Hello Everyone! Before I Start I Wanted To Thank You For Your Time To Read This All, I Know It’s A

Hey! Do you have any tips on how to cope with the loneliness that comes from not being actually able to hold your partner? ;-;

hey there! this is always a tough one and a LOT of people struggle with it in terms of these sorts of relationships. it was really tough for me in the earlier stages of my relationship, too.

it’s different for everyone, of course, but there’s multiple things you can do to bridge the physical gap. “proxy items” are really helpful, i find, and can be almost anything you feel fits. some people have the stereotypical body pillow or plush of their f/o, but others simply associate a plain pillow or soft object with the f/o and hug that. it’s always a good idea to have something soft you can hug, and if you consistently think of this object as some aspect of the f/o or just them while cuddling, it can really help in creating an association and making it feel as though they’re with you.

it’s possible to create that association with other things, too. i wrap myself in a specific blanket that reminds me of my partner if i need a hug, and holding something small to fiddle with like the charm of a bracelet if i’m out and about works for holding hands. ultimately the idea is simply to think of the physical contact you want in conjunction with a specific situation or object until those things get associated in your head and bring the same comfort.

imagination helps, too! just relaxing for a bit and visualizing these things can feel pretty good, especially if you have a vivid imagination. there are techniques for improving your visualizations you can find all around the internet, and they’re great for creating an experience that’s strong, even if it’s not physical.

this should absolutely be taken with a grain of salt, as well, but some people report that lucid dreaming helps with this. in a lucid dream, you’re aware you are dreaming; with practice in cultivating this awareness you can consciously shape the plotline of your dreams and participate in them actively. it’s not for everyone, and it can be quite a process to master it enough to control your dreams. there are multiple techniques of varying ease concerning it, some of which involve attempting to force sleep paralysis (for the record, i wanted to mention this method specifically to say it’s potentially extremely distressing and to avoid it). there are a lot of resources on that, too, if you want to look into it - lucid dreaming is just fun in general, anyway, if it’s a good fit for you!

there are more things than this, of course, but those are what come to mind immediately for me!

-mod moon

what community is right for you?

hello! i thought this might be a good place to get started for resources. in my experience there are three large communities oriented toward a love of fictional characters, but it’s hard to tell where you might fit in best without more information. some people may fit in all three, and some may be drawn to only one.

the three communities i’m referring to are the selfship, fictoromantic/fictosexual and waifuist communities. they’ve all got their own internal sets of values and community culture. i’ve been involved in all three, so here’s what i’ve learned! this post will be updated with corrections as necessary.

selfshippers comprise a huge amount of those in relationships with fictional characters. the selfship community is very large, with the greatest portion of its presence on tumblr and deviantart. however, you’ll find selfshippers on many social media platforms.

selfship culture is a very nebulous thing because of the size of the selfship community. in general, selfshippers tend to treat their fictional relationships as media ships, and it varies from person to person AND ship to ship how serious any given commitment is. there are a good deal of minors in the community, as well as adults in their early and mid twenties. people older than that seem to be drawn to other communities, but obviously exceptions abound. there aren’t rules against polyamory.

fictoromantic/fictosexual communities are very different. in my experience the fict community is smaller and comprised of more adults, many over 25. fict communities usually treat these affections as an orientation rather than a lifestyle choice, in contrast to the other communities listed here. it seems many terms are shared with the selfship community (such as “fictional other”) but not always other things. ficts tend to be more serious about relationships to fictional characters, but that seriousness still varies from person to person, as there isn’t one accepted relationship model. there aren’t rules against polyamory, but some ficts do take offense to adults being interested in minor-age characters. the fict community is probably the smallest of the three, or at least has a very small tumblr presence.

waifuism is a little like selfship in that multiple people who consider themselves waifuists will inevitably disagree on a great deal. there are rules, and in my time i found rules are a very large part of any waifuist’s community experience, but they vary according to what community you’re in. because waifuism is usually perceived as a branch of anime culture, it tends to be pretty different from selfship OR fict communities. there are nearly no shared terms. attitudes about “3D” people range wildly, but such attitudes are generally a fair amount of discussion. the largest social media presences for waifuism are on reddit and on 4chan type boards. i only have experience with the two largest subreddits. polyamory is hotly debated here, as are many rules. depending on what particular community you’re in, people may be committed to the point of IRL celibacy or simply joking about a favorite character.

there’s certainly a lot going on when it comes to how people express their love and how they form communities. i’ve been deeply involved in these communities for about a year and a half, and i still get things wrong, so feel free to tell me about anything i should add or correct here. thanks for reading, and i hope it’s a helpful post!

I’ve been brainwashed by tumblr for far too long, and now that I’m not I’m realizing a lot of things.

- Not everything is fucking offensive

-People have different opinions from you. Fucking deal with it.

- It’s not okay to discriminate against gender, race, or sexuality. THIS INCLUDES STRAIGHT WHITE CIS MALES

- It’s NOT okay to tell people to go kill themselves, this includes telling republicans, cis people, white people, or anyone who differs from your ways to “go die”.

- 4chan is NOT the spawn of the devil and is actually really funny.

- Not everything is a trigger

- Not everything is ableist, transphobic, homophobic, or racist

- There is nothing wrong with being cis, straight or white

- Most of the world is straight and cis

- Double standards are stupid

- Dark humor can be funny

- Feminism is a good thing. But most of tumblr aren’t feminists. They’re extremists.

- It’s okay that you are not politically correct 100% of the time

-Treating people like shit and giving them hate because their opinion differs from you IS FUCKING WRONG!!!!!! 

- Tumblr is sometimes really stupid and the only reason why I’m still on here is because of memes and artsy shit

IF ANY OF THIS MAKES YOU HATE ME IDC UNFOLLOW ME <3

Have a good day! :33

“that character has a canon partner/death/ending/etc u have to respect that :/”

me:

imagine your f/o kissing your fingertips

Character Mannerisms

Here’s some considerations for the tiny little details that can add a lot to a character. Figuring out these mannerisms can do a lot for conveying character traits through their normal actions rather than just their thoughts, dialogue, etc.

How’s their posture? There are more options than just sitting up straight or slouching a lot. What’s their most comfortable sitting position? Do they have a consistent posture or does it change depending on situation / present company? 

How’s their etiquette? Do they hold the door for people behind them? How do they handle handshakes and other kinds of typical contact? Does their language change or become more formal when speaking to strangers? To their elders? To their superiors? 

In a crowded space, do they get out of people’s way, or do people get out of THEIR way? 

How do they point something out? Pointing their finger? Nodding their head? A flippant wave of the hand?

What are their comfort gestures or self-touch gestures? Common comfort gestures include rubbing the back of the neck or gripping their own arms. Can they suppress these gestures or do they do them often?

Also consider the character’s common reactions to common emotions. Do they whoop when they’re excited? Do they tremble when angry? 

What parts of the body are the most expressive? Do they shuffle and stomp their feet a lot when agitated or excited? Are they a hand talker? Do they have an impressive range of motion with their eyebrows?

How do they sound? Do their car keys jingle as they walk? Do they drag their feet? Do their heels clack resoundingly on hard floors? Do they breathe loudly? Do they fidget in ways that make a lot of noise?

How do they handle eye contact?

Any behaviors they reserve for moments when they’re alone? (Or possibly among family/friends that don’t care?) Do they pick their nose? Do they bite their toenails? Do they sniff their armpits? Or do they not care if people see behavior like this?

Apart from comfort gestures, what else do they do to comfort themselves in trying times? What’s their go-to self care? What’s their comfort food? Where’s their safe space?

What are they doing with themselves as they’re suppressing emotion? Lip biting, fist clenching, and avoiding eye contact are common methods of coping with strong emotions.

Humans, for the most part, don’t have a clue. They don’t want one or need one, either. They’re happy. They think they have a good bead on things. Men In Black (1997) | dir. Barry Sonnenfeld

Do you ever read a piece of your own writing and just go oh damn

hey! it’s been a while since i’ve written any resource posts, and this is a little more of a positivity post than a resource, but hopefully it will be helpful.

i’ve seen a lot of selfshippers/fictos talking about why and when these practices are acceptable and when they “cross the line.” in my opinion, i think some of these statements can create an uncomfortable or even implicitly hostile environment for certain mentally ill selfshippers and fictos, as well as reinforce ideas the community is trying to fight. these statements, even given various nuances, boil down to a few core ideas a number of people in the community seem to hold. the idea seems to be that “selfship is OK because it is just for fun/a coping mechanism, and selfshippers can still date in real life. because selfship is just for fun/a coping mechanism, taking it too seriously inherently means a loss of touch with reality, which is a personal fault.”

my greatest concern with this has been that it is potentially rather dismissive of the feelings of mentally ill selfshippers who experience psychosis. such people DO have a loss of touch with reality, through no fault of their own - and for many, this is something they cannot “fix,” even with medication or therapy. if one’s psychosis influences them to believe in or experience something that isn’t objectively real, but this belief or experience does not cause them distress or even improves their quality of life, it is not the responsibility of individuals without the condition to denigrate their experiences or urge them to “fix” their psychosis. in a community which is vocally supportive of mentally ill people, it is the responsibility of the members of that community to support the experiences of all mentally ill people. selfshippers and fictos with psychotic conditions are just as valid in their feelings as any of the rest of us, even if their conditions cause them to experience their f/os in a way we do not.

in addition, it isn’t fair to assert that selfship is okay because it’s “just” a coping mechanism, “just” for fun, or because all fictos/selfshippers prefer (and will abandon the practice for) a “real partner.” if it improves one’s quality of life and harms no one, there is no need for further justification, regardless of whether or not it fits with what outsiders consider “normal.” selfship (and fictosexuality) is not only okay when it’s easy to justify to outsiders. appealing to standards of “normalcy” only creates acceptable targets - “we are okay because we are normal, but those people who disagree with us are not normal, and therefore not okay.” that, ironically enough, is the exact logic on which “cringe culture” operates. you do not have to be “normal” to be worthy of respect and understanding, ever.

please be open to respecting experiences you may not understand, particularly for those whose experiences are already highly stigmatized. to all the “weird” selfshippers and fictos - those of you with psychosis, those of you who take it “too seriously,” those of you who never want a real life partner - you are just fine the way you are, and you don’t need to change for anyone. as long as you’re happy and your selfships/ficto relationships make you happy, you have nothing to worry about and no one here to answer to. live your life according to your own needs and standards.