To All The High School Students Out There With Mental Illnesses

Wow! An original post!! Chemistry is great btw

Dear 2017,

I saw you described as a scooter to the ankle and I don’t think I’ve ever agreed with something more. You had your good moments, can’t deny that. I became an adult this year, how did that happen? I have cried more this year than I ever have. I have had a year filled with good and bad, of meetings and partings. I made friends this year I thought would be with me forever, people I thought would have my back, alas I lost them this year too, because they weren’t who I thought they were.

This year I saw people for what they were. 2017, you show me that seven years of friendship, years of me putting others first, of making sure everyone else was okay when I was hurting, boils down to nothing. Not when there are others who can manipulate and twist things. Not when others are louder. Not when your own voice has been reduced to nothing. Maybe I expected to much. Maybe I thought my friends knew me better than they did. Maybe I thought after everything they’d have my back. I wanted my friends to stick up for me and they didn’t. I’ve accepted that.

2017, you pushed me to my limit. You sent me trials that made me question everything I’ve done for the last 5 years. But you showed me that I am stronger than I thought. That I can cope with a lot more than I expected. You taught me that I will be fine. You showed me that even in my lowest moments I can keep going. You reminded me of the importance of family and helped me see who my real friends are.

2017, this year I took a leap and started writing my own novel. The characters that have been a comfort to me for longer than I can remember finally found a home. I found the confidence to start and starting is the hardest part. I doubted myself. I had lost all confidence in my own abilities. But I pushed myself. I started. And not only that but this year I decided what I wanted to do as a career. I was never going to be a doctor or a lawyer or teacher, I think everyone realised that in the end. But although I love acting I realised this year that my heart lies in my writing. When it makes me happy, when it’s all I think about, when all I can do is create stories morning till night I can’t see how I could do anything else. Writing has been the one true thing I have stuck with and it has given my over active imagination a playground.

2017, you were the year that made me realise I put others before myself too often, to a point where I was making myself ill. I will still always be there for the people I care about but now I understand that I need to look after myself too. Life is too short to spend it making myself miserable to make others happy. 2017, you taught me that everything will be okay, to have faith in myself and do what makes me happy. I start 2018 a different person, without the people I thought would never leave. But that’s okay. I don’t mind anymore. I can forgive you all that, 2017, I needed to know.

I start 2018 in a more positive position. I know it’s going to be difficult - that my A Levels are going to be stressful but it doesn’t last forever. ‘This too shall pass’ isn’t that the saying? And the Beth who starts 2019 will thank me for what I do in 2018. Who knows, she may even be proud.

I’m finally learning to take care of myself. 2017, you pushed me to get help for my anxiety, something I always said I didn’t need. I was wrong and you were right. I needed help. I couldn’t go on the way I was. I was in a downward spiral, 2017, and my mental health was worse than it ever had been. I thought I was going mad. I’ve got help though and people are aware now of how much I was suffering and how much I still suffer.

I am done changing myself to fit other people’s preferred view of me. I’ve only got one life and I am determined to live it as myself. Not someone else. I wrote once that ‘we all become stories’ and that we should ‘embrace the uniqueness of our own’ because ‘no one will ever have the same story as you’. Typical writer, I suppose. But whatever my story is, it will not be dictated by others. Thank you, 2017, for helping me see how much needed to change.

Goodbye, 2017, you’ve taught me a lot but I cannot say I am sad to see you go. Here’s to better days.

Beth

31/12/17

trying to get back to healthy studying habits (my head is a big mess and so is my life)

@ everyone who went through a period of having no friends, who ate alone, who had a point in their life where they were too embarrassed to tell their parents they had no one to play with after school: I love you. I know it hurts and I know it’s hard but it’s not your fault. Things will grow and change. You will find people who you click with and they will love you too. You deserve positive friendship relationships just like anyone else. And if you’re still going through this phase, you’re strong, and things will change for you too. You are not alone, there are people experiencing the same thing you are, find them, you deserve positivity and companionship. Keep your head up.

02/01/2017

⭐️ Starting on my physics study guide! I’m actually really excited about getting back to school, so a bit of a routine is established. I’m a creature of habit, so knowing that there are assigned tins blocks for me to do things in really helps with keep my mood and life level.

I’m liking the Earth-tone aesthetic I’ve got going on here, so I think I might apply it to other projects in the future!

Supplies used: - Staedtler marsgraphic duo in fawn and flesh - Tombow ABT in 977 - Pigma Micron 005 in black

hope your pets stay healthy in 2017

2018-01-01

Starting off the year with an iced latte and some essay-writing ft. @emmastudies ’s new desktop calendar 💫

Happy new year everyone!

Things I learned from Junior Year

Hey hey so my junior year  ends in a week and I want to share some of the (surprising) things I’ve learned from what everyone generally calls the most important year of high school

1. Do what you love, love what you do

Junior year is when almost everyone is basically freaking out about college transcripts. I cannot stress how important it is to actually take the classes and activities that you want to do, not what you think colleges will want to see. Almost everyone I knew took all these AP classes for their college transcripts and not only were most of us pretty miserable but our grades dropped and we wasted months of our year. So, you first, college second.

2. You will get into a college

If you’re applying, you will get into a college. It might not be your dream school or your top three, but you will get into a college. So don’t worry over “perfecting” your college app for your top colleges. There will always be a college willing to welcome you and that C you got in physics class. If one door closes, another door opens. Broaden your horizons and let the opportunities fall where they may. 

3. Community college is a valid option

Let’s be real, community college is taken as a giant joke, the place where the people that couldn’t get into “real college” go, the school that gets you nowhere. But, that’s pretty damn far from the truth. People go to community college for a lot of reasons: it’s way cheaper, you can use it as a springboard to get into a university which is easier than if you applied as a freshman bc college credits, etc. You can be just as successful as someone that went to a private college. Don’t be afraid of considering community college as a place to go to.

4. Watch your mental health

Take that mental health day. All that SAT prep coupled with school, extra curriculars, and the general downward spiral of other people’s mental health during the year will mush together into a workaholic 2 hour sleep schedule where all you eat is basically coffee and potato chips. If you need to, take that D on that math test if it means not pulling an all-nighter for the third day in a row. Take that extra day away from school to study for that test in the subject you’re terrible at. Take that extra day to not do anything but relax with some bubble tea and take-out and netflix. Just don’t let it turn into a mental health week. 

5. You don’t need a life plan

You don’t need to have your life all planned out. Half of everyone doesn’t really know what they’re doing, so don’t feel panicky if someone actually does. But, this doesn’t mean you get to slack off. Explore your options, your hobbies, cultivate your abilities and passions, so you won’t be completely befuddled when you’ve actually got a make some sort of plan later on. 

6. Don’t feel pressured

Don’t let people pressure you into doing things you don’t feel ready for. Yes, I mean things like drinking (especially underage drinking), smoking things, and sex and everything in between. Because kids will be losing their virginities and going to wild parties and getting tattoos. It happens. Don’t feel like you need to have your first kiss or your first drink before college. It isn’t a race or a competition. Don’t do things you’ll regret or set yourself up for trouble. Be careful, be safe, be comfortable. 

Ah I hope this post is helpful in any sort of way! I’ve finally posted something original which is a big woohoo. Have a great whatever time of day it is! okie dokes bye :)