Every Year I Reach New Lows And Wish I Killed Myself Earlier

Everytime I let it slip how bad I’m actually doing, I’m reminded I’m not allowed to actually feel anything.

I have to be okay all the time that’s my job.

*showing visible symptoms* oh my god i need help desperately

*symptoms go away for one day* what if im just faking it

House Significations

1st House: Head/ face/ physical body, eyes and smile. Our identity. Others perception of us. Our birth. Birth marks/ moles and scars. Character. Perspective/ outlook. Beginnings. Ego

2nd House: Throat/ neck/ voice. Resources and personal values. Physical possessions. Self-esteem. Money/ income. Security. Cultivation. Substance

3rd House: Arms/ shoulders and hands. Communication style. Primary school. Reading/ writing. Intellect. Siblings and cousins. Immediate communities. Transportation

4th House: Chest/ breasts/ stomach. Family/ ancestors. Roots/ traditions. Private life. Home. Domesticity. Mother/ care taker. Foundations. Heritage. Comfort/ relaxation

5th House: Heart/ Spine/ Solar Plexus. Pleasure. Creativity. Romance. Children/ first born child. Self-expression. Humor. Leisure/ entertainment

6th House: Digestive system/ intestines: Healthcare/ wellness. Daily routines. Known enemies. Employment/ skills. Coworkers. Consistency. Strength/ courage

7th House: Urinary tract/ kidneys/ bladder. 1-on-1 relationships. Business partners. Marriage partners. Contracts/ commitments. Compromise. People/ things we attract and are attracted to

8th House: Reproductive system/ genitals/ anus. Secrets/ lies. Death. Judgement. Transformation. Debts/ taxes. Shared resources. Conscious fears. Instincts/ intuition. Occultism

9th House: Hips/ thighs/ liver. Ideology/ philosophy. Long distance travels. Expansion/ exploration. Knowledge. Spirituality. Foreign affairs. Belief systems. Culture

10th House: Bones/ skeleton/ teeth/ skin. Reputation. Public image. Occupation. Focus/ ambition/ motivation. Professional self. Government. Authority. Father figure

11th House: Circulatory system/ veins/ calves/ ankles. Group efforts/ charity. Friendship. Gifts/ help from others. Innovation. Technology. Social work. Wistfulness. Acquaintances

12th House: Feet/ lymph nodes. Institutions. Unconsciousness. Nightmares/ dreams. Psychic abilities. Karma. Self-undoing. Fears. Privacy/ refuge. Peace. Forgiveness

Honestly, I sometimes contemplate on my actions to an unnecessary point.

What if I never said 'yes'? Maybe I should've just waited longer.

It's normal, though. Everyone does that. They, too, want to end the pain by drowning in their own blood rather than in guilt. They'll feel like the most miserable person in the whole world and regret it the next day. They were just caught up in the moment.

They'll regret throwing away old things, cutting their wrists open, macrodosing those pills, chugging down that bottle of bitterness that taste sweeter than their suffering.

They'll only end up as addicts. Adding up to their pain with every pill they take, with every slit from that cutter, and with every drop of body fluids they excrete in whatever way.

I am merely another one of them. I am not in any way better or worse. I am just another number in the statistics.

Wouldn't it be much better if we just break up?

A very coward move, I know. I'm a bastard of a lover and you're just another unseeming person wanting to feel loved.

It's not like you're perfect, and it's not like I'm the single most horrible person on the planet.

I guess we're too different. Opposites may attract but not all opposing traits blend well. It doesn't become whole or complete, it clashes into a mess.

But maybe not everything needs so become one. It can coexist together without bleeding into each other.

Like us. We're attracted to each other, but we might not blend well. We can still be by each other's side either way, just, not as one.

Alike water and oil, mustard yellow and beige, also you and I.

donating my body to science so my corpse can be the cadaver that awakens a deeper understanding of lust and death in a second year med student

I can’t believe the way the series ruined dexter’s character and erased his personality, I just read the first EAH book , damn he has personality, he isn’t just having a crush on raven , he’s nerdy , athletic, catapults cabbages for some reason , knows the library like the back of his hand , curious about his story , worried about it too cause he doesn’t have his entire life to prep for it like most ppl , actually interacts with raven enough to catch a crush .

Dexven in the books is soo superior, he’s the first royal to seek her out after legacy day , helps her in trying to see her story in the story book and she promises him to see his , helps her in finding the book about all the students , invites her and encourages the rebels to join the legacy day party , first person that approaches raven after she wears her legacy day fit , raven thinks about him and always describes him beautifully. I can’t wait to read the other eah books .