Be Kind Be Brave 🙂

I regret the time I spent thinking that studying is everything. I regret for thinking that any hobby is a just a waste of time. I should have had a hobby. I regret all the time I used only to study for nothing but to get myself stressed and depressed in the end. I wish I could go back.

Know what's the worst feeling is? It is to not know what you did to that person who have been talking with you very friendly that that person stopped talking to you all together. You will have countless thoughts on what could have went wrong, are you really the one to be blame, or did you said something wrong that made them feel hurt, or did you ever crossed the line with them, or could it be that you did something to their precious person that they don't want to talk with you anymore or is there someone else behind everything, or could it be that they have their own problem that they couldn't talk properly (But that still doesn't make sense though sometimes, when you see them talking to others like normal. How could they talk to other nicely but you?). Countless thoughts with no proper answer on when where it went wrong and what caused all these.

And the worst shit is that I have been going through this shit for more than 10 years now.

You can find out if you have patience or not when you're waiting for your water to boil during experiments 😬

My first time trying fasting with my malay friends for Ramadhan month. It wasn't that hard but my will power made it all work i guess 😅 Whatever I enjoyed it and I made it happen. I'm so proud of myself. Today I proved to myself that I can do whatever i want if i want to.

Don't try your best. Do your best-est.

I'M LOST

So, first i lost my teddy and until today i havent found it.Then i lost my earphones but it turned out to be in my trousers in the laundry basket.

Then i lost my calculator but it was actually mistook by the girl beside me.

Then i lost my chemistry assignment paper but then found it stucked in between one of my reference book. Then i lost the last page of my chemistry lab report. But later found it among the paper i used to scribble.

Today i lost my physics lab manual. I took all the books from my desk yo find that one book. It was right there but i couldnt see it. But later somehow i found it.

IM SO LOST.

I'm 21 ❤

I turn 21 today. On 5th of January 2022. Somehow I'm very proud that I achieved this number. 21 years of living, how many times have I cried over so many ridiculous and heartbreaking things and how many times have I genuinely laugh out loud. 21 years of living, I have learnt a lot. And I want to keep on learning. And I want to see the world. not just the small world I've seen so far but the big wide world out there. I want to go and explore and maybe find a friend. It's been more than 6 years since I had a friend. since the last time, my ex so-called best friend left me without even telling me why. Oh wait, she did when I asked. She told me that my moody self was annoying and that she didn't wanted my friendship anymore. Well at least she had a reason for leaving, unlike the other so-called best friend I had, who stopped talking all of a sudden without any reason (rumors have it that her mother hated me for being friend with the girl she dislike so my wonderful ex best friend being the loyal daughter she is, cut off my friendship *sighs*). Thanks to god everything is in past tense. I haven't find any best friend or even a close friend since then but I honestly wish I will soon. And there it is my birthday wish. To find a best friend. But I don't want to force myself to find a friend. I don't think i cant effort to lose another friend after treating them as my best friend with my whole heart. That hurts a lot. A lot. I want best friend, my genuine and desperate wish. it feels so jealous to see everyone having a good time with their best friends, seeing them eating together, going out together and spending time together. I wish I'll have those days soon too.

And my second wish is to be brave. I know I've always been brave, but I wish I have a little more or maybe even a lot more of braveness. they said the first step is the scariest and once you move pass that everything else will fall into place. but the thing is, to take that very first step, the amount of courage ness you are going to need is indescribable. Some does it easily, and some needs that extra spoon of courage to take that first step. In my case, I think I'm going to need a whole bucket of that courage hahahaha. Like I said, I have always been brave, when i went to the beach alone for the first time when in matriculation (it still scares me how anything could have happened, just anything when that grab driver went to a wrong deserted place because i chose the place wrongly.) But don't worry. I don't make sill mistakes like choosing wrong destination anymore. You know I'm 21. Or even i had to go to hospital last year due to lack of Hb and almost got blood transfusion. I cried a lot but I was still brave for being able to face it. Well, at least for me. I know I'm brave but I would like to be more brave. I believe i will be soon.

I wanna live. live the life I want. be happy and do everything I wish I can. I want to be more brave.. Let's live; happily and bravely.

I dont ask for help from just anyone. But if I do and if you helped me I'll be forever grateful. Help that is given but not at the moment it needed the most is useless.

Atleast for a day, atleast try to go out escape from those four walls and see what's happening outside. There's a beautiful world out there.

Perhaps the reason this night looks so beautiful is not because of these stars or lights, but us. ❤