Deadlifted 405. 3 Reps 8 Sets.

my range of emotions go from “it’s scary how much i feel” to “it’s scary how much i don’t feel”

Hey can we have sex (no penetration, no oral, I just beat you up)

[tries to stab you and misses] [tries to stab you and misses] [tries to stab you and misses] dude stop moving [tries to stab you and misses]

I once had a nightmare when I was in one of my phases of avoiding every single person who tries to be in my vicinity, and an ex-but-still-current-friend-that-I-love-but-am-deeply-embittered-by looked me in the eye and told me they knew I was pushing everyone away.

You ever just wake up from an incredibly graphic and realistic nightmare that was a pure psychological horror based on your own personal phobias and trauma and just roll over like “aw shit I got too hot last night I guess.” And then make toast like you didn’t just experience the nine circles of hell before 9 am

tell me i could never hope to be anything even remotely close to useful to you. tell me all i’m good for is being beaten and broken over and over and over again to the brink of death everybody knows it’s true so just fucking SAY IT

Can somebody please beat the shit out of me? Till i am fully bruised and blooded and aching.

So that i can finally feel this pain.

So that i know i can still feel.

i will never leave this house