You Were Once The Greatest Necromancer To Ever Exist. But Millenia After Being Slain, You Awaken To Find

You know what would even be funnier in the Scandalore verse? Obi Wan and Satine have been secretly married for years. They were waiting for Obi Wan to finish training and then there was Anakin and then the war and Anakin has an epic conniption because he really could gave used some how to be sekritly married tips

OH GOOD LORD, SOMEONE WRITE THIS. Secretly Married Obi-Wan is killing me. Like, Obi-Wan keeps meaning to say something, keeps meaning to resign from the order so that he can go BE WITH HIS WIFE but…he doesn’t want to set a bad example or anything and this KID is here now and…well, he’ll figure it out later. Attachments are forbidden, Anakin! Hang on, I have to go…to Mandalore…for reasons. I’ll be right back! Politicians are not to be trusted byeeeeee!

Satine is going to be so epically annoyed with him for dragging his feet on this. ARE YOU ASHAMED OF ME, OBI-WAN KENOBI?! WELL THEN MAYBE YOU’LL ENJOY SLEEPING ON THE COUCH. *throws a martini into the wall*

Can you even IMAGINE Anakin’s face when he learns this Important Information? Oh my God. 

an episode of the clone wars

yoda, hitting a bong: stole a fuckton of holocrons, the cowboy did

ahsoka: well ok! let’s just stab him until he gives them back

anakin: haha y-

obiwan:

anakin:

obiwan:

ahsoka:

anakin: no ahsoka……. it’s not the jedi way

Anakin finds out that Mace and Qui-Gon used to be a Thing and immediately begins trying to get them back together. He ropes Obi-Wan into it, and Yoda, because “Who would know Master Mace better than his old master? Speaking of which, let’s get Master Jinn’s old master too!” And thus, Dooku doesn’t fall, because he’s too busy matchmaking

Dooku’s going to SWEAR he wants no part of this ridiculousness at first, because he is a Serious Jedi and also he lowkey hates Anakin so he’s not inclined to help him with anything, but we all know no Jedi worth his salt can resist the lure of Drama. Also he hates to admit it, but Qui-Gon and Mace did make a not…terrible couple once upon a time. If you care about that sort of nonsense. Which he definitely Does Not, oh no, not him. He totally doesn’t even read the group texts where Anakin updates everyone on how their latest ploy to get Mace and Qui-Gon sent to the outer rim or locked in a storage closet together worked out. (He absolutely does.)

I feel like Yoda finds all of this hilarious. Obi-Wan finds it all kind of embarrassing, but A) Anakin is Very Invested, because of course he is (a tragic love story! just like his soaps! THEY HAVE TO GET BACK TOGETHER THEY JUST HAVE TO OBI-WAN WE NEED TO SHOW THEM THAT TRUE LOVE IS REAL), and so Obi-Wan will participate to make Anakin happy because he is hopeless, and B) I have to believe at least some part of Obi-Wan is going to enjoy driving Qui-Gon and Mace insane during this process.

sorry I’m still thinking about that anon who said they were up til 6:30 reading angsty Tim Drake fic and I respect that. the angst market is booming for a reason. but were I EVER to get back into writing fan fic I would contribute exactly one (1) thing to the DC fandom and that would be transcripts of Bat Watch, the Batman conspiracy podcast that Tim and Steph record in Tim’s closet while taking fat rips off a bat bong

thewillowbends replied to your post: thewillowbends replied to your post: …

Skywalker visions are rather interesting because they’re almost always true, even if they vary on details? I actually spend a lot of time wondering if part of why Anakin’s premonitions are dismissed by the other Jedi is because they quite literally don’t realize how powerful he really is.

It always felt to me like the PT era Jedi were very workaday about their superpowers. It had become mundane to them and some of it was the lack of epic battles with the Sith, some of it was negotiating trade agreements between bureaucrats and corporations, but a lot of it was honestly that they did not experience the Force as mystical. That was the realm of old wise ones like Yoda or wild cards like Qui-Gon. Anakin himself is explicitly mystical, as presented by Qui-Gon, but there is ambivalence from the Council and outright rejection from Obi-Wan (obviously your kid isn’t magic; he’s your kid). So, I think Obi-Wan tries to navigate a path where he finds plausible everyday explanations for Anakin’s visions and other Jedi probably find themselves torn between disbelief and fear that it really is true, there really is a Chosen One walking among them, and what does that even mean?

Someone in my anatomy class: *complains about not understanding the work they were given even though it was explained on what to do twice*

Girl: That’s why you need to get off that dang phone

Guy in back of class: ok boomer

Mace Windu: [on TV] The only Jedi we can possibly spare are Skywalker and Kenobi.  Me: OH COME ON. The only two guys they can EVER spare are these two bickering idiots?! Are they just spending the entire rest of the war lounging around being beautiful and tired and yelling at each other? Does no one WANT to send them anywhere, for understandable reasons? WHY. WHY ARE THEY ALMOST ALWAYS THE ONLY ONES AVAILABLE. The Order doesn’t have the MOST Jedi they’ve ever had, fine, but they have a LOT of Jedi.  Anakin: [blahblahblah Obi-Wan I’m trying blahblahblah] Obi-Wan: [being a pompous ass]  Me: OH MY GOD. THEY ARE THE WORST. WHY IS ANYONE SENDING THEM ANYWHERE. Husband: [from the other room] They’re your favorites.  Me: I KNOW.

I just wanted to inform you how much of a lesbian I am for your fem!andreil, they’re gorgeous.

:)

Keep reading

@rainglazed reblogged your post and added:

But the thing about reality shows and docudramas is that they’re all very staged and framed - music, editing, camera angles, over arching narrative construction within a season.  So now I’m thinking what on earth could compel a studio to make a Jedi positive series during their wartime dip in popularity.  

Palpatine: I would appreciate an, ahem, frank yet still somewhat flattering portrayal of our republic’s heroes.  Make ‘em look good, but not too good, you know what I mean?  

Some artsy liberal film maker who’s aiming for the space oscars: jedi having mental breakdown in the middle of wartime perfect this is edgy as hell

Cue death of the author on not one, but two accounts as the galaxy realizes that Jedi deal with trauma and stress with less screaming and more ‘haha you think i can force push myself to that ledge after three stims and two hours of sleep watch this padawan- what no of course i’m fine everything’s fine here’s three more puns about the sweet embrace of death :)))’  

Basically Palpatine wanted dirt, the producers wanted angst, and what the galaxy accidentally got instead was five season and a movie of deadpan existential humor in the form of space monk family drama. 

Palpatine would have stopped this long ago but unfortunately he created a system where profit reigns supreme and the studio execs are rolling in credits and will have you pry the show from their cold dead hands.  THIS IS FEEDING THE WAR MACHINE CHANCELLOR. WE THOUGHT YOU’D BE HAPPY.

#jedi documentary au#ffffs ive been seeing this unfold on my dash on and off all day guys pLEASE#HAVE MERCY#IM ONLY ALLOWED TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN AT ONE TIME#forcearama why does this nonsense always start with you dsfaldj#participation points#long post (via @rainglazed)

All of this was amazing and then I died at the bolded tag. I DO NOT KNOW WHY IT ALWAYS STARTS WITH ME. I’m a troublemaker, evidently. 

I feel like I owe the Star Wars fandom an apology because it keeps trying to be Serious and Discoursey, and I’m just over here writing recaps full of profanity and commentary about Obi-Wan’s swooshy hair, and making up stories about Anakin being a wholly ineffective Renaissance-Era gardener, or Vader sending sexts to Obi-Wan long after Mustafar. 

(To my new followers: welcome to my blog! I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into/I’m sorry.)