I Put On A Mask Because I’m So Scared Of Being Seen

and the fact that I tried to warn you about it! multiple times! :D

So you’ve finally discovered that I’m a disappointment? Congratulations, I’ve known this fact for years! Hope this helps!

I'd kiss you even if your lips were poison

I'd hug you even if you were covered in thorns

But the way you're so indifferent to me

Makes me wish I'd never been born

I've been mentally ill for most of my life. It's the only way I know how to exist.

I've become comfortable in my own fucked up world. I feel comforted by my fucked up thoughts in my fucked up mind. It's familiar, and familiar is comfortable. I feel safe in my own lack of safety.

Healing, on the other hand, is unfamiliar. Unpredictable. Scary. I've convinced myself that I don't want to heal. That I'm better off this way.

I'm Prometheus, chained to the rock as the eagle devours my liver everyday. But he's my only friend.

I'm Sisyphus, pushing the boulder up the mountain every day only for it to roll back down. But at least I know it will always be by my side.

I'm Tantalus, tied to the riverbed below a tree bearing luscious fruit. The water and fruit dance out of my way every time I reach for them, no matter how hungry or thirsty I get. But at least I don't harbor false hope that maybe I'll someday be satisfied.

Mental illness is much the same for me. I've become comfortable in my own misery. It is cruel, yes. But at least there is kindness in the surety of its cruelty.

And I've made my peace with drowning.

cutting isnt enough i need to blow my head off

The urge to slice my fucking neck open.

remembering your beautiful laugh feels like a knife through the heart

I don't want to get better anymore, it's pointless

it's The Ship of Theseus all over again huh

How much can I change before it becomes murder?

i let someone into the deep recesses of my head and all i got was a stupid "it'll get better".

Is this all I’ll ever be?