I Think If Speaks So Well Of Elrond's Parenting That He Could Have Three Troubled Kids But He Has None?

I think venus flytraps should be intelligent and ambulatory. I think they should get into the cupboards. I think they should purr when you pet them.

More things that get left out of Dracula adaptations

Van Helsing pulls 29 year old Dr Seward's ear like he's still a schoolboy

There's a relationship-establishment flashback between Van Helsing and Seward

In it, Van Helsing accidentally gets cut with something unclean. His then-student Seward immediately drops everything to start sucking on the wound raw

At one point, Seward asks to become his "pet student again."

Dracula has a big, permanent scar on his forehead from Jonathan Harker's shovel

Arthur Holmwood saying "Tally ho!"

Transylvanians conclude that the delirious, amnesiac Jonathan Harker is English due to "his violent demeanour."

Despite attempts to keep low profile, Dracula gets into the news twice in two months (in one of them as a missing dog)

Dracula getting misreported as a dog because English people have never seen a wolf

London newspapers treat Lucy's vampire attacks on children as a meme among kids because they don't believe in vampires

Dracula gets sworn at by a British sailor solely because he thinks Dracula is French

Van Helsing is baffled why British sailors keep talking about blood and bloom (it's swearing)

Van Helsing is friends with real life turkologist traveller Arminius Vámbéry, who is his main source on the Dracula family

Van Helsing is friends with Hans Christian Andersen and references The Ugly Duckling

Van Helsing getting one-upped by Mina every single time he says something sexist about her intelligence

Dracula failing to destroy the evidence against him because Mina backs up her files

Mina and Jonathan kissing on the mouth in front of everybody

Quincey Morris spontaneously gifting Mina the Victorian equivalent of a MacBook Air

Transferring my period cramps to Scotty, not because he did anything wrong or I don’t like him, I just know he’d willingly volunteer to help me out even if they hurt him and walk around like he’s fine because he’s just like that and Kirk needs to appreciate that man more, he got struck by lightning for a woman, he got blasted by a robot for a woman, he’d take these cramps.

J. R. R. Tolkien: no, my books aren't about the war I experienced. It's just a story

J. R. R. Tolkien's works: you cannot go home, war ends entire bloodlines, you are mourning the death of your brother alone, you dug into the earth and permanently scored the land, you cannot explain what you have been through, you cannot go home, "that wound will never fully heal. He will carry it the rest of his life", leaving the women behind does not save them, the young die first, you cannot go home, the parent will bury their child, you have lost the wives and you will never connect with them again, "how shall any tower withstand such numbers and such reckless hate?", you are not the same, you cannot go home, you can never go home, your father will only side with those he sees as worthy bloodlines and you cannot change his mind, it is more meaningful Not to kill, sometimes your sacrifice accomplishes nothing, you cannot go home

Maedhros doodle gone... out of hand.

uinen’s human form

Yes. Have YOU considered that sometimes working on hard things is both necessary and worthwhile?

to all the warriors who will feel pressured to shave their legs now that it’s warm enough to wear shorts… HOLD THE LINE!!!

C.S. Lewis: oh and yeah, the stars are actually people who are functionally immortal (unless bitten by a witch who's shapeshifted into a snake) and come down to earth for rest periods wherein they look like normal humans and eat fire-berries until they can go be stars again, but they can be banished too and become magicians—

me: hold on

C.S. Lewis: keep up, there are also sea people (not mermaids) who have entire civilisations underwater, with dark purple hair and ivory skin, and they ride giant seahorses, and are very aggressive—

me: wait a second

C.S. Lewis: aren't you listening, because there is also a world underneath Narnia with many different sections, including one where Father Time sleeps until the end of the world, and a world underneath that called Bism where gems live and can be juiced like fruit—

me: just hang on a minute

C.S. Lewis: so you don't want to hear about how a centaur feeds both stomachs?