Sometimes (lots of times) (all the time), I have the urge to do a thing but i dont know what. Or, I feel weird, but can't figure out why or what to do to fix it. ADHD, executive dysfunction, how I feel, and the phase of the moon can all make it really hard for me to think of a solution to the issue -- or even know what the issue IS. And while meds and regular sleep certainly help, for better or for worse my brain just isn't wired for this.
So, I decided to outsource my brain.
I couldn't find an app that did what I wanted or was customizable enough for me to fake it. Therefore I built an analog external brain to do my thinking for me.
First, I bought a small, 100-or-so page notebook. It was about eight bucks at my Local Corporate Book Retailer.
Then, I logicked out all the possibilities I might have trouble braining, and started adding each step to the book -- kind of like a choose-your-own-adventure novel.
Here's an example path, which starts with me knowing what I want, and the analog brain telling me how to get there. I twisted my ankle a couple weeks ago and keep forgetting to do things to make it better, so here's my solution:
[image: Do you know what you want? Yes -> 1, No -> 32. Yes is circled]
Yes, analog brain, I know what I want! Let me flip to page 1.
[Image of Page 1: What do you want to do? Exercise -> 2 is circled. Other options include Read -> 13, Watch something -> 20, Eat ->31, Be creative -> 25, Have an adventure ->26, Clean something ->28, Learn something->29.]
Still know what I want, so I flip to page 2.
[Image page 2: What kind of exercise do you want to do? PT -> 5 is circled. Other options include Weights -> 3, Cardio -> 4, Yoga -> 9, Something quick -> 10, Hiking -> 11, Adventure -> 12]
Skipping some pages now! Since this is meant to bounce me around, it doesn't make sense to try and read it in order. (On the plus side, that makes it super easy to add new options to any part of the tree).
[Image page 5: What kind of PT? Ankle ->6 is circled. Other options include Knee->6a, Neck->7, Shoulders->8.]
(When I first numbered the pages, 6 and 6a werw stuck together, whoooops)
[Image page 6: A list of ankle PT exercises]
Eyyyyy my external brain showed me how to do my flippin' PT so my ankle stops hurting! Yay!
But what about when I don't know wtf is wrong or wtf I want? There's an app analog brain for that! (Yes I'm aware its called a decision tree or process flow or what have you. Let me have this).
[Image: Do you know what you want? No->32 is circled]
No, spacebook, idfk what's wrong, I can't brain today.
[Image page 32: How are you feeling? In pain ->33 is circled. Other options include Overstimulated->37, Understimulated, Panicky->43.]
(As you can see, I have plans to add a page for overstimulated but have not done it yet.)
Oh yeah my ankle kinda hurts, maybe I can do something about that...
[Image of page 33: What kind of pain? Knee/ankle/neck/etc ->35 is circled. Other options include Menstrual nonsense->34, Head->38.]
[Image of page 35: Joint/old injury pain: Take advil, Ice or heat, Massage, Foam roll, Warm bath, PT exercises. Under the last option are subsets Ankle->6 (circled), Neck->6a, Knees->7.]
...Aaaand now I'm back around to my list of ankle PT exercises! And I didnt have to think at all!
Anyway -- all it takes to make something like this for yourself is a notebook and some time to think the logic through. You can start by making lists (not in the notebook) of questions you have trouble braining in the moment, and what some solutions are. Then number your pages, and get started!
Who makes the porn bots. Where do they come from. What do they hope to achieve.
1. bathe by hailaker
2. art by maggie stephenson
3. ocean vuong, night sky with exit wounds
4. art by charlotte ager
5. banana yoshimoto, goodbye tsugumi
recovery is always the right thing to do. when you heal, you’ll look at things with completely new eyes, and your life will feel softer and calmer like nothing you’ve felt for a long time. you deserve this kind of life. maybe it feels like a million miles away, but you’re already on your way, and you will get there.
oliver baez bendorf “bone dust” // “you up?” rachelle toarmino // “vocabulary” bao phi // svetlana alexievich “secondhand time”(trans. bela shayevich) // har alluri “ancestral memory” // céline sciamma on portrait of a lady on fire // “the glass essay” anne carson
are there any poems you have on home, if its ok to ask? i feel homesick for a home beyond my reach and thought i could come to you.
“I was in a place where nobody knew my heart even a little bit.”
— Carol Rifka Brunt, Tell the Wolves I’m Home
“it’s as if I had to go back home on foot, alone, barefoot not knowing where far away, everybody else went long ago”
— Hélène Cixous, Hyperdream (tr. Beverly Bie Brahic)
“[ON LOSING LOVE]: This is the model I propose. You are arriving home and as you approach the garage you try to work your routine magic. Nothing happens; the doors remain closed. You do it again. Again nothing. At first puzzled, then anxious, then furious with disbelief, you sit in the driveway with the engine running; you sit there for weeks, months, for years, waiting for the doors to open. But you are in the wrong car, in front of the wrong garage, waiting outside the wrong house. One of the troubles is this: the heart isn't heart shaped.”
— Julian Barnes, A History of the World in 10 and 1/2 Chapters
— James Baldwin, Giovanni’s Room
“‘I’m homesick all the time,’ she said, still not looking at him. ‘I just don’t know where home is. There’s this promise of happiness out there. I know it. I even feel it sometimes. But it’s like chasing the moon - just when I think I have it, it disappears into the horizon. I grieve and try to move on, but then the damn thing comes back the next night, giving me hope of catching it all over again.”
— Sarah Addison Allen, The Girl Who Chased the Moon
“Wickedness has leaked into the home I made, / and I want to burn it down. Sister, tell me / how you stand the murderous fury. You there / still singing, I crave demolishing, to eat / explosives.”
— Ada Limón, Bright Dead Things; “Home Fires”
“At the core of all sighs is a name, a stone from the body’s last lost home.”
— Karen Solie, from “Days Inn,” Short Haul Engine
“To ask “Where is home?” as if there is one answer. To write home in a poem, like a poem could be a home—is this happy or sad?”
— Chen Chen, from “Craft Capsule: On Becoming a Pop Star, I Mean, a Poet”
“Feeling what we all feel: home is a forgotten recipe, a spice we can find nowhere, a taste we can never reproduce, exactly.”
— Richard Blanco, from “Mexican Almuerzo in New England”
— Ross Gay, from Bringing the Shovel Down; “Because”
“I want to ask was there ever one / moment when all of it relented, / when rain and ocean and their own / sense of home were revealed to them / as one and the same?”
— Eavan Boland, from In a Time of Violence
“I: Why not take the shorter way home. HT: There is no shorter way home.”
— Anne Carson, from Men in the Off Hours; “Interview with Hara Tamiki (1950)”
Franz Wright, from “East Boston, 1996; Night Walk,” in God’s Silence
Certain words can change your brain forever and ever so you do have to be very careful about it.
none of my assignments are done but I sure am
kill the shift manager in your brain