“Pavillon Wehrhafte Schweiz” (1964, Switzerland) ⬣ Raw Concrete Forms A Crystalline Shield

Dancer dancing, Max Dupain, c. 1940

Corona of the Egyptian Eclipse, 1882

source

running on a different operating system

to brush most people's probing aside

is effortless, deflecting blows so they never see you - I've had to catch myself noticing people in weak moments. they make you feel like some unfathomable pillar

created by something ancient or alien, or maybe just yourself.

I despise the predatory element,

a weakness seen

that could blend in better -

now it’s something kind,

learning what makes people tick. I wonder if other people like me exist

building fortresses of knowledge

no one suspects we possess -

I catch myself studying people,

watching from outside the circle

of normal human interaction.

it’s not malicious,

just different -

a compulsion maybe, or just curiosity distilled into methodical observation.

it started as survival,

now I notice the pause before a practiced lie,

the subtle shift in posture when someone feels threatened -

all these blaring, bright neon signs I used to try to mimic.

sometimes I wonder if they can tell

I’m building libraries of their expressions,

cataloging their reactions

and how they signal belonging - it’s exhausting work.

sometimes I catch someone watching me,

an eye-meet, wonder-if they’re like me moment, or if they just sense something off

and wrong -

we were constellations once,

maybe now there’s just a slight delay

in recognition,

while I wonder if they’re like me

collecting a moment for too long.

7 years ago today: May 13th 2018 paper collage „Ich suche immer nur zweierlei Orte auf – die, an denen man sich traf, und die, an denen man sich möglichst nicht wieder begegnet“ („I always return only to two kinds of places – the ones where we met, and the ones where we hopefully won’t meet again“). The second of the „Montréal Tetralogie“, and its title more true than ever.

I think the most fundamental thing you can do to be a decent human being is to understand and respect the fact that not everyone feels and thinks in the same way that you do.

"Absolutely no one comes to save us but us."

Ismatu Gwendolyn, "you've been traumatized into hating reading (and it makes you easier to oppress)", from Threadings, on Substack [ID'd]

If you must leave, leave ruins in your wake. Leave nothing whole enough to be forgotten.

Adhesive color plates for Science Services’ Science Program series booklet Moon. Nelson Doubleday - 1967.

Dawn is such a private hour, don’t you think? Such a solitary hour. One always hears that said of midnight, but I think of midnight as remarkably companionable; everyone together, sleeping in the dark.

Eleanor Catton, The Luminaries

Tonight I've realized I have free will and can do whatever the hell I want, isn't that awesome?