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Recipe: Scary Fairy Bread with Real Ants

EMOJI REVIEW AND RECIPE:

TRANSLATION:

I bought a one gram vial of dehydrated ants off the internet. They arrived in my letterbox on Wednesday. I was worried that the postie might think I ordered drugs off Silk Road by the shape of the vial, but don’t worry dude – it’s just insects with the moisture sucked out of them. Completely normal.

You can buy a whole heap of different insects off Edible Bug Shop, but I went with ants because they seem like the smallest possible insect you can eat. So they’re like a gateway insect. Before you know it I’ll be knocking back cockroaches like a Who Dares Wins contestant in the ‘90s, except I’ll actually be paying for the cockroaches – not being paid to eat them.

Insects are apparently the food of the future. They’re full of protein and nutrients which means many scientists see them as a legitimate protein source for humans. As the population increases there will be demand for more protein. Current farming practices use a whole heap of water and land while also emitting a hefty amount of greenhouse gas emissions. Farming insects may be a better option for the future of our planet.

Obviously, I’m not a scientist; however, I do have an interest in any kind of new food! So that’s why I bought the dehydrated ants. Then I realised I had no idea how to cook them or what to do with them in general. Instead of googling recipes – which may mask the taste of the ant – I reverted back to my five-year-old self and decided to make fairy bread with them. Scary fairy bread – with ants for sprinkles. The perfect Halloween snack if I actually gave a shit about Halloween.

Scary Fairy Bread Recipe

What you will need:

STEP 1: Butter a slice of bread.

STEP 2: Evenly pour ants on top of the buttered bread. I would estimate about 100 ants per slice. Which seems like a massacre on bread, but hey – I’m saving the world here. Then cut it into quarters.

STEP 3: Try not to look at the ants as you lift the bread to your mouth because you’ll probably freak out. It kinda seems like there’s bits of other insects in there too – and twigs.

STEP 4: Eat the scary fairy bread.

Ants taste salty and have a surprisingly strong lemon flavour. I’m not joking, they actually taste like these trusted fish and chip condiments. And they’re crunchy! The downside is the prickliness. Every bite I take, hundreds of little spiky things poke into the top of my mouth, gums and tongue. After a few chews the prickles go away, but it’s a strange sensation. I’d imagine biting into a pin cushion would have a similar effect.

You have to make sure you chew them enough because otherwise they kind of gently scrape the sides of your oesophagus the whole way down. Not unpleasant, but definitely brings the fact you’re eating mouthfuls of ants to the forefront of your mind.

I probably spread about half a gram of ants on one slice of bread. One gram costs five dollars, so my slice of scary fairy bread has about $2.50 worth of ants on it. I ate the whole thing because while it was fucking weird, I actually really liked the taste.

I went shopping after my ant-topped snack and was paranoid that I had ants on my teeth that people could see when I smiled. I also felt like I had ants crawling all over my legs. Do ants cause paranoia? Maybe they’re not too different from what most people buy in vials off the internet.

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