Hey I Really Think Y’all Should Watch This

what I really like about all these vintage couple’s portraits is that there is a very certain romatic decorum kept up – certain themes and poses – which, while of course being the mainstream preferred view of couples repeated throughout many studios, are just… so nice to look at. 

this staged affection, a mix of theatricality and intimacy, the couple holding still for a couple of moments and now immortalised in a very set sequence of embraces and kisses. there is a charm to it even when I can’t tell whether this was a genuine couple portait or just actors hired by the photographer.

the kiss on the bare shoulder (eyes perfectly averted), the cheek caress, the piano and the violin, the interrupted embrace, the woman tilted back as in a half-stopped dance…

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Me, thinking aftg is going to be about a bunch of gays playing sports and falling in love because I never bothered reading a synopsis:

Aftg:

Seamus Finnigan meets the Derry Girls.

Derry Girls and the Harry Potter books both take place in the 90s so this is very plausible.

Could never get a dick piercing. What if I get near a strong magnet and it rips my thang asunder

Juicy

Carlisle has good intentions but the people in Forks do NOT

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Observation #1: The prefix "a-" means "none", such as in "asexual", "apolitical" and "Atheism".

Observation: The word "unicorn" is a combination of "uni", meaning "one", and "cornus", meaning "horn".

Conclusion:

This is an acorn.

Rating the birds in my backyard by tendency toward violence

Northern Cardinal, 4/10

I'm sometimes worried the male is sexually harassing the female but I'm pretty sure they're just doing some elaborate public pickup roleplay. The rest of us didn't agree to participate in your kink, guys.

American Robin, 1/10

Literally just some dude hanging out. Never bothered anyone but worms. Big fan of the way you just stand there in the middle of the grass like you forgot what you were supposed to be doing.

House Sparrow, 10/10

You're a gang. You're participating in gang violence. There's ten billion of you living in a single wood pile and it's been civil war for three years now. When will the bloodshed end?

Tufted Titmouse, 1/10

A shy baby. A pretty little guy. I saw you on the neighbor's garage roof and time stopped. There were anime sparkles around you. Come back.

European Starling, 9/10

Why is it always you? Listen, I know, I KNOW the sparrows are the problem, and YET. When the fighting starts, it's always you in the middle of it, provoking them and then screaming like you're an innocent bystander defending yourself. I'm onto you.

Carolina Wren, 3/10

This rating is not for physical violence, which you don't engage in, but for your role as an incurable narc. A tattle tale. I know they're fighting again, okay? I see it. Our yard has been a warzone for years, you don't have to make a big announcement every time someone misbehaves.

Eastern Wood-Peewee, 0/10

If this were "birds who think they're better than everyone else," you'd get 10/10.

Red-bellied Woodpecker, 6/10

It's a utility pole. It's not a tree. You're surrounded by trees that are full of bugs. But there you are, on the utility pole. Committing vandalism.

American Crow, unrated

For who am I to cast judgment on the actions of La Famiglia? I assume you are doing what is best for the neighborhood. If I could, though, without criticism, make a single observation. That when large numbers of you gather in the ominous dead cottonwood - no? No, you're right. None of my business.

Great Crested Flycatcher, 5/10

Frankly, I think you could be doing more. I think your name implies a great potential. I think you should massacre the insects. I think your beak should drip with viscera.

Stay tuned for more criminal activity!

#JusticeforJames

James Potter in the books vs James Potter in the movies

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone - BOOK

Dumbledore: This one time, Harry, your father saved Snape’s life.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone - MOVIE

*no mention of such event*

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - BOOK

Sirius: Harry, I did this really douchey thing once, and I tried to have Remus kill Snape, but your father heard about it and rushed off to save his life.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - MOVIE

*no mention of such event*

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - BOOK

*Harry goes into Pensieve and sees James and Sirius picking on Snape very unfairly - Lily intervenes - Snape cuts James’s face open - James does a dick move - Lily gets pissed - Snape calls Lily a Mudblood for absolutely no reason whatsoever - Lily leaves them to it - James gears up for another dick move*

Snape: *interrupting* GTFO, BITCH!

Harry: HOLY SHIT MY FATHER WAS AN ASSHOLE! *warm and fuzzy illusions ruined*

Sirius and Remus: What up?

Harry: You guys. My Dad was an asshole.

Sirius and Remus: OMG NO! HARRY, SERIOUSLY! Look, James was an immature prat when he was a teenager and he did horrible things and WE’RE NOT DENYING IT and everyone regrets how they acted back then, but he grew up and became a better person and he was a great man, I swear. And it wasn’t like Snape was innocent because he was really mixed up in Dark Arts and James HATED Dark Arts so much.

Harry: But my Mum hated him omg.

Sirius and Remus: Dude don’t even worry about that it’s cool, she totally didn’t.

Harry: Okay.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - MOVIE

*Harry breaks into Snape’s memory in a way that isn’t really possible for somebody who can’t do Legilimency and sees James bullying the shit out of Snape and being the biggest dick in the world*

Harry: ….. my father was an asshole.

*nobody contradicts him*

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - BOOK

*Harry looks into the Pensieve and sees how Snape was in love with Lily but drove her to abandoning their friendship after becoming heavily invested in the Dark Arts and planning to become a Death Eater, and then finally calling her a Mudblood even though Lily was his only friend, and this is a totally rational reason for Lily to break ties with him and we already know that James Potter was essentially a good guy so it makes so much sense that Lily would fall in love with and marry him*

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - MOVIE

*Harry looks into the Pensieve and sees that SNAPE AND LILY WERE SOULMATES OMG BUT THAT BASTARD JAMES POTTER TURNED UP OUT OF NOWHERE AND RIPPED THEM FROM ONE ANOTHER OMG IT’S SO SAD THEIR LOVE WAS TRUE AND NOW SNAPE’S HOLDING HER CORPSE LIKE A FUCKING CREEP BUT OMG SO SAD, GUYS*