Dreams-and-nightmares - Lost In Time And Space

calm

cr: a quien corresponda

[ID: At the top, text reads “Being aro like”. Below is a two panel meme. In the first panel, a person asks “Okay, was anybody going to tell me that some people can get crushes on literal strangers,”. In the second panel, they finish their question, saying “or was I just supposed to think that was an unrealistic trope my entire life?”. End ID]

I think what Good Omens really cemented for me, personally, and forced me to realise and accept is that… I’m just never going to understand what its like to experience sexual attraction towards other people. I’m just not going to get it. 

Look, I watched the whole series start to finish at least four times before I went online and looked for fandom content. I’d never, ever, seen a relationship like theirs done so absolutely perfect before, in any media. I love it, I adore it, it resonates so clearly and purely with me. I was so completely wrapped up in them that it wasn’t until I came online and saw all this nasty discourse about queerbaiting and homophobia in Good Omens that it occurred to me that anyone could doubt the validity of their love. Even now when I watch it back, over and over, it baffles me that people don’t get it. They adore one another. They are completely devoted to one another, its so obvious, in their words, their actions, the way they look at each other, what they do for one another, its all just…. right there.

But that’s thrown into question because why? Because they dont kiss on screen? Because there’s no dramatic confession of love? Because, God forbid, they dont fuck? To me that’s just… ludicrous. Unfathomable. 

I just dont get the need for it. Love is more than kissing, more than sex, and I just dont understand why physical affection must be a requirement of love. I guess I’ll just never get it. 

things that made me stop wanting to die that require no effort whatsoever

change the color used to highlight text on your laptop

move the pictures on your wall

stack whatever clutter is in your room into piles even if you don’t have time to clean it all

slightly vary your commute, even just by one street

change where you sit and scroll aimlessly on your phone even if it’s only to the chair in your room instead of your bed

drink water or juice out of a wine glass in the morning because nothing is real

shower with the lights off, without music

buy $3 flowers at trader joe’s—they look bad next to the more expensive ones but they look so good in your room

start typing things you don’t post into your notes. your thoughts can be worth documenting even if you don’t deem them worth sharing

wake up super early just once. you don’t have to make it a habit it’s just extra satisfying to go to bed that night

listen to the entirety of your favorite album from 2015

I have been thinking of the ways we tell people things. My father's hands shake, but he holds the phone up so I can watch the video from six feet away. My mother emails me the recipe of her beef stroganoff at 6 in the morning with the comment - woke up and didn't want to forget to do this! On the highway, we sing so loudly my voice grows hoarse; on the beach I sneak nice rocks into people's hands so they have something to hold; on the floor we all sit quietly in the same agreeable silence. We are all saying the same thing.

My friends say "Oh you know, keeping busy." This means they are having a hard time but making themselves survive it. I ask them to help me walk me dog; this is me telling them it's okay sometimes to just be present and talk about young adult fiction. When I cancel again because I can't get out of bed, she tells me she's on her way with cookies.

I point out the sunset. She shares her fork before I ask for it. He calls me at 1 AM just because I'm on the road alone, we talk about stupid shit. She waits for me to get indoors safely before driving away. He says - nah, forget it, I'm happy to do it for free.

People are saying it, you know? They say it often and loudly. Sometimes, you know - you just have to be listening.

“If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another. The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience.”

— Deepak Chopra (via lazyyogi)

me, an autonomous adult in college: *looks up tips for managing adhd on a deadline*

every single result: AS A PARENT to help YOUR CHILD WITH ADHD monitor YOUR CHILD'S behavior and reward HIM for doing work because CHILDREN WITH ADHD need constant support-

feels like every few weeks I have to relearn how to exist, that I do need to sit in the sun and move my body and not drink too much coffee and dress in clothes that make me feel good and talk to my friends and journal and get off my phone sometimes and eat vegetables and drink more tea and generally reclaim the space in my life for myself ya know

Anne Sexton, from “The Truth the Dead Know”, The Complete Poems of Anne Sexton

Czeslaw Milosz, New and Collected Poems: 1931-2001