Grrrahg

i wanna write kyman i wanna draw kyman i wanna read kyman i wanna watch kyman

as you could maybe tell im not fucking normal about them

y’know who’s the biggest kyman hater on earth? stan marsh.

so i’ve written some headcanons about kyman’s love languages right here, and i mentioned cartman being absolutely disgusting with his pda, so i think he’d like pissing both kyle and stan with kissing and being affectionate to kyle in public.

‘cause, you know, when kyle and stan are talking to each other and ignoring cartman’s Very Important Presence, he actually tries to be patient but then he finally fails and sneaks up to kyle and does something unexpected like sitting on kyle’s laps or biting his neck with the most innocent face. and that’s it. kyle.exe stopped working, he’s completely distracted and stan is irritated af looking at satisfied cartman. so they have this conversation every time stan and kyle want to hang out together:

stan: No, no, wait, dude, don’t tell me Cartman’s gonna be here all the time!

cartman: What’s the matter, Stan? You’re jealous of me and Kahl having this wonderful relationship you’d never have?

stan: First of all: gross. Secondly: I hate you, Cartman, and I totally disrespect you, Kyle, for dragging him to every walk we have.

kyle: Oh, come on, dude, don’t be such a drama queen, you won’t even notice his presence! Just ignore him.

cartman: Hey! >:[

stan: No-o, I know how it always happens. Every time I talk to you for more than a few minutes this asshole gets bored and distracts you with some disgusting things like licking your neck or, I dont know, sitting on your laps.

kyle: Oh, please, that happened only once or twice! Look, I’m a mature and conscious person, I can ignore Cartman when I want to.

cartman: Ha! Lying jew. You can’t resist me.

kyle: Shut up, Fatass!

stan: See?? That’s what I was talking about. You never pay attention to anything when he’s around!

kyle: I resent these baseless accusations.

in kyle's defense, i want to say that he will eventually handle this so it won’t affect his friendship with stan. stan may be acting all grumpy and whiny about kyman’s relationship but he really is kind of supportive of them and is happy his best friend finally found someone to be together with. even if this “someone” is eric cartman.

@bloogers-boogers I CRIED I LOVE IT EVERY TIME WHEN U REBLOG ME I JUST 😭😭😭😭🤲🤲🤲🤲🤲 THANKS A LOT MKZNXKXNXKXHSJXN

did i mention i love kyman crossovers? i have come up with a kyman au that is a crossover with infinity train.

first of all if someone has no idea what infinity train is, that’s a cartoon about an odd train with an endless amount of cars in it. people get to this train suddenly, and they have a green flashing number on their hand, each is individual. it represents the main psychological trouble a person has. number can go up and down depending on how far a person is from solving the problem. the main aim of the train is to help ppl solve their trouble and make peace with themselves. (for example the main character of season 1 was a girl whose parents were divorced, and she blamed herself for that. she could only get off the train when she realised she’s not responsible for their decision and sometimes things change for the better)

so basically m4 + butters got to the train to the different cars each, but eventually they would find each other. i think first of all kyle found someone like butters or kenny, and cartman found stan. they would wander around through all those cars trying to understand the meaning of the numbers. when they finally all met up they saw that everyone’s numbers are different (butters has the biggest one and kenny has the least one) except for kyman because they share the same number. and it really pisses them off, because they have no idea why the hell they have something (anything) in common. so they’d start arguing and fighting AND THE NUMBER SUDDENLY WENT UP.

cartman: Aye! Are you copying me or what?

kyle: What are you talking about, Fata– oh! Your number! The same as mine…

cartman: Yeah, Kahl, that’s what I wanted to ask you about!

kyle: I have no idea why it is this way. Probably a coincidence?

cartman: What are the odds of this, huh?

kyle: I don’t know! And fuck off already, I’m already pretty sick of hearing you again.

cartman: You’re sick?? I’m the one who is forced to stay in a godforsaken closeted space with fucking Kyle!

kyle: Ughhh, it was much better to walk with Kenny, you fat fuck.

cartman: Yes, I also prefer Stan’s company muuuch better! …Wait.

kyle: Huh?

cartman: The number. It changed. It was 167 and now it’s 176!

kyle: …Mine too…

cartman: So they are connected.

kyle: I guess they are…

cartman: Oh, screw it, now my number is connected to the jew’s number! That’s not good, I swear it’s a bad luck…

kyle: Shut up already, would you?? I’m trying to think. You made our numbers go up.

cartman: Oh, so now it’s my fault?!

kyle: Whose else could it be?

cartman: My number was totally fine until I met you! I bet you did something to it and now because of your tricks I’ll never leave that train and never go home and that means I’ll never eat my goddamn KFC dinner my mother had promised me today.

kyle: Oh, so that’s the only thing that bothers you??

cartman: No, it actually bothers me a lot that I’m stuck here with you, of all people!!

(lmao btw the numbers are not random, 167 is a number of s16e7 “cartman finds love” and 176 is “ginger cow :D)

so they fight a lot and their number goes up and up, and then cartman does one small nice things for kyle and number goes a but down, so he realises the number depends on their friendship??? so he starts using it trying to act nice and good to kyle (not genuinely ofc)

cartman, opens the car’s door for kyle: After you, my dear friend.

kyle: What are you doing?

cartman: What? Just trying to help you, that’s all.

kyle: …You enter this one first.

cartman: What. Why?

kyle: I don’t trust you. It’s probably the most dangerous one and you just want to lock me there or something.

cartman: Why would I do that, Kahl?

kyle: Because you hate me.

cartman: That’s not true! It’s just friendly fighting, nothing more. Come on, Kyle, I’ll help you with that car! Hey, and did I mention you look sooo great today?

kyle, raising an eyebrow: The fuck are you talking about? What’s the catch? And why do you keep looking at your number?

cartman: Oh my GOD! Can’t I just be nice to you for a goddamn minute without you suspecting me of some delusional ideas, you fucking jew?!

kyle: I want to know why you’re nice, because I will never believe you’re genuine about that.

cartman: Oh, for fuck’s sake, just keep going!

and he realises it doesn’t work until it’s sincere.

so it takes them about two months to fix their friendship and be honest about it. that they don’t actually hate each other, that they have much more in common than they thought. and then they’re stuck at something like 10, for, um, two weeks. nothing they do can change their number no matter how nice and good they are to each other. the thing is the train wanted them to be honest to themselves, and they couldn’t do it without admitting they like each other more than friends :3

AND OH GOD PLS TELL ME IT DOESN’T SOUND DELUSIONAL AND CRINGE BECAUSE IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS SHIT FOR LIKE THE WHOLE DAY.

Made a lil kyman animatic cause I love them sm???

Song's by Reel Big Fish!

man i LOVE kenman brotp (that goes along with kyman otp) so here’s an au

ok cw death

i was randomly thinking about an au where cartman got immortality too.

(idk how exactly tho, i think it had something to do with satan or jesus who wanted to teach cartman empathy and sympathy so he can understand how does it feel to live a life of less fortunate who suffer every day or smth like that)

so he got immortal and that’d be the funniest thing on earth because he definitely thought about it as a blessing, not a curse. because now he can do stupid things and not worry about it because he’ll just get back to life. and it’d save him a lot of time, he’d be like uhhhh going from school is sooooo long i guess i’ll just kill myself to respawn at home.

and that kinda helps kenny because for the first time he starts seeing his immortality as something remooootely positive?

and kenman are a partners in crimes brotp in this au because you can’t tell me cartman wouldn’t use their powers to rob banks and punish those he dislikes. and kenny just has to keep looking after cartman so he doesn’t kill himself too often.

(btw cartman TOTALLY would get killed in front of the guys on purpose once and recorded it on a video because he wanted to know their reaction and then he saw kyle literally almost CRYING and it made him feel kind of guilty… but he expected everyone to forget his death, like they forgot kenny’s, and so did happen, with one minor exception – kyle remembered… heheheh i’ll definitely write something about kyman in this au later)

anyway cartman convinces kenny that they can make BIIIG money if they use their superpower to rob a bank. kenny didn’t want to tempt the fate at first, but then cartman told him how he could save his family with the money and kenny finally agreed.

they’d be like:

kenny: (Now we divide the money we stole in half, equally, right?)

cartman: Actually, I think I deserve 60%, Kenny.

kenny: (What?! How come?)

cartman: I died twice during the mission!

kenny: (THAT’S BECAUSE YOU SHOT YOURSELF FOR FUN AND I HAD TO WASTE TWO HOURS TO WAIT FOR YOUR RETURN.)

cartman: I suffered more!

kenny: (Give me the money, asshole! We had a deal!)

cartman: Ugh, fine, fine. Take it, Poor Kid. Buy your sister a fucking doll, for all I care☹️

kenny would waste more time on calming cartman down than on actually doing crimes on the missions come on, ‘cause mf risks his life constantly due to his immortality.

he would come to a bank employee and start insulting and teasing him, and kenny would have to pull cartman away until this stupid ass got shot again.

cartman to the security guard: Ha! Try and stab me! Stab me, you pussy!!!

kenny, standing behind him with a threatening look: Do not.

AND ALSO KYMAN IN THIS AU because kyle does not remember kenny’s deaths but he DOES remember cartman’s so drama drama drama

and if cartman was immortal and kyle found out about it he’d get like super overprotective, because he doesn’t want to lose cartman forever just because this stupid asshole doesn’t take anything seriously and thinks that dying is fun.

so yep it’s basically brotp!kenman and kyman crime au and it’s been rotting my brain for like hours and now i want to write a fucking slowburn fanfic for 100k words.

“oh, i have so many otps in south park i’m a total multishipper and am open to every possible dynamic!”

*continues talking about kyman and nothing but kyman*

guys i actually love canon leslie/kyle so much I MEAN YES kyman is my only otp with kyle, but out of all his other love interests i think leslie is the most interesting one

MAYBE i’m a bit biased cuz i love leslie a lot, but, well… i just like how kyle literally ignores any common sense and goes against his bff cuz of leslie? like, i need a whole ass au where leslie doesn’t get killed and kyle is “dating” her, being torn apart by how he likes her and how he feels like she’s trying to hide who she really is AND AND AND…

idk it’s just kinda interesting to see kyle forgetting about his brutal logic and going against his friends because of love. i think it’s a pretty interesting side of kyle and we don’t get to see it much… (though we see some glimpses of it when he’s around cartman)

Choose and give me your reasons why.

Kyman💚❤️

Rb if you agree

guys i have literally nothing to post... so for the sake of my artblock i found old (-ish?) riddlebird sketch that gave me lots of thougts on oswald being a dad bird and ed being just a terrible step-dad for all gotham kids (its embarrassing for him to deal with children bc he can only offer them a bunch of encyclopedias. he is a lame dad)

FINE FINE I SHOULD JUST— STOP TALKING FOR A LITTLE WHILE. SORRY GUYS HERE IS YOUR NYGMOBBLEPOT ART