a tiny bit more often)

• cartman is really into “extreme” so he would enjoy pestering and teasing kyle in public places so much. you know, quick unexpected kisses in the bus while nobody’s watching, brief touches and quiet and absolutely inappropriate whispering in the crowd…

moreover, cartman would totally be the type to start touching kyle’s knees under the table during the family dinner at broflovski’s house while talking to sheila with the most innocent face a person could possibly have. (kyle is sitting next to him about to explode with embarrassment and anger).

• in addition to that “extreme” thing, they are both kinda addicted to risking, so after two or three months of dating they both would get really into doing it in public. the worst time was in marsh’s bathroom once. stan learned about it already after the fact, and he stopped talking to them for, like, almost a week, because it was fucking traumatizing.

*kyle and cartman, kissing at the bus stop*

stan, laughing: You guys are gross, haha.

cartman, chuckling: Oh, come on, it’s nothing compared to that one time we did it in the bathroom in your house.

stan: …You did what?

kyle: WHY WOULD YOU TELL HIM THAT

cartman: What, you said you liked it!

kyle: I am so sorry, Stan, it’s all his fau–

stan: I am NEVER letting you in my house again.

kyle: Wait, Stan, please–

kenny, coming up to them: Hey guys! ‘Sup?

stan, completely broken: They had sex in my bathroom once.

kenny, grinning: WOAH nice one guys!!! Have you already done it in my house too?

kyle: NO

cartman, in sync: Yes.

• kyle absolutely sucks in romance but he’s actually trying his best to be as romantic as possible, so for their first time he bought flowers, lit candles in his room and made a goddamn playlist with the most cringy romantic songs about love ever. at first cartman didn’t mind it, and he honestly thought it was absolutely sweet. however when he heard some french song playing from kyle’s laptop while they were in the middle of process, he got so irritated he (with an effort) stopped kissing kyle for a minute to walk up, half-naked, to the table to turn off the music and mutter something about kyle’s terrible tastes.

• they both are SO prissy i mean they can get sooo absolutely gross sometimes, but having sex without having a shower and proper preparation first? never. and it’s actually pretty funny, because people don’t usually expect cartman to care so much about cleanness :D

• also cartman reaaally likes getting on kyle’s nerves and embarrass him in front of others, so it’s a typical situation when he tries to kiss or do something more intimate to kyle while he’s having a phone call or smth. (gross and disrespectful but oh how kyle loves it)

and it just somehow happens that stan is the one who suffers the most from this. one day stan and kyle were discussing on the phone something school-related and cartman got bored enough to start casually teasing kyle, touching him, kissing and biting his neck and, well, more.

kyle, breathing heavily while talking on his phone: Y-yes, dude, I’ll… I’ll send you my homework as soon as I get a chance.

stan: Kyle, I swear to fucking god if Cartman is trying to blow you while we’re talking, we will NEVER be friends again.

kyle: Of course he– doesn’t! What kind of perverts do you… think we are.

stan: You know what? I’ll ask Kenny about homework.

kyle: Kenny never does his homework.

stan: Yes, and Kenny also never tries to fuck someone AND talk to me at the same time!

kenny, shouting from the other room: I’m sorry to disappoint you, but actually–

stan, horrified: I hate you all.

• also yes meanwhile they can get pretty, uhh, sadistic from time to time most of the time they stick to gentle and comforting treatment because they never want to hurt each other on purpose. moreover, kyle praises cartman in bed constantly, making him feel much more confident about his body, and sometimes, when they’re most intimate and close to each other, kyle calls him “eric” and actually – cartman thinks just this, just hearing his own name pronounced by kyle with such satisfaction is so much better than sex itself.

• not nsfw, but cartman really often sneaks up to kyle’s room to just lay down with him and hug at night till they both fall asleep, and even though it was really awkward at first, as time passed, kyle got pretty used to opening his window and letting cartman in to hug him really tightly and sleep together :(

do you ship Stary (Stan x Gary)?

oh my god ABSOLUTELY. for some reason i got reaaally into it and came up with an au of how they got closer. i’m not usually a fan of ships with one-episode characters, but stary is SO great. HOLD ON LEMME TELL YOU ABOUT THAT AU

okay, so, we all know how “all about mormons” ended and that we have never heard of gary after that, right? now just let’s imagine he stayed in the school, in the same class as stan and others, but visibly started to avoid the main four. he hung out with the “background kids” and mostly girls, because they all adored how nice he is.

it didn’t actually make any difference for main four – they still thought gary was lame and were not interested in talking to him since he’s not a new kid in the class anymore. they all didn’t really like him. except for stan.

stan couldn’t get the thought of gary out of his head for all the following years. he didn’t make any attempts to befriending gary again, because he knew guys wouldn’t understand and he was terrified of hearing rejection again, so he mostly just… kinda secretly looked through gary’s social media once a week (or more often) and sometimes watched him out of the corner of his eye in the classroom.

he saw that gary was doing pretty fine without him, so he didn’t wanna be an inconvenience, but the thought. the thought that he had missed his chance to be friends with one of the most sincere and comforting people in the whole school only because of the peer pressure.

but he didn’t thought he could have a chance to reconnect until he has heard that gary’s parents are getting a divorce and that the “perfect mormon house” secretly had its troubles. and then, as it was absolutely destined, after the lessons ended, he sees gary sitting in the classroom all alone with a blank expression on his face and tired look in his eyes. and without giving it a second thought he walks up to gary and asks if everything’s fine.

and they start talking. for an hour, if not more. stan know some shit about divorcing parents, troubles at home and an urge to drink to feel happy (which turned out to be gary’s problem too), so he know how to support him, and gary is such a great listener. they start with discussing gary’s family problems, then eventually they start remembering their first time seeing each other, and stan (unexpectedly for even himself) openly admits he regrets fucking up things with their friendship, and he has dreamed of finally talking to him again for, like, ages. and gary just genuinely smiles and takes his hand saying that they still have time for that.

eventually they hang out together more. with gary there isn’t a lot of crazy adventures, and stan, who’s got pretty sick of those, feels so relaxed while being with him. the only thing is that they mostly meet privately and secretly from the rest of the main four, because stan feels this irrational shame for being friends with someone they don’t like. it kinda upsets gary, but he doesn’t want to end their friendship because of the same reason it ended the first time.

so yeah, that takes them two or three months until stan finally realises the unpleasant truth – he doesn’t wanna be just friends with gary and his nearly-obsession with him for the last five years was more likely a behaviour of a person who’s desperately in love. fuck. he doesn’t confess his feelings to gary because he’s too scared of fucking thing up the second time.

and it seems to be working, but the more stan spends time with gary, the more love he feels, until one day he finally snaps and while one of their walks in the park he very awkwardly kisses gary, who (honestly) doesn’t really seem to mind it.

and stan, an example of bravery, apologises and runs away before gary has a chance to answer him properly. ‘cause stan’s a jerk and he’s panicking.

he’s not used to handling stressful situations by himself, so he calls kyle because he has no one else to talk to:

stan: Dude, I have a problem. A big one.

kyle: Woah what happened??? Do you want me to come to your place?

stan: I just kissed a dude.

kyle: Okay I knew I’d hear these words from you one day.

stan: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU KNEW.

kyle: Oh please–

stan: We’ll talk about it later.

kyle: Pff, sure, dude. So you’re gay? Is this a coming out? I’m really proud of you finally admitting it out loud and sharing this with me, you know I’ll always support you whenever you ne–

stan: It’s Gary Harrison.

kyle: What. The mormon kid????

stan: Yeah, we kinda… Hung out together in secret…

kyle: But you hated him???

stan: WELL IT TURNS OUT I DIDN’T.

kyle: So what do you call me for?

stan: Oh, right. I kinda… ran away after we kissed?…

kyle: WHY.

stan: I DON’T KNOW, MAN, I PANICKED.

so kyle as the most supportive friend ever first laughs at stan, then helps him to understand what to do next. (and totally tells about it to cartman)

and, well, it’s pretty long enough so i guess i’ll stop here, because the rest of it is pretty much the plot of any slowburn mlm 200k words fic lmao

so yeah. answering to your question: i love stary. a lot.