😭😭

And there will come a day when you suddenly go, oh. That’s why. That’s why it was worth living and sticking around. I understand.

And then the moment passes, and you might forget again. But that’s okay, because life is an abundance of such moments. They will come back <3

Cuddles and Games

Spreading your extremities out on the bed like a starfish, you relax against the delicate and rough surface of the freshly washed bedsheets. While on the verge of dreaming, you curse as your imaginary meal in a fancy restaurant disintegrated into ashes as Bachira jumped on the bed enthusiastically, your eyes popping open in a flash.

"Yayyy! Let's play," he said while turning his head away from the Nintendo Switch in his hands to smile cutely at you, his fingers magically still pressing the buttons on the console. Because his neck was resting on your left forearm, you turned to your left and wrapped your other hand on his chest, head positioned on the bone of his shoulder so you were wrapping him up with your body like a blanket. He smells so good, like honey and rain.

"Hey you, wanna play? I'm playing FIFA!!" he pat your head with one hand. Burrowing your head into the space between his neck and shoulder to find the comfiest position like a mole digging through dirt, you shake your head super fast! "Awww, I knew it! When you're awake, we'll play Wii Volleyball, okay? I know you love it."

You fell into slumberland with his leg hooked around yours, and you didn't even notice he stopped playing to clasp his arms on your back and fell asleep himself too. Knowing you would wake up to immense fun with your favourite game and favourite person making fire commentary on the gameplay, the nap was good.

DIARY:

14th of March 2022

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i woke up from a dream that i was in kinokuniya and checking out an official sketch of asuka from the animators of evangelion for rm169 after looking at a really thick art book. IT WAS HEAVEN!! i recall not wanting to wake up bc of how heavenly jt was and because i thought about waking up, i actually woke up. DANG!!"#!#!

i sat in the living room for so long and only went out to eat at 12. i got jean first thing in the morning (12am), on her birthday!!!! i "broke down" because i didn't know whether to eat at my favourite western restaurant or at mcdonalds. we were going to stop by my M grandmother's house for lunch again so i can't order anything too lavish but i also wanted to eat in the restaurant!!! i can't eat anything non luxurious in there... my parents made the decision for me.😇

set meal: garlic bread and mushroom soup, fillet o fish in sour oil (for me), two scoops of ice cream (vanilla n chocolate chip).

oh my dar. was my grandmother's dishes tasty! garlic prawn (it was so good the flesh tasted salty and springy even without its shell), yaumak, broccoli and carrots, fried chicken, sweet and sour chicken...

we sat in her house for so long because it was raining dog and cat😒😒😒. i wanted to go back so bad but i couldn't. i mostly read and surfed the internet there. (and watched two episodes of sasaki and miyano...)

when i came back to my P grandparents' house i immediately dashed toward my laptop bc i downloaded valorant this afternoon. i waited for my dad and mom to finish showering while playing a practice match. i suck at this game, never playing again.

dinner was ok i really liked the potatos and rice! while it was raining the mama cat was letting her kitten snug into her tummy for a few hours. its so darn cute!!

after dinner i spent all my time relentlessly scrolling through shopee in hopes of finding good sanrio gifts for my friend whose birthday passed two days ago. until now. its 23:04!!! and i think I've found it.

diary 8/4/2022

thought my period was going to stop then it peaked in the afternoon what the hell was it because i had diarrhea 2 times this morning/!?

in school, i hated it. i dont know why but i get boring vibes from my best friend/deskmate. it's like we have nothing funny to talk about anymore and she has more friends other than me so sometimes i think "why should i entertain her? she already has so many friends."

i feel like i follow her wherever she goes, even if it doesn't benefit me. am i her mindless sidekick, or someone who knows how to defend herself? i really dont know. im trying to see this from a third person view but i would only view myself as boring, emo and sometimes cheerful person. which is everyone in this world. it's hard to accept that you're someone normal who won't get noticed in a group of kids in uniforms and face masks that look, well.. uniform.

i say i like intellectual people, but now i think it meant laidback smart people who know when to give up on pleasure and work/study. that won't complain over minor things. sometimes people too eager to be number 1 ignore you by reading a textbook. i shouldn't restrict her from reading her book just because i want to talk to her, i didn't in real life. but i wish she would talk to me more. when we talk about art, i have the time of my life and laugh so much. but that happens only once per 3 days. the other days i feel bored as if i am stuck in a box. even though i have people on my left and right, i can't bring myself to talk to them.

why? arent you the self proclaimed extrovert, lol. i really wish for a change of seats. if this goes on... whatever i'll be friends with them eventually, i hope. the girl on my right looks scary and like my aunt and the one on my left is chubby and cute but the guy in front of her talks to her almost every minute. this is a friendship i want, but i can't force my best friend to stop pursuing knowledge, because she can't. the dude who was originally behind me was nice, but he swapped with another dude and i don't even know this new dude's interests. i'm overwhelmed right now. this is like free therapy i didn't even know i felt this way. i really want to sit next to liyeen.

okay rant over time for what happened in school (that i recall)

i really like art class. we went to the classroom for art for the first time today, we didn't even go last year. this teacher likes to give simple summaries and quizzes us. in the last portion of that class he said we could only leave if we answer his questions and that we need to raise our hand (and dont need to wait for him to appoint us we can just say immediately) at first i heard what he said but i didnt know if he was being serious so i waited for him. "apakah dalam dekorasi perahu?" then got like 5, and 3 people answered before me.

MY THOUGHT PROCESS: come on man, choose me i so tall u def can see me and i waving my arm... pls!! wait my best friend said the answer without being called by the teacher, i should do that do. should i? FUCK YES i want to go back to class.

BACK TO REALITY. *raises hand for 5 seconds* *doubts herself, shakes head* "CAAAPINGG!!!!" teacher turns his head around, "siapa cakap caping? kamu? ok boleh balik." AND I LINED UP !!!! and everyone was staring at me kinda. YES! best moment ever.

in science me and alishya sat opposite each other so we had a staring session and it was so cute i didn't feel pressured to stop at all. normally when pointless things happen like chats im not interested in or unfunny actions she did for the 6th time this week, i feel like i have to ignore her. not today though! i taught liyeen the correct way to draw a dichotomous key today.

after school i made my dad drive around the park and he stopped in an alleyway and said i could go down and take pictures of a beautiful tree shedding purple flowers. i posted them in my family groupchat on my dad's phone. i took a flower off the ground and put it next to a pottery piggy bank.

And the most important thing to remember is that you have time. Time to discover new people and new projects and new places; time to heal from your past and your wounds. You might feel like you’re getting nothing done and nothing is happening, but you have time to discover your soul. It will happen for you <3

sad

I actually don't have any of my close friend's twitter accounts 😭😭😭

im curious about why spongebob's town is called bikini bottom.

16th July 2022

woke up at 7:05, brush teeth, change, eat. gather at padang,, they gave a bottle o water, gardenia bread, oat crunch and cream o...! They did the zoomba and liting was leading , we danced to wakawaka eh eh shamalamila eh eh, a maroon 5 song and did starjump. typical teacher made us do 3 times because we "werent coordinated"!

me valerie asli aishua gather at middle of starting line. valarie said we can be "runners" quote unquote then we wrre like sure!!! then when we joking about stuff i saw cikgu hisham hand was like 3.. 2.. then FART and we were like omg! omg! Then valerie run and ditch us and me asli run to find her and only found her at mrt there

after we reunited with mrs ferari I ditched asli and i run!!!!! I said hi to my form3 pss teammate in the camp, i jog again, slow walk sometimes also, said "Hiii!!! Shi ying~~!!!!" then we chatted for a while then i jog away. She was like "O ziqi ah, ziqi ziqi!" today. so funny but im kinda scared to make conversation with her.

when passing by the puay chai 2 nasi lemak guy he chinese and his wife malay ma then he was like "NI MEN BU HUI PAO DE LA, ONLY KNOW HOW TO WALK EYEROLL EMOJI" THEN WE ALL STARING AT HIM. Matthew run past me at nasi lemak stall 🤬🤬🤬🖕

At 1u traffic light there i was balancing on the sidelanes and i wa sjogging on it idk how i tripped bro i was perfectly balanced, it was like i was walking regularly and then my vision just tilted sideways then my palms were on the sidelane and my feet were on bicycle road, then i was like omg so sandy! then ran. near the school gate i speed walk and today we never enter school using normal gate we use the teacher car gats and we still have to run to the startng line only finish.

i was at transporter parjing there then my form 1 friend in front of me run already so i was like omg fine i speedwalk but cikgu fakruddin was holding camera and noone was posing everyone walking so i ran for him and he took a shot and i ran until the finish line (technically starting line)

when i reach i thought can rest already but the girls on the side of the school road were like NOO!! RUN!! UNTIL STARTING LINE!!! THEN I RUN IDK WHY BUT I WAS EUPHORIC IT WAS SO FUN RUNNING LIKE THIS WHY DIDNT I RUN THE WHOLE DAMN TIME 🤬🤬🤬

Liting and i grabbed orange juice in canteen, seniors were surrounding it. I still got a place near the orang ejuice cylinder with 200ml of juice left and they were fighting for it.. Litjng was like, "OMG THATS UR SENIOR!!!" then i was like whart???? "IN FRONT OF YOU LA" THEN SHE WAS ACTUALLY IN FRONT OF ME OUR FACES WERE LIKE 20CM APART 😍 Then liting brave she ask the other senior to "let her la!" then when he finish taking he gave me the ladle! i accidentally took a lot bc liting tilted the thing sideways so i could take more.. Then we queued for milo.

Liting bought me to BP room, tharun sister is actually a pengawas! then sofee and her were talking there and liting and i were looking at her (lt) spotify profile. Then a senior oengawas come, "she not pengawas?" then liting brought me out! then we Only take milo actually..

Zhen hin took some photos, just remembered right now, i forgot to ask him for it. I probably look bomb in it. 🥺

In award ceremony got one dude win second place and bought his phone up the stage. He held it diagonally to the audience and it was a huge text saying "EZ" while the principal gives him a medal. that was jerky but funny.

When we got home i showered and we left for hometown! Down the lift my mom said she'll take the next one since ours was packed. when we arrive at LG1 floor an uncle was standing facing the doors of the lift and my dad was mad bc he was in a rush then they almost bumped into each other, he didn't even say sorry, so i smiled and nodded slightly at the uncle and he smiled! good mooOooOod~~~

Bought filet o fish, fries and cheeseburger. 10/10. In ipoh ate chicken rice.. i ate mostly tauge and rice. 7/10

ah ma made boiled buns it was mediocre, don't wanna Hurt her feelings though.. >-<

diary of 26 March 2022

i went to another hawker stall to eat breakfast. i ordered chicken rice and they came in a set: roasted chicken drumstick, rice, peanut soup and char siew sauce.

the rice was really delicious it was filled with 香茅 lemongrass thing... i thought the chicken was okay but my dad hated it.

in noon my mom broke the handle of the toilet so now we have to fill some buckets with water to flush the toilet 🤔

in noon i played a lot of genshin and msged my ctush about personal questions bc i wanted to knowhim berter i guess

i also drew a lot, we went to eat dinner early because the restaurant closed at 7.30pm.. it was a fish paste/head bihun restaurant with milky soup.

their portions are so big and have so many ingredients!! the average price is rm13 ($4). i ordered fish paste soup that includes fish paste (the texture is like fishbal), tomatoes, bihun and milk soup thing. i can't finish it. i never finish it. once in my life! the whole bowl is so big.

there was a park behind the restaurant so we went there for a walk. there was a cat perched on the back of a house and it ignored me. on the front porch, the same house had 2 more cats!! in the playground there were kids hanging out and attracting a cute black cat. after walking 200m, we saw TWO RABBITS UNDER A CAR!!! one was showing its face next to the wheels and the other rabbit was on the other side of the car, flexing its buttcheeks.

after the drive home, me and my mom went to a walk around the park (because my dad was tired he couldn't follow us)

CAT COUNT:

1. under a car but really visible, it was sticking out from under the carplate. ran to the other side of the road after we turned our backs against it.

2. orange cat i used to feed when i took a walk in the morning. it like humans. my mom said it was pregnant but its physique was of a teen's. (she didn't approve!!)

3. 花猫 multi colored brown cat on the parking spot of an empty house rolling around.

4. minor cats that i didn't interact with (fluffy grey cat with golden eyes, small orange kitten, another brown cat walking out of its owner's house and more)

my night wasn't interesting

marvelous! woo zoo mama!!

albedo headcannons(posted this for my beloved snookiepooh bear @kaidousecoli)

-He is the reason the water bill is so high because of how much time he spends in the shower contemplating life and the universe.

-He will recite the day’s events to you and talk about his findings every night to you because you always fall asleep, thinking his voice comforts you but in reality the stuff he talks about is just plain boring.

-IF he ever uses social media he will use full stops religiously and use the b&w filter on all his posts.

-He takes a long time in the shower catering to his hair despite the balding spots on his head.

-Allergic to peanuts.

-Won’t be able to tell you’re being sarcastic half of the time.

—Unironically listens to Charlie Puth(his favourite song is “we don’t talk anymore”)

-Young Sheldon is his favourite show because he relates to it on a spiritual level.

-Needs emotional support when he takes a fat shit.

-Snorts when he laughs.

-If you guys get a house it would look like a mental asylum because he doesn’t think decorations are practical.