Today I Learned

how evil are you

100 meet ugly writing prompts for your ugly writing needs!

Because people aren’t perfect. People make mistakes. Sometimes they react first and think later. Sometimes circumstances are less than ideal, but good things come from it anyway.

01.  we were set up on a blind date but it went horribly, so now you message me every time you have a good date because you think your tips will help me in the future, you ass 02.  I bought a house three months ago but I’m finally moving in and discover you’ve been squatting because you’re homeless 03.  you’re drunk in the department store I manage and you keep yelling at other customers so please come into my office while I call the cops 04.  I organize a petition to get you, the ceo, to live off of my wage for three months and since it’s getting media attention, your PR manager suggests you accept the challenge and you keep coming into my department to ask me how to do things 05.  I’m a pro-athlete at a press conference and I make a comment to my buddy about you because I forgot my mic was on 06.  in a moment of stupidity, I keyed what I thought was my ex’s car only to be surprised when you come screaming towards me 07.  I’m assigned to write a piece rounding up all the bad press that you, a famous celebrity, have been getting and you show up in my office and demand me to write a retraction and get the ‘real’ story 08.  I wrote my crush a note except I started it with ‘dear you’ and my friend stuck it into the wrong locker and now you think I have a crush on you 09. we’re strangers who meet at a bar, get drunk, and wake up to announcements of our new engagement all over our social media - what did we do??? 10.  you’ve been breaking into my car to sleep at night and I’ve let it slide because it’s been cold out but I have a date and I need you to find somewhere else (fine, go in my house/garage, I don’t care, you’re not messing this date up for me) 11.  my old dealer is moving to be with his boyfriend, so he hooks me up with you and you refuse to sell to me because I cut in front of you in line one time YEARS ago and I’m not even sure that it was me. this is ridiculous 12.  I’m working at the cash and when I ask you how your day is going, you tell me that it’s the anniversary of [something horrible] and I don’t know what to do with that information so I accidentally blurt “well hope it’s a good one!” when saying goodbye  13.  we make contact before trying to steal the last seat on the subway/bus/train and I end up in your lap and fuck you, I’m going to stay here because I’ve had a really long day and this seat was mine 14.  you caught me doing something a few weeks ago but didn’t report me and now you’re trying to blackmail me into secretly tutoring you even though you and your friends have always been assholes, no I don’t ‘owe’ you 15.  I step out of the bathroom and right into the middle of a bar fight and you punch me accidentally so I punch back on instinct

85 more meet ugly prompts under the cut

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why must i Write Words? is it not enough to imagine, passionately,

Preparing for trouble ✨

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My editing skills are not what they used to be but enjoy cowboy simon!

my brain just spat out what is simultaneously the best and worst potential end credit scene for fnaf

a bunch of cops are surveying the inside of the wreckage of freddy's. there's dead bodies. they're taking pictures. chatting amongst themselves. whatever. one guy in a detective style trenchcoat is standing off to the side. his back is to the camera. one of the cops breaks away and approaches the detective guy.

"so, what do you think happened here?"

"i'm not sure."

the entire audience freezes in horror as they realize. they know that voice. the camera pans around to face the guy, and slowly. matpat removes the sunglasses he's wearing indoors.

"but i have a theory."

smash cut to black. the theater collapses, killing me, in the audience, instantly--

#JusticeforJames

James Potter in the books vs James Potter in the movies

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone - BOOK

Dumbledore: This one time, Harry, your father saved Snape’s life.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone - MOVIE

*no mention of such event*

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - BOOK

Sirius: Harry, I did this really douchey thing once, and I tried to have Remus kill Snape, but your father heard about it and rushed off to save his life.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - MOVIE

*no mention of such event*

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - BOOK

*Harry goes into Pensieve and sees James and Sirius picking on Snape very unfairly - Lily intervenes - Snape cuts James’s face open - James does a dick move - Lily gets pissed - Snape calls Lily a Mudblood for absolutely no reason whatsoever - Lily leaves them to it - James gears up for another dick move*

Snape: *interrupting* GTFO, BITCH!

Harry: HOLY SHIT MY FATHER WAS AN ASSHOLE! *warm and fuzzy illusions ruined*

Sirius and Remus: What up?

Harry: You guys. My Dad was an asshole.

Sirius and Remus: OMG NO! HARRY, SERIOUSLY! Look, James was an immature prat when he was a teenager and he did horrible things and WE’RE NOT DENYING IT and everyone regrets how they acted back then, but he grew up and became a better person and he was a great man, I swear. And it wasn’t like Snape was innocent because he was really mixed up in Dark Arts and James HATED Dark Arts so much.

Harry: But my Mum hated him omg.

Sirius and Remus: Dude don’t even worry about that it’s cool, she totally didn’t.

Harry: Okay.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - MOVIE

*Harry breaks into Snape’s memory in a way that isn’t really possible for somebody who can’t do Legilimency and sees James bullying the shit out of Snape and being the biggest dick in the world*

Harry: ….. my father was an asshole.

*nobody contradicts him*

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - BOOK

*Harry looks into the Pensieve and sees how Snape was in love with Lily but drove her to abandoning their friendship after becoming heavily invested in the Dark Arts and planning to become a Death Eater, and then finally calling her a Mudblood even though Lily was his only friend, and this is a totally rational reason for Lily to break ties with him and we already know that James Potter was essentially a good guy so it makes so much sense that Lily would fall in love with and marry him*

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - MOVIE

*Harry looks into the Pensieve and sees that SNAPE AND LILY WERE SOULMATES OMG BUT THAT BASTARD JAMES POTTER TURNED UP OUT OF NOWHERE AND RIPPED THEM FROM ONE ANOTHER OMG IT’S SO SAD THEIR LOVE WAS TRUE AND NOW SNAPE’S HOLDING HER CORPSE LIKE A FUCKING CREEP BUT OMG SO SAD, GUYS*

Art by https://twitter.com/hokkemaruyaki