Reblog If You're Not Homophobic

Newborn Army Lives

Victoria and Riley picked people (mostly teenagers) that nobody would miss for their army. They all had been dealt a shitty hand in life. Is it me or is that extremely out of character for the Cullens to brutally murder a bunch of brainwashed kids? And the Volturi’s actions didn’t make any sense either.

Also, we’re never given an exact number but from what I counted on the wiki eighteen newborns were named in The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner so I just added another eighteen.

so…thirty-six bouncing baby vampires!

So here’s what I propose:

The Cullens don’t kill the newborns. They incapacitate them. Yes, there is still the epic battle and the newborns have been ripped apart (which is traumatic and the Cullens feel bad but it was necessary) but they’re not burned.

They don’t dismember Bree

She’ll be used as a witness

The Volturi swoop in and the Cullens present the bodies of Victoria and Riley

Jane interrogates/tortures Bree to get information

Learns that none of them knew anything about the laws

The fact that the newborns are in pieces and not ashes aren’t lost on the Volturi

Jane makes the comment about the Volturi not giving second chances

Which is bullshit because the newborns never even got their first chance

Jane agrees to allow the newborns to live. The caveat being that for one year starting on that battlefield the Cullens are responsible for the newborns

Meaning that if any one of them step one toe out of line they’ll rain down hell upon their heads

Jane didn’t do this out of the goodness of her own heart

She had orders

With Carlisle not only generally well-liked amongst vampires (he has quite a few powerful friends), he also has one of the most powerful vampires in existence in his coven

He was a threat but they couldn’t take him out directly

They half hoped the newborns would do it for them. It’s why they didn’t squash the newborns earlier

But they also knew that skilled vampires with experience will win against the newborns any day

They also, to some degree, know Carlisle and his bleeding heart

So they send Jane along with orders

If the Cullens killed all of the newborns, great! Their job has been done for them

If they spared - kill the spares.

It’ll send a message

If they spare more than five newborns, allow the spared ones to live. With the ultimatum of the Cullens being responsible for them as if they created them

Why?

Well it kills some birds with one stone

If the Cullens fail to control the newborns properly (which the Volturi are sure they will) then the decimation of the Cullens would look justified

They could also say that the Cullens knew what they were agreeing to and accepted the potential consequences

They could get rid of the threat and wouldn’t have to deal with the political implications and backlash of the Volturi killing the Cullens for either no legal reason or a flimsy one

The fact the Cullens spared all the newborns was both unexpected and delightful

Aro also wanted to see how it all played out

So he allows it

Breaking Dawn is the Cullens trying to wrangle the thirty-six feral newborns

Edward gives in and Bella is changed and joins the rest of the newborns in training

The Cullens move to the most remote place you can think of

but they still have a hard time controlling all of them (duh)

So they call their vampy friends and ask them to help them out with their pack of feral vampires

Jacob’s pack - Jacob, Seth, Leah, Embry, and Quil - are there too.

Cue vampire-werewolf solidarity

-Insert hundreds of headcanons about The Year of everyone trying to house train thirty-six buck wild baby vampires but this is already too long-

And The Year draws to an end and they did the impossible. 

now where the f u c k do the fully grown and matured vampires go now

Some newborns are adopted into covens that helped “raise” them

Others go off by themselves and become solitary nomads 

Others form covens among themselves and leave

Some take up the vegetarian diet

others don’t 

During the year Bree Tanner and Diego (he’s alive), and Dean grow close to Rosalie and Emmet

the five create an entirely new coven

With Rosalie as the mother figure and Emmet as the father 

Renesmee’s name is instead Carlie (a nod towards the canonical name but less gross) and she’s a newborn that develops a close relationship with Edward 

They also adopt another newborn, Mason 

Essentially Bella, Edward, Mason, and Carlie form a coven of their own and leave to start a new life 

Alice and Jasper also adopted a newborn, Heather, and go off on their own

Don’t feel too bad for Carlisle and Esme, having to say goodbye to their adopted children

They adopted four newborns

Warren, Logan, Daniella, and May

Plus their older children visit quite often 

Sometimes separately

Sometimes it’s a huge family reunion

Bella’s and Edward’s wedding happens at the very end when they’re all fairly certain she won’t massacre the human guests. Her supernatural beauty is passed off as god tier makeup and contacts 

Oh, and Jacob doesn’t imprint on a baby!

Or on this version of her either

And they all lived happily ever after

Quick doodle to free-up between comic panels and commissions.

I do genuinely believe that the Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (and arguably the Zelda franchise as a whole, though i myself have played literally none of these games) is closer to fitting the description of ‘Tolkien-esque Fantasy’ than most other movies/shows/games/books etc that claim that label

Like, compare this post by tumblr user wufflesvetinari, which makes an important point about Tolkien’s worldbuilding, and also lives in my head rent free:

and then these quotes from Jacob Geller’s “Every Zelda is the Darkest Zelda”

and his conclusions about the messages in Zelda games are thematically very similar to the through-lines about friendship and love in LOTR, and what a lot of authors miss about what makes a fantasy story personal and memorable:

“A world without joy and humor isn’t a compelling world to fight for” is exactly why there are so many pieces of fantasy media out there that just feel like carbon copies of each other (i’ve seen many posts that explain this better than I can though I can’t find any specific ones at the moment, just know that I didn’t invent this thesis). You’ve got the cool swords, you’ve got the wizards and the spells and the battles, but first and foremost you need the LOVE.

anyone please ask your crush out like this

first day as a second century warlord i have my men tie branches to their horses’ tails to stir up dust and make it look like there’s a lot of us but i forget it just rained so there isn’t any dust and the enemy can clearly see there’s like twenty of us all spread out in a line

Love always win 🥀

woman yelling at cat meme but make it ancient greek red figure pottery

A sudden, terrifying thought

When you see an animal with its eyes set to the front, like wolves, or humans, that’s usually a predator animal.

If you see an animal with its eyes set farther back, though—to the side—that animal is prey.

Now look at this dragon.

See those eyes?

They’re to the SIDE.

This raises an interesting—and terrifying—question.

What in the name of Lovecraft led evolution to consider DRAGONS…

As PREY?

When Dan was released from his prison, he was ready to go toe to toe in a rematch with his past self. Instead he was handed a baby and guided to two toddlers by Clockwork. The Ancient of Time explained to him that his parents accidentally created a machine that de-aged ghosts. Now Danny and Ellie, as well as Jazz who was just liminal enough to be affected are all tiny tots without a place to go.

That's about all the explanation Dan gets before he's pushed through a portal and into an alley. Before Clockwork closes the portal he tells Dan "Single fatherhood may be tough but do not lose hope!"

Wait..... Single fatherhood!?