You Get To Choose What You Want To Do With Your Life, Instead Of Life Choosing For You. But Having That

ICELAND ICELAND ICELAND ICELAND

Went on a date and they were like "I'm sorry you're disabled". My first thought was to get frustrated or feel patronised, but, that doesn't get us anywhere. So i thought about it and tempered my reaction, and what I came to was this: they're sad, but I'm not!

I understand the impulse to feel bad about my life situation. I get it. It sucks. Like objectively. It bums me out too sometimes.

But im not sorry I'm disabled, I'm happy I'm alive! Im happy with disability, not in spite of it. It's a part of my life. I can no more be miserable about my disability than I can be about getting a bad haircut. It's a part of me and I can either live with it, or I can suffer. If those are my options i choose live with it. Its really that simple and drastic.

Disability means pain, yes, but pain does not mean suffering. I am in pain every day of my life, but I do not suffer. How does that work? I live my life. I live! Isn't that wonderful? I am alive and I have a good, privileged life! I have friends. I have community. I have family. I have passions. So long as i can find the good, I am not focused on my pain, and if i am not focused on my pain it cannot consume me, and if it cannot consume me then I cannot suffer.

My disability is just another thing that is part of me. I don't look at what I can't do. I look at what I want to do, and I find a way to get there.

My life looks different from an able bodied person's life. It just does, and it always will. It's going to be different. I can either embrace it, or I can be miserable. I can either live with it or i can suffer.

I choose to embrace it. I choose to live with it.

It wasn't easy to do so, don't get me wrong. I was miserable for such a long time. I wanted to die; I wanted to die so badly. I thought there was no worth in my life and that I'd never be worth anything. But that's not true.

My life is beautiful. It's not exactly what i wanted for myself, and yeah, if i could wave a magic wand and be in a perfect body... I wouldnt even hesitate to take that option. But that's not gonna happen. So i look at what I have, and I'm so grateful to have it in the first place.

I could be so much worse off. Im fortunate. Im lucky. Im an immigrant success story. I live in a better land. Im happy here. Im well integrated. This place is my home. My country looks after me. I dont want for food. I dont want for shelter. Thats amazing. So if I can look at the little things that im grateful for and build from there...

I dont have all the abilities i want. I will never have everything I want, no matter how simple it may seem. So instead, I will be grateful for what I do have.

Im not sorry i'm im a wheelchair! Im happy! How many people in the world dont have a wheelchair who need one? Im fortunate to have one. My wheelchair is freedom. My world opened up when i got my wheelchair the same way it did when i got my licence.

My life may be sad to you, but its not sad to me. And if its not sad to me, then its not sad! You dont have to feel sad for someones disability. I think its natural to want them to be able to do the same things you can, or to achieve the same things you can. I think you should foster that desire into finding ways to help bridge the gap between what someone can do and what they cant. Access is how you bridge that gap.

Feeling sad for someone with disability is a natural empathetic response. I think its wrong to shame people for it, but it is worth it to redirect their thinking. They are sad for me, but its because they can only see limits. But disability isnt about seeing limits, its about finding out how to move past them.

My life might look sad to you, but you dont know what i can do. You dont know how far ive come. You dont know what my life looks like beyond my disability because you've never been shown that. Its not a story thats told. And i dont mind showing you that theres more to my story than what i cant do.

So, i dont mind if someone tells me theyre sorry im in a wheelchair. Im not. Lets get past that impulse of empathy, and have a real conversation. Because you'll see that i'm not sad. I have a rich life and im happy. Once you can see all that joy, the wheelchair becomes secondary. Of course i'm happy, my life is good.

The wheelchair. The disability. Its set dressing. Its the stage my life takes place on. We cant ignore it. Its there. But it is not so big that it robs goodness from my world.

Am I happy about having my disability? No. But I'm not sad about it. Not anymore.

And that is going to be true about any other disabled person you meet. We dont need pity, because our lives dont warrant it. We dont need you to feel bad for us, because there is no need to feel bad. Its just life. Thats how it goes sometimes.

Once a disabled person's hit the acceptance stage, there's really no need to offer them your sympathies anymore. Be happy with them in their life, however that looks.

I recently started using a cane everyday and so my previously invisible disability is suddenly visible. I also started medschool. It's been a while since I was properly social so I have questions...

People don't walk next to me. And if they accidentally do, they leave to walk next to someone else even if that means squeezing in three people on the sidewalk. No one talks to me if it's not to ask me "what's wrong". I have really tried to make an effort and talk to people but I don't know what to do.

Can it have something to do with my disability and my cane? Like they're scared to say the wrong thing? Or maybe it's because they've sensed the autism?;)

I came out as nonbinary to my best friend last week and it went great. Which I was expecting but that didn't stop me from crying, shaking and needing her to talk me down from an almost panic attack. I had never said anything out loud to anyone, so I was expecting some sort of a reaction.

When I told her, she smiled in the most reassuring way and I asked if she already knew. She said she didn't want to assume anything or pressure me to talk about it before I was ready, so she had been waiting for me to say something. But she had come across some pronoun pins a couple of weeks earlier and she wanted to buy some that said "they/them" for me but she didn't want to pressure me so she didn't buy them. I honestly love that she knew. And that she instinctively knew which pronouns I prefer. Anyway, it's been really nice to be able to talk about it. I've had weird gender feelings for about 10ish years now and only started thinking I might be nonbinary a couple years ago. Before I just did everything to not think about it. But yeah, I'm nonbinary;)

non binary, gnc and trans butch lesbians are a blessing. non binary, gnc, and trans femme lesbians are a blessing. the lesbian community is way too full of people who are ready and welcome to exclude every trans person they can. it's been a mad dash for lesbians to gladly regurgitate rad feminism in order to create a "safe" lesbian community. this creates a hostile unsafe environment that benefits no one

where are the trans, genderqueer, intersex and non conforming lesbians supposed to go? why out of any queer identity should the lesbian community be so hostile and unaccepting of genderqueer and trans people? there are trans gay people, trans bisexual people, trans pansexual people, trans asexual people, trans polyamorous people, and so on. why should lesbians specifically be "protected from" trans people? nonbinary people? intersex people?

we cannot allow this to continue. diversity in lesbian, dyke and sapphic spaces is what makes them beautiful and powerful. we must celebrate all lesbians and dykes no matter how much their identities differ from our own. there's no good reason to throw transfem & transmasc butches out for somehow being a "threat". there's no reason to throw out non binary lesbians for not being women. there's no reason to deny trans men a place in the community when we've been here all along

there's no reason to allow people to gladly repeat rad feminist rhetoric for the sake of keeping the lesbian community "safe" (read: pure). this behavior has very dangerous roots. the lesbian community doesn't need to be "protected" (read: cleansed). lesbians are NOT in any danger being around other types of queer people. lesbians do not need to be protected from the world. lesbians are not in danger the second they're around a different type of queer person (or even cishet people).

encourage and embrace lesbian diversity. our community is built off the backs of genderqueer, genderfluid, gnc, transfeminine, transmasculine, non binary, intersex, two-spirit, transsexual, and ftm butch lesbians. all the lesbians that came before us were just as diverse as the ones we find now. we are stronger the more diverse we are. more lesbians is always a good thing. celebrate the fact that there are even more dykes than you initially realized. more dykes is always a good thing

Witch Of The Ocean Deep’s Teensy Giveaway!

Hello, everyone! In order to give back, I’m hosting a little sea-witch-y giveaway in time for Samhain! Everything in it is super small so I thought this would be really fun. 

This includes: 

Little Book of Crystals

Witchy Kidrobot Enamel Pin

Moon Phases Patch (also could be used as a bookmark)

Four White Scalloped Seashells

Three Pretty Pointy Seashells

One Tumbled Rose Quartz

One Tumbled Amethyst

One Raw Amethyst

One Broken-Off Piece of a Sand Dollar

Three Raw Black Tourmaline

Two Clear Quartz

Two Pieces of Sea Glass

Three Lovely Sea-Toned Rocks

One Blue Wire-Wrapped Pendulum

Four Tiny Jars

One Small Jar of 100% Pure Bee Pollen (If you have any allergies to bees, please research this product before use in spells and do not ingest. Using gloves would be a good idea.)

Here’s the rules!

You must be following me.

No giveaway blogs, please.

Only 16 years and up. Any minors need their parent’s permission first!

You must be comfortable with giving me your name and address. 

Only reblogs count.  Do not tag this as ‘giveaway’.

Type 110808 in the tags so I know you read the rules.

If you have a bee allergy, re-read the italics.

Have fun! 

I will contact the winner on Samhain or October 31st! Good luck, everyone! 

hi, you there who are or are thinking about spending all day in bed, it’s okay, I’m not telling you to get up. I’d just like to do a quick check in to make sure you’ve got everything you need to be comfortable and safe.

Have you gotten up to take any meds you need?

Do you need to open or close your windows or curtains/blinds to make your environment nicer? (Fresh air, keep the cold out, sunlight/darkness)

Do you have a water bottle or a glass of water easily accessible? (Can also be juice, cordial, a meal replacement drink or anything else)

Do you have any over the counter or prescription as required meds you might need, like painkillers or anti nausea meds?

Is your phone or laptop charged?

Are you wearing comfortable clothing?

Do you have enough blankets/pillows to be warm and comfortable?

Do you have any snacks like fruit or chips or muesli bars in case you can’t get up to make a meal?

Are you able to change positions in bed (or sit up if you’re able)?

Do you have any regulation tools like fidgets, ear plugs, or journaling/art books or low energy hobbies you might want?

Are you being gentle and patient with yourself and your body today?

Thanks for doing this check in with me. I like to have some of these things prepared on my nightstand, or all together in the same space in my room so I don’t have to do as much work on low energy days. It can also help to have someone else prepare or get these things for you if you’re unable. Hope you have an uncomplicated day.

pick your fighter

ukraine: edgy vampire sets whole stage on fire

spain: 3 month anniversary date singing to all of europe

solvenia: pink hair and her gal pals

lithuania: no please no not a ballad

austria: mmmmm heart eyes #bae

estonia: opera? really? okay rainbow dress, they did get the memo after all!

norway: not fairytale (2009)

portugal: they're gay and in love for sure

uk: british katy perry, got sabotaged, liked her more because of it

serbia: cult leader and sister wives feat. Albert Einstein on the pipe

germany: ballad but forgivable because its totes emosh

albania: adam lambert is that you? tattoos so good, china banned them

france: je suis bored

czech republic: backpack boy, sounds like talk dirty to me?

denmark: this viking ballad got me sailing straight to valhalla

australia: shE DOESNT EVEN GO HERE

finland: third time lucky saara?

bulgaria: washed up boyband???

moldova: no led staging? moldova don't need it

sweden: red lights I think? I skipped out for a toilet break lol

hungary: screaming into the void #mood

israel: the birdie song but new and improved (feat. body positivity)

netherlands: america? what are you doing here?

ireland: beautiful gay love story, don't hate us cause you ain't us China xox

cyprus: absolute banger, looks like Queen Bey

italy: absolute tune, powerful lyrics, anti-terrorist

Reblogging so I can find it again!!

Dealing With Executive Dysfunction - A Masterpost

The “getting it done in an unconventional way” method.

The “it’s not cheating to do it the easy way” method.

The “fuck what you’re supposed to do” method.

The “get stuff done while you wait” method.

The “you don’t have to do everything at once” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be permanent to be helpful” method.

The “break the task into smaller steps” method.

The “treat yourself like a pet” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be all or nothing” method.

The “put on a persona” method.

The “act like you’re filming a tutorial” method.

The “you don’t have to do it perfectly” method.

The “wait for a trigger” method.

The “do it for your future self” method.

The “might as well” method.

The “when self discipline doesn’t cut it” method.

The “taking care of yourself to take care of your pet” method.

The “make it easy” method.

The “junebugging” method.

The “just show up” method.

The “accept when you need help” method.

The “make it into a game” method.

The “everything worth doing is worth doing poorly” method.

The “trick yourself” method.

The “break it into even smaller steps” method.

The “let go of should” method.

The “your body is an animal you have to take care of” method.

The “fork theory” method.

The “effectivity over aesthetics” method.