The Week After A Period Is A Chaotic Fucking Time. Yes I Figured Out What I Want To Do For College And

Tim tells the Batclan he's going on a space mission with Young Justice for a few weeks, he's got everything sorted civilian side and his cases and patrol routes covered, and also if any of his usual Rogue's Gallery suddenly comes looking for him don't worry about it.

And all of that is fine and normal - except that last part hey Tim what the fuck does that mean?

and Tim just goes it's fine don't worry about it anyway gotta go bye! and then he just bounces

and everything is fine until not even a day later when Babs forwards them a video Red Robin uploaded to his social medias that is a music video of him (Red Robin) seductively lip-syncing along to Chappell Roan's "My Kink is Karma" against a backdrop of fail compilation clips of several of the villains Tim has a particular grudge against, including Azrael, Lex Luthor, and most prominently Ra's al Ghul.

so there's Tim, in a form-fitting catsuit styled like his Red Robin costume, in heels, feeling himself up with a video clip in the background showing Ra's tripping on his own robes and face planting into the brickwork, evidence he dyes out some of the gray in his hair, his sash coming undone and pants falling off in the middle of a fight, trying to swipe the effects of a glitterbomb off of himself, etc.

It all ends with the Mean Girls clip of "why are you so obsessed with me?"

The video is immediately viral.

(There's some clips of Red Hood in there fucking up but Jason can't even be mad because he's laughing so hard he's gonna throw up)

Tim's Rogues absolutely DO show up to Gotham looking for him, and while they all want revenge, Red Robin is THEIR arch enemy like HELL are they going to work with these other embarrassments, so they all start fighting each other and it is absolutely CHAOS (Lex decides discretion is the better part of valor and makes a statement that no of course he has nothing against Red Robin he has no idea why he was included in that video haha yes of course it was Very Funny when a bird accidentally pooped on his head he is Very Capable of laughing at himself Thank You, and then he quietly goes to one of his vacation houses and moodily drinks for several days waiting for things to blow over)

Tim, meanwhile, is having a wonderful vacation with Young Justice, catching up with Lobo and Slobo, chasing down some space pirates, and just getting out of Gotham and away from his Rogues trying to challenge him/seduce him/kill him/whatever.

Bruce is taking the constant psychic damage of having the image of softcore Red Robin erotica burned into his brain along with the realization that way, way, WAY too many of Tim's Rogues want to sleep with him like an absolute champ. (Dick is not taking it like a champ, Dick is taking it like an unhinged vengeful wraith and has had to be benched for trying to tear out Ra's throat with his teeth.)

Stephanie is having the Time of Her Life. Damian cannot look anyone in the eye and absolutely cannot look Ra's (or his mother who ALSO showed up prominently in the video) in the face and is Not Having the Time of His Life.

(Jason is with Steph on this one, he is having SUCH a blast, this is so fucking hysterical)

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batman (2016) #147 spoilers!

“batman and robin will always be there to lift each other up. because batman needs a robin, no matter what he thinks he wants.”

Marvel movies have completely eliminated the concept of practical effects from the movie-watching public’s consciousness

LGBTQ+ folk what was your gender/sexuality pipeline?

give me a batman comic where their trauma actually affects them.

bruce gets to be affected by trauma. his parents haunting his narrative and him making it everyone’s problem. his decline after jason died. his hatred of guns. damian does, too. his hallucinations of alfred. the inner turmoil he goes through almost everytime he sees talia.

but it’s literally only them except for a select few comics. with everyone else, everything is forgotten when the next run starts.

give me a dick grayson who is so terrified of loss from losing so many people that he worries himself sick everytime any of his siblings don’t answer a phone call.

give me a jason todd who can’t stand to be in small spaces due to waking up in a coffin and digging himself out of his own grave.

give me a stephanie brown who still thinks about her child everytime she sees a baby.

give me a tim drake who has to force himself not to flinch everytime there’s an explosion because of how many people he killed in the league of assassin bombings.

give me a cassandra cain that reverts back to silence when she gets hit with fear gas.

give me a duke thomas that spends every spare second he has researching potential cures for his parents.

like?? give me a comic where they’re human.

Several videos (independently) start circulating on the internet of the Waynes info dumping.

Bruce - the role of railways in westward expansion in the 1890s

Dick - clown eggs

Jason - tb and the New England vampires of the late 19th century, with reference to vampire literature

Cass - Paris sewer system

Tim - comparison of different camera lenses from different manufacturers, with model numbers

Duke - anti homeless architecture and how to remove it

Damian - cat declawing

After all this, a new meme forms.

'You must be this autistic to get adopted by Bruce Wayne.'

I need to get laid. That's all, goodnight.