Look At Us Now - Ellie & Abby X Reader

requesting a smut fic with reader x loser!ellie based on in my feelings by Lana del Rey!! And the song being from readers pov

In my feelings - (loser!ellie williams x reader)

hi anon! firstly this is my first time writing smut, so I'm sorry if it sucks lmao:) and also Lana Del Rey fucking slaps, I hope you enjoy<3

This story is based off the song in my feelings by Lana Del Rey, if you can please listen to the song as you're reading:)

(I had to rewrite this twice because every time I wrote it according to the lyrics I always ended up with a angst fic, so this is just a smut piece. There are references to the song in the story.)

Pairing- loser!ellie x fem!reader

requests are always open, feel free to leave one or just send me a song and I'll take it from there:)

Warnings: MDNI 18+, smut, fingering (r receiving), oral (r receiving), porn no plot, inexperienced Ellie, cigarettes, sex, domish reader, this sucks, lmk if I missed anything!

Summary: In which you showed a loser, a great time

You brought the cigarette to your lips as you inhaled the smoke, your head rolled back as you blew it out from your lips.

You looked up and saw Ellie staring at you like a lost puppy.

"Have you ever done this before?" you asked her as you took another puff from your cigarette.

You watched as she shyly looked to the ground.

"Open your mouth and answer me Ellie" you demanded enjoying how easily you could make her nervous.

"n-no ma'am" she stuttered.

You chucked as you put out your cigarette on the ash tray beside you. Ellie watched your fingers as you lowered the cigarette, how delicate they looked, she wondered what they would feel like.

Ellie was snapped from her thoughts when she heard your voice.

"Come here"

You watched as she blinked a couple of times.

"Do I need to repeat myself?"

"no sorry" she mumbled and she made made her away towards you.

"Crawl"

"what?" Ellie looked at you with wide eyes.

She looked so fucking innocent. So pure. It turned you on so much knowing that you had the ability to destroy her.

"Get on the floor and crawl to me"

You sat back on the couch, you slightly opened your legs revealing the pink lace underwear you wore underneath your skirt.

"I can see your underwear" Ellie pointed out. She was trying to be respectful, but she couldn't take her eyes away from your clothed cunt.

"do you like it?" you asked.

A pink shade appeared on her cheeks as she looked down to her shoes. She let out a hum of agreement.

Yeah she did like it.

She wanted to see more.

"Come on Ellie get on your knees"

You watched as she fell to her knees, crawling to you like a dog. A smile appeared on your face as you watched the mighty Ellie Williams crawl towards you.

No one else but you.

Ellie sat directly in front of you staring at your pretty face waiting for her next instruction.

You opened up your legs, your lace panties practically see through at this point from how wet you were. You heard Ellie whimper as the sight.

"So pretty" she mumbled.

"wait till you see what's underneath" You spoke with a grin.

"Touch me Ellie"

Her hands immediately went to your underwear. She gently started rubbing you through your underwear.

Ellie watched as the damp spot on your underwear grow, and she felt her own arousal, her panties were so fucking wet and her thighs were slick with her own arousal.

You let out a soft moan as you felt her rub soft, slow and gentle circles. She leaned forward to leave a soft kiss on the clothed area.

Your body shuddered at the feeling.

Ellie started slowly making out with your clothed cunt, she just wanted a taste, but the stupid piece of fabric was in her way, it wasn't only making Ellie mad it was frustrating you too.

It was good but it wasn't enough to make you cum.

"Get up"

"what?" Ellie asked confused.

"Just get up"

She stood up in an instant watching you grab your phone.

You played in my feelings by Lana Del Rey as you lit another cigarette. You took another puff before slowly swaying your hips to the music.

"I'm smoking while I'm runnin' on my treadmill

But I'm cutting up roses

Could it be that I fell for another loser"

you sang as you continued to breathe in the smoke. You slowly started stripping, removing your shit, you briefly made eye contact with Ellie before her eyes fell to your chest.

You were wearing a matching pink lace bra, and Ellie felt herself dripping.

You slowly put the cigarette between your lips as you unclasped your bra. The piece of fabric fell to the floor as you heard Ellie out a quite "woah" at the sight of your chest.

Your hands came up to your chest as you took your breast into your palm, you slowly moved your hand up pinching your nipples, your head flew back the sensation.

You let out a moan, as you felt the buds harden under your touch.

Your hips continued to sway as you looked at Ellie and you pulled your skirt and panties off. You bent down, putting out the cigarette as you picked up your panties and you threw it towards her.

Ellie desperately caught it, bringing it to her nose. She breathed in the scent of your juices and she let out a loud moan. You watched as her eyes rolled to the back of her head before she stuffed your panties into her pocket.

"Please- please let me touch you"

You almost moaned at the sound of her begging.

You slowly made your way to the couch as you bent over, raising your ass and cunt into the air.

Easy access

As you were bent over you quickly made the music louder to drown out the sound of what was about to happen.

You looked over your shoulders seeing Ellie stare at you in awe.

What a fucking loser.

You slightly shook your ass.

"Come on Ellie isn't this what you wanted?"

Ellie fell to her knees immediately crawling to you. She faced your cunt she watched your swollen pussy clench around nothing.

You slightly jumped forward with a shocked moan when you felt Ellie lick a long stripe your pussy. Ellie had her eyes closed as she let out a moan.

"So wet" she muttered. After a few seconds of silence and no movement you suddenly felt Ellie's fingers open you up and before you could say anything she inserted her tongue into you.

You let out a moan, and quickly you felt a coil tighten in your stomach.

"fuckkkk... just like that pretty girl" you breathed out in a long moan.

You heard Ellie moan from behind you, and it send vibrations to your cunt. Your mouth fell open at the sensation.

Ellie put two fingers into your cunt as she continued sucking your clit and attacking your sensitive pussy with her tongue.

"Fuck- you're such a fucking loser" Ellie heard you talk above her. "You- you can't even talk to me I public now- now you're e-eating me out like I'm your last meal"

Ellie let out a moan at your words and she felt herself clench, she was going to cum and you didn't even touch her, how pathetic.

Ellie hit that special spot and you let out a high pitched moan.

"Right there baby, please don't stop"

Ellie fingers sped up, her sucking became harsher, and your moans grew louder.

You were close.

You clenched around Ellie's fingers, and she let out a loud moan. The vibrations triggered your orgasm.

You saw white and your whole body felt numb. You didn't feel real, it felt like you were floating- no flying actually. You felt so fucking good.

With heavy breathes, you opened your eyes and you breathed out a quick good girl to Ellie.

You turned around to face her as she lay on the floor, her eyes were closed but she had a huge smile on her face.

"Did you just come?" You asked Ellie as you heavily breathed.

You watched as she opened her eyes and she started at you for a few seconds.

"No"

"are you lying to me Ellie?"

"yeah... that was the hardest I ever came" she admitted.

"Aw poor baby, I didn't didn't touch her and she soaked her panties" you teased.

All Ellie did was look away shyly.

She anxiously played with her fingers. She wanted to ask you something. But she was so fucking terrified.

Maybe she was a fucking loser.

"Can we go again? Ellie asked, looking at you with a fucked out expression. Her lips were slightly swollen and glossy with her saliva and your cum.

Still heavily breathing you gave Ellie a smile.

"let me get a taste of you too pretty girl"

Authors note: well this sucked, I've never written smut and I'm so scared to publish it lmao, also two posts in one day???? wow I'm on another lever. Remember you are loved and to always be kind.

Yours truly,

Zia:)

Hi I’m the person who requested Ellie x read based on Mary - Alex g u don’t have to answer this ask I just forgot to specify in my previous one if u could write it like “Mary” in the song is reader and Ellie is the person who’s singing? Tysm again!!

Mary - (ellie williams x reader)

hi pookie! I did exactly what you asked I just added twist! If you don't like it, just pm me and I'll write you a new story! I hope you enjoy <;33

Pairing: ellie x fem!reader

requests are always open, feel free to leave one:) or just send me a song and I'll take it from there. Remember if you want something specific to happen, please indicate it in your request.

Warnings: mental illness, mental hospitals, manhandling and mentions of pills, medication, injections and brief mentions of violence

Summary: In which Ellie wrote you a song.

Mary is the girl that I wanna kiss

She's got big red eyes and big red lips

She's got big sharp teeth and big fat hips

Mary is the girl that I wanna fuck

She's got leather heart and leather gloves

She's the only girl that I wanna love

Ellie has always referred to you as Mary. She never knew your real name.

All the times she'd beg you to answer her you'd simply giggle and say: "it's better being a secret"

You were everything Ellie has always wanted. The girl she was so madly in love with, and she didn't even know your name. You were the only thing keeping her sane at this point.

The night Ellie had met you, you sat alone outside on a bench, singing the nursery rhyme Mary had a little lamb over and over again. And the name Mary just stuck with Ellie since them.

You were her Mary. The only girl that she ever wanted to love.

Ellie liked to imagine that in a perfect world it would just be the two of you.

One where she doesn't have to stay in a mental institution. And where you don't have to sneak in every night.

Ellie was sick and tired if this place and truly doesn't know why Joel would send her here.

The walls were painted white, and all she had in her room was a bed.

"Mary is the girl that I wanna fuck?" You raised your eyebrows slightly at Ellie's vulgar lyrics.

Her cheeks turned a slight shade of pink when you brought it up.

"Yeah" Ellie spoke softly.

"You wanna fuck me?" You asked Ellie with a smile on your face.

"I mean yeah-"

The sound of keys jiggling could be heard from down the hall. Ellie let out as quick gasp at that.

Fuck it must've been time to take her meds.

Ellie watched as you quickly jumped out the window, the paper containing the song Ellie wrote dedicated to you slowly falling to the ground. In an instant Ellie jumped up quickly picking up the paper and she stuffed it into her bra.

The door opened as Ellie casually sat on her bed waiting for the nurse to arrive. Nurse Elizabeth walked in with a huge smile on her face.

Ellie rolled her eyes as the nurse, who walked towards her trying to make small talk.

Who the fuck is this happy while working in mental institution?

Ellie took the pills from the nurses hand before, she put it into her mouth. Ellie drank the water that the nurse gave to her, wishing all of this was over and that you'd just come back.

"Open up" the nurse spoke as she put her finger into Ellies mouth.

The girl gagged slightly as the nurse reached her finger further and further down her throat.

"Sorry" the nurse spoke "I have to make sure you take your meds" she finished as she gave Ellie an empathic smile.

All Ellie did was hum and lay down. The nurse soon left and Ellie heard the door lock.

She sat up immediately spitting out the pills.

"Do they really taste taste bad?" Ellie heard your voice.

"How did you get back here so fast?" she asked.

All you did was give her a wink before you walked towards her, opening your hand.

Ellie stared down confused before she realized that you were looking for the song. She quickly pulled the note from her bra as she handed you the paper.

A smile took over your face as you continued reading the lyrics.

And all Ellie could do was smile and enjoy the final moments she has with you for that day before you would disappear again.

Listen to me, baby, I don't mind

I wanna be with you and waste my time

Give it to me, baby, I feel good

I wanna feel whatever you think I should

Sing it for me, baby, play my song

I wanna hear your daddy singing along

5 more months.

5 more fucking months, Ellie had to be in this fucking hell hole.

As Ellie walked down the hall she gazed into the other people's rooms. There were some really messed up people in here.

Truthfully Ellie doesn't know why she's here. She doesn't deserve it.

She wonders why you were here. She wonders why you only come at night. She wonders why she never sees you when she's with people. She wonders in which room you were staying.

So many questions so little answers.

Today was Wednesday. Which meant that they had a talent show. Every Wednesday all the different wards would come together and each patient could show their talent.

Ellie never participated. She always thought it was cringe and stupid. But today she wanted to do something she wanted to sing you the song she had written for you.

As Ellie sat in the room she watched different patients go up to front to do their thing. Some would sing, some would dance and some would just stand there awkwardly.

When Ellie raised her hand to go next, the nurse called out her patient number as she got up and walked towards the front.

Ellie shakily held the paper as she looked up to the crowd.

She saw you standing at the back, giving her a huge smile and a thumbs up.

God you were beautiful.

She could do this. She was doing this for you.

Ellie closed her eyes as she started singing the song.

She sang about your eyes, and how your lips were painted red with lipstick the night you met. She sang about your hips and how she so badly wanted to hold you. How badly she just wanted a taste.

You were only girl Ellie wanted to spend the rest of life with and yet she didn't even know your name.

But you'll always be her Mary.

As Ellie finished her song, the crowd clapped their hands, and a small smile appeared on Ellies face.

Her smile soon disappeared when she saw you weren't in the crowd anymore.

Where were you? Didn't you like her song? Do you hate her? What happened?

As Ellie was thinking she felt a hand on her shoulder. Ellie turned around, and her eyes met with one the the nurses.

"Doctor Bernard wants to see you"

Mary is the girl that leaves you to rot

She says, "I am real and you are not"

She says, "I am real and you are not"

"Ellie how long have you been seeing this girl?" Doctor Bernard asked her.

"Her name is Mary" she replied not answering his question.

"Mary isn't real"

"she is"

"Ellie you're seeing things" The doctor started. "That's why you're here, that's why you take medicine-"

"no you're lying" Ellie yelled as she got up from her chair. Her arms were quickly grabbed by the staff as they lowered her back down into the chair. The autumn brow haired girl started screaming as she was forced to sit down again.

"She's fucking real" Ellie yelled as she lunged forward, another nurse ran from the side holding an injection to Ellie's throat.

Doctor Bernard raised his hand telling the nurse to move away.

"Ellie calm down so we can talk about this"

Heavy breathes fell from Ellies lips as she looked to the floor, saliva started dripping from her lips. The room felt hot.

"She's real" Ellie breathed almost in tears. Why aren't they listening to her?

"it's ok I believe you"

And as soon as he said that Ellie looked up with her eyes wide.

"You believe me?" She asked in genuine shock.

They always told her she was crazy. They always told her there was something wrong with her, but now he believes her?

Ellie felt relived. She really wasn't crazy.

"I do" he said.

"How did she get in?"

"You won't hurt her if I tell you?" Ellie asked.

Your safety was the most important, Ellie didn't want you to end up in solitary or worse, a higher dose of whatever medication they were giving you.

"I won't he promised, now tell me"

"She comes in through the window"

Ellie watched his facial expression closely. She watched him look up to the staff as he gave them a nod. Ellie felt the nurses holding her, gripping her even stronger.

"what the fuck-" Ellie cried as she felt them hold her harder. Ellie felt a cold metal against her neck as she she screamed.

"you said you believed me!"

She kicked, she cried, she spat and she swore but nothing helped.

Soon the drug kicked in and Ellie felt her whole body go limp. She felt them lower her to the floor and she felt very sleepy.

"You said you believed me" Ellie breathed one more time as she looked at doctor Bernard standing above her.

"Ellie there isn't a window in your room"

Ellie felt tired, it was as if everything around her was slowing down.

"Mary isn't real, she never was"

Ellie opened her mouth to talk but no words came out.

The last thing Ellie heard that day was: "you are real and she is not"

Authors note: this one was quite short but it still fucking hit dude... remember my requests are always open and that you are loved...

Yours truly,

Zia<3

Do you still dream of me? - (ellie williams x reader)

meep moop, i'm home and i'm here for blood:) I hope yall enjoy this short story while i ease into writing again <3

Pairing: ellie x fem!reader

requests are open! send me your silly thoughts:)

warnings: sadness

Summary: In which you still dream about her

authors note: yall i graduated 12th grade on a random thursday, I'm employed ugh

masterlist

"don't be such a pussy!" She yelled as you stood at the edge of the lake.

"I don't think this is a safe els" you replied with a weary look.

She got out of the water, her clothes soaked and sticking to her skin, hugging her in all the right places.

You would be a fool to look away when this is one of the only opportunities to see her like this in all her glory. Her skin was glowing, her hair wet.

She slowly walked out of the water and it was as if she was moving in slow motion. You couldn't describe what you felt in that moment.

When it came to her, you never could.

You've never been so attracted to someone, you've never trusted someone to this extent, you've never cared for someone so deeply, yet you never could tell her that you felt this way.

"Focus on me" you heard Ellie tell you.

how could you not?

"i am"

"you're not, you're zoning out"

She walked over to where you were sitting, water droplets fell from her hair and clothes. The area where she sat was soaking wet.

"What's bothering you?" she asked.

You sigh and you turn to her, the two of you made eye contact.

Fuck.

If you were an ice cream you'd have melted a long time ago.

"I miss you" you simply said, feeling vulnerable under her gaze. She sighs getting up and turning away from you.

"dont say that"

"but i do els"

"it was for the better"

"no you were selfish" you snap.

her fists clench by her sides

"what's selfish is you not letting me go" she replied.

You stayed silent her words hitting you like a hammer. Her words hurt, it hurt because you knew she was right. There was a long silence between the two of you. You were processing the words Ellie had just spoken and she was waiting for you to reply to what she just said.

She felt regret for leaving you, anger because you waited for her and sadness because she never got to tell you how she really felt.

You felt resentment towards her because how could she do that you, anger because she left and sadness because she never knew how you felt.

She turned to you giving you a small smile, she reached out her hand and she muttered: "do you still dream of me? Because i dream of you"

You looked at her with a shocked expression. This is what you wanted to hear. All these years that you've been no one but your friend. She's admitting it. The confirmation that you needed. Maybe she did feel the same way.

You reach out to grab her hand. That's all you've ever wanted to do.

As soon as you felt her soft hand against yours you woke up with a gasp, breathing heavily. You were in a puddle of your sweat as your eyes searched the room for any sign of her. You got up and ran through the house.

"Ellie?"

"Ellie!"

"Ellie?"

You called over and over again.

The house was just as cold and empty empty as it was when she left 7 months ago.

She went after Abby. She chose Abby over you.

You let out a sigh as you slowly walked back to your room.

She'll be back right?

You got into the bed you'd hope one day you'd share with her. Your head hit the cold pillow as you stared out the window.

Her question replayed in your mind:

"do you still dream of me?"

you let out a lob sob "i do els, every night"

You hoped she heard you. Wherever she was.

<3

Headcannons: dad's best friend!abby anderson x reader

masterlist

☆ Abby is your dad’s closest friend, someone who’s always been around but never really close to you. You were just the kid in the background—until one day, you weren’t.

☆ She saw it change in real time. You grew up. You started speaking with confidence, dressing differently, looking her in the eye. And it scared the hell out of her.

☆ She resisted—tried to ignore the way your laugh lingered in her mind or the way you’d look at her like you knew. But she couldn’t stop noticing you.

☆ The first time it happened, it was a mistake. A late-night conversation on the porch after your dad went to bed. A shared bottle of whiskey. A too-long stare. Your hand brushing hers.

☆ She kissed you. Hard. Desperate. She pulled away like she'd been burned, pacing, swearing under her breath, apologizing.

☆ You told her you wanted it. She told you it couldn’t happen again. It did.

☆ She never stays the night. Never kisses you in the daylight. Never looks at you for too long in public.

☆ You sneak around like it’s life or death. Quick meetups. Locked doors. Lies stacked on lies. Sometimes it makes you sick with adrenaline. Sometimes it makes you cry.

☆ Abby keeps trying to end it—but she always comes back. She’s addicted to you, even if she won’t admit it.

☆ Abby is riddled with guilt. You’re too young. You’re your father's daughter. She’s betraying someone who trusts her with his life. But she wants you—needs you—in a way that’s primal.

☆ She hates herself for it, but you’re the only one who sees her vulnerability. When she’s with you, she lets the walls fall.

☆ You hate the hiding. Hate pretending like she’s just your dad’s friend when she’s the one who’s memorized the way your body moves and how you like your coffee.

☆ She’s older, bigger, more experienced—and sometimes, she uses that. When you’re bratty or push her buttons, she’ll pin you against a wall, palm flat beside your head, whispering, “You don’t know what you’re asking for.”

☆ But you’re not powerless. You know how to get to her. How to sit in her lap like it’s innocent. How to call her “Miss Anderson” in a mocking tone just to watch her unravel.

☆ Every moment between you is coiled like a spring—either about to snap into intimacy or explode in a fight.

☆ She hates seeing you with people your age. If you flirt with someone at a party, she corners you in the hallway with fire in her eyes: “You really want to play that game, sweetheart?”

☆ She doesn’t call you hers, but she touches you like you are. Marks you where no one can see. Leaves bruises on your hips and hickeys on your inner thighs like she’s branding you.

☆ When someone else starts showing interest in you, she snaps. Shows up at your apartment. Kisses you like punishment.

☆ Every sound in the hallway makes you freeze when you're together. Every time your dad mentions Abby, your stomach flips.

☆ One close call nearly ends everything—your dad comes home early while she’s still there. You hide in your room, half-dressed, while she plays it cool like she hasn’t just kissed you breathless.

☆ After that, she disappears for days. No calls. No texts. Then she shows up in the middle of the night, eyes red, whispering “I can’t stay away.”

☆ There’s something sacred in the way she holds you in silence. Like you’re the only thing keeping her sane. The way she lets you trace the scars on her back. The way she murmurs your name like a confession.

☆ Sometimes she sneaks into your bed and stays until dawn, just holding you. You wake up to her running her fingers through your hair like she’s memorizing the way you breathe.

☆ She never says "I love you" out loud. But you hear it in the way she says your name. In the way she lingers after kissing you goodbye, her hand hesitating at the doorknob.

☆ The secrecy starts to eat at you. You want her in the open. You want her to fight for you. But she’s scared—scared of destroying your family, of losing everything.

☆ You fight. She pushes you away. You think it’s over. But then she shows up at your door during a storm, soaked, shaking, whispering, “I’d rather burn for this than live without you.”

☆ That night, you realize she loves you—but she doesn’t know how to love you in the light.

☆ There are only two options: get caught… or leave.

☆ Abby starts talking about running away. Not in a romantic way—more like survival. “If he finds out, it’s over for me. For us. I’d lose you both.”

☆ You tell her you’d follow her. She tells you not to say things like that if you don’t mean them.

☆ By day, she’s the picture of loyalty: dependable, trustworthy Abby Anderson—the friend your dad relies on, the one who helps fix the roof and grills on weekends like she’s part of the family.

☆ But by night? She’s slipping into your room when no one’s watching. Holding you like she’s starved. Kissing you like she’s trying to press her soul into your mouth.

☆ She hates the mirror lately. Hates seeing herself knowing what she’s doing. But the only time she doesn’t feel like a monster is when she’s buried in your arms.

☆ She cooks for you in secret. Not well, but she tries—burnt grilled cheese, bland pasta. You eat it anyway, legs wrapped around her hips at the kitchen counter.

☆ She keeps a drawer of your things in her apartment: a sweater, a scrunchie, a book you left behind. She told herself it was just until you took them back—but she likes seeing pieces of you there.

☆ You steal a pair of her dog tags. Wear them under your clothes like a talisman. She notices, and that night, she makes you wear nothing but them.

☆ You have a code phrase—“Are you free to talk?”—that means “I need you. Now.”

☆ You meet in quiet places: her truck parked on the cliffside at night, an old garage your dad doesn’t use, hotel rooms under fake names. Every touch is frantic. Every goodbye, heartbreaking.

☆ After every time, she tells you it’s the last. She never means it. You both pretend like the next time won’t happen, even though it always does.

☆ She hid her jealousy well—until she doesn’t. If someone else touches you, even innocently, she goes cold. Her voice sharpens. Her eyes darken. Later, she drags you into a quiet room and kisses you like she owns you.

“No one else gets to see you like this.”

“You shouldn’t be showing yourself to anyone but me.”

☆ It’s twisted, and it turns you on. But it scares her. She’s never felt this out of control before, and it makes her want to run—or hold on tighter.

☆ After she touches you, there’s always a pause. A moment of silence where she looks at you like she’s doing something unforgivable. Like she’s already lost you.

☆ Sometimes she sits at the edge of the bed, head in her hands. “I shouldn’t want this,” she whispers. “I shouldn’t want you.”

You crawl into her lap, cup her face, and say, “Then don’t make me beg.”

And that’s all it takes—her restraint shatters.

☆ She knows every inch of you—where to touch, where you’re ticklish, what makes you melt. But it’s not just sex. It’s the way her hands tremble when she unzips your hoodie. The way her breath catches when you say her name like a secret.

Her voice drops when she’s turned on. Low, rough, almost pleading.

“You have no idea what you do to me.”

“Tell me you’re mine. Even if it’s just here.”

☆ She can’t be soft in public, so she’s overwhelmingly soft in private. She holds you like a secret she’ll die to keep. Kisses your forehead. Tells you she dreams of a version of the world where this isn’t wrong.

☆ You want more. You start slipping up. Touching her shoulder when your dad’s in the room. Smiling at her too long. She panics when you get bold.

“You’re going to ruin this,” she hisses one day when you almost kiss her goodbye. “Someone will find out.”

“Then let them,” you challenge.

She grabs your wrist. “Don’t ever say that again.”

☆ It starts to hurt—loving someone in the shadows. The secrets eat at you. You wonder if she’ll ever really choose you.

☆ You tell her: “I want a life with you. I want to hold your hand in public. I want people to know you’re mine.”

☆ Abby’s voice breaks. “I want that too. But I want your dad to look me in the eye without seeing betrayal. I want to deserve you first.”

☆ A near-discovery shakes everything. Maybe someone sees you leaving her place at dawn. Maybe your dad borrows her phone and sees your contact.

☆ Abby freaks out. Cuts contact. Says it’s over. You cry. She watches from a distance, agonizing over it.

☆ Then, weeks later—she shows up at your door again. Hands shaking. Heart bare. “I tried. I can’t stop. I need you.”

☆ She finally asks you to leave with her. No more hiding. No more pretending.

“Let’s go somewhere no one knows us. I’ll build us a life. Just say the word.”

- Master List ☆

about me!

- Ellie Williams

- Abby Anderson

- Dina ???

"i would say i love you but saying it out loud is hard."

Not an ask just some compliments bc your professor ellie headcanons are so good i love love love the way you write them

oh my word, thank you sm!! I'm glad you liked it:))) I was so nervous to post it, because I was unsure if people would like it!! This means so much to me<333

<3333

You’re boygenius one is sooo iconic btw

Can you do petals on the moon-wasian project

🫶

Petals on the moon - (ellie williams x reader)

Iconic??? Thank you sm anon, like literally this made me smile but anyway I hope you enjoy&lt;3

This story is inspired by the song Petals on the moon by Wasian Project, if you can please listen to the song as you're reading:)

Pairing: Ellie x fem!reader

remember requests are always open feel free to leave one or just send me a song and I'll take it from there :)

HUGE Warnings: Mentions of murder, kidnapping , descriptions of a dead body, depression, graphic descriptions of suicide and funerals (please don't read this if you aren't in the right mental state)

Summary: In which Ellie regrets her decision

wc: 2.0k

Feeling down

Orange juice

Cigarette

To get me through

As it rains

I conclude

I need help

From someone new

"you know you're going to get cancer if you keep smoking that shit" she heard Joel's voice talk from behind her.

"Getting cancer sounds better than living" Ellie replied as she took another puff.

Smoke filled the air as Joel walked behind her, placing a cup of orange juice next to her.

Ellie looked down at the cup, and she let out a sigh as she remembered the time you mentioned you hated the orange liquid.

"Ellie what the fuck is this?" she heard you talk from the kitchen.

"It's juice" Ellie spoke, eyebrow raised, confused on why you were asking.

Were you really that stupid?

"I know it's fucking juice you idiot, I meant the flavor"

"It's orange juice... it's my favorite flavor"

"Ellie this shit is sour"

"ok so what do you like? apple juice?"

"As a matter of fact I do"

"you are so fucking disgusting" Ellie muttered as she took the box of orange juice from your hands.

She opened the top and she brought the base to her lips as she started drinking directly from the box. Ellie heard you make gagging noises before you walked back to the kitchen. A smile spread onto her lips as she continued to enjoy the juice.

"Ah fuck" Ellie cursed she felt her finger tips burn. She looked at her right hand realizing she was so lost in thought that her cigarette had completely burnt down.

"I don't want this" Ellie said as she pushed the cup back to Joel before she threw what was left of the cigarette on the floor.

She heard Joel sigh from beside her, as he grabbed the cup and gulped down the orange juice within seconds.

The air around them was silent, the moon was already high in the sky, and the light of the stars filled the air.

It was cold, but what else would you expect in September? September was your favorite month. Ellie remembered the day you walked into her and Joel's house wearing a stupid bee costume.

"Halloween is month away, you idiot" Ellie mentioned as you walked in with a huge smile on your face.

"So? I can start preparing"

"Dude you're literally so fucking weird"

You gave Ellie a small smile before saying "but you love me don't you?"

All Ellie could do was chuckle at your antics before you ran out the house screaming "I'm going to try on another costume!"

She heard the door slam.

"Of course I love you, how couldn't I?" She whisperered to herself.

Ellie was snapped back to reality when she heard Joels voice.

"What?" she questioned.

"Are you going to her funeral tomorrow? " Joel asked again.

"Yeah" was all she responded with.

"Ellie-"

"Don't start with your it's not your fault bullshit Joel"

"Ellie but it wasn't-"

"it was!" She almost yelled.

Joel tried putting his hand on her shoulder but Ellie pulled away. She stomped to the front door of their house before she turned to look at him saying: "it was my fucking fault"

Joels eyes softened, and he opened his mouth to speak but Ellie quickly interrupted him.

"I should've opened the door, but instead I was too busy sucking up to Cat"

Ellie took a deep breathe before she continued talking: "She died because of me"

"Goodnight Joel see you tomorrow" was the last thing Ellie said to him before she walked into their home.

So take me in your spaceship

Throw me up into new places

Blast me into silence

Let your guidance get me through this

Gravity is pulling me

Along and I can't find a way

To understand

Why I'm here again and again, oh

Ellie felt alone.

What she's feeling now is something that she couldn't even describe.

It felt like there was a hole in heart that couldn't be filled with anything, it felt like she was walking around without a purpose, without guidance.She didn't have anyone to talk to since you've left.

Ellie didn't know if she's never appreciated you enough. Or if she ever showed you enough love. But now you weren't here anymore, made her realize all the times she has neglected you. All the times she could've spent with you but she was busy with bullshit.

She wish she could bring you back to life, even if it was just for 5 minutes so that you could fill this hole that you left.

Ellie wondered what it would be like to live in space. Floating around aimlessly, wondering if you might see an alien or two. This is what her grief felt like. Like she was aimlessly living her life, like she was floating around hoping that someone would come fill the hole in her heart.

No hook ups, no cigarettes, an no amount of orange juice could fill her.

She was supposed to remember the good times the two of you had, but it seems that tonight she was plagued by your last moments.

The way you knocked on the bathroom door that night she and cat were hooking up in, the way she heard you crying and knocking on the door, begging her to open up.

All she did was pull away from Cat's lips and she yelled a quick "fuck off" before her and Cat's lips connected again.

She remembered the loud sob you let out after she yelled out you.

At the time Ellie thought you were being overdramatic. Maybe you were drunk, maybe you had a bad hookup, but she never expected that your body would be found 4 days after that.

If she had just opened the door that day, you would still be here with her. You would still randomly show up to her house to annoy the shit out her and leave.

But now here Ellie lays in her bad. All alone.

Without you.

Yeah, she thinks being sent into space would be better than feeling this empty.

I feel like everybody's singing out of tune

I feel like I can't help but always be so blue

But in the end I know I must keep pulling through

And brace myself for all the hell-like petals on the moon

Ellie felt out of place.

Everyone standing outside your grave deserved to be here. But she didn't. She couldve stopped your death, but yet she was selfish.

She wanted to prove to Dina and Jesse that she wasn't in love with you. Everyone in Jackson knew Ellie loved you, but she was too stupid to admit her feelings, like a fucking pussy.

And now she couldn't even tell you.

If she never decided to prove a point that day, if she never decided to even invite you to that party you would still be here with here and this stupid fucking funeral would not be happening.

Her eyes followed the coffin as it was lowered into the ground.

She knew you were in there, but she didn't want to believe it. The girl she was so helplessly in love with was being lowered six feet under for the rest of eternity.

The crowd erupted in the song "Amazing grace". Some people were singing, some people were crying.

This is all her fucking fault.

Ellie heard Joel softly crying from behind her. And all Ellie did was shamefully look away.

She had to stay strong for Joel.

You were like a daughter to him and he isn't taking you death well. As strong as Joel pretends to be, Ellie knows he's struggling.

She knows he started drinking again. She knows he barley sleeps. She knows he's concerned for her mental health.

Did she deserve it? Did Ellie deserve his love and pity after letting you die in such a gruesome way?

Ellie has your blood on her hands, and yet Joel tells her it wasn't her fault.

Feeling cold

Train delayed

You've gone home

And I'm afraid

Helios

Sun divine

Hold me up

Into the sky

Ellie remembers the day your body way found like it was yesterday.

The night after the party Ellie woke up with a pounding headache.

She groaned when she heard Joel barge into her room with a frantic look on his face.

"What do you want Joel?" Ellie asked through a yawn.

"y/n didn't get home last night"

And Ellie immediately sat up.

"What?"

"Where is she Ellie?"

"I-" she opened her mouth to talk but Joel's phone started ringing.

The only memory she had was you crying and begging her to open the door.

Then the search started. They searched every street, every river and every ditch in Jackson to find you.

4 fucking days.

4 fucking days of searching and interviews, and you still weren't found.

Ellie was on a train when it suddenly stopped, she pulled out her phone to text Joel and to tell him that she'd be late to the search that afternoon.

"They found a body, on the tracks!" Someone yelled from the front.

And Ellie's heart dropped to her stomach.

It was yours.

Your skin was cold meaning you had been dead for days. Your beautiful skin was littered with bruises and cuts. And around your neck were hand prints indicating that you had been suffocated.

Your cause of death was suffocating which means you were alive during the torture you faced.

If only she had opened that door. If only she wasn't filled with lust in that moment.

All Ellie could do was look up to the sky and hope that you were in a better place.

Maybe you've gone to that "home" called heaven religious people keep talking about.

Born again, alone again, again

Home again, you're gone again, again, again

Will somebody be there for me when all my friends have left?

Even if I'm undone in the end, ooh

Ellie stared up into the sky admiring the clouds. She walked towards the huge oak tree that the two of you always hung out at.

"C'mon ellie" you begged her one night.

"Dude it's literally 3am"

"So?" you yelled as you jumped onto the bed.

Ellie let out a groan she pulled a blanket over her head.

"We can go the oak tree and tell eachother scary stories" you told her as you pulled the blanket off of her head.

That night as the two of you lay under that beautiful oak tree and she looked over to you and she realized how in love she was with you.

That day changed everything for ellie.

She stood under the oak smiling at the memories.

Ellie climbed up the tree, as she pulled out a rope from her pocket.

You were strangled to death, she will die the same way.

She tied the rope onto the branch, and she slowly climbed out of the tree.

As she hopped out the tree her eyes landed on where the two of you carved in your initials all those years ago. And for the first time since your death Ellie started crying.

All the emotions she bottled up. All the guilt she felt. All the anger she felt just come out.

Ellie fell to her knees and she started sobbing. With tears in her eyes her hand reached up to touch the marking and a new wave of sadness flooded her.

She doesn't know how long she sat there sobbing, but hours must've went by.

Her throat felt raw from all the sobbing, her eyes felt puffy. Her whole face hurt.

Ellie looked to the rope that was hanging from the tree.

She looked at it, and she heard it calling her. The loneliness she felt and every ounce of pain she currently felt will all fall away if she just hung herself. She knew everything would be ok, and that she'd finally be with you again.

Ellie quickly got up and she gave your initial a kiss, before she got the chair that she secretly stole from Joel earlier that day.

Ellie placed the chair below the rope and she got onto it. She out her head through the rope, and she jumped kicking the chair to the side.

It felt like someone had kicked her in her something, the air was completely knocked out of her.

Is this how you felt in your final moments?

Ellie was in pain. Everything hurt. Now she knows what it felt like. What you had to go through. What she had put you through.

Ellie stared at sky as she felt more and more at ease.

The physical and emotional pain she was feeling this entire time was fading away.

Ellie's eyes rolled to the back of her head she took her last breath. Her body went limp.

She was finally put out of her suffering.

And for the first time since your death Ellie felt free.

Who knows, maybe she'd see you in the after life....

Authors note: well idk why all my work has been so depressing but anyway just remember you are loved and go always be kind....

Yours truly,

Zia:)

The air is getting crisp fall is coming so a bôa song is definitely needed can you do twilight by them

Twilight - (ellie williams x reader)

hi anon! Your wish is my command! Ugh I wish it was fall where I live, it's literally so fucking hot lmao... I hope you enjoy it <3

this story is based off the song Twilight by Bôa, if you can please listen to the song as you're reading:)

Pairing: ellie x fem!reader

requests are always open, feel free to leave one!

HUGE Warnings: descriptions of violence, murder, death, gore, sadness, small mention of depression and graves (don't read this if you aren't in the right mental state)

Summary: In which you couldn't win Ellie's heart

Authors note: ladies and ladies, the violence is back! Idk man it's been a while since I've written something like this. Remember you are loved <3

Your word and my word and her word is

Yesterday, today and tomorrow

And twilight gives me, an inner sanctity

And you're feeling, and you're hungry for her

And you don't understand it

But you know you haven't planned it

Your feelings and mine are all lonely

And dawn comes you're there lying with me

And you reach out to touch me, but I am in the twilight

You heard Ellie let out a sigh as she continued venting to you about Dina.

Stupid Dina.

Seems like all Ellie could talk about was her.

Why her? Out of all the people on the fucking planet why did it have to be Dina?

"She said "hey Ellie" and she didn't even smile with me! like what the fuck???" Ellie practically yelled with frustration.

You rolled your eyes at Ellie.

"Ellie calm down maybe she had a bad day"

Ellie stopped pacing around the room to look at you.

"Yeah.... you're right! She doesn't hate me she's just tired" Ellie said with a small smile.

You watched as Ellie lowered herself onto your bed and she looked up at you with a shy smile. She reached out her arms in your direction "cuddle?" she asked softly.

You let out a sigh as got into the bed spooning Ellie. She let out a hum of satisfaction.

"Ellie you need to stop doing this"

"doing what?"

you only shook your head and thought: "making me fall in love with you"

"friends don't cuddle" you brought up.

"Friends do" Ellie argued.

"Dina wouldn't like this" you added.

"well Dina isn't here right now" Ellie spoke matter of factly as she snuggled closer to you.

All you did was sigh as you brought your hand up to scratch Ellie's head. She let out a moan and she closed her eyes.

"You are a great friend, you know that?" Ellie spoke through a yawn.

Yeah, you were a great friend.

Your feelings and mine are all holy but,

You know and I know it's untrue because

When day dawns you're there lying with me

And the dawn can fly away

And you know I love you but you know that

There's nothing you can do about it

Because you love her, and you still want me

If I could be her... but I'm not her and she's not me

And you're somewhere different, on a different planet

You loved Ellie. You loved her a little more than a friend should.

Every time you saw her, your heart raced. She made you feel hot by just giving you a smile. Ellie made you feel things. Things you've never felt before.

You loved her.

But you knew she didn't feel the same.

You lay many nights next to Ellie, listening to her complain about Dina who's oblivious to Ellie's feelings.

It hurt you.

Seeing how Ellie always smiled when Dina walked into a room. Seeing how excited Ellie got, every time Dina said something. Every time Dina complimented Ellie, she almost exploded with joy.

It made you sick.

You tried being Dina.

Maybe Ellie would love you if you were someone else.

Maybe it was the way you did your hair? Was it the way you dressed? Was it the way you looked? What made Dina so special?

You tried cutting your hair the same length as Dina. You started dressing like her. You even copied her stupid music taste.

You tried. You tried so fucking hard.

But you could never be her and Ellie would never see you like that.

You knew Ellie loved you. She wanted you, but not in the same way you wanted her.

You were her best friend.

The girl she could go to with her problems, the girl who would help her with her hair and outfits.

You were nothing more than a friend.

You wanted to be Dina and you prayed to the gods that you could become her. But you didn't. You were nothing more than a friend in Ellie's eyes.

You saw how much Ellie's crush on Dina affected her.

How much it hurt her knowing that Dina most probably doesn't feel the same. And you being the amazing friend that you were, you decided to help Ellie.

You made it your mission to get them together.

Even though it hurt you knowing Ellie would never love you, as long as she was happy, you'd be happy too.

That's how you got yourself in your current position. Sitting across Dina in her apartment.

"So" you stared as you took a sip from the orange juice Dina gave you.

"we need to talk"

"about?"

"Ellie" "What about Ellie? Dina asked confused.

"do you have feelings for her?" you asked.

You watched as Dina burst out laughing, you watched as she threw her head back from laughing.

Anger sparked in you.

Why the fuck was she laughing? What's so fucking funny about liking Ellie?

After a while of Dina laughing, she slowed down breathing heavily before she let out a "Why would I like her? She's weird".

You felt your eye twitch before all hell broke loose.

How dare she say that about Ellie?

Your Ellie?

Ellie loved her so much and this is what Dina had to say?

This was the girl Ellie loved. She didn't deserve Ellie. If only she knew the amount of tears Ellie cried for her.

fucking bitch

You leaped from where you were sitting onto Dina, you straddled her as you punch her over and over again.

"How-"

*punch*

"dare-"

*punch*

"you"

*punch*

You don't even know how long you sat on her, and listened to her beg.

"Please" she whimpered as she tried getting you off her.

You eventually got off her breathing heavily as you looked down at your hands.

Your knuckles were bruised, and your hands covered in blood.

Dina's blood.

You looked over at her, seeing her slowly breathing. She didn't move, she didn't even make a sound.

Maybe she was unconscious.

You couldn't even recognize her with all the blood and bruises.

If Dina woke up, she would call the police. She would tell Ellie. Ellie would hate you.

You couldn't let that happen.

You slowly walked back from Dina, as you heard glass shatter. Your head snapped in the direction of the sound.

You saw pieces of glass scattered everywhere. And your orange juice was all over the floor.

Fuck you wanted to drink that.

You slowly bent down to pick up a shard of glass, and you held in your palm.

You walked towards Dina and you slowly pushed the glass into her trachea. You watched as the blood seeped from the wound.

You took a step back, leaving the glass shard in place. The blood dripped all over her throat and clothes, blood came out of her mouth.

Soon after Dina stopped breathing.

You killed her. You fucking killed someone.

You knew you made the right decision by killing Dina, because now you finally had Ellie to yourself.

And you still want it

The inner sanctity

And it's an evil

But the evil is necessary

And you're still hungry for her

And you still want her loving

But she doesn't love you

You watched as Ellie sat next to Dina's grave. She was sobbing.

Why the fuck was she crying over someone who didn't feel anything for her?

After Dina's death Ellie really struggled. She struggled to accept that the girl she loved wasn't here anymore. And what hurt Ellie the most was that Dina never knew.

Dina never knew the love Ellie had for her.

You watched Ellie spiral. You watched how she suffered.

Your plan was get rid of Dina, not the hurt the girl you loved.

Late at night when Ellie would lay in your arms you would sometimes feel regret for what you did. You didn't know it would affect Ellie the way it did, and you never wanted to hurt her. The guilt you felt soon get's replaced with pride when you realize that you got rid of the girl that was only going to hurt Ellie.

You saved Ellie. You saved her from rejection and embarrassment.

You knew she would get over it eventually.

Ellie's life wouldn't stop because her crush died. At some point she'll just have to accept it and you'll be here waiting for her with open arms.

You quietly walked towards Ellie as she sobbed next to Dina's grave, you raised your right hand putting it on her shoulder.

Ellie looked up at you, and in her eyes you could see how broken she was.

"It's ok Ellie" was all you said before she continued to sob into her hands.

You let out a sigh at the sight.

Months after Dina's death you realized that Ellie wasn't going to forget so easily.

You watched as she printed out pictures of her and Dina, and she placed it all over her apartment. You watched as she went to Dina's grave every week.

You listened to Ellie cry almost every night.

Even though you knew Dina didn't feel anything for her, Ellie still wanted her. Ellie still craved Dina.

Yes, she got affection from you, but you were never going to be enough.

All she wanted was Dina.

And you knew in the years to come Ellie wouldn't be able to move on and forget.

Even though you were there for her through everything. Even though you showed her nothing but love, the only person Ellie ever wanted was Dina.

She wanted Dina's love. Dina's care.

You were nothing but a friend. The realization made you sick.

You did everything for her.

You even killed for her.

But you'll never be Dina.

All you could was comfort her and hope, she'll one day feel the same.

Dina ??? Masterlist

main master list

about me!

Stories｡𖦹°‧⭑.ᐟ

- one chance: In which the popular girl asked you out

- guard dog: In which you protected her

- could've been: in which you could've been something special

- all that's left is us: in which you found eachother

Idk if you're taking requests but if so can you write a kinda angsty fanfic where the reader is insecure asf about her looks and is jealous of bestfriend!Ellie because Ellie is so pretty. And as she's gotten older the reader has learned to be less jealous (or just suppressed the feeling) but like one day her jealousy is revealed when her and Ellie are drinking together and like ellie is shocked because she's always found the reader cute. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME 😋

Drunk Words, Sober Eyes - ellie williams x reader

Hi anon!! this idea sounds so cool!! i went back and forth between giving it a happy ending or a sad one. I wanted to kill off a character honestly. But on this rare occasion, let me write something happy lmao. lmk if you want another version:)

Pairing: ellie x fem!reader

requests are open! send me your silly thoughts

Warning: a little angst

Summary: in which you confessed

materlist

You’d never really hated Ellie.

But sometimes, being next to her felt like standing beside a lit match—close enough to burn, too far to be warm.

She was everything you weren’t. Confident. Effortless. The kind of pretty that people noticed without her trying. When you walked into a room together, you disappeared behind her glow like a shadow behind sunlight.

She didn’t mean to make you feel small.

But she did.

“God, you’re so dramatic,” Ellie laughed, flopping back on the couch with her third drink in hand. “I did not flirt with that guy.”

You rolled your eyes and took a long sip. Your face burned. “He literally tripped over his words when he saw you. I don’t blame him.”

Ellie raised a brow, cheeks flushed. “You’re being weird tonight.”

You forced a smile, eyes on the floor. “Just tired.”

That was a lie. You weren’t tired—you were cracking.

Cracking under years of silent comparison.

Of wondering if she ever looked at you the way you looked at her.

Of trying to be fine with being the best friend.

Three drinks turned into five.

And five drinks turned into the kind of honesty that stung more than alcohol ever could.

You were lying on Ellie’s floor, legs tangled in a blanket, the moonlight filtering through the half-open curtains. She was beside you, laughing at something stupid, lips glossy with whiskey and chapstick.

You watched her laugh and felt it again—that ache.

And this time, it didn’t stay quiet.

“You ever get tired of being... the pretty one?” you slurred, staring at the ceiling.

Ellie blinked. “What?”

You swallowed hard. The words came like a flood.

“I mean, I don’t blame anyone. You’re fucking gorgeous, Ellie. Always have been. It’s just—"

You choked out a laugh, bitter and small. "It’s hard sometimes. Being the... invisible one next to you.”

The room fell dead silent.

You didn’t dare look at her.

Ellie sat up slowly.

“You think you’re invisible?” she said quietly.

You shrugged. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t ask to be… perfect.”

“Jesus, I’m not perfect—”

“But you don’t get it,” you snapped. “You’ve always been the one people see. Even when you’re quiet, they feel you. I’ve spent years trying to be okay with being the second choice. The backup. The ugly friend.”

You buried your face in your hands. “God, I can’t believe I said that out loud.”

Ellie didn’t respond for a long moment.

And then—gently, almost shakily—she said, “You really think I don’t see you?”

You looked up, eyes rimmed with salt.

Ellie was staring at you like she’d never really looked before.

“I’ve had a crush on you since we were seventeen,” she said flatly.

Your heart stopped.

“What?” you breathed.

“I thought I was being subtle. I figured you weren’t into girls, or you just didn’t see me like that, so I never said anything.”

You stared at her, stunned. “Ellie…”

Her voice dropped, softer. “You’ve got this way of... pretending you’re fine even when you're screaming inside. You think no one notices, but I do. I see every flinch. Every forced smile. And I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever known.”

Your eyes welled up again—but this time, not from jealousy.

From shock. From relief. From finally being seen.

The next morning, your head throbbed, but your heart felt light.

Ellie made you coffee. She was quiet, her usual sarcastic wall softened.

“Do you remember what you said?” she asked, gently, sliding you a mug.

“Every word,” you admitted, clutching the cup. “I’ve never felt so stupid.”

She tilted her head. “Why?”

“Because it’s embarrassing to want something you thought you could never have.”

Ellie walked around the table and crouched beside you, hand on your knee.

“You already have it,” she said softly. “You just didn’t know.”

You blinked at her. And then—finally—you let yourself believe it.

It wasn’t all easy after that. You still had bad days. Still saw someone in the mirror who didn’t feel enough.

But Ellie never let you spiral alone.

She kissed your forehead when you hated your body. Held your hand when you felt like disappearing. Told you she loved your laugh, your eyes, your stupid sarcasm.

And every time she did, you started to believe her.

Little by little. Step by step.

Until the mirror didn’t feel so cruel anymore.

Until “pretty” didn’t have to mean her instead of you.

Until you stopped being jealous of Ellie…

And started being in love with her instead.

<3