They’re Both Complete Messes.

Jason: holy fuck… you are the next me.

Tim, smirking: no. I’m BETTER.

Tim: How many people are you willing to kill for your mission?

Jason: How many are you

Tim: For my mission? Zero. Now, to make a point on the other hand...

Bruce always worries when his children disappear or leave Gotham, but he gets even worse when it's Dick or Tim.

This is the thing, Jason goes off world with Kori and Roy and comes back calmer and saner.

Cassandra rarely stays in Gotham. She has a hard time remembering to call home, but she does, and Bruce is immensely happy to hear from her.

Damian goes off and returns with a sense of self and victory. He had a lot of fun with Jon, no one knows what they were up to.

Dick leaves and when he's back, he is carrying 3000 new tons of ✨trauma✨. He's been tortured, held hostage, save a small planet, lost his teammates. It's been a hellish week, let alone a month.

Tim disappears, doesn't call, doesn't text, nobody knows where he is. He comes back one day with a longer criminal record and the loyalty of a gaggle of assorted unhinged individuals.

Bruce trusts Jason, Cass and Damian to be responsible. Dick attracts danger, and Tim stumbles into it instead of sidestepping it.

Tim Drake is so funny because he’s like “Everyone hates me and honestly, same” when actually nobody does??

Tim: “Jason hates me :(“

Jason: “Tim is the only member of the Bats that I can spend time with without wanting to strangle him.”

Tim: “Dick just deals with me because he has to :(“

Dick: “I would kill for Tim.”

Tim: “Bruce doesn’t view me as family :(“

Bruce: “I literally adopted Tim.”

Tim: “My friends don’t trust me :(“

Literally all of his friends: “Tim said I should jump off this bridge and while that does seem stupid, it’s Tim asking, so I’m jumping.”

Ao3 is down so I'm reposting so that I have it later when it comes back up. :DDDD I've missed Newscapepro shit.

New story… sigh…

Lucius Fox is in the drive thru for some coffee, and like. He's just. He's had a time, okay?

He's stuck on some equations in regard to the amount of torsion a joint would go through if it's half in his dimension and half in another, and it's driving him up a wall.

He's been up for like forty-eight hours, he's tired, he's thirsty, he just wants a coffee, and also how to solve this dilemma.

He doesn't expect the barista in the drive-thru he's ranting about the engineering issues to actually provide decent feedback, and give him a few alternatives.

So he rushes to the pick-up window, not even caring to order, to look at this godsend of a barista.

It's a scrawny kid with black hair and blue eyes, looking startled. Boy can't be more than eighteen.

He asks what college the kid is going to, or plans to go to.

To his absolute horror, the kid-Danny, according to the nametag-says he can't afford college. That he'd had a stint in highschool where he just hadn't been able to focus, and his parents had spent every penny they had on their own inventions.

So that was why he was a barista; because if he worked there for four years, they would offer tuition assistance.

Which.

No. No no no no no.

Lucius pulls around to march into the store, Bruce Motherfucking Wayne already blearily on his phone.

He is getting this kid, and any friend of his, into college.

If Bruce won't foot the bill, he will.

Dick: I can’t tell if I should be worried about Damian’s reaction to this or Tim’s revenge for the reaction??

Tim, talking to Ras in front of the batfamily: I WANT you to leave me alone! AND IF I HAVE TO KILL ANOTHER ASSASSIN TO GET THE POINT ACROSS-

Bruce: Woah, woah, What!?

Tim, defeated: I am losing my mind, B.

Been thinking about Piett casually (and constantly) refering to Vader as "my husband" and people who don't know who the husband in question is are "ah sweet a loving couple" and those who do know are s w e a t i n g

I’m imagining a new-hire aid that comes in a couple decades after RotJ when the New Republic is well established. Sure Vader and Piett are in the news occasionally but it’s feasible to miss, and aid was wee bebe when the d r a m a happened so they have no idea.

So the aid’s just doing their job their bestest, and Piett is nice, and the aid can’t figure out why some of their coworkers seem a little scared of him (???) or, like, a lot scared of him and avoid him (??!!!??!). 

Like 5 months later they’re popping into his office to drop something off and there’s this 7 foot tall fire-breathing-dragon of a man there and OH. OH. ‘MY HUSBAND THIS’ AND ‘MY HUSBAND THAT’. RIGHT. SHIT.

Piett: “...You alright-- Aid: “HereyouarePiettsir” -sets papers on desk and scurries away- Vader: ... Piett: ... Vader: -turns to frown at Piett- Piett: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Perfectly Comfy

Children who managed to get out of the temple and into safe places by margine, carrying a baby in their arms or clutching another younger child to themselves. Children who learned to fight and protect, not for their people as a whole, but for the baby or smaller child in their arms. Children who made themselves into swords and shields for the younger, more scared, smaller children they barely managed to save.

Having BIG™ feelings about how most of the Jedi that survived Order 66 were literal children.

Children whose brothers turned on them, and whose parental figures were ripped from them for reasons that they would never understand. Children who didn't know how to live in a galaxy who accepted them, much less one that didn't. Children who had to shed the identity they'd had longer than they could remember just to survive. Children who watched as their people were labeled terrorists and the things they held sacred were desecrated to the purpose of hurting the people they were made to protect.

Children who had to pick up the (often literal) sword of those who'd come before them to protect innocents and hold onto what scraps of their culture that were left. That, to their limited knowledge, believed themselves to be the very last of their kind. Children who bore the weight of bringing justice to the deaths of thousands of their kin, not through revenge, but through the restoration of peace. Who in the fight towards peace, had to once again become weapons instead of peacemakers.

Of them training padawans when they were technically still padawans themselves. Who had to teach what broken pieces of their culture that they could still remember, because they were still learners when they stopped learning. Who taught in the middle of surviving in a galaxy that was out to get them on all sides. Whose padawans never got the chance to go to Ilum, or see the Temple on Coruscant, or bond with other padawans, or any other experience that should've been theirs by birthright.

If I think about it for too long my brain stops working and I cry.

Okay, so I’m a fan of Brain Dead - these two overworked boys who need hugs, melatonin, and to sleep in a comfortable pillow fort while wrapped in soft blankets like burritos (bonus points if it’s actual tortilla-pattern blankets) - and I’m also a fan of petty revenge like -

Tim accidentally getting married to Ghost King Danny because Red Robin got captured and used as a sacrifice by a cult to summon the Ghost King to reign destruction but mishap someone forgot to read up on their runes so the “sacrifice” was actually a “sacrificial bride”, meaning magical contract between GK!Danny and Tim.

And Danny, when he gets summoned and realizes what happened, is like, nope. Takes down the cultists, does abscond with Red Robin just to explain the situation and how right now, the dude is his Queen Consort or co-king because magically enforced marriage at least they don’t have to copulate that would have been even worse. And Tim is just computer crashing as he gets an information dump on how one, there’s another realm that’s, two, filled with dead people who, three, is ruled by a guy his age and who, four, Tim is now married to because, five, cultists really need to do their hOMEWORK WHAT THE HELL -

And did I mention that the contract lets them know no secrets between them? So Danny knows who Tim is meaning he knows who the Batfam is but that’s okay since Tim knows who Danny is and oh wow that explains a lot about Jason now with the ecto-contamination by impure ectoplasm -

And Tim really doesn’t want to tell the Batfam what happened since he still has insecurities regarding his place in the family which isn’t helped by their treatment - and Danny is seething because him and Tim actually get along pretty well as friends and Tim has quickly worked his way into Danny’s Obsession of Protecc because Danny will always protect those he cares about and he doesn’t like how Tim gets treated especially when it came to learning about Tim’s missing spleen.

Now here’s the funny part of this AU - because of the marriage contract between Danny and Tim, Tim gets the perks of being Queen Consort/co-king in having power over ectoplasmic beings, so when Jason’s going in on Tim who has been stressed from the situation despite Danny and Tim’s new friends in Sam, Tucker, Valerie, Jazz, and Dani (and Dan if you want to include him) doing their best to help him destress which he greatly appreciates, is still operating on little to no sleep, AND just found out that somebody replaced his extra strong coffee with decaf, Jason who calls Tim “Replacement” one last time -

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Tim snarled at Jason, his eyes glowing a scarily familiar green to the Batfam. Jason’s own eyes began to glow green in response, but instead of his feeling angry, the Pits encouraging him to hurt, Jason can feel the Pits actually COWERING back instead this time, and an incredible urge to not say another peep.

Meanwhile the rest of the Batfam is also freaking out because holy shit when did Tim take a dip in the Pits?!