🪴

I know this post isn’t going to go with the usual vibe I want for my blog, but I don’t have anywhere else to say this. So my apologies if it’s a bit of a downer. Just keep scrolling. We’ll be back to our regularly scheduled programming later. This is mostly for me. But anyway…

I’ve been feeling so incredibly lonely lately.

I can’t talk about these feelings with anyone anymore. It’s pointless. I’ve realized that people just don’t want to hear it. Which I totally understand. If you’re experiencing all of these happy milestones (career, love, health, family, etc), the last thing you’d probably want to listen to is an unhappy person who is struggling with the very things you’re thriving in. It probably brings you down. But I really don’t have anyone left at this point to talk to and who would understand. I’m so fucking unhappy. And I feel so fucking unloveable.

I know I’m not a terrible person but sometimes it feels like I am. Otherwise, why is my life like this?

Maybe it’s karma from a previous life that I don’t even remember. Maybe I, unknowingly, crossed a voodoo witch or something. I don’t really know. All I know is, I really want this feeling to go away.

No amount of therapy, self love, going outside and “touching grass,” etc seems to help. I feel like such a shell of a human being right now. I’m so tired and lost.

For any mutuals who see this, if you’ve ever felt this way, has it gotten better? What helped you? Because despite doing everything you’re “supposed to,” I don’t feel any better and things haven’t changed at all for me.

Some days I fear things will never get better for me.

I keep holding onto hope but it’s hard.

It’s even harder when you have to go through something like this alone, because you don’t want to bother anyone anymore.

That’s all I guess…

Until later.

Accountability Post #2 (20 June 2022)

I did not make it to the gym. However, my Fitbit registered all of the cleaning and packing I got done today as “swimming.” That counts...right? (lol)

Additionally, I made it to 10,000 steps. Honestly, this has been a very rare occurrence, given the fact that I have been spending most of my time at home these past few weeks. So, I think today was still good. 

Also, I know that I was not consistent with my accountability posts last week (didn’t even last a day before becoming inconsistent lol). But, I’m not going to be hard on myself about that. I’m just going to try harder and continue to try. I’m really determined to not give up on myself this time around. 

Seconds Apart on instagram

You deserve it too, you know? Determined ghost believes it! ❤

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the fact that you’re here, surviving, is enough. I’m proud of you for making it through

Self care isn't just about doing whatever you feel like doing. Sometimes self care is all about prioritizing your long term health and happiness above engaging in whatever unhealthy coping methods you think would provide a feeling of instant gratification.

@ symbolicmagic