Floweydefenderforlife - Just Some ADHD Girl

What if instead of playing Chess in Ford's Mindscape they play Parkour Civilization 🤔

bad youtube clickbait thumbnail that reads "I think I just had a therapy session with a DEMON???"

Fuck yeah dude

Undiagnosed ADHD or whatever that thing in my brain is

Having undiagnosed ADHD is like yes this is what I have and no you are a lying monster how dare you claim what is not yours, what belongs to someone else and having undiagnosed ADHD is writing this post knowing its all a lie because how dare I and

gonna post this here too actually

uhhhhhh my process how i make the roomie cipher drawings ig

also bill

That’s so true! OMG

Been thinking about how Bill legitimately had a horrifying reason (the literal progressive disintegration of the nightmare realm that erases whatever it disintegrates from existence completely) to move himself and his crew into a new dimension. Like that's terrifying. And yet he never utilizes this to his favour. He could have been honest about this with Ford, and you KNOW as long as Bill didn't mention plans of overtaking the earth, Ford would've made the portal for him, both out of Ford's own interest and because Ford when faced with these big moral questions will pull through. But this is a card Bill NEVER plays because although he needs to leave the dimension, he cannot lose face. He can't put aside his pride and admit to the humility that he needs to flee from his dimension, that he's not actually all powerful. And so instead he pretends to be a muse and when Ford figures out something else is going on, instead of being open and humble and saying that his dimension is unravelling, Bill focuses on that he's going to over take earth, that he's actually been a monster all along, surprise Ford!

And part of it is definitely because Bill's built himself up on power and violence and to grovel and earnestly ask for help, to admit that he cannot stop the unraveling of his dimension completely invalidates that; showing vulnerability? Can't do that, even under the guise of lying to get his way. And part of it makes you wonder if it's also a form of self-sabotage, because underneath his deep denial Bill is guilty over what he occurred; he sees himself as a monster and so he'll be that monster, and having people recognize that feels good in the same way that pressing a bruise feels good. But it makes you wonder what would've happened if Bill even just was open about his dimension unravelling and had lied about overtaking the earth.

It's also interesting because although Bill has SOME charisma and can manipulate people decently well (as evidenced by his cult, and pandering to people's desires with Ford, Mabel and Blendin), he refuses to be vulnerable, refuses to not be true to his off-putting self, even when if he was just vulnerable of pretended to not be himself, to put aside the (false) pride he has in himself he would've gotten a portal by now. and part of me wonders if it's because it's this false pride that built on insecurity and denial on who he is he cannot drop that mask.

He's sooooo mlp to me like, its like if a background pony became nightmare moon <3 <3 <3

Sillies

I hate him sm i hate him i hate kokivhi hes so ugly

the neurodivergent experience:

20% of the time: wowwieee!!! i love my passions and interests!!!!! they make me so happy i want to jump up and down!!!!! weee!!!!!!! :3333333333

80% of the time: this mind is a prison

Каждый день я просыпаюсь и я не знаю, что я буду чувствовать, как я буду себя вести, что я смогу сделать, насколько я в принципе буду функциональна. Я никогда не чувствую, будто контролирую себя, свою жизнь. Я чувствую себя призраком, иногда я забываю, что я существую, и о боже, как легко это было бы! Забыть! Я мечтаю об этом! Я не имею никакого контроля, всё что со мной происходит никогда не моя заслуга или даже вина! Это просто случается! Я не человек, я ничего не делаю! Я просто наблюдаю! Поэтому каждый раз когда у меня спрашивают, что будешь делать в будущем, я не знаю! Почему ты говоришь это так, будто я выбираю! Я никогда ничего не выбираю, никогда ничего не контролирую, как я могу знать что случится! Я просто хочу чтобы я снова могла делать то, что хочу, чтобы я была способна подумать «я сделаю это и это» и потом сделать это и это! Я даже не хочу контроля над тем, что происходит вокруг, я только хочу контроль над собой! Я хочу почувствовать себя настоящей, как будто я человек, а не как грёбаный зомби!