From-winded-to-wellness - A Winning Loser

Your boundary doesn‘t need an apology.

17 May 2021

So, it’s been about 2 weeks since my last post. I haven’t really been consistent with working out or anything. I have finals to thank for that lol...However, the semester is now OVER, which means I now have all summer to start working towards my goals again. 

This morning, I was able to get out of bed and go to the gym, which I’m really happy about. I decided to try out that workout I’ve seen people rave about on tik tok. The 12-3-30. This is a treadmill workout in which you are walking at an incline of 12 at 3 miles per hour for 30 minutes. EXCEPT, I had to modify it to a 10-3-30 (lol). It was still difficult for me, though. I was able to do the whole thing, plus a 5 minute cool down, but, honestly? I think I might be modifying it a bit more in the future (e.g. reducing the incline more, reducing the time, etc). But, as of now, my plan is to try to do this at least 3 to 5 times a week and see what progress I make in a month or so (maybe even in 2 weeks, who knows?).

Other than all of that, I’m feeling okay. I’m still struggling with my body image, but I’m, at least, feeling a little better in comparison to when I last posted on here. That’s gotta count for something, right? :)

26 March 2021-Life Updates

Sooo...it’s been over a month since I last made a personal post on here. So, here are some life updates:

1. I have been very (extremely) inconsistent with both working out and maintaining a healthier diet. This year has really been kicking my ass. There is so much I have to do in preparation for the end of this semester. I know that is not an excuse, but I really don’t have any other reason to explain me slacking. I’m just so tired all the time. No matter when I go to bed and how much sleep I get, I still feel exhausted. I’m so stressed and burnt out at this point, but I can’t stop yet. I still have like 5 more weeks. But, those 5 weeks seem so far away.

2.  I’ve been actively planning my future. Anything to keep me going and to give me something to look forward to. I’ve been applying to jobs. I, recently, started budgeting and keeping better track of how much I spend each month. I made a list of places I would love to visit one day. I made another list consisting of things I want to try (pole dancing sounds especially fun). I even made a list of books I want to read within these next few months.   

3. I’ve been working on putting myself first. I’ve been, slowly, setting better boundaries with people and being more mindful about my own time and needs. I definitely worry so much (too much) about other people and what they think of me. I’m constantly worried about losing people. I’m always afraid that the people I love are going to get sick of me one day and realize they don’t want to be in my life anymore and no longer want me in theirs. It’s happened before, not even once or twice...I work so hard to make sure I don’t do anything that upsets people. I have realized that I, often, go out of my way to make others happy at the expense of my own happiness. I give so much grace to to people who would, no doubt, drop me the moment I make 1 mistake. And...I’m not saying you shouldn’t drop people. If that’s what brings you peace, definitely set those boundaries with those who are draining you and are toxic for you. What I mean is that I find myself letting people get away with talking to me and treating me in ways that they, themselves, would not tolerate. So...why on earth am I tolerating it, you know? Why can’t I set boundaries with people too? Why do I always have to feel guilty for putting myself first for once? I shouldn’t feel guilty for putting myself first and neither should any of you.

Anyway, this is just me rambling. Today, I cleaned out my fridge and went through my cupboards. I’m going to go grocery shopping tomorrow. I plan on buying actual food. Not just quick snacks I can take with me on the go. My goal is to cook an actual meal tomorrow night. I think I’m also going to find time to do a light workout or even just go for a walk. I really want to start feeling like myself again.

Accountability Post- 2 January 2022

I completed my first workout of 2023 today. Pretty proud of myself. I, almost, didn’t go to the gym. I’m really glad I did. 

I decided to restart my slightly modified version of the tik tok famous 12330 workout. Last year, I mentioned this in a post where I, briefly, discussed what I had been including in my workout routine. So, the 12330 workout is a treadmill workout that was created by a social influencer named Lauren Giraldo. Basically, you walk on the treadmill on an incline of 12, speed of 3, for 30 minutes. I do a 10330 (Incline 10, speed 3, for 30 minutes). For some reason, in my head, an incline of 12 seems too intimidating (Honestly, an incline of 10 is still a lot for me, but I did it lol). 

Cardio-wise I’m still going to be doing the hill workouts I was doing last year (whenever I actually worked out). I think I’m just going to alternate between them and the 10330...just to add some variety, so I don’t get too bored.

Anyway...on to today’s workout...

Today was leg day (my fave):

1. 3-minute warm up on the stairmaster

2. 18 minutes of weights

3. 30 minutes on the treadmill (Incline 10; Speed 3) + a 5-minute cool down after

I’m feeling pretty great (and tired lol). Now, I’m going to read a couple of chapters of the first book in my 2023 reading list (All About Love by Bell Hooks), then I’m off to bed. 

Here’s to starting the year off strong :)

23 April 2023- Reset

So, I know it’s been a while...

I’m sorry for not being consistent with posting on here. It’s been a really rough few months. 

There are multiple sources of the stress I’ve been experiencing, both in my personal life and at work. 

I’ve been really depressed and lonely and have been dealing with a lot of anxiety.

I haven’t been to the gym in several months, so I haven’t even had much to report here anyway...

I’ve been feeling horrible about myself and I feel like my life has been very stagnant. It also doesn’t help that my birthday was just a few days ago. I feel like this has added to the existential dread I’ve been experiencing this weekend...

I know I need to start taking care of myself again. It’s just really hard sometimes.

But, I intend to start doing that. I’m going to treat this coming week as a reset. 

Starting tomorrow, I’m going to restart my health and fitness goals. I’m going to start going to the gym again and incorporate more nutrient-dense foods into my diet. I’m going to start focusing on myself and my needs more. I’m going to revisit the vision board I made for this year and remind myself about the intentions I, originally, had for 2023 (before stuff started going to shit). I’m going to start journaling again. I’m going to become re-attuned to my spirituality and more proactive with my spiritual practices (e.g., manifesting, cleansing, meditating, etc.). I’m going to start trusting myself again and working on improving my intuition. I’m going to be more consistent with self-care. I’m going to continue to go to therapy and heal. 

I’ll do whatever it takes to start feeling better again.

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