Curiosity
You always greeted me with a smile
Asked me how I was, how my day was going
I smiled back and told you I was fine
But I think you knew I was lying
Because my smile never quite reached my eyes
The way yours always seemed to do
And sometimes the words came out flat
Like I never really believed them
You were always the curious cat
You poked and prodded till I gave in
I resisted a lot, putting up walls
But you broke them right down
But curiosity has a heavy price
You couldn't handle what you saw
The expanse of my damage was unfathomable
Too much for you to stomach
You quickly tried to backpedal
But the damage was done
In your hurry you stepped on my heart
Which was already broken, and now crushed
The horrors of my soul were too much for you to bear
And I can understand why it was so
Because I've lived with them this long
And you never got a chance to get used to them like I did
You abandoned the shattered pieces of my heart
I tried to pick them up and mend them
But the jagged edges just cut me deeper
And left me bleeding once again
They say curiosity killed the cat
But it wasn't you who died
It was the endless possibilities that we could have had
And I was left with the ghost of what could have been
Maybe it's better this way
You'll be safe now, away from me
But the fact that hurts the most is that
Your curiosity was what led us to our demise
you think I'm special? no honey, I'm special NEEDS
Unlearned Gravity
There’s a weightlessness
in the way I speak to you.
not floating,
but falling,
like lungs forgetting they were drowning.
You don’t ask for the truth,
but I offer it
like a child with scraped palms
offering dirt
as if it were gold.
And still—
something in me bends,
like an instrument warped by weather,
its chords creaking,
familiar,
like grief that never needed
a reason to return.
Do you ever feel it too—
the ease,
and then the sorrow that follows
without knocking?
The way something so simple
can still
hurt
like memory.
top ten humbling experiences: forcing yourself to choke down food with shaky hands while trying not to faint
I think one of the worst symptoms of bpd is the lack of emotional permanence no matter how many good and loving people you have in your life the second you are alone it feels like you were never loved and it was all just a figment of your imagination
I always sleep with one eye open, on the door
scared of the eyes I think will stare back
maybe I'm so cliché because for once I just want to feel like I'm normal
My feelings of boredom are begining to overcome me. I don't feel anything, not on my own. Recently, I began to conform less and mask less in an attempt to see who I was without the mask. The answer is nobody. I have no distinctive personality.
I lack anything human.
I don't have any opinions. I don't care about anything. It's an issue, because it means I am forced to face the fact that I don't feel anything. I don't have a personality, I can't be a human, so why am I here? My existence is pointless if I don't experience life. I'm not going to kill myself yet, maybe in a few years when I have freedom and no reason to keep going.
Right now the people around me give me something to live for. They remind me that I am perceived, and that my death would do something. Their existence reminds me that right now, I don't want to die, I just don't want to have responsibilities. I don't want to do anything,because everything is boring.
One day I will be liberated by death and cease to exist, but that day is not right now.
— Clementine Von Radics, from In A Dream You Saw A Way To Survive; "The Fear" (via lunamonchtuna)
she/they | stupidity and clumsiness in human form lol. I love romanticizing everything (including my mental illness). dms open for anyone who needs someone to talk to or just vent
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