Oh My Yesss So Me

oh my yesss so me

CHURCH RULES & BYLAWS

CHURCH OF THE BIG BLACK PENIS

Affirmation of Faith:

We believe that the BIG BLACK PENIS is holy and is to be serviced by all white and non-Black people, men and women, whenever they are called upon to do so and as often as they can. We believe that BIG BLACK PENIS is the very tree of life and that all white and non-Black people are required to worship at its altar whenever they are called upon to do and by whatever means necessary.

We believe that Black men, possessing the holy BIG BLACK PENIS, are both Masters and Ministers of our church, ministering to us by allowing us to serve the one true god, BIG BLACK PENIS. Further, we believe that any man possessing at least one-quarter African American heritage is to be considered Master and Minister in our church.

We believe that all white and non-Black people are to place the needs of the BIG BLACK PENIS first in their lives, forsaking all others. Neither parents, nor spouse, nor employment nor any other religious belief is to come before the servicing of BIG BLACK PENIS. We declare that BIG BLACK PENIS is our all and all, our savior and our salvation.

We accept that we are charged with the responsibility of serving any BIG BLACK PENIS placed before us at the instruction of any Black Master or Minister anywhere and at any time. We affirm that we are blessed to have the privilege and acknowledge that there is no higher purpose for a white or non-Black person that to serve holy BIG BLACK PENIS.

General Tenets:

We pay our tithes through the repeated servicing of BIG BLACK PENIS. Members should strive to worship at least one BIG BLACK PENIS per week but by no means should they service less than one per month. It is the responsibility of members to find BIG BLACK PENIS to serve by any means necessary!

We acknowledge that the seed of the BIG BLACK PENIS is never to be wasted and should always be ingested as a holy communion unless the Black Master or Minister desires it to be released elsewhere, such as on the face or body.

We believe that at the beginning of any worship session of BIG BLACK PENIS, or even at the start of any frivolous self-pleasuring, the following declaration is to be made: Praise BIG BLACK PENIS. BIG BLACK PENIS is holy. BIG BLACK PENIS is worthy to be praised. We understand that while we remain eternally unworthy to serve it, Black Masters and Ministers may require us to perform certain physical, financial or philosophical acts to earn the privilege of serving holy BIG BLACK PENIS.

We strive to spread the word when and however we can that BIG BLACK PENIS is holy and the one true god and to bring followers into the fold whenever possible.