THE YEARNING OMG

THE YEARNING OMG

Companionship | pt. 6

Dr. Michael “Robby” Robinavitch x f!reader

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Summary: Venting, take-out and unsaid feelings. What a golden combination.

[ Series Masterlist ]

Note: double update because you guys are great! 😭

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: age gap, foul language, hospital inaccuracies, mentions of patients, mention of an overdose, alcohol, mild angst/anxiety, feelings angst, slowburn

not beta read

Companionship | Pt. 6

Thoughts still reeling from the night only a few days ago, you had vowed to lock away your feelings, find some hole and bury them. It was not good to keep thinking about him in the way you were — he was in your thoughts when you were going to bed, his voice in your ear at your desk at work. It was not good to be so caught up on someone so unattainable. So forbidden.

It still warmed your belly to think about.

Erin watched the way you hovered around your phone, eyebrow raised and smirk forming. You ignored it, trying to focus on your coursework. Marsi had already tried to check in about it — about your “totally not boyfriend” boyfriend, she had said.

“That’s a new laptop.” Erin observed.

Your cheeks blazed. “So what?”

“Did he get you that? Very nice.”

You looked away from your friend.

“Must’ve been like $900.”

Wide eyed, you looked up, “You think so?”

Fuck. That was over twice what he gave you in a month.

“I know so.” She said, with a wide smirk. “Good for you. Slept with him yet? I can see you want to.”

You choked on your saliva, sputtering an intake of breath. “No, oh my god. No!”

Erin looked satisfied before getting back to her studying.

It was impossible to do any of your work after that, moving instead to tear through your refrigerator looking for a snack. Or really something to get you away from Erin’s very perceptive gaze.

Erin offered to take her out for celebratory drinks, but you turned it down. It felt like a bad way to drown out your feelings — but parking yourself on the couch to watch mind numbing tv only seemed slightly better.

Before you could stop yourself, you were clicking on Michael’s contact, staring at your text conversation. Typically he texted first, and it was usually only to set up a time for a phone call.

You clicked call without thinking about it.

Was it really crossing a boundary if the line had already gotten blurred?

It barely rang once before he picked up, “Is everything okay?”

Ten points to me for not even thinking about what to say, you thought.

“Oh, I’m okay—oh, I can see how—yeah, yeah, I’m okay.”

He let out a long breath that almost sounded like relief.

“I just wanted to see if you wanted to talk.”

“I’m actually still at the hospital—”

Embarrassment crawled up your neck to rest at your cheeks.

“—but I can call you on my way home?”

There was only slight ease at his words.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll talk to you later.”

Michael was now itching to get off his shift, watching the time tick away painfully slowly, even after seeing countless patients. He nearly sped out of the ED as soon as he gave report to Abbott.

Only a block away from the hospital, he pulled out his phone and clicked on your contact. He briefly wondered what you had wanted to discuss, or if you truly were okay, or if you were just looking for an excuse to talk to him. No, definitely not that last one.

It rang twice.

“Hi, Michael.” You said, your voice soft, lower than usual.

He swallowed thickly, “Hi, you sure everything’s okay?”

You hummed, “Yeah, I’m sorry. I just wanted to talk to you.”

A smile formed on his lips, “It’s good to hear your voice. We had a pretty rough one today, so this…this is nice.”

It was true. A teenager had come in from a fentanyl overdose and there unfortunately hadn’t been anything they could do for her; she was braindead.

“Do you wanna tell me about it?”

He chuckled, “You called me. Did you want to talk about something?”

“Nothing in particular, honestly. But I was thinking…maybe we could get take-out and watch the Penguins game on Friday? If you’re off, that is. And if you actually want to.”

His face lit up, grin stretching across his face at the thought of simply hanging out together.

“Yeah, I like the sound of that.”

“Great! I mean, yeah, awesome. I’ll meet you at yours with pizza or something?” You offered, tone light and breathy.

His grin got impossibly wider, “Pizza is good. Puck drop is at 7:30, so just come by before that.”

You knocked on his door at promptly 7, which startled him — moving around his apartment and ensuring everything was tidy. He took a long breath through his nose wondering why the hell he was so nervous.

He opened the door quickly, taking in your features. You were wearing jeans and a pretty mauve-y colored sweater. You looked remarkably beautiful.

“Let me take that.” He said, taking the pizza box from your hands. It smelled delicious, making his stomach rumble.

“I didn’t know what you liked, so I got half regular and half pepperoni.”

“Can’t go wrong with either.” He said with a smile.

Michael moved into his kitchen to set down the box and grab some plates. You had moved to that spot in the corner with the large windows overlooking the city. He watched your figure a few moments before turning away quickly, feeling like a creep.

“Still just water, iced tea and wine.” He told you, grabbing two cups from his cabinet. “I’ve got beer this time, though.”

“Iced tea, thank you.” You said, turning to look at him. “I really love this view.”

“It came with the apartment.”

You snorted out a laugh, “Was there a fee for it?”

“Only a small hiccup.” Michael said, grinning, “Nosy neighbor a floor below me.”

You pondered it for a moment, looking back out at the darkening sky. “I’d say it was totally worth it.”

You both settled onto the couch with your plates just in time to watch the puck drop. You each made a few comments here and there, mostly about the game, but it was hard to focus with you sitting so close to him.

During the first intermission, Michael found himself complaining about hospital administration.

“You know, they keep threatening to sell if we don’t get our numbers up. They have for a while, and I don’t think they actually will, but satisfaction scores at other places are better. Whatever the fuck that means.”

“It just sounds like they’re shifting accountability.” You said beside him, turning your eyes to glance at him. “I can see them not wanting to spend the money to hire the appropriate amount of staff, so you’re forced to work with what you’ve got. I get budget constraints, trust me, but I know administration usually looks for the cheap, easy solution. It always has been easier to blame someone else.”

He felt incredibly seen, nodding at you. “I feel like none of the talks I have with them actually go anywhere. We’ve had a need for increased security, too, but all my requests get denied.”

You frowned, “That’s bullshit. It’s like they’re setting you up to fail.”

Right before the second period started, Michael grabbed himself a beer, fully relaxing in your company now — his shoulders feeling lighter. The Penguins thankfully had a much better period, scoring a point and tying the game.

It was in the second intermission that the mood slowly shifted, a tension building. Truth was, it had been there from the moment you stepped into his apartment, but he had been successfully ignoring it.

You reached to grab your drink on the coffee table the same moment he went to reach for his beer, your hands brushing. Your face noticeably heated and his heart sped up. Leaned forward, your faces were right next to each other.

Michael looked into your eyes, finding you watching him and not moving, hand still outstretched. You smelled like lavender.

Each second that passed could have easily been an hour. If he moved just a little, leaned down just enough, then—your eyes flickered down to his lips.

Fuck it.

Fuck it, you thought, taking in the sight of his brown eyes — wholly captivating. You heart skipped a beat when you looked down to his lips.

His lips were on yours in the next breath, surprising you, but you melted completely into it. You moved your hand quickly to rest along his shoulder, while his came to cup your jaw. It was chaste in its intensity, but not in its length.

He was warm, and his beard scratched against your skin in a way that sent your thoughts racing. His hand was gentle, the other moving to your knee as he moved slightly to fully face you.

You came up for air first, breathing quickly and looking over all the features of his face. You noticed just the lightest touch of freckles along his cheeks and the softest glint of a gold chain around his neck. His face was more relaxed than you had ever seen it, and the smallest hints of a smile touched his lips.

A look of doubt crossed his face in the next breath, and he started to lean away. You chased him to kiss him one more time, just wanting to savor the feel of him before the bubble around you burst.

He accepted it, his hand moving to slip behind your head and hold you to him. As his lips encased your bottom lip, your tongue darted out to meet him. That seemed to be the thing that pulled you both back to their senses.

You stared at each other for a while, so many things unsaid resting between you. The sounds of the third period starting did not even pull your attention away from each other.

“I’m sorry—I didn’t mean to ruin tonight.”

Your eyebrows furrowed, “You didn’t ruin anything.”

Michael’s eyes lingered on your face, back to your lips before he frowned.

You stressed, “No, I enjoyed tonight.” I’ve enjoyed the glimpses of you.

He just watched you, and you could see the gears turning in his head. You felt desperate to know what he was thinking. Had you overstepped? Sure, he had kissed you first, but you had accepted it.

“I did, too.” was so quiet, you missed it at first.

You felt like you were suffocating under all your thoughts and you stood abruptly.

“I had a good time,” you said, hoping he might catch the hint, make you stay.

Make you discuss it.

“...but I should go.”

He cleared his throat, “Yeah, okay, yeah.”

Michael let you walk out the door, and once you were in the elevator you could not bring yourself to turn back around, run back to him.

Even though that was all you wanted to do.

[ Next ]

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the long awaited kisssssss

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Early Spring Snow

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Early Spring Snow

You didn’t mean to end up in your own ER after a grueling day shift. There had been an early spring snow in Pittsburgh a couple of days ago, and the daytime sun and nighttime freeze caused black ice to form everywhere. The Pitt was slammed with broken bones from slipping and falling. And you were about to be one of those patients.

You had originally planned to go back to your apartment, but your boyfriend, Jack Abbot, insisted that you go to his house while he was at work. If the weather continued to fluctuate, he wanted you to have access to his backup generator that would keep the electricity going. So you agreed, and you had picked up some groceries to cook breakfast for him when he got off his night shift.

You were double fisting the grocery bags as you walked up the sidewalk. Jack had salted the concrete to prevent black ice, and you could hear each crystal crunch under your shoes. You made it to the front door before realizing you left your keys in the car. With an annoyed huff that you could visualize in the icy air, you set the groceries down, and turned to run back to your car to get out of the cold as soon as possible.

And that was your mistake. Your foot found the singular patch of ice on the sidewalk that had evaded Jack’s salting efforts. You had no time to react, and instinctively, your hands braced your fall as you fell hard onto the concrete. A string of curse words hissed from your mouth as you unsteadily rose to your feet. You brushed off the salt from your knees and upper body, but there was an odd pain coming from your left arm.

Because of your puffy coat, you couldn’t initially see that your forearm was going in a direction that it shouldn’t. In fact, the lower half of your forearm didn’t seem to be connected to your upper half.

Fuck. You knew the endorphins were gonna wear off soon, and you wanted to be under a considerable amount of pain meds when it did. Drunk with adrenaline, you got back in your car and drove to the Pitt, ditching the groceries at Jack’s front door.

When you arrived at the parking lot of the Pitt, you were grateful to find it generally unbusy. You walked through the front door and passed through the waiting room. Mel King was the first one to spot you. She grinned and waved eagerly.

“What are you doing here?” She asked excitedly.

You smiled at your friend’s enthusiasm, but the pain in your arm reminded you of your reason to visit. “I think I broke my arm.” You replied.

Mel’s smile quickly vanished, and she began to usher you towards an empty room. “Oh, that’s not good. Let’s get you checked out.” She said.

You entered the room and began to take off your puffy winter coat. You tossed it on the chair in the room, and you heard Mel gasp. Her eyes were locked on your arm, and you saw for the first time how bad it was. Definitely broken.

She sat you on the edge of the bed and immediately began a physical exam of your wounded arm. “What happened?” She asked.

You sighed, feeling embarrassment course through your veins after teasing patients all day about this very thing. “Slipped on black ice.” You responded.

Mel nodded, not an ounce of judgment on her face. What an angel. “I’m gonna go get you a sling and get you in line for an x-ray. I’ll order some morphine, too.” She said, about to run out of the room, but hesitated for a second. “Any chance you’re pregnant?” She asked.

You felt the default answer of “no” in the back of your throat, but you stopped yourself. You had irregular periods, and you and Jack weren’t the best at using protection every time he wanted to fuck you. Although you were confident that you were not, you found yourself answering “I don’t know.”

Mel nodded, taking the information the best she could. You could see from her reaction that she was a little surprised. “Um, okay! Let me get you a sling and we’ll do a urine test before we send you off to x-ray.” She said.

And you were alone in the room again. You shifted uncomfortably on the hospital bed and wondered if you should tell Mel to get Jack. The only person on staff that knew of your relationship with him was Robby. There wasn’t much opportunity for others to speculate because day shift rarely interacted with night shift. You decided against telling Jack as you vaguely remembered seeing a mass of doctors and nurses in Trauma 1.

Mel soon returned with the sling and urine cup. “Alright, let’s get you in this sling.” She said.

She guided your distorted arm into the holder of the sling, making sure you didn’t endure anymore pain. Once the strap was adjusted, she handed you the urine cup. “You know the rules. Wipe front to back with the sanitary towel, pee for a few seconds, then collect the specimen.” She instructed.

You smiled slightly. “Thank you.” You replied before heading to the bathroom.

Getting your dirtied scrub bottoms off with one hand was much harder than you thought it would be. Bits of salt were still buried in the fabric, and they began to fall onto the tile floor of the bathroom as you shimmied out of the pants. You followed Mel’s instructions to a T, then did your best to wash your good hand with soap and warm water.

As you headed back to your room, you caught a glance of Trauma 1. Jack was commanding the room with ease and working hard to creatively intubate the patient. Your heart fluttered at the sight, rarely getting to see your boyfriend in action. You reentered the room, and Mel was there waiting for you.

“Why aren’t you in Trauma 1?” You asked.

Mel took the cup from your hands and immediately dipped a pregnancy test. “Oh, they have too many people in there already.” She answered and placed the test and cup on the counter behind her. “Plus, Doctor Abbot is scary in trauma situations.”

You giggled and sat on the edge of the bed. “Yeah, he can be pretty fierce in a high stress situation.” You replied, trying not to let on the extent of which you knew him.

Mel nodded and leaned against the counter, arms crossed. “You know, I’ve heard Princess and Perlah mention that he has a girlfriend now. He’s been a lot less mean.” She added.

Your face flushed, and you prayed the fluorescent lighting wouldn’t highlight the redness. “Oh, seriously?” You tried to fake.

“Yeah. She works on the day shift I think. I don’t know who it is. Do you?” She looked to you, genuinely curious.

You shrugged nonchalantly, honing in on your best acting skills. “I don’t think so. But now I’ll be on the look out.” You replied.

Mel turned slightly to look at the test. “Oh. Um…let me get another test.” She said before hurrying out of the room.

You raised an eyebrow but figured she may not have saturated the first test enough. When she returned, she dipped the second test in the cup and placed it next to the first one.

“I’m gonna get you some acetaminophen for the baseline pain.” She said and disappeared again.

You let out a disappointed sigh. Acetaminophen wasn’t going to do shit with your broken arm. Morphine would work a lot better and faster. Mel returned with a couple of pills and a small cup of water. You downed the pills, hoping they would provide some relief.

Mel peered over at the pregnancy tests again, and you could see she was uncomfortable by the way she wrung her hands. “Okay, so both of these tests are positive. You’re pregnant.” She said, not knowing the exact tone to use.

You felt your heart drop to your stomach. You couldn’t even speak, but with your free hand, you reached out. Mel handed both tests to you. And she was right. Two lines instead of one. Pregnant. Your hand began to tremble, and the room spun around you.

Mel noticed your distress and placed a hand on your shoulder to push you back against the bed. Your head came to rest on the mattress. “Hey, it’s okay. Let’s just take some deep breaths, okay?” She tried to calm you.

You nodded, and you followed her lead in taking two deep breaths. “I’m sorry, I just-…I didn’t know.” You admitted sheepishly.

Mel nodded. “That’s okay. It’s not what you expected. Let me go get the ultrasound machine, and I can see how far along you are.” She said before hurrying out.

You were alone in the room again. Pregnant. How could you not know? You didn’t have any morning sickness. Your irregular periods made for a perfect red herring. Maybe your bras had been a little tighter, but you assumed that was from eating extra snacks in between breaks. Oh. Eating extra snacks. Yeah, that was one sign.

Then all you could think about was Jack. You had talked about the future, about kids, but that was wishy washy stuff. You expected that to be much farther into the future. If it ever happened. Not now. Was he going to be mad? Or sad? Was he going to leave?

You were brought back to reality when Mel swung the curtain open and wheeled the ultrasound in. “Okay, I’m gonna put some warm gel on your belly, could you lift up your shirt?” She asked.

You did as she asked, and your eyes were riveted on the compression marks from your scrub pants. They had been a little snug lately. Mel squirted the gel onto your belly, then took the probe to navigate.

“We may not see anything if it’s still early. I’ll have to use the transvaginal probe if it is. But…” She trailed off as she watched the screen. “It looks like we can see baby right now. Inside the uterus where it belongs.”

You looked to the screen, and there it was. Your baby. Jack’s baby. The outline of a head and body. Arms and legs compressed against it. Just a little fetus. You felt an odd feeling in your chest, a mix between anxiety and joy.

“Oh. That’s my baby.” You said, not even aware that it was out loud and not in your head.

The curtain swung open, and you flinched at the sudden sound. Mel’s hand jerked away from your belly and turned around. Jack stood there, trying to take in the sight before him.

“What are you doing here?” He asked firmly, but you could tell he was distressed in his eyes.

You looked awkwardly to Mel, who decided to present you as a patient case. “29-year-old female presenting with suspected left radial and ulnar fractures after a fall.” She stated, in perfect form.

Jack looked to the ultrasound and back to you, unable to follow based on Mel’s presentation. “So what’s the ultrasound for?” He asked.

Mel shifted uncomfortably, not sure if she should share her coworker’s business. But you were a patient now. “She had two positive pregnancy tests, and I was confirming with ultrasound before sending her to x-ray.” She explained. “Would you like to check?”

Jack had kept his eyes on you the whole time, something unreadable in his face. You had gotten pretty good at understanding the small changes in his expression. He never smiled, even when he laughed, so you had to pick up on the tiniest changes to figure out his mood. But this was new.

“Yes, thank you, Dr. King.” He answered, trading places with her on the rolling stool next to your bed.

He dragged the probe across your belly, staring straight at the screen. You watched him intently, trying to decipher his body language.

“Dr. King, can you give an estimated gestational age?” He asked.

Mel looked at the monitor, noting the baby’s features. “About 12 weeks. About to start the second trimester.” She answered.

You felt another wave of anxiety rush through you. You missed the entire first trimester. “A-are you sure?” You asked.

Jack nodded, not looking away from the screen. “She’s right. Measuring at about 5.4 centimeters.” He confirmed, voice as firm as ever.

Mel looked to you, a small smile on her face. “At 12 weeks, you can tell the gender.” She reminded you.

You looked to Jack, who was diligently studying the baby’s anatomy, making sure there were absolutely no informalities as of now. “The gender?” You repeated, and it brought Jack back to reality.

Jack turned to look at you fully for the first time since he entered the room. Those hazel eyes were welled up with tears, and he was doing everything he could from letting them spill over. “Do you want to know?” He asked, and you could hear the barely-there strain in his vocal cords.

You nodded, not breaking his eye contact. “Yes, please.” You whispered.

It took ounce of military training to hold Jack from breaking down in tears. “It’s a boy.” He answered as steadily as he could.

You smiled, then grinned, and tears streaked down your cheeks. “A boy?” You repeated.

Jack nodded, twisting his face to prevent himself from crying, grateful his face was turned away from Mel. “Yeah, a healthy baby boy.” He affirmed.

You brought your free hand to your face to wipe away some of the tears, and you laughed with a new joy you hadn’t felt before. Jack turned away from you in that moment, but still not fully facing Mel.

“Dr. King, could you go check with imaging and see if they’re ready?” He asked.

Mel nodded. “Yes, sir.” She replied, but looked to you and smiled the biggest smile she had. “Congrats on the baby boy!”

You matched her smile. “Thank you, Mel.” You replied, and then she disappeared behind the curtain.

Before you could begin to speak, Jack wrapped you into his arms, carefully cradling you to avoid your broken arm. The love you felt from that embrace had more than exceeded your expectations. “You’re not mad?” You asked, pulling away slightly.

Jack looked to you with an offended demeanor. “Mad?” He questioned while rubbing your shoulder. “Sweetheart, I could never be mad at you.” He added. “Especially over this.”

You smiled and ran your free hand through his thick, silvered curls. “You’re gonna be a dad.” You whispered.

Jack’s bottom lip quivered, and the tears spilled over his face. “I’m gonna be a dad.” He repeated.

You had never seen him cry before. You desperately wished you had two available arms to pull him tightly into your embrace. Instead, you guided his head to rest close to yours and kissed him gently. He energetically returned the kiss, fingers threading through your hair. But he pulled away when reality hit him.

“Wait, how did you break your arm?” He asked, a new wave of concern washing over his face.

You rolled your eyes at your own clumsiness. “I slipped and fell on black ice outside of your house.” You responded.

Jack huffed, disappointed that he hadn’t put down enough salt. “I’m sorry, love. I thought I fixed it up for you.” He replied.

You shrugged and a slow smile found its way to your lips. “It’s okay. Because now I’m here. And now we have a baby.”

Jack’s concerned expression melted into one of pure happiness. It was one that you had only seen a few times. But despite his tear-streaked face, the joy was unmistakable.

A/N: Yeah I’m a sucker for giving my favorite characters a baby, sorry this wasn’t super long, but I wanted to write it before the week started!

2 months ago

trans women, i love you.

you were a woman yesterday. you're a woman today. you're a woman tomorrow. you're a woman forever.

trans women have existed long before those stuffy bigots sitting in a court room have. trans women will continue to exist long after they're dead and rotting in the earth.

1 month ago

I’m listening to this on repeat forever

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espressheauxs - say you can’t sleep
say you can’t sleep

Nat, 30s, 🇮🇹🇪🇨

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