Cale needed that evil god's test. Not only to fight despair, but also for his mental health.
He needed to see that there was a world where "Kim Rok Soo" was not left to survive alone. He needed to see all his "what ifs" happen. He needed to resolve all the regrets of "Kim Rok Soo" to fully live as Cale Henituse. Because even if it wasn't his world, he now knows that a "Kim Rok Soo" was happy, surrounded by people he loves, people who would survive with him.
That is how he can loosen the shackles of fear of being alone again as Cale. "We will all survive" is not just a random mantra for him. He needs it to be true. He has had so much loss and grief in his life.
Even if he doesn't really say so, that grief was what kept him going. To "not waste" the sacrifices of all those who saved him, he kept surviving. But that is also why he's reckless despite "valuing" his life.
I think, subconsciously, he thinks that if he can save more people, then that would be a good "payment" for those who saved him. His "slacker life" is basically world peace. 🤭
Back to the point... The test showed him Kim Rok Soo and everyone he cares for survive, so now he has more courage and less doubt to face WS because he wants a life like Parallel KRS', as Cale Henituse.
I love the "came back wrong" trope but from the opposite side.
Imagine you are dead. And then you are RIPPED from the embrace of decay into the world of the living again. Your memories are hazy and you don't recognize any of these people, but they act like they're close to you? Like they love you? So you try to get your memories back, to act like you belong here, but everybody tries to forget you died. And you can't. It is omnipresent. And just trying to grapple with that fact pushes the people who "love" you away, and they're incapable of understanding, and they're so confused, what's wrong N̶̄̀O̶͛͗T̷̉́ ̷͋͝Y̴̎̌Ȍ̴̈U̸̓R NÄM̴̃͑E̵̾̇? And you just need them to understand, you aren't that person! You aren't! You don't know who that person is! You don't know why any of this is happening, but they're unwilling to bend, they keep insisting you are that person, your memories will come back, everything will be normal again, and you want to scream and cry and claw yourself open to show them you're different. Your existence as a being wholly separate from whoever you "used to be" is a sin unto itself. All you can do is scrabble for life and to them, you're killing whoever they loved to do it.
just. lots of fun in that concept, you know?
Too? too??? You mean to tell me there's two of them??
Now I'm in the middle of feeling bad for Lee Soo Hyuk because he had to deal with the aftermath of their antics or to give him the side eye because it's very likely that he was the main instigator of said antics
Channeling my inner Eruhaben with this one:
unfortunately, I will write this fic and I am writing this fic are two very different things
I recently received a lot of activity on this blog and while I don't have any plans for holding the big bang this year yet, as I mentioned last year when the event came to a close (this is a really busy and important year for me),,, considering the attention it has received from the fandom, I might hold it sometime around late August to early September. Though I don't really want to rush it... But well, we'll see if I do end up holding it based on the interest check I will post later.
But for now, it would be nice to have a vague idea on how many people would like to participate in the LCF BigBang.
Whether there will be an interest check form later or not also depends on this poll so do spread the word.
scrolling through ao3, once again realising the one fic I want to read is the one I have to write.
Finn + any pronouns + aroaceMostly lurk, but if I post/reblog it'll be about TCF/LCF or some web novels
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