When I Hear An Imam Or Islamic Lecturer Talk About The Story Of Lot, Or About Homosexuals, It Breaks

When I hear an imam or islamic lecturer talk about the story of Lot, or about homosexuals, it breaks my heart a little every single time.

A few weeks ago I attended a series of lectures at an islamic school. It was one night, about 5 hours with breaks, but it takes the esteemed position of one of the worst nights in my life. I went in with an open mind, open heart and intended to learn. I’ve always thought that islam in its purest form is one of the most beautiful things on earth, but it is tainted. Tainted by bigots blinded by the dogma which they distort to integrate hate so subtly into our society. Sometimes I wonder if they have any idea what they are doing.

Let us look at a few statistics.

The scientific study “Sexual Behavior in the Human Male” by Indiana University researchers Alfred C. Kinsey, Wardell B. Pomeroy, and Clyde E. Martin reported that 37% of males had homosexual experiences, but this figure includes incidental homosexual experience. The study reported 10% of males being more or less exclusively homosexual. Subsequent studies such as “The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior” by researchers Samuel S. Janus and Cynthia L. Janus & “Homosexuality / Heterosexuality” by researchers David P. McWhirter, Stephanie A. Sanders, and June Machover Reinisch reported the exclusively homosexual male population to be 9% & 13.95% respectively, which supports the Indiana University findings of 10%, or 1 in 10

For the sake of simplicity in maths, let us assume that findings suggest that 1 in 10 males are homosexual. 

At these lectures there must have been about three or four hundred men, boys and children. This could correlate to around 30 or 40 being homosexuals, if we counted all of them. But I’m not going to talk about adults in denial.

I’m going to talk about the kids.

Some of these children will sit through these lectures being told that having feelings toward another man is an “abomination”. They will feel the hate spewing from the sermon that condemns their very nature and they will be terrified. I know this because it scared the crap out of me when I was younger. 

I’ve known that I wasn’t straight since before I can remember. Probably from the age of around 5 or 6. I may not have known the term for my inclination, or what it meant, but I knew something was different. I also sat in the mosque, listening to the imam talking about how homosexuals will be thrown into the fire that feeds on the bones of men like the people of Lot. 

Being a child and having the image of burning for eternity just because of who you may fall in love with is not what Islam teaches.

The story of Lot condemns a lot of things. It condemns inhospitality, rape, robbery, humiliation of stranger and the mistreatment of guests among other things. Why then, do modern muslims choose to focus on the “sin” of homosexuality over all these other things, which are daily occurrences in the world. These things are allowed to pass us by. I know muslims that lie, steal, cheat and backbite regularly, but as soon as you mention the word “gay”, they turn up their noses as if to say that they are once again pious in the face of these “abominations” of men.

I am not a “gay muslim”. I am a muslim who just so happens to be gay. This should not define my fitness to practice my religion, and it should not mean that hypocritical muslims with double standards have the right to condemn me.

I love my religion, I just pity some people that follow it. I’ve always been told that Islam is about tolerance and peace and love, and I’m afraid I fail to see it in the modern world. I consider myself a good person. I don’t consider myself the best muslim, but none of us are.

If we are all equal in the eyes of God, why are we not in the eyes of men? 

Don’t try and tell me that I chose to be gay. I tell you now that i stayed up late at night, crying to God to cure me, to remove this “ailment” and save me from eternal damnation. I was angry with myself, with my God, with my religion. Not because the religion had taught me I was wrong, but because people had told me I was. People told me that I would burn, that I would be punished for something over which I had no control. It broke me. 

Now I realise why i didn’t change, and why I didn’t wake up one morning cured, suddenly into girls.

Maybe there isn’t anything to change.

I am a muslim. I am gay. I am proud of both things, and I don’t plan to change either.